Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! (6 page)

Just like working out, these practices will build your irresistibility muscles. You'll develop strength and stamina over time. When you get bumped off course, you'll be able to quickly and easily regain your center. Your intrinsic nature is irresistibility. It is healing, both for you and for the world. Make it a lifestyle.

Being authentically irresistible is not about how to manipulate men or do little tricks or techniques to get them to love you. After all, if you have to manipulate, perform trickery,
or master techniques to get someone to love you, he doesn't love the real you.

He's fallen for a well-executed technique. And what's worse, if you use manipulation or tricks to catch a man, you'll have to keep up a 24-7 charade so he'll never catch a glimpse of the real you. (Because if he did, you fear he'd leave!)

The Make Every Man Want You approach is completely different. It's about waking up and being alive, being expressive, and, most importantly, being you. It's about healing every false thought you've ever had about love and relationships. It's about discovering your natural ability to be authentic, sensual, and downright irresistible in a way that is true to your soul and inspires others to do the same. Tricks and techniques are cheap. Authentic irresistibility is exquisite. Go for the real deal.

There are no irresistible victims. Being irresistible means you take full responsibility for your life. That means recognizing that you've engineered your life to be exactly the way it is right now.

Many women believe that the events of their lives are determined by factors that are out of their control. I often hear women speaking of their bad luck in relationships (and in life) as though it was something happening independently
of them. They'll say, "Why do I always get guys like this?" or "If I didn't have to work for such a crazy boss, I'd have time to work out and be in shape."

Other women assume their repetitive relationship difficulties stem from a fault within and believe they have some kind of genetic character flaw, again, completely out of their control. They'll say things like, "I can't help myself. I have to be with him. That's just the way I am!" or "I'm just lazy. Getting to the gym is too much work for someone like me." Both are inaccurate.

If you're capable enough to get your hands on a copy of this book, you're capable enough to drop your drama, discover how to be irresistibly you, and do what it takes to have wonderful, satisfying relationships.

The women who have the highest success with the Make Every Man Want You approach are the ones willing to tell the truth—to themselves, about themselves. They say, "Yes, I do that!" when they recognize they've been complaining, whining, or behaving in some way that doesn't succeed in producing the results they want (for example, being irresistible or having great relationships with men). They don't beat on themselves or judge themselves for what they discover. They simply notice the truth and move on.

Irresistible women are also willing to let go of their need to be "right" and defend their point of view—as
though they know it all already. All true growth and learning comes out of a willingness to not know. Think about it. Whenever you have the courage to say, "I don't know . . ." or "Perhaps there's another way . . . ," you open yourself up for greater insight and possibilities. I always get suspicious when coaching clients quickly say, "Yes, yes, I know that already," when I give them feedback. That snappy "Yes, yes, I know that already" tells me they really don't know that already and are unwilling to look stupid—mostly to themselves. The fact is, what they "know" has gotten them into trouble in the first place. An open, receptive, and non-defensive attitude allows for more expansive, miracle-based relationship possibilities to enter.

We've got to be willing to tell the truth—to ourselves, about ourselves—in order to see and dissolve those things we do to sabotage our relationships. The truth really does set us free.

Right now you're holding a road map to enlightened irresistibility. And as they say, the middle word in enlightenment is
light
. Having a sense of humor about yourself and your past relationship mistakes not only will expedite your results but also will nourish your soul and give you some good laughs along the way.

It takes a level of humility and lightheartedness to see things about yourself that you may consider foolish or embarrassing. Be gentle with yourself and recognize there's not a woman on the planet who doesn't have her own personal collection of moments when she said, "What was I thinking?!" when it comes to love and relationships.

Irresistible Action Challenge

What are at least three ways you're already irresistible? Name at least three things you appreciate about you right now.

Bring awareness to how much you say, either in your head or aloud, "I know that already." Can you smile at that thought and gently redirect your attention to hearing or seeing things as though for the first time? How willing are you to be a fresh canvas upon which life can bring you something new?

Lighten up, daaarling. Most of us take ourselves (and our lives) too darn seriously. This unnecessary "tightness" is a real buzz kill to our irresistibility and well-being. Test this for yourself: next time you're getting a little too serious, do a body scan. Are you scrunching up your face or squeezing your shoulders? Notice how you feel. Is it fun? Are you enjoying the experience?

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.

A person does not have to be behind bars to be
a prisoner. People can be prisoners of their own
concepts and ideas. They can be slaves to their
own selves.

—
Prem Rawat, speaker and peace activist

You're about to learn five truths that will free you from 99 percent of the relationship drama, frustration, and personal insecurity you've experienced your entire life up until this moment. If you let them, these truths will free you from ever having such experiences again.

As discussed in
Chapter 1
, many of us are operating on false information. We've been culturally misinformed
about what it takes to have and maintain great relationships and, until now, about what it means to be truly irresistible inside and out. When you're operating on false information, you're being misled. You're heading in the wrong direction, and it's impossible to find what you're looking for because you're in the wrong place.

For example, if I told you to bake a cake and gave you the recipe for meatloaf, would you be surprised when your cake tasted like meatloaf? Probably not. If I insisted you had the right recipe for cake and asked you to keep trying, would you ever eventually bake a cake instead of a meatloaf? Nope. That's because when you're operating on wrong information, you're going to keep getting the wrong results. It's no different with men and relationships.

Most of us are operating on wrong information, so it's impossible to experience the kind of loving and satisfying relationships we desire. But as you're about to discover, when you have the right recipe, it becomes easy to have your cake and eat it, too.

To wait for someone
else, or to expect someone else to make my life richer, or
fuller, or more satisfying, puts me in a constant state of
suspension.

—
Kathleen Tierney Andrews, author

Many women, including myself, have made the mistake of believing that they need a man or relationship in order to feel complete, whole, less alone, emotionally and/or financially secure, and generally successful in their lives, and it is no wonder. Our culture conditions us to believe we are somehow incomplete or only half of a whole until we are married or in a committed relationship. I call it the Jerry McGuire "you complete me" syndrome. Did you see that movie? In it, Renée Zellweger and Tom Cruise fall in love and profess to one another (in a very teary-eyed and tug-at-your-heartstrings kind of way), "You complete me."

While it's sweet and entertaining in the movies, off the big screen this mentality wreaks havoc on women's (and men's) emotional well-being and ability to actually have a working relationship. Operating from the idea that a relationship (or anything else) will somehow complete you, save you, or make your life magically take off is a surefire way to keep yourself unhappy and unhitched.

Ironically, quite the opposite is true. What you really need to understand is that nothing outside of you can ever produce a lasting sense of completeness, security, or success. There's no man, relationship, job, amount of money, house, car, or anything else that can produce an ongoing sense of happiness, satisfaction, security, and fulfillment in you.

Some women get confused by the word
save
. In this context, what it refers to is the mistaken idea that a relationship will rid you of feelings of emptiness, loneliness,
insecurity, or fear that are inherent to every human being. That finding someone to be with will somehow "save" you from yourself. We all need to wake up and recognize that those feelings are a natural part of the human experience. They're not meaningful. They only confirm the fact that we are alive and have a pulse. The real question is, what will you invest in: your insecurity or your irresistibility? The choice is yours.

Once you get that you are complete and whole right now, it's like flipping a switch that will make you more attractive, authentic, and relaxed in any dating situation—instantly. All of the desperate, needy, and clingy vibes that drive men insane will vanish because you've stopped trying to use a relationship to fix yourself. The fact is, you are totally capable of experiencing happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment right now. All you have to do is start living your life like you count. Like you matter. Like what you do in each moment makes a difference in the world. Because it really does.

That means stop putting off your dreams, waiting for someday, or delaying taking action on those things you know you want for yourself because somewhere deep inside you're hoping that Prince Charming will come along to make it all better. You know what I'm talking about. The tendency to hold back from investing in your career, your health, your home, your finances, or your family because you're single and you figure those things will all get handled once you land "the one."

Psst. Here's a secret: holding back in your life is what's keeping him away.

Don't wait until you find someone. You are someone.

When you live each day with enthusiasm—as though now is all you've got—a funny thing happens. You start to feel happy, satisfied, secure, and fulfilled, pretty much all the time. Rather than just going through the motions and secretly waiting for things to get better once you meet Mr. Right, you start living your life with intensity and, in doing so, awaken that irresistible fox inside you who's been dying to run the show. When you put 100 percent in your life (read: approach everything like it counts), happiness, satisfaction, and
irresistibility
(ding, ding, ding!) are natural by-products. We'll cover exactly what it means to live each day with enthusiasm in
Chapter 10
and why it's the ultimate attractant. But for now, just know that despite popular belief, a relationship will not make you any happier, more fulfilled, more satisfied, more financially secure, or more emotionally stable than you are right now.

Relationship is one of the most powerful tools
for growth.

—
Shakti Gawain, author and spiritual teacher

Many of us have the false idea that a relationship's purpose is to somehow fulfill our needs and desires. We look to see what we can get out of the relationship instead of what we can put in. Looked at like this, relationships are often little more than a needs exchange. We need this (safety, love, intimacy); a man needs that (security, companionship, sex). When we come across a good fit, both parties tacitly agree to do a trade and call it love. This transaction-based relationship model is why so many relationships feel empty and dead. They are completely devoid of anything real and intimate. After the initial rush of excitement is over, they're more like business contracts than sacred unions.

Let's face it. We've all been conditioned to use relationships for the wrong reasons: to end loneliness, relieve depression, recover from a previous breakup, or find security. The problem is that this is not what relationships are for.

Relationships are a spiritual opportunity for personal evolution. There is no greater arena for discovering your capacity for love, forgiveness, compassion, personal greatness, and full self-expression. Nowhere else will you meet the grandest and smallest parts of yourself. Nowhere else will you confront your self-imposed limits to intimacy. Nowhere else can you forgive so deeply or love so purely.

This is relationship's real purpose: to serve the mutual growth and soulful expression of each individual. It's a chance to share your enthusiasm for being alive and give of yourself to another. Relationships provide the opportunity to shed light on any area within you that remains cloaked
in fear and uncertainty, to hold a vision of another's greatness so that he may step into the magnificence his soul is yearning to express. In this way, relationship becomes the ultimate tool for personal discovery and spiritual growth.