Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! (10 page)

The bottom line is this. Being boring in bed is a function of fear: fear of looking stupid, fear of not knowing what to do, fear of being laughed at, or fear of being flat-out
rejected. Irresistible women feel the fear and go for great sex anyway. Remember, practice makes perfect!

Nothing kicks fear in the ass like taking consistent action. When fear-based thoughts come up—and you know they will—say, "Thanks for sharing," and go about being the naughty girl you know you are.

1. How often do you check your e-mail or voice mail out of a sense of desperation? How much time are you wasting being needy, in thought or action, that could otherwise be spent enjoying your life?
   
2. Do you join in when friends are being catty or critical of other irresistible women? Even if you don't, do you stand by in silence or do you speak up and offer a different possibility? Are you willing to support your friends by opening up the door for their irresistible transformation?
   

Irresistible Action Challenge

Get rid of every single "low self-esteem" item in your wardrobe. You know, those "special" outfits that make you feel dumpy, frumpy, and at least ten pounds heavier the second you put them on. This is a great challenge to do with friends.

Practice true listening. Notice how often you finish people's sentences (in your head or aloud)—and cut it out. Pretend the person who's speaking has a gem of wisdom to tell you that will profoundly change your life. But in order to receive it, you have to give the person your full attention and allow him or her to speak without interrupting. Assume the person may need to ramble a bit at first in order to get to the really good stuff later.

Do you let your appearance fall to the back burner? Schedule your manicures, pedicures, facials, and hair appointments for the next six months.

It's time to get your sexy back. And there's no better way than by having an entertaining naughty buffet. (This can be done alone or with a partner.) Rent adult movies and read an erotic or trashy romance novel. Notice what gets your motor running. Have fun breathing life into your sensual side.

Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use
.

Trust that still, small voice inside that says,
"This might work and I'll try it."

—
Diane Mariechild, author

Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use
.

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.

—
George Bernard Shaw

I have to say it. I hate rules. They're so damn confining. Not to mention they don't work, especially when it comes to relationships.

When you apply a rule, which is a decision you made about something in the past (usually during an upsetting moment), you pollute the present moment and close down an infinite number of possibilities. You contaminate your future with often inaccurate and obsolete information based on past events. Every moment is new and brilliantly unique because it's never happened before. Ever.

Dating rules and techniques are designed out of fear and scarcity. They exist to keep your partner off-balance so
he has to keep wondering about you and put his attention on you rather than on living the fullness of his own life. You do not want this. This is not true love; it's a never-ending game of manipulation.

Our universe is forever expanding. That includes you. I'm certain you are smarter, more experienced, and more centered than you were ten years ago. Basing your approach to love on rules that may, or may not, have worked for you in the past (even if the past is twenty minutes ago) is like following a road map to a destination that no longer exists. When you follow rules for love, you kill your irresistibility and aliveness. There is no creativity in rules—no room for new possibilities or something wonderful to be born from the unknown.

Rules are often someone else's truth that you've adopted as your own. Many women have unconsciously absorbed other people's rules from their religion, their family, or the media. Others pick up self-help material that encourages manipulation and find it easier to follow some system rather than looking to discover their own truth.

Here are some common dating rules that wreak havoc on authentic irresistibility:

Never call a man.

Don't make eye contact with men.

Don't talk too much.

Don't have sex on the first date.

Never date more than one man at a time.

Don't make the first move.

Don't invite a man up to your place.

Never date a man who is shorter than you.

I say, rules shmules!

There are times when calling a man is absolutely the thing to do. Eye contact can be very sexy. Talking can be soul enlivening. Sex on the first date can lead to an intensely satisfying lifelong relationship. Dating several men can be fun and exciting.

Now there are times when these behaviors don't work and do kill your irresistibility. It's not, however, because of the "rule." It's because of who you are being when you're calling, looking, sexing, dating, and so on. You can break every rule in the book when you are fully centered and self-aware because you're in touch with your irresistibility.

Who you are being makes all the difference in the world when it comes to authentic irresistibility. Let me say this again for emphasis because it's the most important concept in the entire book:

Who you are
being
makes all the difference in the world when it comes to authentic irresistibility.

If you're being needy (see
Unattractive Habit 1
,
Chapter 3
) when you call men because you don't yet realize a relationship will not save you (see
Truth 1
,
Chapter 2
), you will effectively repel men.