Make Me (3 page)

I can hardly bring myself to walk back into the bar, and not just because of the sluttish glimpse I catch of myself in the slick black exterior. The place is packed, and pushing through the crowd in a dress that’s continually threatening to show my gauche panties is not a fun time for me.

Someone fondles my ass, I think – though it could just as easily be a wayward bar stool, brushing against me in the dark. I’m so oversensitised and on the edge of God knows what that I can’t tell the difference, and by the time I get over to the table of honour I think it’s showing.

My face is flushed, my hair is in disarray and, worst of all, my nipples are stiff and poking through the material. I know they are, without looking, because every single move I make flags it up and, even if it didn’t, Tyler’s eyes immediately shift downwards to the offending articles.

I want to die. Oh God, please just let me die. I’m sorry for what I said earlier, about wanting to get through this alive. I don’t at all.

‘Maisie!’ Tyler says, and I can tell he’s had a couple. Not enough to make him drunk, of course, but he’s relaxed back against the booth he’s in, and he’s spread both his arms around the girls on either side of him.

Plus he’s just shouted my name. There’s a clue, right there.

‘Have a seat,’ he tells me, but here’s the thing: there’s not a seat
to
have. The whole horseshoe shape of the booth has been filled with people I don’t know at all, right down to my once-were-best-friends, Brandon and Tyler. They’re just as unfamiliar as anything else in this place, now that the former’s got a beer and the latter’s got a Scotch, and they’re both just staring at me in equally uncomfortable ways.

Tyler looks as though he’d like to hunt me down, on the Serengeti. Brandon looks as though I just sprouted a third arm, and am about to batter him with it.

‘Oh no, really – there’s not room,’ I manage, but it’s hard to, with those dark eyes trained resolutely on the side of my face. I can tell without glancing at him that he wants to check out what Tyler’s obviously checking out, but Brandon was never like that. He’d never just go for anything.

Tyler had to do it for him, always.

‘Sure there is,’ Tyler says, before adding the very worst thing he possibly could. Worse than
Suck my cock
, worse than
Get those clothes off
– because of course, I could get out of orders like those. I’d be completely justified in slapping his handsome face, the moment he said them to me.

But I can’t get out of: ‘Just sit in Brandon’s lap.’

It’s just too innocent, out there on its own, devoid of consequences. All of these staring, giggling girls would think I was an absolute maniac if I acted offended over so slight a thing. One of them is practically in Brandon’s lap, as it is, and she has to vacate when I fumble my way over to him.

And, oh, she gives me such a look as I sit down. Clearly, she was happy where she was, with one leg hooked over Brandon’s and one boob almost in his face. I want to tell her that we can trade back if she wants. I’ll sit where she is, next to a guy whose name turns out to be Patrick, and she can make Brandon incredibly uncomfortable to her heart’s content.

Because he obviously is – uncomfortable, I mean. I try to perch on the very edges of his knees, but I can feel how rigid he’s gone, even so. And though he seems determined to put his hands somewhere normal – like maybe on my waist or my thighs – he can’t bring himself to do it. Those hands hover around one place and then another, never quite settling, before they finally find their place somewhere weird.

Like behind his head.

Without even glancing back, I know how he’ll look. He’s turned himself into a tourist, relaxing on an imaginary beach. All he needs is a parasol and a book and none of this will seem insane at all.

‘You OK?’ he asks, which probably means he’s sensed the tension I’m using to keep myself like this. I’m almost holding myself in a sitting position, without anything under me to sit on. It’s like doing a series of really, really awful squats, only I don’t get to relax at the end of each one. I just have to keep going and going, until I faint.

‘Great,’ I tell him, though my treacherous voice belies that one word. It comes out all wavering and near to exhaustion, until he simply has to say. He has to. He wouldn’t be the gentleman I remember, if he didn’t.

‘You know, you can sit back a little, if you want,’ he offers, but he doesn’t shout the words over the thrum of all this noise. He slides them underneath, low and furtive, and when I shove myself back into the welcoming curve of his body I understand why.

He’s hard.

He’s so hard that he actually makes a little sound when I push into him, and tries to shove me forwards again. Like if he does it fast enough, I won’t notice his hugely stiff cock. I won’t remember exactly how it felt, rubbing up against me. I’ll just continue not listening to the conversation around the table, oblivious and innocent.

Though I think he knows, on some level, that this won’t wash. I can feel how tense he’s gone, and those hands are now iron in the hollows of my hips. Any move on my part and they clamp down tight, like a warning:
Do not take this any further. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred pounds, do not turn around and look at me in that way.

But he’s out of luck on the third thing. I have to turn around and look, I
have
to. What expression goes with
sudden erection
? And how different is it from the ones he levelled at me earlier, which mostly seemed to be about getting away from me, as fast as possible?

The answer is: not that different at all. He’s still got that touch of pain around his ever-square and too-tight mouth, and he won’t meet my gaze. He just does what I did earlier – fixes his eyes on some point just north of my shoulder, and hopes for the best.

But I can’t give him what he wants. I can’t be the way I was before, passive and silent and sort of unsure. That girl hadn’t lived through five years of boyfriends falling asleep on top of her, and endless nights with nothing but a vibrator for company. She didn’t understand what it’s like to regret a missed opportunity, but I do.

And I want to rub myself against the thick, stiff shape of his cock, until I hear him moan. Oh God, he
moans
– and not even in a quiet sort of way, either. It just blurts out of him like a short sharp shock, and once it’s done I think we both know we’re in trouble.

I glance up and, sure enough, Tyler is looking our way. And though his expression is mainly amused, there’s something else there, too, buried deep down in that foggy gaze of his. It’s a look I recognise – a look I’ve seen a million times before, without fully understanding what it meant.

But I understand now.

Ohhhh, yeah. I understand now. He wants to fuck me I think, blindly, and once the idea is there I can’t shake it off. It gets a hold of me between my legs, and forces me to do things I wouldn’t usually. I’m sure I’d just leave it at a little light rubbing if I were left to my own devices.

But once Tyler’s got his lust-fucked gaze on me I find myself doing much worse. I actually ease myself back and forth over Brandon’s solid prick and, when he protests – when he gasps and digs his fingers into the hollows of my hips – I put an arm around his shoulder.

So that my breasts are almost pressed against his face.

‘Maisie,’ he says, but he sends the word high and wild. And his efforts at following it with something saner – something like
please stop
, maybe – don’t quite pan out for him. Instead he ends up turning until his mouth is very close to my mouth and his hands are very close to holding me, and, after a moment of this delicious tension, I think:
We’re going to kiss.
That’s what this is: the leaning into one another, and his hand suddenly on the nape of my neck. He wants to kiss me, but something’s holding him back – perhaps Tyler’s gaze burning across the table at us, too intense for me to fully process.

I can’t even look at him directly without assuming what Brandon probably does – that it’s anger, or jealousy, or something else similarly crazy that he’s levelling at us. And I think this until the point where I actually do meet his eyes and see for myself what he’s saying.

It’s not stop. It’s go.
Go on
, he says to me with his smouldering stare.
Go on, kiss
him. Touch him. Fuck him right here on this table until you’re wrung out and slippery with your own come and his spunk
… Oh God, how can one look be so filthy? How can it make me so crazy?

Because it does. The feel of Brandon’s stiff cock – now almost in the groove between the cheeks of my arse, rubbing and rutting insistently – is bad enough. The tension of this almost-kiss, so hot and slick, is bad enough.

But Tyler’s gaze makes me weaker. My nipples stiffen under the weight of it. My sex grows full and fat, every bit of pressure against it suddenly maddening. I want to rub just to relieve that sensation, I realise – maybe spread my legs over one of his thighs and get my clit right up against that meaty muscle – but I don’t get the chance to.

A moment later, Brandon shifts all in a big rush, some unearthly sound bubbling out of him as he does. And though I’m sure he means to be careful he isn’t – his hands turn rough on my body, manhandling me in a way that’s simultaneously exciting and disheartening. Exciting because there’s a new urgency to the move that I can’t deny. Disheartening because once he’s done, I’m left sprawled on the seat, while he blunders off in the direction of the door marked
STAFF
.

In his defence, he does offer me a few blurted words before leaving. Something about the bathroom and needing it, and that he’ll be back in a minute – probably sans erection.

But, unfortunately for him, I don’t feel like letting him reset the clock. It’s already been done once, and once was enough. Now it’s time for seizing the day, rattling the cages, feeding the thing that’s grown inside me over five years of wondering, What if?

What if I hadn’t left, without a goodbye?

What if I’d gotten up off my seat, pushed through the crowd and gone through the door marked
STAFF
, to see what was on the other side?

‘Oh Maisie, come on. Give me a break,’ he says the second I uncover him, hiding in some storage room at the back of this place. I understand why, however. He looks like some wild, slightly insane version of himself. His hair is standing on end from what I can only imagine were a million hand-strokes through it, and somewhere along the way he’s lost his suit jacket.

The one that Tyler probably picked out for him in some fancy shop. I can almost see the scenario in my mind’s eye: Brandon squirming inside material too expensive for him; Tyler straightening out the collar, in firm, sort of … brisk movements.

Like the kind of movements he used on my body when I lay naked in front of him.

‘A break from what?’ I ask, but I’m not being fair here, and I know it. It’s obvious what he needs a breather from, all things considered. And by all things considered, I mean I rubbed my ass against his cock, while his best friend watched.

‘Just …’ he starts, only there’s no finish. His hands make frustrated patterns in the air, instead, before returning to that crazy hair.

And then I’m just left to interpret this new form of sign language.

Which I do. In the worst possible way I can.

‘You want me to not touch your cock?’ I say, only this time my faux-innocence has a little bonus on the end. It features the word ‘cock’, and the word ‘cock’ has rather unexpected side effects. It sends a bolt of heat, right through me. It strokes a slow, slick hand between my legs. And, best of all, it turns his face the colour of a ripe tomato – like he’s embarrassed, I think. I’ve backed him into a corner, and now our roles from before are near reversed.

Though I’ve no idea how or when that happened.

‘Because I can stop touching it any time you like,’ I say, in a voice that doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to my aching, swollen cunt, and apparently she wants it to be low, soft, persuasive.

‘Did you … did you talk to Tyler about this?’ he asks, which almost gives me pause.

I think of the strange way they’d operated before. How silent things had seemed. How unspoken. But then the feeling passes, and this is what I’m left with: the firm swell of Brandon’s cock beneath my palm.

‘No. Why?’

‘Oh, so you’re just … doing that. OK. OK. Do you … maybe think we should have a conversation first? Like, we could go to dinner and after dinner I could walk you home and then … Ohhhhh Jesus, really?’

I can’t help drawing a red circle around several of the things he’s said: dinner, conversation,
ohhhh Jesus
. And I draw a circle around the actions that go with the words too: the way his hand snaps down to stop mine; the up-on-tiptoe move he makes, automatically, as though the feel of the heel of my palm against his stiff dick is more akin to being attacked with a cattle prod.

But that’s fine. I want him to be zinged. I was zinged, five years ago – this feels like some sort of mad revenge. Or maybe it’s a mad reward for all of my waiting and wanting and running away. Now I get to fondle his solid prick through his trousers until he stops resisting and starts begging me for more.

‘Yeah, just like that,’ he tells me, because I’ve found the ridge around the head of his cock, and when I rub just so – back and forth with my thumb, through the material – he trembles for me. He bucks into my palm and puts a hand on my shoulder, more words spilling out of him, one after the other.

‘Kiss me,’ he says. ‘Kiss me.’

But I don’t want to kiss. I want to finally and properly know what his cock looks like, and feels like, and, more importantly, tastes like. And since he seems intent on letting me do whatever the fuck I want, it’s not that hard to do. I just ease his stiff length out into the open, while he hums like someone set his internal motor going.

‘Are you really going to …’ he says.

I have no idea why he is doubting. Anyone would want to suck a cock like his – so smooth and silky and stiff, with a curve to it that suggests just the right sort of angle for hitting all those good spots.