MAKE ME A MATCH (Running Wild) (14 page)

“Hey, cool it, Tessa. I was maybe a little out of line with Sylvia. It wasn’t that I didn’t respect her, I just thought a few laughs would do her good. She’s pretty uptight. Did you notice? Who’d ever think a bright lady would take a little bit of teasing that seriously?”

“Teasing? As in cowboy boots? At the
symphony
? Get a grip, Stewart. And what’s with the cigar?” She snatched up the paper he’d filled in. “It clearly states right here on your info sheet that you don’t smoke. I told her you didn’t smoke. She specifically said she didn’t want anyone who smoked. None of our clients, men or women, want anybody who smokes. No one with even a trace of brain cells smokes nowadays.”

Which was exactly what had reduced her to chewing on pencils.

‘"Well, you didn’t tell me that when you gave me her bio, did you? And anyway, I haven’t smoked for years. I gave it up when I was twenty-three, it’s a filthy habit. But it doesn’t say anywhere that I can’t hold an unlit cigar in my mouth, does it?”

Filthy habit
. That was hitting way too close to home. Tessa yarded the pencil stub out of her mouth and threw it violently into the garbage.

“If you think for one moment that I’m going to spend my precious time lining you up with sincere women just so you can act out your juvenile fantasies, bean brain, you’ve got
another. . . think. . . coming.”

One moment’s silence. A deep, heartfelt sigh from him, phony as hell.

“Sorry, Tessa. It was an innocent joke. And how come I spend most of my time apologizing to you when I haven’t done anything wrong?”

“Beats me,” she snarled. “Do you think it could possibly have to do with your devious, twisted personality?”

“So does this mean I get kicked out of the dating pool?”

She knew he was grinning. Don’t you wish, Stewart. Damn the man, he knew she had to find him another date, it was part of Clara’s ridiculous contract. The first thing she’d do when Synchronicity was hers would be to change that asinine contract.

“I’ll find you another lady fast, and so help me, Stewart, you’d better try a little bit harder next time.”

His voice was liquid honey. “Or what, Tessa? That sounds like a threat.”

“It is a threat. I’ll call your sisters and tell them exactly how you’re wasting their money.”

“Ouch. You really know how to hurt a guy. Okay, I’ll be on my best behavior from now on, cross my heart.”

“You haven’t got one,” Tessa snorted and then gave up even trying to talk like a lady. “I’ve more faith in a fart in a hurricane than I do in your promises, Stewart.”

Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere
.

Eric laughed.

“I’m so glad you haven’t lost your way with words, Tess. You had me worried there for a while.” He’d been wondering how long it would take before she called and reamed him out. He’d been looking forward to it. The only other thing he had to look forward to today was paying for Jimmy Nicols’s funeral.

There was charged silence, and he figured she was gnashing her teeth and trying to get hold of herself. It must have worked, because in an entirely different tone she said, “You still interested in that gift membership for Karen? Because you were right, she needs something in her life. Do you want to go ahead with it?”

“I did ask her, she said no. But even if she’d agreed, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, Tessa.”

“I wasn’t thinking this minute. I was thinking maybe in a couple weeks. Maybe she’ll change her mind, I could talk to her about it. Not all our male clients are like you, you know. I’d find someone who’s perfect for Karen.”

“You haven’t spoken to her recently.” Suggesting a dating service before the funeral wasn’t something Tessa would do.

“Not since I was over there.”

“Well, her husband died, a blood vessel burst in his brain. The service is Saturday morning at ten. Would you like to come?”

He wasn't joking. Having Tessa there might take some of the sting out of footing the bill. He’d gone for the small economy size, with cremation, but it still bugged him to have to bury Nicols. Just as Sophie figured, Karen had decided it was up to her. And Anna had reinforced the decision, telling Karen it was a good idea, because it would give Karen something Anna called closure.

Of course, he’d agreed, even though he figured that kind of closure was right up there with the colonic, but he didn’t say so to Karen. She’d been distracted and nervy and upset enough all week.

“This is the husband who broke Karen’s nose?”

“Yup.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t murder him yourself.”

“Why, thank you, Tess. For a while there, the cops thought I had. We had a fight, I broke his nose, and a few days later, he died. At first, the cops thought the two events might be closely related.”

Silence. And then, in a small, contrite voice, she said, “Sorry. Me and my smart mouth. I had no idea. I didn’t mean that I thought you’d ever murder anyone.”

He was getting a vote of confidence from Tessa McBride?

‘You were always good about protecting your sisters, though,” she added. “I remember when Sophie and I were about nine and that Patterson kid threw rocks at us, you chased him down and scared him half to death and then made him apologize. I always envied Sophie, having a big brother who watched out for her.”

“Yeah?” This conversation was blowing him away. She was suddenly being so nice to him. He should have told her about being a suspected murderer sooner. “Patterson ended up playing second string for the Lions. I always hoped he wouldn’t remember that little incident.”

She giggled.

He wanted her to giggle more, it was infectious. But she sobered and said, “I shouldn’t laugh, the thing about Karen’s husband isn’t funny. Is there anything at all I can do for her?”

“Maybe just drop by. Make her laugh. She really had fun with you the other evening.”

“Sure. I could even tell her about this guy who pretended to be a cowboy at the symphony.” There was a smile in her voice.

He smiled back and drawled, “Go ahead, make my day.”

She laughed. “Okay, Clint. And I’ll sort through the files and find you another babe.”

“There’s a better way, y’know.” He’d been giving this a lot of thought. “You could come out with me yourself, sort of like an educational thing. You’re an expert at this matchmaking stuff; you could give me pointers on what I’m doing wrong. A school for the romantically challenged. What do you think?”

She made a noise that could be called a snort. “You’re a devious man, Stewart. I shudder to think what you’ll come up with next.”

“It would be a kind thing to do, Tessa. Altruistic. You could start maybe tonight. We could do something easy, like go to a movie, have a pizza. What’d’ya say?”

“If shoes were clues, you’d be barefoot, Eric. I’m not on the menu.”

He was still laughing as he hung up, and almost immediately the phone rang again. He snatched it up.

“I knew you’d change your mind, I’ll pick you up at—”

“Eric.” Sophie’s voice was tense. “Can you come over to Karen’s right away?”

Adrenaline shot through him and he shot to his feet. “What’s wrong? Is she okay? Are the kids….”

“Nobody’s physically injured. There was a bad scene at Junella’s and Karen’s hysterical. I’ve given her a shot. Anna’s on her way over, Bruno, too. We need to have a family conference.”

Twenty-three and a half minutes later, Sophie met Eric when he came charging in the door of Karen’s condo.

“What the hell’s going on?”

At first glance, everything seemed calm enough. Ian and Simon sat at the table eating peanut butter- and-jam sandwiches, one on either side of Bruno. Anna was pouring tea.

Sophie said to the boys, “You guys take your sandwiches in the TV room and watch cartoons, okay?”

Simon shook his head. “We can’t eat in there. We’re not ’lowed cause Ian spilled Spaghettios on the rug.”

“You can this once. I’ll take the blame if anything spills,” Sophie declared, placing the food on small plates and escorting the boys out of the room.

Eric sat down in the chair where Simon had been and shot to his feet again when he hit a puddle of milk.

“Damn.” He scrubbed at his rear with a towel Anna tossed him. “Okay, what’s happening? Where’s Karen?”

“Zonked out in bed,” Anna said. “She was screaming and laughing and crying all at the same time, so Sophie gave her a shot. It calmed her down, in fact it knocked her cold. I don’t really agree with tranquilizers. It’s better if the person can get in touch with their emotions and ask what’s really wrong, or simply watch the feelings as they happen; that way it’s easier to embrace them and just gently let them go.”

“Anna, can you just cut the crap for once and tell me what exactly happened here?” Eric’s head was starting to pound.

Sophie came back in. Relieved that at least one of his sisters was still sane, Eric turned to her.

“What gives, Soph?”

Sophie flopped into a chair and heaved a sigh. “I got a call at work from Junella at Scissor Happy. She screamed at me that Karen had gone nuts and I’d better come and get her or an ambulance would pick her up. I found someone to take over for me and when I got to the salon, it was some kind of nightmare.” She shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Clients were running around with towels and rollers on their head, Junella was hyperventilating, and there was this half-bald woman in the middle of it all crying and screaming about a lawsuit. I finally got the story out of Junella. Karen had been working on the woman’s hair. Her name is Myrna Bisaglio, and my guess is she was giving Karen a hard time over the cut or color or something. Anyhow, according to one of the other operators, Karen just suddenly snapped. She grabbed electric clippers and cut a wide swath right down the center of the old bat’s head. The woman was too shocked to move so Karen did another one. Good job, too, she cut a bald strip about four inches wide, smooth as a baby’s bum.”

There was silence as Eric digested Sophie’s words.

It was Anna who giggled first. She put a palm over her mouth, but she couldn’t hold it back, and within seconds they were all laughing.

Eric was the first to pull himself together and think of the logistics.

“Junella must have insurance to cover stuff like this, but she’s going to try and make Karen pay, you can bet on that. I’ll give Fletcher a call and find out what the legal ramifications are.”

Sophie nodded. “Good idea. Junella hollered as we were leaving that Karen’s fired, not to show her face in the salon again. Bet she tries to hold back on the wages she owes her, too.”

Eric said, “We’ll just see about that.”

“If she’s fired, maybe that’s the best thing that could happen,” Anna declared. “The universe has obviously arranged this so that Karen can make a new beginning, find a place where she’s appreciated, where there’s potential for spiritual growth. There wasn’t at Scissor Happy. Junella was always jealous of her. Junella really projects her own inadequacies on everyone around her. I mean, we all do, but she’s extreme. It helps so much to know that projection is perception.”

Sometimes Eric wondered if Anna was on the same planet as the rest of them, never mind the same page. Bruno rolled his eyes and exchanged a look with Eric.

“Karen needs a holiday. She needs to get away by herself for a while,” Sophie interpreted.

That made sense to Eric, and he nodded. “She’s had an emotional meltdown, that’s for sure.”

“So what can we do?” Always practical, Bruno’s concern was mirrored in his face.

“How much time do you figure she needs in order to get it together, Soph?” A plan was beginning to take shape in Eric’s head, but it would take the cooperation of all of them to implement it.

Sophie said, “Ideally, six weeks. At the least a month.”

“This is just a suggestion, see what you all think,” Eric said. “Karen still misses Mom and Dad, why I’ll never know, but she does. So I’ll pay for a plane ticket to Mexico and make sure she’s got enough money so she doesn’t have to rely on those two for anything when she gets there. I’ll cover her mortgage and expenses here while she’s gone, so she doesn’t have that to worry about. But that leaves the boys. She has to know they’re taken care of, or she won’t agree to go.”

“I’ve got leave coming from the hospital,” Sophie said. “I’ll take Simon and Ian for the next week or ten days. Simon’s kindergarten is finished for the year. We can visit parks and do fun things.”

“Great.” Eric turned and looked expectantly at Anna, sitting on his left. After all, she was the only one who didn’t have a nine-to-five job. She was peeling polish off her nails with her head down and her hair covering half her face, and she didn’t look up.

But Bruno leaped eagerly into the gap. “We’ll take them for the rest of the time, right, Anna?”

Anna didn’t answer, and Eric saw her fingers curl into knots on her lap. “Well, I do have that spiritual intensive I registered for months ago. I can’t really cancel now, Bruno, it’s a two-week course. And I’m not convinced that sending Karen away is the right answer, because wherever you go, there you are.”

That bit of philosophy went sailing right over Eric’s head. He knew better than to question it. Instead, he stuck to the practical.

“When is this course of yours, Anna?” He was trying to figure out whether he could possibly manage Ian and Simon on his own. Maybe he could get Gladys and Henry to pitch in, because he’d need all the help he could get. He’d watched his nephews in action, and it wasn’t pretty.

“The first two weeks in August.” She sounded sullen.

Eric was studying his pocket calendar. “That means the kids can spend a couple weeks with you, and then I’ll take them.”

Anna was still staring at her damned nails.

“Well, I don’t know….” she sounded as if she was about to refuse, but again Bruno jumped in with both feet.

“I’ll make sure I’m at home. I can do a lot of my work away from the office. I’ll take care of them.”

“Great. Thanks, Bruno.” What the hell was wrong with Anna? Eric had expected her to offer to take the boys for the whole summer.

Bruno added, “We can take them away on a holiday, Anna. We’ll go camping. We can go to that lake where we went on our honeymoon, the boys would love it there.”

Anna looked unhappy. “I’m not sure if I can get away, I do have appointments for readings all summer, Bruno.”

“Anna, for God’s sake, this is a family emergency.” Bruno gave his wife a disbelieving look. “Call those people and tell them to come in before we go or after we get back. The planets aren’t going to go on strike just because you change around a few astrology readings.”

“Honestly, Bruno, that really shows how little respect you have for what I do.” Anna’s face was getting red, her voice rising, her eyes narrowing. “Just because I’m not doing a nine-to-five job anymore doesn’t mean I’m not working. Just because I’m doing something outside the box doesn’t mean it’s not important.”

Bruno eyes narrowed. “I know that. Don’t get going on this again, Anna. We’ve been over it and over it.” He crossed his arms on his chest and got a stubborn look on his face. “I want those boys, I want to take them fishing. I want to play catch with them. I want to take them camping and roast wieners and tell ghost stories.” He glared at her. “I want to take them to matinees, go swimming with them.”

Anna huffed out an exasperated sigh. “It sounds to me as if you don’t just want to get in touch with your inner child. You want to actually be a kid again yourself. You ought to take a good look at that, Bruno. Where is that coming from?”

To Eric’s amazement, malleable old Bruno gave his wife a killer glare and said, “That’s enough of that shit, Anna. Your theories are one thing, but this is family we’re talking here.”