Make Me Weak (Make Me #1) (15 page)

“Do you not remember our first day of high school?” His boyish smile came out
, and I felt bad shaking my head to his question. I hadn’t even recognized Kayne when we saw each other at the club, but he knew me. He remembered the friends, the parties, and now he had a story about us that I was once again—not aware of. Kayne could deny it all he wanted—I was a bitch.

“No.” I admitted coyly.

He shook his head with a smile. “You were actually one of the first people to really stand up for me.”

Now
it was my turn to not hide my confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh Andie. Let me tell you a little story. It was the first day of school and I was desperate to not be that idiot little freshman. I had a family legacy to uphold but I felt so much pressure and nerves to be as good as everyone else that had gone there before me. I never looked at a map, but when the final bell for classes rang to begin—I was lost. No idea where I was going and it had me seriously freaked out. I was running through the hallways and completely tripped over my own two feet. My long gangly body was sent sailing into the back of the high school quarterback. Of course all the jocks surrounded him and I was flat on my back waiting for them to pound my face into the ground.”

“So what happened?” I desperately searched through my memories for what the rest of the story was but it just wasn’t coming to me.

“You happened.” He said with a grin. “I can’t even remember what they were saying to me but I could never forget this little bitty girl step over me, and shove the big guys off me.”

“I did that?” I couldn’t help but smile. It was another life
to me but to hear it was a good one was making me happy.

“You sure did. After you pushed him back you
went off on him and I swear the dude look frightened. Whatever you said backed him and his friends off almost instantly, and then you helped me to my feet. You smiled at me and gave me this look that made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I’m not sure how to explain it but it was like you were telling me that we were going to be good friends. We’d always have each other’s back and I know we only had mutual friends, but I always watched out for you. If we’d be at a party I always had my eye on you to make sure you were really okay.”

He shrugged and I gulped back the overwhelming sense of panic rising in my throat. Kayne wasn’t there the summer everything changed for me. When I had to endure the worst couple months of
my life. If he had, how different would things be now? I wanted to cry. I wanted to run but instead I did the one thing I don’t think either of us expected. I threw my arms over his shoulders, buried my face in his arm and hugged him tight.

For so long I felt all alone, like there was no one else in this world that I could depend on. No one that would think twice about what happened to me. Yet here was my proof that all those suspicions were false. I had watched out for Kayne, the memories slowly trickled back in. It was suddenly very clear to me who he was to me back then. We were never the best of friends we could have been but just as he kept an eye on me, I recall doing the same for him. We were only kids yet we were desperate to look out for each other the best way we could.

My natural instincts to feel safe and secure around Kayne were wholeheartedly accurate. He would always be there if I needed him and I know with complete certainty that if he had been around that summer—I would have been safe. That realization was enough to send my emotions reeling around in my body like a cyclone. I wasn’t used to any of this but having Kayne to clutch onto in this instant for support was exactly what I needed.

A few minutes passed and I was able to regroup and back away. Kayne’s eyes read the agony and terror I was feelin
g, but he also showed compassion. Not the pity I had expected to see.

“Andie, I’m not going to pretend to know what happened to make you change your exterior. I’m not going to act like I understand how you’re feeling. But I am going to tell you that you
are
my friend and I am not going to let that change now. Just know if you ever need someone to talk to, about anything, I’m here.”

“Thank you.” I wished I could say more and truly express how deeply his words soothed me. I just wasn’t able to get it out but from the look in Kayne’s eyes
, and the smile on his face I knew he understood it.

After we dried off Kayne took me back home. Part of me didn’t want to leave him
, but the other part needed to be alone in my space. I had already decided to forgo work tonight but between the intense emotional connection to Onyx. Added with the reminders of my past with Kayne, it left me emotionally exhausted. We sat together in the car for a couple minutes. I was sure he wanted to ask me something and I just didn’t know if I could handle being alone yet. Alone used to be the only place I wanted to be, and now I was dreading it.

“What are you doing this week?”

Kayne’s question broke the silence and I was relieved for it. “I’m not sure, aside from working. Why?”

“I just want to see you again. Would you be able to come with me somewhere Thursday evening?”

“I think I could swing that.” I was shocking the hell out of myself by not even trying to use an excuse in order to get out of it.

“Great! My uncle is playing at this little bar that night
, and I like going to hear him play. I would like you to come with me.”

My excitement now was through the roof but I was happy to admit I was looking forward to going
before
I heard Onyx would be there.

“That sounds like fun, count me in!”

“That’s awesome! I’ll pick you up here at 8pm, is that okay?”

“It’s perfect. Oh, and thank you for today Kayne. I really did have a lot of fun.”

Kayne smiled with a nod, his arm reached out like he wanted to give me one of those awkward car hugs but he stopped. His face never dropped from the radiant smile that was usually in place. I had never met any as respectful as Kayne, and I was happy to think that after many years of shutting myself off, I found one of the best people I could have as a friend. It was important to me, for some crazy reason, to show Kayne just how safe I felt with him. I closed the space between us in the car and gave him that one armed hug that always works better in theory than in reality.

He was taken aback by the gesture and didn’t bother hiding it.

“I thought you had a thing about touching? Now that’s the second time today.” His eyes lit with enjoyment and his lips curved into a smirk that almost exactly matched Onyx’s. “Not that I mind.”

I smiled
, but a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach made it fade away. Kayne was completely wonderful. I wouldn’t want to change a single thing about him, but none of that meant I was looking for more than a friend. Technically, I didn’t even want that but now I felt my world would be just too lonely without him. That wasn’t going to change my deeper feelings. While I wanted to avoid getting emotionally involved with anyone, it was already happening with Onyx. Telling Kayne about me and his uncle was
not
what I wanted to do, especially since I had no clue what was going on. But I refused to lead him on. My nights were spent leading men on to get them to spend their hard earned money. It was natural for me to come off as a flirt to seduce men at times, but only for people I didn’t care about.

Already I cared for Ka
yne, and I wouldn’t dare hurt him. Despite the discomfort that was bound to come about, I had to handle this now.

“I do have a thing about it. I can’t handle it when it happens but I guess deep down I’m starting to feel safe around you. I have to be honest, I want you around, but I do not want anything more than friendship right now. Truthfully, I wasn’t even looking for that.”

He shot me an unfazed smile. “I understand Andie. I’m just glad you’re not kicking me to the curb or putting a restraining order against me for always showing up.”

That made me let out a hearty unexpected laugh. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Thank fuck, because man, that’d be embarrassing.” We both laughed for another minute but I watched him reign in this serious tone before speaking again. “I’m happy you’re letting me be your friend, Andie. I promise I won’t do anything to hurt you.”

“I know.” I couldn’t explain it, but I felt it.

“See you on Thursday.”

With a
final goodbye I hopped out of the car and gave a parting wave that was his signal to drive away. Once he was out of sight I made my way through the alley to my actual home. I looked around for a few seconds to make sure there were no signs of a break-in, flopped down on my bed and fell hard asleep.

Over the next couple of days I took time to myself. After I had woken up from my nap I felt that dreaded feeling of loneliness sink in. It was an emotion I wasn’t used to feeling, unless it came to my little girl. Otherwise, I was content in my own bubble and now I remembered why. It hurt like a bitch to sit there on my bed, think of where I had been the last 24-hours and where I sat now. I spent a couple hours trying to decide if I was upset or grateful to not have a phone in times like these.

It would have been nice to give someone (Onyx) a call, and return to that stunning place. Yet, what happened if I called and he didn’t answer or he was with another woman? Or worse, what if he told me to fuck off and never call again? These things were far less complicated when I had no friends or anyone I cared to talk to.

As time wore on though, I began re-acclimating to the life I was used to. I did a lot of painting, some house cleaning, and tried to ge
t out for walks during the day.

A part of me desperately wanted to sneak over to my grandmother’s house and see Daisy. Eventually though, I decided against the idea. I was already feeling u
nnaturally clingy, and I doubted I would be able to leave her. Which left me home alone and desperate to find something to fill the time. In the end, I came to the conclusion that I needed to move up to my roof and do one of my favorite things—paint. I practically lived up there for the next day and a half, only going to sleep when the sun began peeking over the horizon. Thursday I woke up and painted until I was starving, had lunch, napped, and when I woke up it was time to get ready.

As soon as I jumped into the shower I realized I felt the need to doll myself up for tonight the way I did when I went to the club. In the shower I did the three S’s: scrubbed, shampooed, and shaved. By the time I was out I was practically sparkling. That was when I went into phase two—my hair. I blew it out until it was soft, straight
, and shiny. It was rare for my hair to look like this and for a few minutes I debated trying something new but decided tonight wasn’t the night for that. While the curling iron heated up I scoured my clothes for the perfect outfit.

That was when I spotted a dress I hadn’t worn in ages. It was a tight coral dress with a scoop neck to show off my cleavage and a low scoop back that stopped just inches above my ass. The skirt part itself stopped high on my thigh with a light pleating that gave it a fuller look. It was perfect for tonight. I would look good without looking like I was purposely trying to impress someone.
The last thing I needed to do was make Kayne think twice about the “casual” encounter I had with Onyx. Especially since I knew it would be near impossible to hide the lust and desire from my expression when I saw him.

I have never had
my body physically ache with need for someone that way it does for Onyx. Another reason for my endless streak of painting was due to the fact that I was incapable of lying in my bed without feeling restless. I craved his touch over my skin, between my legs, across my sensitive breasts. My limbs seemed to reach around the bed ceaselessly, searching for Onyx to snuggle into. All of this after one freaking night? I felt completely out of my mind, but that didn’t change the way he affected me.

The red digits on my alarm clock told me it was time to get my ass into gear
, or else Kayne would be left waiting for me. With that motivation I curled my hair, applied some makeup, slipped on my shoes, grabbed my purse, and I was out the door. On the walk to the apartment I became anxious that Kayne would arrived earlier than usual, because well, that’s just how he is. I slipped off my shoes, held them in my hands and ran though the alley as quickly as I could.

I came along the side of the building, and just as I turned the corner to the front of the complex my heart dropped. There was Kayne’s black SUV and the man himself leaning against the passenger side door. His eyes were focused up at the numerous apartment decks, probably trying to decipher wh
ich was mine. He glanced my way, turned his head back forward and snapped it my way as if he couldn’t believe he was actually seeing me.

“Andie? Where were you coming from?”

A million excuses flipped through my mind: taking out the trash, neighbor’s cat ran away and I had to chase it, etc. Each one seemed somewhat plausible but the fact remained, whether Kayne realized it or not, he had just uncovered one of my secrets.

“Andie?” He asked again as I stood there in stunned silence.

I shook my head back and forth as if that was bound to get my brain functioning again. “Nowhere.” I finally answered with a forced smile.

I was always a smooth talker. Knew how to work the audience, whether it was in the night club or schmoozing my way into getting free drinks at a bar. It didn’t matter where
, but I knew what to say, how to bat my lashes, and pucker my lips enough to get what I wanted. However everything changed when it was me being exposed for the life I was desperate to keep hidden. Apparently in that situation I couldn’t even tell a bad lie, I just froze completely.

Kayne shot me a confused smile as if he was playing the whole thing off. Yet in his eyes I saw the skepticism and that shard of doubt that had now been planted. I only prayed he let it go and never again asked about it.

“Alright, sorry if I’m a bit early. I was hoping to come up and see your place. They look so nice from the outside I’ve been dying to get a tour.”

You’ll have to come back during business hours for that
. “They are incredible. I’ll show you another time, I’m starving so I was hoping we could go there right away.”

Any doubt quickly faded as the gentlemanly manners came back. There was no way Kayne was going to keep his friend hungry
just because something seemed off.

“Of course, hop on in. We’ll get there before Onyx goes on but that will give us time to eat so we can enjoy the show.”

“Perfect.”

My nerves shook in my body and my heart was racing with this newfound adrenaline. Being with Kayne was finally filling me with th
is sense of friendship and the prospect of Onyx was giving me something to look forward to. It was an interesting feeling, and one I was already becoming attached to. Energy buzzed within me as Kayne found a parking spot and helped me out of the car. I immediately took in the building, wooden awnings with tables and chairs set up on the patio, with multicolored lights draped around the outside. As we entered, the theme from outside was continued throughout the rest of the restaurant. Dark wooden tables, matching chairs, a long bar with the same lights strung throughout. It had a Tiki feel and at the very back was a stage that had more lights than the rest of the bar.

This place was far from what I expect
ed when I pictured Onyx taking a gig anywhere. Then again, my thought would be in some dark underground room with no lights, and just the velvet melodic sounds of his voice playing around. But I suppose this was still a nice choice and it didn’t matter where we were, just as long as I got to see Onyx again. Kayne must have noticed the doe eyed look across my face, making him let out a laugh.

“Cool place, huh?”