Make My Heart Beat (17 page)

“So where do you want to go for lunch?” I ask Sly as he pulls out of the parking lot of my apartment complex. I had breakfast with Connor this morning and told him I was coming back home to spend some much needed time with Sly. We need some time to talk things over and to ensure the friendship we have built over the years doesn’t change or end just because I’m moving on with my life.

Sly shrugs his shoulders and gives me a sideways look. “I don’t care. Whatever you feel like you can handle. Don’t know what foods are good for you and what makes you sick.”

He was very standoffish this morning when I got home. We texted and talked on the phone every night this week, and I even tried to get him to come over to Connor’s for dinner, but he refused. I need to work this out.

“How about we just go to La Hacienda? I could really go for some enchiladas and some queso,” I suggest. I am craving something spicy and Sly will eat just about anything. We can even get some takeout to bring back to Michelle. That girl can eat her weight in burritos if you let her. La Hacienda is a quiet locally owned restaurant that makes truly authentic Mexican dishes.

Sly smiles and nods his consent as he drives in the direction of the restaurant.

After we're seated and the waitress brings us a big basket of tortilla chips with salsa and takes our orders, I decide I’m not going to mess around. I’m going to cut straight to what needs to be said.

“Okay, Sly. Spill it. No more keeping it in. You have something you want to say to me, say it. I love you, and I can take whatever it is you have to throw at me.” I lean back in the booth and cross my arms over my chest.

Sly mirrors my posture and takes a deep breath. Glancing over my shoulder, he releases it before looking back at me. “I told you earlier this week I will support you in w
hatever decision you make when it comes to Connor. I want you to be happy, but it will just take a while for me to fully trust him again.”

“I know he has to earn your trust, but like
I
said earlier this week, since you trust me, you need to also trust my judgment.” I reach across the table and hold my hand out for him.

He reaches out and takes it. “You’re not just staying with him because of the baby, are you? You know that I will support you and help you with anything you need, right?”

Sighing, I pull my hand back. I don’t understand how Sly could possibly think that. I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to make him understand that Connor is it for me. Not because of the baby. Not because he’s the first man I’ve had any kind of interest in. But because he is the other half of my heart.

“Damn it, Sly. Why can’t you just let this go? I love him. I’m not staying with him because I’m pregnant. I wouldn’t stay with him if that was the only thing tying us together. I’m staying with him because he is everything I want and everything I need. I don’t know what I have to do or say to get that through your thick head. I will tell you the same thing, over and over, till I’m blue in the face if I have to.”

“You are so fucking stubborn.” He growls.

“So are you!”

The waitress brings our food and sets the plates down in front of us. She senses the tension at the table and quickly flees back to the safety of the kitchen.

Sly continues to stare at me from across the table with his arms crossed over his chest.

I pick up my fork, stab my chili relleno, pick it up whole and point it at him. “If you don’t get off your damn high horse, I will shove this chili up your ass!”

Sly tries to keep a straight face, but fails. He starts laughing hysterically at me while I still hold up my weapon of spicy destruction.

“You are such a dork!” he manages to get out between gasping for breath because he's laughing so hard at me.

I’m laughing just as hard, even though I try to keep a straight face. I can’t believe I just threatened him with a freaking pepper. Like that would do any harm. “Am not.”

“Yes, you are, and that’s why I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Now eat your damn lunch and quit bitching at me about Connor. I don’t have to like him. I will be nice to his dumb ass, but I’m not making any promises. If he hurts you again, I will end him.” Sly reaches over the table to grab my hand now that I’ve lowered the relleno back down to my plate.

“At least that’s a start.” I smile at him. I can’t expect Sly to immediately forgive and forget what happened. He’s been my protector forever. I just need to get him to come around some more so he can see that Connor and I really are fine and that we're working things out. Seeing is believing.

We eat our lunch and talk about his move here. Sly has to drive back to Alabama next weekend to get the rest of his stuff, but for the bulk part he has most of it. He's still planning on living in my guest room while he continues to look for an apartment. I know he wants to get a unit in our complex, but there aren’t any one or two bedrooms available right now, and he certainly can’t afford the rent on a three bedroom or larger.

~

After spending all day Saturday with Sly, I stayed at my own apartment despite Connor wanting me to go back to his place. I told him I needed to spend more time with Sly, ensuring that our friendship remains intact. It’s Sunday morning, and I’m getting ready for mine and Daddy’s usual breakfast date. I asked Sly to tag along, but he headed straight for Michelle’s apartment this morning after she sent him a good morning text.

Thank God I’m finally feeling more normal. Of course it seems like I have to pee every five minutes, but I’m really feeling like myself again. I pull on some maternity jeans and a loose fitting sweater. I’m not happy about the fact I’m having to wear jeans with the weird elastic panel in the front now, but my normal jeans don’t quite button very easily anymore. That’s another thing Sly and I did yesterday; he took me shopping for some clothes that will fit better now, and will fit in the next few months.

Just as I’m finishing brushing out my hair, I hear knocking on my front door. I quickly go answer it because I know it’s Daddy.

“How’s my favorite baby girl doing?” he says when I open the door and he pulls me in for a hug. “Damn girl, what’s with all this weight you packing on? Those gummy bears finally catching up with you?”

I smack him in the arm as he releases me. “Daddy!” I laugh.

“What? Oh, that little pudge is a baby, I forgot. You know it’s hell getting old. The mind tends to forget things.” He smiles down at me.

“I don’t see any old people around here. You hush your mouth.” I turn to grab my purse from the kitchen table. “Now, I’m hungry. Feed your favorite daughter.”

Daddy and I go to our usual diner and order our usual breakfast of pancakes and bacon. I practically inhale my food. I am super hungry this morning. This little one must be getting ready to have a growth spurt or something. I haven’t felt the baby move or kick yet, but my doctor told me it should be soon. I’m so excited and nervous at the same time.

“So, you and Connor seem to be getting along better?” Daddy asks as he sips his coffee.

I know a soft smile crosses my face when I think of Connor. “Yeah, we talked about everything. And I mean everything. He told me about his sister.” Thoughts of Kaitlin and what Connor has been through make my smile falter a little. I still can’t believe that some parents could be so cruel. I look at Daddy and I thank the good Lord above that I was blessed with the parents that I was.

Daddy puts his coffee mug down on the table. “He told you about the accident?”

I cock my head to the side. I don’t remember telling him about what Connor told me. How could he have known?

Noticing my confusion, Daddy elaborates. “Sweetie, I looked into Connor when you first introduced him to me.” He laughs at my dropped jaw, then continues. “Don’t look so shocked. You really think I would let you go out with some guy you met at a bar and not check him out? I know all about Kaitlin’s accident, and I’ve talked to Connor about it too.”

“What? When?” I’m confused and I feel a little behind in this conversation.

“I went and talked to Connor after your accident. After you kicked him out. I wanted to check on him. I knew he felt responsible for your fall and the fight. I also knew he felt responsible for what happened to Kaitlin all those years ago. I read his police report. He got in several fights and had some public intoxication citations,” Daddy tells me. “I know he loves you. I also know he was hurting from a painful past he couldn’t escape from. I just want the two of you to be happy and healthy. You both need to talk. Not push each other away when things get tough.”

I can’t believe that he went and talked to Connor. And he already knew about everything. And he didn’t tell me. To think about how much pain and drama could have been saved or even prevented blows my mind. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Daddy shakes his head. “Because, Kara Lynae, it wasn’t my story to tell. I knew what happed to Kaitlin wasn’t his fault, so I didn’t feel like it was my place to tell you. That was his past to carry and his pain to work through. Just like you kept everything that happened to you in high school secret, even though I wish every damn day you had told me about it when it happened, you had to work through it on your own. You carried that guilt inside you, and you had to decide when you felt like you could let it out. Same thing with Connor.”

I see tears forming in Daddy’s eyes when he talks about what happened with Matt. I know he regrets not being able to tell that something was wrong with me, but like he said, I kept all that guilt inside me. I was very good at hiding and turning off my emotions. He's such an amazing man and a wonderful father. He has been through so much, and I don’t know how he has managed everything.

“How did I get so lucky to have you for a dad?”

“You have it all wrong, baby girl. I’m the one lucky to have you. You have brought so much to my life, I can’t imagine what my life would have been like without you.” Daddy gives me the smile that he always used to give Momma. “And I know that your world is about to be turned upside down with that little one. I only wish that Sara would have been here to see you growing into the amazing woman you have become. And I know that you are going to be just as wonderful a mother that she was.”

Daddy sees the tears streaming down my face and gets out of his side of the booth and squeezes in beside me, wrapping his arms tightly around my shoulders. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, Kara Lynae.”

“No, Daddy. These are happy tears. I love you so much. And I miss Momma, but I know that she’s here.” I pat my chest over my heart. “She’s right here. I only wish she could have met Connor.”

“I know, baby. She would have loved him. She may have tried to kick his ass.” He laughs. “Sara was definitely a feisty one. But she would have loved him and been so proud of you.” Daddy pulls me closer into his shoulder. “Let’s go see that man of yours.”

Daddy leaves some cash on the table and we head out to his car. He drives us straight to Connor’s apartment and we end up spending the entire day hanging out and talking. It feels so good to have Connor and Daddy in the same room not trying to kill each other. Now if I can only get Sly to feel the same way. He promised he would try for me. They both talk about how important communication is and how much we need to learn to be open and honest with each other.

Connor insists on me staying at his place tonight, and he promises Daddy that he’ll get me to work without any issues tomorrow. I know that I’m pregnant, so obviously Daddy knows that Connor and I are sleeping together, but it just doesn’t seem normal for my father and boyfriend to be talking about me spending the night over at his place so candidly. I guess Daddy is more open minded than I ever gave him credit for.

I’m so fucking nervous that I don’t even know what to do with myself. I have been trying to psych myself up to have this conversation for three days. Even Seth and Marcus have been trying to give me pep talks. Hell, I’m more freaked out about talking to John about this than I was about the first conversation we had about Lynae being pregnant after the accident. Add in the fact that Sly is in that house right now too; that just triples the apprehension.

After parking my car in the driveway fifteen minutes ago, I’m still standing on John’s front porch. I can’t seem to make myself ring the damn doorbell. Just as I’m finally raising my hand to do just that, the front door opens.

“You just gonna stand out here all afternoon, son? Or are you going to come in?” John chuckles from the entryway.

I smile nervously. “Hey, Mr. Michaels. Thanks for seeing me today.”

“Come on in. And I’ve told you before, Connor, call me John. Please.” He steps aside to let me pass, then directs me to the living room.

This is the first time I’ve been to his home. It’s a nice one story patio home in a quiet suburb just outside of the Charleston city limits. The furniture in the living room is all dark wood and leather. It looks warm and inviting, but you can tell this is a place a man lives in alone. It looks almost like a more mature version of my apartment. The only personal touches I see are the multiple photos of Lynae, from all ages and a few pictures of Sara, Lynae’s mom. I can see so much of Sara in Lynae. She really does look just like her mother.

I turn around and spot Sly sitting in the big club chair next to the large window overlooking the backyard. He clears his throat and gives me a chin nod. We have been what you could call close to friendly with each other over the last few weeks, but I know he's only tolerating me out of his love for Lynae.

“Hey man.” I return his nod.

John comes back in from the kitchen holding a few beers. He hands one to Sly, then holds one out for me. I take it, but set it down on the table in front of the couch as I sit down.

“Thanks for having me over today.” I try to shake my nerves off. My palms are so fucking sweaty that no matter how many times I wipe them down the front of my jeans, it doesn’t do any good.

Taking a swig of his own beer, John sits down beside me. “Anytime, Connor. Anytime.” He smiles a big genuine smile. “Now, care to tell me what you wanted to talk about? And why you wanted Sly to be here too?”

I shift uncomfortably in my seat as I reach into my front pocket. I pull out the box that is the source of all of my hopes, dreams and absolute fear all at the same time. Leaning forward, I place the black velvet box on the table in front of me.

“You’ve got to be fucking shittin’ me!” Sly growls, standing up from his position across the room.

Lifting my focus to watch John’s reaction, I hold my breath. I wait for him to say something. He looks from the box, back up to me, then back to the box again. I hear him take a deep breath in and let it out. Sly continues to stand in the middle of the living room, staring at John, waiting for him to react as well.

John leans forward, sets his beer on the table, then clasps his hands in front of him. Turning his head to look me in the eye, he says, “Connor, I’m guessing there is something you want to ask me about Kara Lynae.”

It’s not a question, it’s a simple statement. His voice is even and calm. I notice the corner of his mouth is somewhat twitching, almost like it wants to curl up into a smile. Or a snarl. I’m not sure. All I know at this point is I’m fucking terrified.

I sit up a little straighter and turn to face him head on. “John. Sly.” I pause to clear my throat of the giant knot that seems to have formed there. “I love Lynae with every bit of my heart and soul. I can’t imagine even living one more day without her in my life. When I almost lost her, I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself for the hurt and anguish I put her through. I certainly don’t deserve someone as giving, loving, and the epitome of absolute perfection as her.”

“You sure as hell don’t!” Sly cuts me off.

“Sly, shut your mouth and let the man talk,” John barks at Sly, then waves his hand in my direction, indicating for me to continue.

“Like I said, I know I don’t deserve her. She can do so much better than me, but as selfish as I am, I can’t let her go. She has given my life meaning. Lynae has made this lifeless heart in my chest beat again. I will spend every second of my life loving her and trying to show her how much I love her. And the baby. I’m asking you, both of you,” I say looking from John to Sly, “for permission to ask Lynae to marry me.” And I let out the breath that has been stuck inside me.

John doesn’t say anything. Sly continues to stare at me.

“Sly, I know you really don’t like me. Hell, I know you don’t trust me. And I totally get that. You have been the number one man in Lynae’s life, other than John, for years. You’ve protected her, loved her and tried to be her everything for so long. I’m asking you to let me be that man now. That’s why I’m asking you too. I will prove to you that I will do everything in my power to keep her happy, safe and give her all the love I am capable of giving and then some.” I stand up and move directly in front of him. “I’ve made mistakes. I’ve hurt the most important thing in this world. But we’ve talked. And we’re trying to move on. If you don’t trust me, trust her,” I implore him.

Sly still continues to stare at me.

My heart pounds so fucking hard in my chest, it feels like it may explode.

John standing up and walking up next to me draws my attention. He places a hand on each mine and Sly’s shoulders. Looking at Sly, he says “It takes a very strong man to come in here, admit that he knows he doesn’t deserve something, yet ask permission to have it.” He looks at me. “Connor, you and I have had some talks along the way. I know what kind of man you are. Everybody makes mistakes. It takes a real man to stand up and admit it. It takes an even stronger man to pick up the pieces and move on.”

I swallow the huge lump in my throat. I think this conversation is headed in a good direction, but I’m still too scared shitless to hope.

“I know that you love Kara Lynae. I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your words. I saw it the first day I met you, and I see that love has done nothing but grow.” John lets a smile take over his face. “Yes, Connor. You have my permission to marry Lynae.”

Thank fucking God! One down, now one more to go. I meant what I said. I feel like I need to have
permission from both of them. Lynae and Sly have such a close bond that she would feel like she needs his approval, even if she won’t admit it.

Sly raises his arm and just when I think he may cold clock me in the jaw, he pulls me in for a hug. “I do trust Lynae. She’s told me time and time again that I need to let go of my anger towards you. She loves you. I can see it plain as fucking day too. And what you just said, right now, I know that you love her too.” He pats me on the back before stepping back and looking from John to me. “Connor, I love that woman more than I can even begin to explain. She is like a sister. I would die for her. And I know that you would too. If you promise me that you will love her, and never hurt her again, I will give you my blessing. And I appreciate you asking me too.”

“I wouldn’t feel right asking her if I didn’t have permission from the two most important men in her life. I would give anything to have family like you in my life.” I have Wade, Marcus and Seth. They're like my brothers. But the bond between Sly and John — they do act like father and son. And I know how fiercely they care for Lynae.

“We are your family now, son. And we always will be.” John pulls me in for a hug. He doesn’t embrace me like a friend, he hugs me like a father would hug a son. I try to keep it together. I almost feel like I could cry.
Man up, Reeves.

“Now I just have to ask her,” I say when John lets go of me.

John and Sly chuckle. “Yeah” they say in unison.

“Now let me see the ring you want to put on my little girl’s finger.” John walks over to the couch and sits down, pointing at the table.