Make My Heart Beat (13 page)

I couldn’t say no to Connor when he asked me to stay. The pleading look in his eyes was enough to break all of my resolve. I could tell he probably hadn’t told me the entire story about Kaitlin, but I knew not to push him. That didn’t turn out so well the last time I tried. Connor didn’t try to go beyond holding me and he didn’t try to talk more about us getting back together.

I laid awake all night that night. I couldn’t get my mind to shut off. Being held by his arms and surrounded by his scent comforted me on a level I had been craving for weeks, but also sent my heart and thoughts into overdrive. Connor drifted off to sleep almost immediately. He had wrapped his arms around me, pulled me close and nuzzled my neck, inhaling deeply while I laid there thinking.

It’s been three weeks since that night. I haven’t stayed overnight again, nor has Connor spent the night here with me, but we have been having dinner together a few nights each week. I know he's trying to find a way back into my life. He wants to be there for me and the baby, and he keeps telling me he wants me back.

The alarm goes off on my nightstand and the
loud blaring signals that it's time for me to get up. I’ve been awake for the last hour already; I just don’t want to get out of bed. Thank heavens it's already Friday. This past week has been long and busy. Not to mention that Sly is officially moving to Charleston this weekend. He got the job with the county fire department he applied for. For the time being, he'll be moving into my guestroom until he can find an apartment he likes. I know he’s been talking to our landlord about a unit in Michelle’s building.

I hit the off button on the alarm and swing my legs over the side of the bed. This morning, instead of my usual instantaneous nausea, I’m feeling pretty okay so far. I’m praying that I’m finally past that stage. These last few weeks have been rough. In following my doctor’s orders, I’ve been trying to eat a little more throughout the day. Connor has been making sure I’m at least eating dinner. On the nights that I haven’t had dinner with him, he calls to ask about what I had. He’s also been using Gabbi as a spy for my lunchtime meals at work. She’s such a traitor.

I strip off my clothes on the way to the bathroom so I can take my shower and prepare for my day. I stop short when I catch my reflection in the mirror. I’m starting to have a little bump in my tummy. That thing seems to have shown up overnight. I smooth my hands over my belly and my heart skips a beat in my chest. As time moves on, it’s starting to feel more real. I know I’ve heard the heartbeat and seen my little jellybean on the last ultrasound; yes, I’m calling it jellybean for now. Seth put that idea in my head, and it’s stuck. I know I need to talk to him. Seth and I seem to be avoiding each other and the issues between us. I shake my head at my drifting thoughts and go on about the rest of my morning routine to get ready for work.

Michelle notices my little bump this morning too. She squeals and wouldn’t quit rubbing it this morning in the locker room while I was trying to change into my scrubs. I swear I
had to smack her hand away at least five times. Even in scrubs, there is no mistaking the roundness in my belly. If people didn’t know I was pregnant before, they'll certainly know now.

~

I’m walking out of the cafeteria with my lunch when I hear my name being called from down the hall. “Lynae! Hold up a minute!”

I turn around and see Seth walking quickly towards me. What on earth is he doing here, and why is he coming up to me? Every time I was at the garage the last three weeks he left as soon as I showed up. I stop and stand in the middle of the hall waiting on him, confused. I don’t really know what to say to him. I’ve been going over things in my head over and over, but I’m at a loss for words; and, to be honest, a little uncomfortable standing here with him now since Connor told me Seth has feelings for me.

He comes to a stop in front of me and gives me a weak smile. Bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck, he looks down at me. “Uh, hi.”

Okay, can you say awkward? “What are you doing here, Seth?”

“Oh, um… Marcus is in the ER.”

“Oh my God!” I gasp. “What happened? Is he okay?”

Seth nods his head. “Nothing bad. He cut his hand pretty bad and needs to get stitched up.”

I sigh in relief. I was thinking something s
erious happened to Marcus. What? I don’t know. “Oh, okay.” Resume awkward tension in the hallway.

“I was just coming to get a drink. I see you’re having lunch. Glad you’re eating.” Seth points to my tray. “Mind if I join you? I think we need to talk.”

Well, I’ve been thinking Seth and I have needed to talk things out too, but I was hoping to be little more prepared to have this conversation, but oh well. We need to move past these weird vibes. I also want to make sure I’m not messing up his and Connor’s friendship.

“Okay, come on.” I turn back towards the cafeteria and find a booth to sit
in while Seth goes and buys a drink from the vending machine. I also use the time to send a quick text to Michelle letting her know that I’m eating down here today.

“You look good,” Seth says, sliding in the booth across from me.

I smile in reply and start picking at my pepperoni pizza. “Thank you.”

Seth looks at me cautiously. “Look, I know I fucked things up between us, and I’m sorry. You’re a good friend and I didn’t mean to piss you off.”

“I still want to be friends, Seth. But that’s all. Things got a little weird, and I don’t to mess up stuff with you and Connor.”

Seth takes a deep breath and smiles weakly at me. “I know. It’s my fault that they got all weird. Falling for your best friend’s girl is stupid and wrong. Connor was right trying to beat my ass.”

My jaw drops. Hearing from Connor that Seth had started having feelings for me and hearing Seth openly admit he was falling for me are two entirely different things. I guess I thought Connor only meant that Seth had a little crush on me. That I could see. But falling for me? Really?

“Say something, Lynae.” Seth reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “It’s not hard to fall in love with you. You’re beautiful, sexy, funny as hell, and so fucking sweet.” He smiles. “Connor is a damn lucky bastard.”

I pull my hand away. I seriously have no words to respond with. I’m sure I look like a fish out of water with my mouth opening and closing, trying to figure out what to say. “I, I, um…” I stutter.

“Look, I’m not going to try to come between you and Connor.” Seth sighs. “He loves you more than life. I probably shouldn’t have even said anything, but I wanted to lay it all out there. I wanted to be honest with you. I still feel like a total shitface for everything that happened. I can’t lie to you, and I don’t want things to be weird between us. Whether you and Connor work your issues out or not, I will always be here for you and jellybean. I want to be your friend if you’ll still let me.”

Looking into Seth’s penetrating blue eyes, I can tell he’s being sincere. He truly does just want to be friends. I reach back across the table and take his hand in mine. “I’d like that. I can use all the friends I can get right now.”

He nods and takes a swig of his Coke. “Are you and Connor going to get back together? I thought you had that night when I saw you coming out of his room…” Seth drifts off.

“That night was a mistake. Things got too heated and moved way too fast. I’m trying to get over what Connor did and said, but it’s hard.” I think back over everything. “Connor is finally starting to open up a little. I’m afraid to trust completely again. He hurt me. Badly. I know he has issues, but so do I. I want us to move on and be together. I’m just scared.”

“Yeah, babe, we all have issues. The thing is
, Connor has had jack shit for a support system these last few years, other than us. He’s different with you. We all saw it the first time we met you. I know exactly how he feels about you too, what makes him want you the way he does. Trust me.” Seth pauses. “He just let his insecurities get the better of him when he got drunk. But you're the only one who can decide whether or not you can forgive and forget. I do know this, he can’t live without you. What about you? Can you live without him?”

Can I forgive and forget? I don’t think I'll ever be able to forget. The look in his eyes, the acid in his voice? I shudder thinking about it. I want to forgive him, I really do. Will I be able to live my life without Connor in it? I know what my life was like before he came into it
— nothingness filled with bouts of distraction with my girls and work. . I want to forgive Connor. I want to work things out with him. He’s finally opening up to me, I just need him to let me completely in.

I glance up at the clock on the wall above the cafeteria doors. Damn! I’ve been down here for a little more than half an hour. I need to get back upstairs and get to work. Letting go of Seth’s hand, I move to get out of the booth. As soon as I stand up, I feel an intense cramping sensation in my belly. I wrap an arm around my middle and lean forward to brace myself on the table. “Ugh!” The cramping gets worse and the room starts to spin a little.

“Lynae? What’s wrong?”

I wish Wade would turn the fucking radio down. I have a headache from hell and laying on this hard garage floor under a Jeep with the radio blasting and echoing off the walls isn’t helping. I didn’t sleep for shit last night. I kept having this feeling something was going to happen with Lynae. I had this dream that she was in a car with someone I didn’t recognize, and then the dream would flashback to the night Kaitlin walked out of the house party telling me to go take care of my dick and she’d find a way home. I woke up in a cold sweat, freaking out. I wanted to call Lynae so badly, but I didn’t. I knew she had to work today, and I didn’t want to wake her up or bother her.

Things aren’t moving along quite as fast as I would like, but she's at least letting me get her dinner a few nights a week, and she isn’t ignoring my calls or texts. We are talking and she's starting to act like she can begin to trust me again. I want her back in my life permanently. I want to move her into my apartment and never let her go.

The radio cuts off abruptly and I hear Wade on the phone two bays down from me. “Dude! You get shithead’s hand taken care of? He needs to be able to play this weekend!”

He’s talking about Marcus. He was cutting some aluminum to weld onto the handlebars on his motorcycle. He’s always messing around with that thing, trying to make it
more badass looking. Marcus was holding the edge of the metal sheet when his hand slipped and sliced right open. Seth took him up to the ER to get looked at and get what I’m sure is quite a few stitches. I would have taken him myself so I could run up to the lab to check on Lynae, but we're swamped here at the garage, so Wade and I had to stay behind to try to get some of this work done.

“Hold up, man. Slow down!” Wade yells into the phone, running over to where I’m still working and drags me by the feet out from under the Jeep. Wade thrusts the phone in my face. “Something happened to Lynae! It’s Seth!”

My heart thumps in my chest. “What’s wrong?” I bark into the phone. I’m already leaping up from the floor and motioning for Wade to move his ass. We're both headed to wherever the fuck my sweetness is so I can fix whatever the problem is.

“I saw her when she was getting lunch. We were talking. She started having cramps,” Seth spits out frantically. “Something might be wrong with the baby. I don’t know. I took her to the ER. She looked really pale.”

If feels like the world stops moving. No! This can’t be happening. She has to be okay. The baby has to be okay. “Where are you? Are you with her? Let me talk to her!” I am desperate to hear her voice. I need her. “We’re on the way!”

Wade hops into his truck and starts the engine as I’m running towards the passenger side. Screw the garage right now. The work can wait.

“I’m in the waiting room. The doctor kicked me out since I’m not family when he said he had to examine her,” Seth responds.

“What’s going on?” Wade asks as he backs out of the parking lot.

Fuck! No way in hell I’d want Seth in there with Lynae while she’s being examined, but I don’t want her by herself either. I’ll bet she’s scared to death. “Go upstairs, find Michelle or Gabbi, and tell them to get their asses down there now!” I order while Wade peels down the road towards the hospital.

“Okay, I’ll find the girls. I’m scared, Connor. I don’t know how to deal with this shit. Just… come on. Hurry. She needs you,” Seth tells me right before I hang up the phone and toss it in the cup holder.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I groan and run my hands through my hair. I look over at Wade. He’s gripping the steering wheel with a white knuckled grip and doing at least fifteen over the speed limit.

Wade takes his eyes off the road briefly and gives me a concerned look. “Will you tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Lynae’s in the ER. She started having cramps. Seth said something might be wrong with the baby.” I lean my head on the dash in front of me and try to take some deep breaths in and out. I don’t know what I’m going to do if there's anything really wrong with either one of them. Lynae and the baby, they are my life.

Wade nods his head and focuses back on the road. “Shit. We’ll be there in about ten minutes. I’ll drop you off at the door, then I’ll park. I’ll find you.” Wade places his right hand on my shoulder. “She’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry. If Nae Nae can survive the other shit you’ve put her through, she and the baby will be fine.”

I start beating my head against the dash. I don’t want to be reminded of the stupid fucked up crap I’ve already made her deal with. God! I hope this isn’t a complication from the fall! Dr. Greene and Dr. Parsons said everything was fine! Things have to be okay. I refuse to think otherwise.

When Wade pulls up to the ER entrance, I don’t even wait for him to stop the truck. I’m unbuckled and out the
cab while it’s still moving. I burst through the doors and head straight for the reception desk.

“Lynae Michaels. Where is she?”

The receptionist looks up at me and scowls. I’m not in the mood to deal with a pissed off old lady that won’t let me back to where the love of my life is. Before she gets a chance to open her mouth, Seth calls my name and draws my attention.

“Connor, come over here.”

I walk in the direction of the chair he’s sitting in near the doors and stare at him, waiting for him to explain just what the hell is going on. “What do you know?”

Seth stands up and runs his hand raggedly through his hair. “Let’s go back to Marcus’ room. It's two doors down from where Lynae is. Maybe you can get in that way. The wicked witch over there won’t let us in there if you keep asking about Lynae. She told me family only. Besides, Gabbi is back there with her right now. She’s not alone.”

“Fine, let’s go.” I don’t have time to wait around. If there is anything at all going wrong with Lynae or the baby, I should be back there. I’m the father, damn it!

I let Seth lead me to the doors on the opposite end of the ER waiting area, away from the evil receptionist. Wade catches up with us just as we're walking through the doors. Looking around the back hallway of the ER brings back memories of the last time we were all here. My stomach clenches at just the thought of her lying unconscious in that bed. I shake my head to rid myself of those awful memories.

Seth ducks into a room on the left and we follow him. I want to find Lynae, but all the doors are closed. He said her room was near where Marcus is, but I don’t know which one that is. Marcus is sitting up in the bed while some cute little nurse finishes wrapping his hand in some gauze, droning on about antibiotic ointment and keeping it clean and dry.

“Where the fuck have you been and why are those idiots here? It’s just my damn hand,” he quips.

The nurse finishes what she's doing and quickly runs out of the room, blushing furiously. Marcus doesn’t seem to pay any attention to her, and his face falls as soon as he sees the serious looks on our faces.

“What’s wrong?” Marcus asks urgently.

“Lynae is a couple doors down. Started having some really bad pains. We’re worried about Jellybean,” Seth responds.

Jellybean? What the fuck is that about? I don’t have time to ask now. I’m just glad she wasn’t alone.

“I’ll take you to Lynae. Come on, Connor,” Seth says, walking back out the door before Marcus can say anything else. He stops in the doorway and says, “Wade, you stay here with Marcus. I don’t think they'll let all of us in there with her. They wouldn’t let me stay in there earlier.”

“Thanks, man.” I clasp Seth on the shoulder. “For being here.” I mean it too. He was there for her when I wasn’t. I can only imagine how scared Lynae
is.

I follow Seth down the hall and wait while he knocks on a door. Gabbi pokes her head out and lets out a relieved “Connor” when she sees me. “Get your ass in here. Lynae has been freaking out asking for you.”

Pushing my way through the door, I see Lynae lying on that little stretcher, hooked up to an IV and she just looks so damn small. Dr. Parsons is down here doing an ultrasound, but stops and turns around when Lynae notices me.

“Oh, Connor!”
Lynae whimpers.

I drop to my knees and cup her face in my hands. “Baby, I’m right here. What happened? Are you okay?” I look from her tired eyes to Dr. Parsons. “Is the baby okay?”

I feel tears starting to run down Lynae’s cheeks and onto my thumbs. I brush them away. “Shh, Lynae. Don’t cry. It’s gonna be okay.”

Dr. Parsons removes the ultrasound thingy from Lynae’s belly and wipes her off with a towel. I look down at her and I see that there is a definite bump there that I hadn’t noticed before.

“Hi, Connor,” Dr. Parsons says. “I’m glad you could get here. Everything is fine. The baby looks strong and healthy.”

Lynae and I both sigh with relief.

“I am going to admit you overnight though. Are you still having a lot of morning sickness? You’ve gained a few pounds, which is good, but your labs show that you're very dehydrated. That’s what caused the dizziness and cramping you experienced earlier. I want to monitor you tonight and give you some more fluids through your IV,” Dr. Parsons says, patting Lynae’s hand.

Lynae looks away from me and towards Dr. Parsons. “Yeah. This morning is the first morning I haven’t felt like losing everything from the night before, and I’m eating more. I guess I just haven’t been drinking enough.” Turning her head back to me, she adds, “I just get so busy that I forget.” She looks apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

I want to shake her. How can she forget to take care of herself? She is a nurse for fuck’s sake! She takes care of people for a living, but she doesn’t stop to worry about her own health.

“Lynae, you have got to look after yourself. Like I said, I’m having you moved up to the prenatal floor for the night, and I want you to spend the weekend resting. See me in the office on Monday, and you should be able to go back to work on Tuesday if everything looks okay.” Dr
. Parsons turns to address me. “Connor, can you make sure she relaxes and doesn’t do anything crazy? I know Lynae doesn’t listen to directions very well. Nurses always make the worst patients.”

Lynae huffs in protest at Dr. Parsons’ remark, but doesn’t respond. I’ll be damned if I let her out of my sight this weekend. I don’t care what she says or anybody else. If I can’t get her to come home with me, I’ll go home with her. Hell, I even sleep on the fucking couch.

“Yes, ma’am.”