Man Of Few Words (12 page)

“I think I’d rather not hear that.”

“That’s fine. I’d prefer not to remember it.”

“Back to Lizzy. Her mother and I tried to make a go of it, living together a little bit before the birth and six months afterward.”

Kirsten sucked in her breath. He’d tried at something more than just casual sex. Good for him. She had refused to even think about it for years. Only seeing him again had rekindled the dream of having someone around for life.

Duff grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “We had separate rooms. It’s not as cozy as you think. She’s nice looking, but the rest of her is lacking. She took off during one of my deployments to live with her sister, or so she said at the time. I got to see Lizzy every three months when I got stateside. It’s been that way for nearly two years. The entire time, Mary dated or lived with this Dutch guy, and she wanted to leave the country.”

“So she dropped her daughter off to do it?”

“More than that. She relinquished all rights to Lizzy. I’ve spent all my free time getting a new place to live, a day care so that my mom doesn’t have to do all the childcare, and convincing my mother to move in with us, which is who you heard by the way. It’s been crazy, and I wanted to tell you in person. I’m sorry.”

She rubbed her face. “I’m sorry for you, too. So many changes in your life. Wow.”

“I doubt I will have much time for going on dates and cooking steaks in exchange for…”

She interrupted him with two hands on his chest. “Probably not.” A kid meant an end to impromptu blow jobs, sex on the floor, and feeling his hands on her breasts. She mourned all the moments they wouldn’t have.

“This shouldn’t mean that we can’t try.” His voice lilted upward, nearly begging for any sign of hope.

A kid threw in so many variables. With both of them living with either a mother or a roommate pretty much ensured that sex wouldn’t be a large part of the equation. A kid, and one in transition to a new parent, new place. Gah. She’d had both her parents with her for most of her life of constantly moving, and even she had trouble adjusting. A three-year-old who’s mother dropped her on the doorstep? Serious issues ahead. Her heart ached. She dropped her head to his chest. She didn’t know if she could do this. “So much effort.”

“Whoa.” He pulled her to a stop. “Say that again.”

She sputtered, trying to find the right words. All this information had taken her brain completely offline. She could barely think. “I said we could try again when I thought all we were dealing with was leaving the past behind us, forgetting the angst of eleven years ago, removing the specter of my father. Now, I don’t have that option. The past is a three-year-old girl who is going to need a mother. How can we start a relationship when you have to balance your work life with your family? I don’t even want to bring up that I don’t think I’m fit to be a parent. Being a professor, staying in one place, is enough.”

“Holy shit, Kirsten. You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.” A weight hung on her shoulders, like she was making the wrong decision. “We never got a chance to discuss all the stuff I had to deal with while taking care of my father as he died. I had my hands full with him. I barely had the patience to deal with a man who’d been a part of my life for thirty-one years. I know me. I won’t do well with a child that’s sure to have—”

“How will you know if you don’t try? Caring for an adult isn’t the same as raising a little girl. She’s adorable. She’s happy, and she is the only reason that I haven’t broken into a billion broken pieces these past few days. I’ve been on the edge of tears since she arrived.”

She never expected dramatics from him. The raised voice and the waving arms surprised her. She tried pointing out the histrionics. “I’m sure you never cry.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” He turned his back on her and looked up. She had no idea what caught his attention or if he was avoiding looking at her.

She parroted her father. “Marines don’t cry.”

He twisted, showing the snarl on his lips. “Don’t spout that crap from your father. We cry. We just hide it. At least I cry.”

“Fine. You cry. She’s great for you, but—”

“Dammit, woman. The kid is part of me, and if you can’t handle it, then I guess there’s nothing left to say.” He spun on his heel and cut a diagonal path from the shoreline to where they’d walked onto the beach. His feet kicked up sand as she watched his back.

“Well, shit,” she said to the wind and the ghost crab that peeked from its hole. His abrupt action stunned her. Her feet didn’t move, although she knew she should go after him, explain a bit more. Something compelled her forward. She ran after him as she yelled, “It’s just a bad time.”

He turned, arms crossed over his chest. “Stop, Kirsten. You’ve said enough. Go find someone who wants to live in your sterile and ordered version of a perfect world. I’ll keep my chaos, and I’ll be happier without you.”

She pulled the commanding voice her father had used when he wanted his way. “You will not walk away from me again. Turn around right this moment.” She tossed her purse onto the blanket.

Duff turned. “What more could you possibly have to say?”

He had her there. She didn’t want a kid. She’d said all true statements, but she wouldn’t let him bail that easily. “Just that if you’re going to leave, we’re going to do it the right way.”

He sneered, and at that moment, he looked every inch the tough Marine—jaw set hard, laser beam like eyes glinting at her with the moonlight, and shoulders slung backward, ready to take on the enemy first and to win. “How do you propose we do that?”

“Sex.” She motioned to the square of fabric on the ground. Somehow, she’d made it a habit of expressing herself. Happiness, revenge, apology, and even sorrow had her turning to sex. She didn’t know how to stop doing it, and too late she’d realized that talking might have led to a more stable beginning.

“Is that your answer for everything?”

“Yes, in fact, it is. It’s good when you’re happy, when you’re sad, or when you’re avoiding something.” She put her hands on her hips as she studied his face in the moonlight. It told her nothing.

“Or when you’re saying goodbye?” From his look, she could tell he wasn’t convinced that this was a good idea.

She thought of the bottle of rum she’d put into the bag of groceries and of the last time she’d had some in strawberry daiquiris. Hadn’t he always told her that she wouldn’t stop screaming out the sunroof of his car until he took her swimming? She could lure him like that again, give him one last reason to connect with her. In one motion, she pulled off her top, showing him her breasts. The chill in the air puckered her nipples.

He rushed to her and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s too cold.”

“I won’t care. I’ll be with you.” She pulled his sweater over his head. His eyes closed as she pressed her hardened nipples against his chest. With her hands on his face, she pulled him into a kiss.

He responded, pressing his lips harder onto her and plunging his tongue into her mouth. With each exploration of his tongue, her need increased to have him inside her, filling her with his cock.

She trailed her hands along his chest and let them rest at his hips. As his kisses grew more fevered, she reached for his crotch. Caressing the bulge growing under her hand, she began unbuttoning his pants. When she’d released his full throbbing shaft, she broke the kiss to drop to her knees. She’d give this gift to him since she doubted she could give him lasting happiness.

“You have a weird way of expressing yourself,” he whispered.

“I know.” She knew she did, too, but it was her, all her, so it couldn’t be so terrible.

“Have you ever thought of changing…” His other words blew away with the gulf breeze as she kissed the tip. He brushed her hair from her face and held it with a light grip.

She smiled at his thoughtfulness. With one hand at the base of his shaft, she tasted the head of his cock. Sweet saltiness greeted her tongue as she circled him. Her pulse throbbed in her ears along with the breaking surf behind her. She pulled away with a pop. Duff gasped.

Wanting to hear that sound again, she slowly slid her mouth along his full length, feeling his tip touch the back of her throat. She let the gag reflex pass as she used suction to tug backward. When she pushed his cock all the way into her mouth again, Duff held her there for a long moment before guiding her head backward. She circled the full head of his shaft with her tongue. With short bobbing motions, she increased the suction and pressure on his rod. Sucking him and hearing his gasping moans released her own juices. She held his sac in her fingers and kneaded as she savored his hardened cock.

With a slight pressure on the sides of her head, Duff pulled her away. “Let me taste you now.” He dropped to his knees in front of her. “I’ve thought about hearing you come every night that I’ve been without you.”

She lowered herself onto the blanket and unfastened the tight jeans she’d worn to tease him. Together, they rid her legs of the rough fabric.

He kissed her belly before asking, “Are you cold?”

She shook her head and spread her legs, knowing that her pussy was wet for him. Sucking his cock had aroused her. As he took his first lick, tears came to her eyes as she realized this would be last time that his velvet tongue would bring her to such heights. Intense shocks shot through her pussy and sent heat down her legs and upward into her belly.

Duff took small licks, first at her clit, and then thrusting his tongue into her wet center. She wanted his hands pulsating with his tongue. “Not just your tongue. Give me some fingers. Deep.”

He lifted enough to tell her, “Sand. Bad for that.” He chuckled against the inside of her thigh.

She was both aroused and annoyed. “What’s so funny?” He shouldn’t find goodbye sex amusing.

“You asked for that the last time we did this. I said no then.” He kissed up her abdomen, nipped at a nipple, and took small bites at her neck. He nuzzled her ear as he spoke. “I’d really like to spread you with my fingers, feel you tighten around them, but I don’t want to get sand inside you. You’ll have to wait for my cock.”

“Then give it to me now. I’m ready. I want you.”

“Not if this is our last time.” He slid lower down her torso, placing licks and kisses along the way. “I want to remember the taste of you.” After a nip to her thigh that made her squeal, he delved his tongue inside her wet center that pulsed with renewed need.

With each stroke, she grew closer to an orgasm, but she wanted him to see her face when she came. This last time couldn’t be all about the pleasure even if she did turn to sex for everything. She wouldn’t give in to the tyranny of the orgasm. Sex this time would have emotion. Perhaps he’d see the love for him that she’d discovered she still possessed. She wiggled away from him. “I want to see you come.”

A sad look crossed his face. “I didn’t bring a condom.”

She grinned and reached for her purse. “I did.” She dumped the contents to the blanket beside her. The box of condoms and lube tumbled out with her wallet and phone. She’d wanted to be adventurous this evening, letting him fuck her in the ass. One of her daydreams had been the sex on the floor when he’d pressed his fingers into her puckered hole. She left that unsaid.

He pushed his pants and underwear lower down his thighs as he knelt before her hands that held an unwrapped condom. His full cock begged to be sucked, and she took him in her mouth for one more taste. The salty bead of pre-cum spread along her tongue as she savored the fullness of his shaft. She pushed him on his back. “I want you this way.” She swung a leg over him, rolled on the thin latex, and let him guide his cock into her pussy.

“You’re dripping.”

“That’s how bad I want you.”

With a growl, he ordered her, “Come here.”

She bent forward, which pushed him further inside her. His cock rubbed along her inner walls, and she gasped. Shocks went through her as he took a nipple into his mouth. She held his head there as she pulsed atop him, trying to remember how his cock spread the walls of her pussy and how the friction sent thrills along her spine and into her very soul.

With their bodies pressed together, she felt no cold between them. Yet, the chill wind across her back spurred her to thrust faster, deeper. Duff didn’t attempt to slow her. Instead his hands urged her on, pressing her closer as his mouth feasted on her other breast. She placed her hands beside his head, using them to push herself backward with more force. She drove him deeper inside her pussy until she could take no more. Lust, love, thrills, sadness, and ecstasy twirled throughout her veins, filling her, stretching her insides to the point of bursting. Her clit pulsed with the promise of letting loose all the pent up emotion, and as Duff tugged at a nipple, the dam broke. She loosed a cry as the waves of her orgasm exploded through her.

Another orgasm loomed and built right behind the first waves. She thrust her hips against him, driving him deeper. His fingers dug into her hips, and he let her nipple slip from his lips. She lifted her torso and rode him upright, angling the head of his cock across her G-spot.

Her second release washed over her, and she opened her eyes to look at the face beneath her. Pale moonlight lit the chiseled features as his mouth opened into a silent O. A quiet “yes” slipped out as he came. The pressure from his fingers abated, and his cock pulsed inside her. His shoulders shook as his hips circled against hers. She rested atop him and spread her hands across his chest.

This would be what she would miss. The quiet moment after the release, where all she knew was happiness, satiation, and joy, and she didn’t need to worry about all those other horrible things she had to deal with. His arms tightened around her back, and she breathed in time with him. They panted and sighed. A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. She had no way of stopping it without breaking contact with him. She let it fall onto his shoulder wishing she possessed the strength and confidence to welcome a child into her life.

After he let out a deep breath, Duff spoke. “You’re right, Kirsten. Sex is a great way to say goodbye.”