Man of God (17 page)

“
Daphne, get away from me.”

His tone was low and severe, and he didn’t
have to thrust her away; she had only to look into his eyes to see
that he meant it. She stopped her movements, and Paulus let go of
her hands. She stepped backward, breathing hard, and stared at him
as he crossed the room and placed himself at a safe distance from
her.

“Why?” he demanded angrily. “What made you
think—”

“Why—do you have to ask me why!”

“Yes, I do!”

“Because I—I want you, and I’ve told you
before—
this
is all I know.”

“You know a great deal more! You have sat at
my house and listened, and in this house…you know that this is
wrong, and what it cost Jesus Christ to pay for it!”

At that her face crumpled. Looking young and
vulnerable, she collapsed suddenly into a storm of weeping. Paulus
resisted the urge to go to her, to comfort her. She covered her
eyes with one hand and reached out blindly with the other until she
found a chair and dropped into it.

Paulus tried to restrain his anger and deep
disappointment. “You were almost ready to believe in him. You do
believe, don’t you, but you are rejecting him—why, Daphne?”

“You don’t understand!” she cried, taking her
hand from her tear-streaked face. “
This
is in my heart and
it won’t go away! I am nineteen years old, Antonius, and I’ve been
a prostitute since I was twelve! My own father sold me—after he had
taken my virginity, and I have done things that would make you
cringe with shame! How can I ever be forgiven—how can I ever look
your Jesus in the face?”

Shaken by the depth of her emotion, Paulus
just stared at her for a moment. She curled up in the chair and
refused to look at him, her bare body visible through the
transparent gown. He wanted to tell her to go and put on some
clothes…but she might not come back. Abruptly, his anger died and
his heart bled for her.

“Daphne,” he said, with great gentleness.
“There is something
you
don’t understand. What sins do you
think were laid upon him, on the cross? A small lie? The
disobedience of a child? A profane word, an unkind deed? Those
things, yes, but it was also thievery, envy, adultery and murder.
And
incest—and that was not your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?” she said bitterly.

“In God’s eyes even what seems like a small
sin is just as wrong as a great one. Because, Daphne, they all have
a single root—rebellion. They come from a rebellious and wicked
heart, something we all have in common.”

“Not like me.”

“You are trying to limit God’s love, and that
is impossible.”

“He could never love me. And why should he—if
he saw what I just tried to do to you!”

“Jesus himself said that God sent him because
he so loved the world…and that includes you. Are you so great a
sinner that you are not even part of the world?”

“Sometimes I feel like that! How would you
know? I may be paid for what I do, but there are some men that I—I
enjoy being with! And—I’ve always known, somehow, that what I do is
wrong, even before I heard about Jesus.”

“Daphne, I must tell you something. You know
me as Antonius, but that is only a family name. I’ve had to hide my
real name. I have done things that fill me with regret, now that I
know the truth. But—the truth—has set me free from those
things.”

“
Free
,” she whispered, as though he’d
spoken some magical word. “I want to be free.”

Paulus glanced around the room. There was a
bright yellow coverlet lying on one of the couches; he went and
took it in his hands, then walked over and handed it to Daphne. She
looked up, her eyes red, and tucked it around her.

“How badly?” he asked, standing very still
before her. “Do you want to be free from yourself as well, and call
him Lord of your life?”

Her brow furrowed and she didn’t answer.
Impulsively, Paulus knelt beside her.

“Daphne, he
died
for you. There is no
greater love.”

“I want to be free,” she said again. “I do
believe the things I’ve heard you say. It broke my heart when you
talked about Jesus dying for us, to take our place. But I’m afraid.
I’m afraid he will reject me.”

“He has said that whoever comes to him, he
will not cast out. He will accept you, just as you are.”

“Just as I am,” she repeated, child-like. She
began to cry again, with great wrenching sobs. She wept for a long
time and he waited, knowing what she was going through—because he
had been through it himself. She began to hiccup, and finally
raised her eyes to his.

“I—I want to pray.”

Paulus hid his surprise, and a sudden rush of
relief and elation.

Daphne crawled out of the chair, holding the
coverlet close against her, and knelt beside him. She paused for so
long that he became concerned that she was resisting again. But
then she began, in so small and humble a voice that he felt the
sting of tears in his own eyes.

“Dear God in heaven, have mercy on me, one
who has sinned against you, and I ask to be covered by the blood of
your son, Jesus—so
that
is what you see when you look upon
me. I know that nothing I could ever do can save me. I thank you,
Jesus, for your perfect life. I ask you to forgive me, and to
cleanse my heart, and to come and live in it, and make me a new
person.”

She stopped, and after a long moment went on
brokenly, “Help me in my faith, because I am weak. I—I can’t—”

Paulus waited, but when she couldn’t seem to
go on, he said, “Help Daphne to forgive herself, and to believe in
your forgiveness. Help her to know that she is truly your child,
loved and accepted because of Jesus Christ. Amen.”

Slowly, Daphne raised her head, and Paulus
saw in her eyes what he had felt at his own, very difficult,
conversion. Wonder, and joy, and peace. And
wholeness
.

“I think he has forgiven me,” she
whispered.

“You don’t have to think it, Daphne—you can
know it.”

“I feel
clean
, for the first time in
my whole life!”

Paulus stood, and drew her to her feet. “You
are clean, from the inside out.”

Self-consciously she pushed back her tumbled
hair and used a corner of the coverlet to dab at her face. “What
happens now, Antonius?” she asked, and gave him a small smile. “Or
whatever your real name is.”

“I can’t tell you my name. But to answer your
question…baptism, first of all. Daphne, you must know that God will
never ask anything of you that you cannot do, through him. He wants
to work in your life to bring you closer to him. This is something
you can’t do in your own strength, but from the moment you prayed
to receive him, he sent his holy Spirit to live within you. And now
you have an obligation to learn more about Jesus, to follow his
leadership, to share your life with other believers.” He kept
looking earnestly into her eyes and added, “We’ll study and pray
together, you and Alysia and I.”

Her face reddened. “I cannot face Alysia. Not
yet. I want to go home. There are some things I—need to get rid of.
Some things I need to change. I’ll ask one of the servants to take
me. But I will come to the meetings at your house, when you return.
I promise.”

Daphne moved swiftly away from him, but then
stopped and turned back. “I am sorry, Antonius. I let myself be
carried away by—I mean—”

“Don’t say any more.”

“But I had another reason for what I did. I
wanted to see what you would do. I wanted to see if you really
lived by the things you say.” She met his eyes, adding quietly,
“And now I know.”

* * *

Daphne chose the pond rather than the pool
for her baptism (in spite of possible reptilian occupants), dressed
in a dark robe provided by one of the slaves. It seemed more
natural, she said. Paulus almost asked one of the other believers
to do the baptizing; he didn’t feel quite right about it
somehow…after what had happened. But Daphne clearly expected him
to, and she might feel hurt and rejected if he didn’t…his own
peculiar feeling wasn’t worth that price.

The slaves came out to watch; some of them
even sang a hymn, before Paulus immersed her in the water. Daphne
was smiling and joyful until she saw Alysia and Rachel coming
toward them; she threw Paulus a sheepish look as they waded out of
the water, and Alysia ran forward to embrace her.

“Daphne, I’m so happy for you!”

“Thank you, Alysia—I am very happy, too. But
I’ve already told Antonius that I must leave at once—there are
things at home I must see to. In fact, I plan on moving to another
part of town very soon. Thank you for having me here, and
everything you and Antonius and Rachel have done for me.” Daphne
smiled at Rachel. “Where is your little puppy?”

Rachel’s own smile faded. “They weren’t there
this time—the dog owners, I mean.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You can certainly come and
visit me, and play with Tigris whenever you like.”

“Thank you, Daphne!”

Some of the servants were setting out food on
the courtyard, and they all sat down for a quick meal before Daphne
left. Alysia watched Daphne and thought,
Yes, it’s real
, but
there was something else about the young woman…she seemed
embarrassed and avoided meeting Alysia’s eyes. Alysia looked at
Paulus, who met her gaze with a searching one of his own, as though
he knew what she was thinking. Then, in a flurry of bags and boxes,
and carrying her puppy, Daphne climbed into the carriage and
disappeared down the lane. It seemed very quiet when she had
gone.

Later, while Rachel visited the lame horse in
the stable, Paulus and Alysia walked across the great lawn and sat
down on the bank of the pond to watch the sun go down. The silence
between them was not as comfortable as usual.

Paulus said finally, “Alysia, I have
something to tell you.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I shouldn’t have asked Daphne to come here.
Even though it turned out…oh, I don’t know. It could have turned
out wrong. If she hadn’t had a change of heart, she could have said
anything she liked about me.”

“Do you mean what I think you mean?”

Paulus didn’t answer, so she said bluntly,
“She tried to seduce you?”

After another pause, he said, “Yes.”

Although she had suspected as much, she felt
an unexpected stab of jealousy. “What did you say to her?”

“What do you think I said, or did, Alysia…I
all but crawled under the couch!”

“I wish you hadn’t told me. Now I’m angry
with Daphne!”

“I had to tell you—we can’t have secrets
between us. Anyway, she was testing me—nothing happened, and the
whole thing ended well, but as I said—it might not have, if she’d
grown angry. She could have said I tried to rape her—think of
Potiphar’s wife and Joseph. Or she could have told you I tried to
seduce
her
. It wasn’t wise to bring her here, and it wasn’t
fair to you. I’m sorry.”

“I admit I didn’t trust her. I tried to make
sure you were never alone with her, but that’s not always possible,
is it? This morning she decided quite suddenly not to go with us,
but I thought you would be away all day.”

“I would have, if the horse hadn’t gone
lame.”

“How do you suppose she managed
that
?”
Alysia said, only half-joking.

“She told me some things…she’s had a hard way
of it, Alysia. Don’t judge her too harshly.”

“I’m not judging her…you of all people know I
would never do that! But how do you know she was telling the truth,
and not just playing on your sympathy?”

“I just know. You should have seen her.”

“It’s probably a good thing I didn’t!”

Paulus said, with an edge to his voice,
“Let’s not speak of it again. The important thing is that she is
saved.”

Alysia relented, and slid both arms around
him. “Of course it is. I’m sorry, Paulus. I’m sure she must feel
wretched about it now. But
you
mustn’t. We won’t let this
come between us.”

She reached up and gently turned his face
toward her own, looking into his eyes. They were as clear and
honest, and loving, as they had ever been. He put his arm close
around her, and they watched the stars come out.

CHAPTER XIII

“Where is he, Flavius?” asked Herod Agrippa,
looking haughtily at the emperor’s chief bodyguard. His toga
rustled as he stalked into the room with the confidence of a man on
the verge of achieving his ambitions…whatever those might be. This
king of Galilee had…over the years… fallen in and out of favor with
Tiberius, fled for his life several times, and now had taken over
the rule of his uncle Antipas’ former domain and was comfortably
ensconced in Caligula’s palace. He had a full face and wide jaw,
curly black hair, a long, hooked nose, and was considered quite
charming by the women of Rome.

Behind Agrippa crept Claudius, who glanced
timorously around the imperial bedchamber. The emperor was nowhere
to be seen. Outside, a thunderstorm raged; great outbursts of
thunder pealed across the flattened hilltop, accompanied by
piercing streaks of lightning. The room was brightly lit with
lamps, and with torches set in brackets against each wall.

Flavius, standing at attention in the corner,
kept his face expressionless and nodded toward the bed. Claudius
limped forward and tossed the rumpled covers, then looked
inquiringly back at Flavius. At that moment a muffled voice came
from underneath.

“Go away! Jupiter is angry and I daren’t come
out until he’s gone!”

“Nephew,” said Claudius, with rare sternness,
“are you still—hiding from storms? Come out from under there
at—once!”

A boom of thunder crashed into the room and
the emperor squealed. “Oh, Brother, wreak not your vengeance upon
me…I am innocent! The moon beguiled me…seek Venus instead! It was
her fault…” He fell to whimpering as thunder vibrated the
walls.