Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) (40 page)

“Nah, baby, this
wasn’t cheating,” Zeke replied quietly after his laughter died away.  “You just
tell her that I said this was us skipping ahead a few assignments.  Just let
her know that I plan on bein’ a real devoted study partner and I’ll practice
those assignments with you every chance we get.”

And as Honor’s eyes
drifted closed, she decided that sounded like a reasonable explanation to her.

July 1, 2016 – Dr.
Aubrey Daniels’ Office

Honor

“That’s cheating,
Honor.”

Honor’s shoulders
slumped as she faced her therapist.  “I just
knew
you were gonna say
that,” she complained, pursing her lips as she shot the woman sitting in the
armchair across from her a harassed look. 

 “The point of the
whole exercise was for
you
to get to know your own body.  A woman needs
to be comfortable touching herself and be able to be responsible for finding
her own satisfaction.  It’s a lesson in empowerment,” Bree remarked, spelling
it out for her confused patient.

Honor frowned. 
“Listen, I don’t think it’s any secret that I’m not exactly comfortable
discussing this topic, but I’ll have you know that Ezekiel
did
introduce
me to my body, and it and I got on quite nicely if you must know,” she informed
her irritating counselor primly. 

“Is that so?” Bree
drawled, raising one eyebrow as she studied her young charge. 

“Yes, it’s so,” Honor
snapped.

“So, you were able to
achieve a climax with manual stimulation?”

Honor clenched her
teeth at the intrusive question before exhaling heavily.  It was clear that
Bree would wait until grass grew underneath her feet to get an answer and no
amount of ignoring her would dissuade her from her course.  “Yes,” Honor
returned through barely moving lips.

“His or yours?” Bree
continued.

“Pardon?” Honor
blustered as she began to feel that telltale burn in her cheeks.

“Did you or Zeke
supply the stimulation that was required to achieve an orgasm?”

“I… he…I mean, we
both played a part,” Honor returned sharply.  “I don’t see what that has to do
with anything.  He showed me what I needed to know about my body without me
havin’ to use something that sounded like a sick weed-whacker and nearly scared
me to death between my legs!  I had the blasted orgasm you were so keen for me
to experience!  It was… well, it was…” Honor floundered, searching her mind for
the right word to describe those incredible moments in Zeke’s arms. 

“It was, what,
exactly, Honor?” Bree inquired as Honor fumbled to find a word.

Man, how was she even
supposed to put into words what Zeke had managed to make her feel?  Wonderful
and miraculous?  Awesome and heart-stopping?  Dangerously addictive?  Finally,
she settled on a succinct but honest representation of what she’d experienced
last night.  “It was mind-blowing, Bree.  Truly and without a doubt the entire
opposite of what I’d built it up to be in my mind,” she finally shared in a
rush. 

Bree’s smile widened.
“Is that so?  Imagine that.”

Honor’s eyes narrowed
on the beaming woman.  “You know, I don’t think it’s exactly politic for my
therapist to sound quite so condescending.  Maybe you should try and curb
that,” she grumbled.

“Or maybe not,” Bree
denied with a light chuckle.  “Honor, when we spoke last, I think you’d half
managed to convince yourself that you were dead from the neck down.”

“Oh, please,” Honor
huffed.  “I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

Bree shook her head. 
“Well, you weren’t the most doubtful patient I’ve ever encountered, but you
definitely took your run at the title.  I’m serious, Honor.  A few days ago,
you were about half a heartbeat away from self-diagnosing yourself as frigid. 
So, you can bet the bank that I’m thrilled to know that you’ve realized
differently.”

Honor bent her head
to hide her own smile since she was thrilled to have come to the same
conclusion.  She knew she wasn’t magically cured, but she also was proud to be
able to say that she’d come a really long way. 

“Now, do you want to
tell me exactly what happened between you and Zeke?” Bree questioned pointedly.

“We only fooled
around a little.  Nothing else.  I wasn’t able to go the entire way with him.”

“Fooled around could
encompass a lot of things, Honor.  Do you want to maybe expound a little on
that for me?”

“Has anybody ever
told you that you’re kinda a little nosy?  Tell the truth.  You’re really just
researchin’ for some kind of dirty book, aren’t ya?” Honor asked critically.

“Nope, no book deal
yet.  Just a pretty serious work ethic.  It’s sorta of my job to be nosy, but
if it helps you to know this, my brother often accuses me of being a busybody. 
In my defense, however, I am right a whole lot more than I am wrong.  And right
now you, Ms. McKinnon, are stalling, but I refuse to be distracted.  What
exactly does ‘fooling around’ mean for you and Zeke?”

“There are truly no
boundaries in therapy,” Honor muttered, pushing a nervous hand through her hair
and clenching it around the soft locks. 

“Glad to see you’re
learning that,” Bree replied as she tapped her pen against the pad of paper in
her lap.

Clearing her throat,
Honor focused on the watercolor picture behind Bree’s left shoulder.  “If you
must know, Zeke caught me wrestling with that stupid vibrator you insisted I
get.  I was trying to follow your stupid directions and it wasn’t going so
well.  He must have heard me and been worried because he burst into my bedroom
and caught me red-handed!”

“I get the impression
from your tone that you hold
me
responsible for that?” Bree queried.

“Well, I certainly
wouldn’t have been messin’ around with one of those things of my own free
will,” Honor retorted, dropping the hand that had been in her hair heavily in
her lap.  “At any rate, I was disgruntled and embarrassed to say the least, and
after Zeke made himself scarce in my bedroom, I collected your stupid toy of
terror and decided that I’d dump it outside and burn it.  Zeke… well, he
distracted me from my mission.”

“Oh, did he?  How’s
that?”

Honor’s face softened
as she recalled the way Zeke had quietly talked her down from her snit.  “He
just made me understand that there were more than one way to experience that
release you said I needed to have.  And then…well, he… he…’

“Demonstrated?” Bree
supplied helpfully.

“Exactly,” Honor
sighed.  “And he didn’t need a piece of vibratin’ doodad to do it,” she added
pointedly. 

“Alright, Honor. 
You’ve made your position clear on the sex toy.  I won’t push any further
pleasure enhancers your way
if
you can tell me that you’ve gotten to
know your body.”

“Considering the fact
that Zeke gave me a fairly thorough introduction to it last night, I think it’s
safe to say that I now know where most of the important places are located, and
I
do
plan on visiting them again at some point in the future.”

Bree nodded.  “Now,
that’s great news.  Overcoming your fear of your own body is tantamount to
having a healthy physical relationship with another person.”

“I won’t say there
isn’t still work to do,” Honor admitted.  “I mean, I still freeze up when I
think of a man actually putting his you-know-what…”

“His penis, Honor. 
C’mon.  We’ve worked on this,” Bree chided.

Honor closed her eyes
and swallowed.  Hard.  “Okay, fine.  His penis.  When I think of that going
inside me… I feel like my whole body is paralyzed.  I can’t move.  I can hardly
even breathe,” she whispered painfully.

“Even when you
picture that man as Zeke?” Bree clarified.

“God help me, but
yes.  I mean, I think maybe, eventually I could get past the anxiety, and Zeke
is probably the most patient man on the face of the planet, but… up until last
night, I would have sworn what happened to me couldn’t happen, you know?  So
maybe there’s hope.”

“There is
always
hope,
Honor.  This whole journey to emotional health isn’t a sprint.  It takes time,
and based on what you’ve told me, you came a long,
long
way last night. 
You were intimate, and you
liked
it!  That’s huge progress.”

Honor bit her lip. 
“I really did,” she confessed huskily.  “Part of me feels like I should be
ashamed of saying it, but another part wants to shout it from the rooftops that
those animals didn’t completely ruin me.”

“I think that’s
natural.  You’re a conservative woman, but you’ve had a breakthrough you never
thought you could achieve.  It’s okay to be proud of that.”

Honor nodded, willing
to accept that explanation.  “I just don’t want to give Zeke false hope,” she
confided.

“I can understand
that.  That’s why I wanted you to experience your initial sexual releases on
your own rather than with a partner, but what’s done is done.  And what
happened wasn’t a bad thing.  It was consensual on both your parts and it
worked out well.  However, Zeke is all you’ve ever known on the intimate side
of things.  And I’m not just talking about your physical relationship.  Outside
of your family, he’s the only man you’ve allowed anywhere near your innermost
thoughts and feelings.  It’s time for you to branch out a little.  I say this
for two reasons.  One, you need a little experience dealing with the opposite
sex, Honor.  Women your age have been dating for years, and you’ve never even
entertained the notion.   Before you settle in with one man… you need to take a
chance and at least go out with a few men.  I’m not saying you have to kiss
them or touch them in any way that you don’t choose.  But, I want you to spend
some quality time with a few.”

Honor’s eyes bulged
as she stared at the other woman.  “What exactly are you sayin’, Doctor?” she
questioned sharply as her heart pounded in her chest though, God help her, she
suspected she already knew what the wily woman had planned for her.

“I’m saying that it’s
time to put yourself on the market, Honor.  Experience the thrill of the first
date.  In fact, since it’ll actually be two weeks until our next session since
I’ll be out of town for a conference, I’d like you to experience that first
date joy at least three times before we meet again.  Consider it homework, and
know that Zeke is absolutely forbidden to tutor you during any of these
assignments.  If you cheat, I’ll simply make you continue to perform the
assignment again and again until you pass it with flying colors.”

Honor’s jaw dropped. 
“You know, I thought I was supposed to be the crazy one, but you’ve lost your
ever-lovin’ mind!”

“Honor, you need to
learn if you’re actually and truly emotionally and physically attracted to Zeke
or if he’s just convenient because you trust him.  If there’s chemistry with
another man, then what you’re feeling for Zeke might not be as real as either
of you hope it is.”

“I… I know how I feel
about Zeke.  That isn’t going to change, Bree.  I love him,” Honor acknowledged
aloud. 

“But what kind of
love is it?  Is it the love a woman has for the man she wants to spend her life
with or is it the love a woman has for the man responsible for keeping her
safe? Is it a friendly love or is it a passionate one?”

Lifting a hand to
massage her temple, Honor frowned.  She’d thought she knew the answer to those
questions when she walked into Bree’s office this morning, but now she was
feeling more and more confused. 

“Trust me, Honor, a
couple of dates with a few men may shed a whole new light on this for you.”

“Zeke is gonna have a
hissy fit,” Honor murmured worriedly.

“I warned Zeke that
he might not always agree with my methods before you ever started therapy. 
This is one of those times that I tried to warn him about.  The thing is… do
you have enough confidence in me to try this.”

“You really think
this is an important thing to do?” Honor questioned unhappily.

“I truly do.”

“Bree, no one has
asked me out in ages.  Everybody in town knows that I don’t date.  And if you
think I’m forward enough to do the askin’….”

“I
know
you
can be forward enough to do this.  It’s another exercise in empowerment. 
Choose someone you like and think might enjoy spending time with you.  I’ve
been in this town long enough to know that unless that guy is married, there’s
not much chance they’ll say no to you.  If you truly don’t think you can extend
the invitation to your choice, ask your sisters to help you.  They might know
someone that will suit you wonderfully.  Open your mind to the experience,
Honor.  This is supposed to be fun.”

“Says you,” Honor
grumbled.  Scrubbing a hand over her face, she groaned.  “Okay, I’ve got three
sisters and I need three dates.  I suppose I could enlist their help, but I
still think this is a bad idea.  And it’s likely to drive Zeke plumb crazy.”

“Zeke is a grown man,
completely capable of understanding why this needs to happen.  You just need to
explain it to him.”

“Yeah, right,” Honor
mocked.  “Have you met the sheriff?  Convincing that man that I need to be able
to trot off and spend time with other men when he considers me to be
his
isn’t
going to be an easy feat.  In fact, if I manage it, it might qualify as a bona
fide miracle.”

“Would you rather I
have a chat with him?” Bree offered magnanimously.