Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) (37 page)

“Maybe not,” Aunt
Orla agreed with a twinkle in her eyes, “But you’ll never have more fun with
anybody else, Peanut, and that’s a promise.”

Staring at Orla’s
back as she wobbled away, Honor shook her head and bent to pick up the some of
the fallen phalluses, making herself a solemn vow.  “If this is what’s
considered fun these days, I’ll just stay home next time.”

Wednesday, June
29, 2015 (Or Two Days Later)

11:15 pm

Honor

Eyeing the seemingly
ordinary black box in front of her with equal parts trepidation and annoyance,
Honor McKinnon wondered if it was possible for her to fake describing an orgasm
to her therapist.  Women convincingly faked actually
having
an orgasm
regularly if all the articles out there were to be believed.  So why couldn’t
she just fib a little about experiencing the one she was supposed to give
herself?

Of course, with her
luck, Bree would want details.  She could almost hear the woman ordering,
“Define
it, Honor.  How did it feel when that big wonderful orgasm peaked?  Did you see
stars?  Did you hear the voice of God?”

Poking the package on
her bed gingerly with her toe as she remained frozen (except for her wriggling
toe) and cross-legged in the center of her bed, she stared at the box like it
was a ticking bomb, prepared to explode at any time.  Fiddling with the hem of
the short cotton shift she wore to bed, she knew she was wasting time.  A woman
could have probably given herself ten orgasms in the time she’d spent mentally
willing the vibrator inside that stupid box to simply disappear.

She’d retired early
tonight, lying to Zeke and claiming a headache.  Oh, she knew it was unwise to
lie.  Zeke would worry about her, and God would probably punish her for her fib
with an
actual
splitting headache tomorrow, but what was she supposed to
have said? 
Hey, Zeke, I’m gonna have to call it an early night.  I’m
supposed to diddle myself with a piece of metal until I experience an orgasm,
and I’m running out of time.  My homework’s due on Friday morning.

Yeah, the truth
wouldn’t have been uncomfortable for either of them.  Not at all.

Collapsing backward
onto a pile of her pillows at the head of the bed, Honor stared at the ceiling
in hopeless disillusionment.  She didn’t know what about this was so hard? 
She’d read books… she’d heard other girls talking.  Heck, her own sisters had
told her they’d done it before finding the loves of their lives.  Evidently
masturbation was all the rage and people played with themselves all the time! 

“Yay, for them,”
Honor sneered softly as she turned her head to glare at her gently glowing
bedside lamp as she silently went on trying to reason with herself.   There
must have been something enjoyable about the whole process or people would stop
doing it, wouldn’t they?  So why in the world was it so hard for her to reach
into the box, take out the small vibrator and put her hands down her panties?

Groaning and reaching
for the package with one hand as she did a quick abdominal curl, she quickly
opened the box and took the small device in hand.  Honor shivered as she felt
the cool metal of the vibrating bullet between her fingers.  “You can do this,
Honor,” she whispered to herself, fumbling to find where she’d spilled the
small control panel on the bed beside her.  The two parts were connected by a
single thin wire.  Shoving the bullet into her panties between her dry folds
before she could lose her courage, she mindlessly twisted the dial of the
controls sharply to the left as a loud buzzing sound filled the quiet room. 

“Oh, Lord!” Honor
yelped, dropping the controller as the cold metal jerked against her mound
sending a scary jolt through her body that she hadn’t been prepared to feel. 
Mindlessly reaching for the speed control, she patted her hand against the bed
desperately, unable to find the tiny panel.  “Oh, God,” she wailed as the
buzzing seemed to grow louder and the vibrating inside her underwear grew
faster.  “If this is supposed to be fun, somebody besides me needs their head
examined?” she squealed, giving up her hunt for the stupid controller and
instead focusing her attention on removing the wriggling metal from her
underwear.

“Honor?!” She heard
Zeke’s deep, concerned voice call from outside her closed bedroom door.  “Baby,
are you okay in there?”

“Oh, stop jiggling,”
Honor begged the tiny, moving bullet as it seemed to burrow itself deeper
inside her.  “I’m fine, Zeke!  D-don’t come in,” she squeaked, her voice high
and unnatural as the bullet’s speed seemed to pick up again, this time bumping
against some hidden button that sent a gasp flying from her lips

“You don’t sound like
you…” Zeke countered as he opened her door and found Honor, flat on her back
with her hand down her panties.

“Oh, God!  This isn’t
what it looks like,” Honor yelped, her fingers finally wrapping around that
slippery piece of metal and hurling it across the room. 

Taking a stumbling
step backward before the projectile missile could hit him, Zeke’s back met the
doorframe.  Staring at her flushed face with unblinking eyes, his mouth hung
open.  “I’m…I’m sorry, Kitten.  I thought…uhmmm….I mean, it sounded like….I
thought you might need me in here.”

Clutching a pillow,
Honor buried her face as she heard the buzzing sound continue.  Dear God!  Of
all the people in the world to find her doing
that
, it had to be Zeke! 
And to add insult to injury, even now she could hear the bullet tapping against
the hardwood floor, bouncing away.  Evidently vibrators were durable since she
hadn’t managed to bust that one when she’d thrown it across the room. 

How was this even her
life?  She hadn’t even wanted to do this stupid assignment.  And now Zeke had
seen her like that?  She probably looked like some whore with her hand shoved
down her…  “I told you not to come in,” she moaned, tears flooding her hot
cheeks and leaking into the pillow.  “Please just get out,” she begged, her
voice muffled by the pillow.  “Out, out, OUT!” she shouted when he hadn’t moved
a second later.

Only looking up when
she heard the door click shut, she quickly got out of the bed and put on her
robe.  Quickly collecting her cursed vibrator from the floor, she flipped the
switch to turn it off and threw it back into the box, snapping the lid closed
with more force than necessary.  The blasted thing had done her enough damage,
she thought unhappily.  And anything that evil couldn’t stay in her house. 

Wrenching open her
bedroom door, she stomped toward the door, stopping only long enough to collect
matches from the kitchen.

“Honor?” Zeke asked
as he quickly stood when she entered the living room, pale and trembling. 
“Kitten, what are you doing?  Where do you think you’re going?” he continued as
he watched her head for the front door on bare feet.

“Burn barrel,” she
replied succinctly, her voice thin.  “I have some trash to dispose of,” she
clipped, her cheeks still burning with abject humiliation.

Catching her with one
arm around her waist, Zeke wrestled the box out of her hand.  “Baby, stop! 
You’re not burning that.  Calm down a minute and talk to me,” he urged as she
struggled against him.

“Oh, God, Zeke,”
Honor cried out brokenly as she sagged against his chest, her breath coming in
hard, rough pants.  “I can’t believe you saw me doing something so ugly,” she
sobbed.  She wasn’t sure what the point beyond humiliated was, but she was
fairly sure she was there.  Feeling the fingers of one of his hands curl gently
around her neck, she rested the side of her face against the soft flannel of
his shirt.  He must not have gotten undressed for the night yet, she belatedly
realized as she felt him lift her in his arms and carry her to the couch. 

“Okay, it’s time for
you and me to have a long talk about what the definition of ugly is.”

And as Zeke cuddled
her in his lap and horrified tears continued to stream down her face, Honor
knew that no matter how hard she prayed, she wasn’t waking up from this
particular nightmare.

 Zeke

Keeping one arm
curled around the softly crying woman in his arms, Zeke tossed the box on the
end table beside the sofa.  Glaring at it, he shook his head.  That damn thing
had caused enough trouble for one night.  “Honor, baby, shhhhh,” he hushed her
against the crown of her head.  “Everything is gonna be alright, sugar.”

“You…you
saw
me,” she whimpered, hiccupping when her breath caught in her chest.  “You
weren’t supposed to come in.  You were supposed to be asleep while I did my
st-stupid homework.”

Frowning down at the
top of her bent head, Zeke tried to make sense out of what she was saying. 
Deciding to explain himself first, he spoke softly but clearly. “With a few of
my officers out this week, I’ve gotten a little behind on my paperwork.  Since
you went to bed early, I decided that tonight was as good a time as any to get
caught up on some reports.  That’s why I was still awake.  But, baby, what
homework?  Is what’s in that box why you had to go up to Gatlinburg earlier
this week?  She wanted you to buy a vibrator?” he questioned gently.  He’d had
a sneaking suspicion what Bree was sending her after, but what he’d seen
earlier in Honor’s bedroom had pretty much verified all his questions.  And
damn…what a tempting sight it had been.

“And have an orgasm
with it,” Honor moaned.  “Orgasms are hard, Zeke.  I can live without one. 
Especially if the whole process is gonna make me feel dirty and cheap and
ugly.   “She made me buy a porno movie, too, although, she called it ‘women’s
erotica’.” Honor sniffled.  “But I’m tellin’ her Friday, I’m NOT watchin’ it. 
Not after doing this made me feel so…so…yucky!”

Zeke closed his eyes
and searched for the right words to help her through this awkward moment. 

“I don’t know what
all the fuss is about, either!  I didn’t feel anything anyway!” She continued
to babble irritably.  “Just felt like a bunch of buzzin’ and jigglin’.  And who
the Devil wants anything that sounds like a weed whacker goin’ anywhere near
her lady business?  Honestly!  Discreet and tasteful, my foot!” she went on
railing.   Shaking her head as she wound down, she sighed.  “Maybe I’m just
malformed.  Do you think when those animals hurt me…”

“Honor, stop,” Zeke
demanded gruffly, cupping her cheek and tilting her head back until her eyes
met his.  “You’re not malformed.  You’re perfect.”

“But I didn’t
feel
the way everybody says I should feel when that thing was down there between
my legs, Zeke,” Honor whispered as though she was sharing the worst kind of
secret.  “There was one spot where I thought I
might
feel something, but
then it just went away.  And I think, maybe, there’s just something not right
about my lady parts anymore.”

“Your lady parts are
in fine form, darlin’.  I promise, there’s not a single thing wrong with your
beautiful body.  I’d stake my life on it.”

Honor shook her head
in denial.  “No, Zeke.  You’re wrong.”

Inhaling deeply, Zeke
knew there was only one way to prove her wrong.  “Kitten, would you like an
orgasm?”

“I just told you…”

“If you could have
one, would you want one?” he cut her off sternly, his hand tightening on her
jaw.  “Just answer the question.  Yes or no.”

“I guess I’d say
yes.  I wouldn’t mind knowing what all the blame fuss was about and it would certainly
shut Bree up if I had one, but I’m not doing that again,” she said, pointing at
the box as if it contained a poisonous.  It felt kinda demeaning and lonely. 
And sort of clinical.”

“Baby, you weren’t in
the right mindset to touch yourself.  It’s supposed to relax you, not make you
even more stressed,” Zeke admonished huskily.

“That was NOT
relaxing, Zeke.  I don’t see how that could relax anybody,” she argued as she
looked at him with desperate eyes.

“Because you were
thinking too hard about it.  Honey, you aren’t exactly open to experiencing new
things, baby, and when you do try them, usually it makes you nervous at first. 
Remember when Jethro and I taught you how to drive.  You hated getting behind
the wheel.  You cried every time one of us made you.  But when I let you put
your country music on the radio, what happened?  C’mon, sugar, tell me.  What
happened?”

“I was able to
concentrate better,” Honor answered softly.

“Yeah, you could. 
Because you were relaxed.  This is just like that.” 

Staring down at her,
Zeke could plainly see she was still doubtful, but at least she was listening
to him now.  “What if we did it together?” he suggested quietly, stroking the
pad of his thumb against the throbbing pulse in her neck.  “Could you trust me
enough to let me help you?”  And God he hoped she could because he couldn’t
deny, he wanted that first release she had to come from him and not some damn
vibrating piece of metal.  He wanted to watch satisfaction claim her as her
body finally found some peace.  And most of all, he wanted her to know the she
could trust him with both her body and her heart.

Honor gulped.  “You’d
have to see me naked,” she worried aloud.

“Not necessarily, but
I wouldn’t mind,” Zeke replied truthfully.  “Honor, darlin, you’re a gorgeous
woman.”

“Not without my
clothes,” she mumbled, bending her head to stare at her clenched fists. 
“Ugly,” she muttered.  “I’m ugly.”

Tensing, Zeke’s jaw
clenched.  “I don’t know why the hell you’re saying that, but there’s not a
single
ugly
thing about you.  Not when you’re naked.  Not when you’re
tryin’ to bring yourself to release.  Not ever, Honor Grace.  You do not ever
have to be ashamed of your body.”