Man of La Mancha (6 page)

MULETEERS
   (
During this
,
ALDONZA
picks up a bucket and crosses the courtyard to the well. Lights will fade out in the kitchen. As
ALDONZA
approaches, the lines sung by the
MULETEERS
have focused upon her with mocking, though light-hearted double-entendre. She pushes ne or two of them out of the way in order to get to the well. They sing the last lines of the song to her legs
)

Little bird, little bird,

In the cinnamon tree,

Little bird, little bird,

Do you sing for me?

Do you bring me word

Of one I know?

Little bird, little bird, I love her so,

Little bird, little bird, I have to know,

Little bird, little bird.

Beneath this tree, this cinnamon tree,

We learned to love, we learned to cry;

For here we met and here we kissed,

And here one cold and moonless night we said goodbye.

Little bird, little bird,

Oh have pity on me,

Bring her back to me now

’Neath the cinnamon tree.

I have waited too long

Without a song …

Little bird, little bird, please fly, please go,

Little bird, little bird, and tell her so,

Little bird, little bird!

ALDONZA
   (
Dispassionately
) I spit in the milk of your “little bird.”

(
She bends over to fill the bucket from the well.
PEDRO
spies the letter
)

PEDRO
   Here, what’s this?

(
He snatches it
)

ALDONZA
   Give it back!

PEDRO
   (
Fending her off
) It’s a letter.

ALDONZA
   That shows how stupid you are; it’s a missive!

PEDRO
   
Missive?
(
Holding it up
) Who reads?

(ANSELMO
holds up a hand
.
PEDRO
tosses him the letter
.
ALDONZA
would try to retrieve it but is held by
PEDRO
and another of the
MULETEERS
)

PEDRO
(
Reprovingly, closing her mouth with a hand
) Sh-h-h!

ALDONZA
   Sons of whores!

(
She bites him
)

ANSELMO
   (
Haltingly, mispronouncing words
) “Most lovely sovereign and highborn lady—!” It’s from her knight. A love letter!

ALDONZA
   A stupid joke!

TENORIO
   Then why so hot about it?

PEDRO
   Has he touched your heart?

ALDONZA
   Nobody touches
my
heart.

ANSELMO
   All these fine words …!

ALDONZA
   (
Snatching back the letter
) Fine words. He’s a man, isn’t he? All right, he wants what every other man wants.

(
She picks up her buckets of water and starts off.
PEDRO
stops her
)

PEDRO
   Hey, Aldonza … now?

ALDONZA
   (
Sullenly
) Later … when I’m through in the kitchen.

(
She exits. The
MULETEERS
continue singing softly as the
PADRE
and
DR. CARRASCO
enter
.
FERMINA
enters and crosses to them. They indicate in pantomime that she bring
DON QUIXOTE
to them. She exits
)

PADRE
   I confess I shall not know what to say to him.

DR. CARRASCO
   In that case, leave it to me.

PADRE
   He may not even know us!

DR. CARRASCO
   I am prepared for that contingency. Should he fail to recognize us …

(
He is interrupted
)

DON QUIXOTE
   (
From offstage; he enters during the course of his speech
) Who is it crieth help of Don Quixote de La Mancha? Is there a castle beleaguered by giants? A king who lies under enchantment? An army besieged and awaiting rescue? (
Surprised, he advances toward them
) Why, what is this? (
With cordial welcome
) My friends!

DR. CARRASCO
(
Taken aback
) You know us?

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Equally puzzled
) Should a man not know his friends, Dr. Carrasco? (
With great warmth, taking his hand
)—Padre Perez!

PADRE
   (
In deep relief
) Ah, Señor Quijana—

DON QUIXOTE
   (
In cool reproof
) I should prefer that you address me properly. I am Don Quixote, knight-errant of La Mancha.

(
The
PADRE
quails and sinks to a seat
)

DR. CARRASCO
   Señor Quijana—

DON QUIXOTE
   Don Quixote.

DR. CARRASCO
   There are no giants. No kings under enchantment. No chivalry. No knights. There have been no knights for three hundred years.

DON QUIXOTE
   (
To the
PADRE
,
pityingly
) So learned, yet so misinformed.

DR. CARRASCO
   These are
FACTS
.

DON QUIXOTE
   Facts are the enemy of truth.

SANCHO
   (
Entering
) Your Grace—

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Eagerly
) Well? Did she receive thee?
(SANCHO
nods
) Ah, most fortunate of squires! The token. What of the token? (
SANCHO
proffers the ragged dishcloth
.
QUIXOTE
takes it with reverence
) Sheer gossamer. (
Turning away
) Forgive me. I am overcome.

SANCHO
   (
To the
PADRE
and
CARRASCO
,
confidentially
) It’s from his lady.

DR. CARRASCO
   (
Pouncing
) So there’s a woman!

DON QUIXOTE
   A
lady!
(
Softening
) The lady Dulcinea. Her beauty is more than human. Her quality? Perfection. She is the very meaning of woman … and all meaning woman has to man.

PADRE
   (
With a sad smile
) To each his Dulcinea.

(
A happy caroling is heard from someone approaching the inn
)

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Hearing and turning
) Someone approaches …!

SANCHO
   It’s just an ordinary traveler.

DON QUIXOTE
   But see what he wears upon his head! Get thee to a place of hiding, Sancho.

SANCHO
   (
Apprehensively
) Oh, dear!

(
He hides as
QUIXOTE
too conceals himself to one side
)

BARBER
   (
Singing offstage
)

Oh, I am a little barber
And I go my merry way,
With my razor and my leeches
I can always earn my pay.

Though your chin be smooth as satin,
You will need me soon I know,
For the Lord protects His barbers,
And He makes the stubble grow.

BARBER
   (
Enters. He carries a bundle of equipment, and on his head is wearing a brass shaving basin. He sings to the
MULETEERS
)

If I slip when I am shaving you
And cut you to the quick,
You can use me as a doctor,
’Cause I also heal the sick.

(QUIXOTE
   
comes up behind him and prods him with his sword. The
BARBER
turns, unbelieving
)

By the beard of St. Anthony—I could swear I see before me a knight in full armor! (
He chuckles
) Ridiculous. There aren’t any knights, (
QUIXOTE
roars, raising his sword. The
BARBER
falls to his knees
) I was wrong! Forgive me, Your Highness, I thought I’d been touched by the sun!

DON QUIXOTE
   Thou wilt be touched by worse if thou dost not speedily hand over that Golden Helmet!

BARBER
   Golden helmet? What? Where? (
Takes the basin off, examines it
) Why, this is nothing but a shaving basin!

DON QUIXOTE
   (
With fine contempt
) Shaving basin.

SANCHO
   (
Examining it
) I must say, Your Grace, it
does
look like a shaving basin.

BARBER
   (
Eagerly
) Of course! You see, I am a barber. A barber? I ply my trade from village to village, and I was wearing this on my head to ward off the rays of the sun, so that’s how Your Highship made the mistake of—

DON QUIXOTE
   
Silence!
(
The
BARBER
flinches and is silent. Impressively, to
CARRASCO
and the
PADRE
) Know thou what that really is? The Golden Helmet of Mambrino! When worn by one of noble heart it renders him invulnerable to all wounds! (
To the
BARBER
) Misbegotten knave—where didst thou steal it?

BARBER
   I didn’t steal it!

DON QUIXOTE
   Hand it over.

BARBER
   But it cost me half a crown!

DON QUIXOTE
   Hand it over or I shall—!

(
He takes a mighty swipe with his sword. The
BARBER
yelps and tumbles out of the way, abandoning the basin which
SANCHO
catches
)

SANCHO
   (
With satisfaction
) It
is
worth half a crown.

DON QUIXOTE
   Fool! (
His face lights up; he tosses away his old casque, handling the basin with reverence and pleasure. He sings
)

Thou Golden Helmet of Mambrino,
With so illustrious a past,
Too long hast thou been lost to glory,
Th’art rediscovered now at last!
Golden Helmet of Mambrino,
There can be no
Hat like thee!

Thee and I, now,
’Ere I die, now,
Will make golden
History!

BARBER

I can hear the cuckoo singing
in the cuckooberry tree …

SANCHO

If he says that that’s a helmet, I suggest
that you agree …

BARBER

But he’ll find it is not gold and will not
make him bold and brave …

SANCHO

Well, at least he’ll find it useful if he ever
needs a shave!

(SANCHO
and the
BARBER
move toward
QUIXOTE
who has indicated that the
PADRE
should “crown” him with the golden helmet as he kneels. Just as
QUIXOTE
is about to be crowned, he remembers the token, takes it from inside his tunic and hands it to
SANCHO
indicating that it be attached to the helmet before the crowning is completed
.
SANCHO
does so, handing the helmet back to the
PADRE
who completes the coronation. All this has happened to the amazement of the
MULETEERS
,
the utter disbelief of the
BARBER
,
and the worshipful attendance of
SANCHO
)

DON QUIXOTE

Thou Golden Helmet of Mambrino,
Thy deeds the world will not forget;
Now Don Quixote de La Mancha
Will bring thee greater glory yet!
Golden—

(SANCHO
slowly drags the astounded
BARBER
off and away from
QUIXOTE
,
as the
MULETEERS
,
one of them sobbing uncontrollably at the amazing sight, drift off. The
PADRE
and
DR. CARRASCO
,
apparently giving up their mission, also leave. Lights dim down and the
INNKEEPER
enters
)

INNKEEPER
   (
Surprised to find
QUIXOTE
alone
) Your friends have departed?

DON QUIXOTE
   (
Turning on his knees
) Sir Castellano—I would make a confession.

INNKEEPER
To me?

DON QUIXOTE
   I would confess that I have never actually been dubbed a knight.

INNKEEPER
   Oh. That’s bad!

DON QUIXOTE
   And yet I am well qualified, my lord. I am brave, courteous, bold, generous, affable and patient.

INNKEEPER
   (
Judiciously
) Yes … that’s the list.

DON QUIXOTE
   Therefore I would beg a boon of thee.

INNKEEPER
   Anything! Within reason.

DON QUIXOTE
   Tonight I would hold vigil in the chapel of thy castle, and at dawn receive from thy hand the ennobling stroke of knighthood.

INNKEEPER
   Hmm. There’s one small difficulty. No chapel.

DON QUIXOTE
What?

INNKEEPER
   (
Hastily
) That is—it’s being repaired. But if you wouldn’t mind holding your vigil someplace else …?

DON QUIXOTE
   (
A happy thought
) Here in the courtyard. Under the stars …!

INNKEEPER
   Fine! At sunrise you’ll be dubbed a knight.

DON QUIXOTE
   I thank thee.

INNKEEPER
Now
will you have some supper?

DON QUIXOTE
   Supper? Before a vigil? Nay, my lord, on this night I must fast and compose my spirit.