Marionette (3 page)

She continued. “Do you have trouble sleeping?”

I noticed she had a checklist on top of her notepad. Was she literally asking routine questions? Would every session be like this? I bet I could find a book in the library and predict the questions. Sweet! Cheap shrinks are easy to manipulate. I tried to mask my happiness.

“Sometimes,” I mumbled.

That was a lie. All of the time. But I couldn’t say never. Why would I be in therapy then?

“What activities do you like doing?”

This one confused me. “You mean like reading?” I scratched the top of my head.

She nodded enthusiastically, encouraging me. “Yes. What types of books do you like to read?”

I almost blurted out,
Night
, by Elie Wiesel, but quickly changed my answer to, “Mysteries and such. I like Sue Grafton a lot.”

She made a mark on her paper.

“What type of student are you?”

Again I stared blankly. What did she mean? Was she reading the questions wrong from the paper?

“Do you get good grades? Do you have difficulty concentrating in class?” She motioned with her hand implying etcetera.

“Oh.” I nodded my head, catching on. “I do okay.” Looking at my feet, I determined not to tell her I always got As and that I had a photographic memory. Let her think I was a dunce. The less she knew the better.

“Do you drink or use drugs?” she inquired casually.

Her relaxed tone floored me. Was she trying to trap me? Why would anyone answer truthfully? Was I supposed to say, “Why yes, I’m hardly ever sober. Had four beers on my way here.” Did she think asking me in a tone that implied she didn’t really care and she was cool, would make me confess all?

“No, of course not.” I tried to sound indignant.

Liddy paused, scrutinizing me before jotting something on the check sheet.

“When you are stressed, what helps you relax?”

“I like to take hot baths.” It took a lot of control to stifle a laugh.

She didn’t react. I wanted to shout, “I can’t believe you missed that clue!”

Minutes passed and she apparently finished all the questions. “Well, I think that is enough for today,” Liddy said.

I was dismissed. I felt like a naughty child forced to spend lunchtime in the principal’s office. I stood up and headed for the door.

“One last thing, Paige. What’s it like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?”

I turned and replied, “Why don’t you tell me, Doc?”

She laughed, and I bolted.

Chapter Three

I unlocked the door to my dorm room and sniffed around. I wasn’t used to the smell of the past and present occupants of my dormitory. Growing up rich did not prepare me for this stench. How could people live in such filth?

I’d wanted a private room, but my parents refused to fund that expense. They did spring for a room that offered a bathroom accessed by just four girls, instead of a bathroom for an entire floor of girls. I felt that even that was more for show. If their friends found out I was living among the “common folk,” people would talk. I appreciated a more private bathroom, but I still had to live with a roommate and two suitemates. Technically, three roommates. Back home, I had an entire wing of the house to myself. I preferred being alone, and my family preferred not being around me; it worked for all of us. No one in my family spent any time with family members. We were all strangers.

Now I was living with someone I’d only met when I carried my first box into the room. I wasn’t too impressed by said person; neither was she, I think.

Audrey, my roommate, was out for the moment. I eyed the boxes and clothes tossed indiscriminately around the room. Most of my belongings had been put away. Audrey was rushing the sororities, so she didn’t have much time to get organized. From the looks of her boxes, though, she didn’t seem to be a tidy person—‌another aspect that didn’t dazzle me.

As she rushed into the room, I could feel her smile before I turned around to say hi. Her chipper “Hello” bothered me. I gave her a cool, “Hello” in reply. Not all of us were shiny happy people. She wore a white tee with a yellow skirt. Fucking yellow!

My roommate was several inches shorter than me. Her chocolate brown eyes always looked troubled, and her mousy brown hair hung down her back in a tangled mess. Did she not own a hairbrush, or was it buried in one of her boxes? What kind of sororities was she rushing? That wasn’t my thing, but I can’t imagine too many of them were impressed by such a slob.

“Have you met our suitemates yet? They moved in today.” Her voice squeaked. Mousy hair and mousy voice. Great, I was living with Minnie Mouse.

“Uh, no, I just got back a few minutes ago.” And I wasn’t really up for meeting more people today.

“Come on over with me and let’s introduce ourselves,” chirped Minnie. With a firm grasp on my shirtsleeve, she pulled me through the bathroom door that connected the two rooms. If I’d said no, she probably still would have pulled me the entire way, kicking and screaming. I decided to give in and make a better impression.

I hoped our new neighbors had the foresight to lock their door so we couldn’t bust in on them. They didn’t.

Minnie crashed through the door and screeched, “Hi!”

One of the fathers in the room slipped with a hammer and smashed his thumb. Great! This impression was more memorable than if she had dragged me over kicking and screaming.

A giant blonde slowly approached Minnie, leaving a decent amount of space between them as if she thought she might have to make a quick getaway. I know I wanted to.

“Hi. I’m Jenna Parry. You must be our suitemates.”

She didn’t put her hand out to shake. And I wasn’t thrilled about being lumped in with Minnie. Trust me, I’m not the bubbly type.

“Yep, my name is Audrey Andrews and this is—‌”

“Paige.” I had my own voice, and I wanted to put some distance between us.

The other girl stepped forward. Again, she didn’t approach too closely. It’s funny how much room you can find in a miniature dorm room when you’re afraid.

“Hi, I’m Karen Cooper.” She moved forward and shook my hand. Then she gingerly reached out to shake Minnie’s. Minnie grabbed it and gave it three hard shakes. Jenna still hadn’t offered her hand to either of us. I was starting to like Jenna.

The four of us inspected each other. Jenna had light hair, almost white. Her deep azure eyes and naturally bronzed skin told me her hair color wasn’t natural. She towered over me. Why wasn’t she in any of my classes in grade school so I wouldn’t have been the tallest girl and teased constantly? Maybe she was on a basketball scholarship. Karen had curly red hair, and plenty of it, and was stocky, more the soccer type.

Great, I’m living with Minnie and two jocks
. What was the point of the personality test I filled out for the university so they could match me up with people I’d get along with? I never said I liked jocks, or happy shit. Why couldn’t I have a morose roommate who didn’t bother me? Like that girl in
The Breakfast Club
—‌the depressed one who ate tons of sugar packets. We would have been great roommates. No talking. And I could share a sugar packet or two to keep things friendly.

“When did you move in?” Karen’s attempt to start a conversation was valiant. I eyed the bathroom door. I wanted to leave the room and forget all about them.

“Yesterday. Paige had to register for classes today, and I came early to rush.” Minnie’s words fell out of her mouth so quickly that I couldn’t help staring at her lips, wondering how she squeaked so fast.

They didn’t seem too surprised that Minnie was the sorority girl type. She had the personality for it, just not the hair. Seriously, what was up with all the tangles?

The four of us stood there, staring. It was excruciating.

Minnie exclaimed, “Have you guys figured out where all of your classes are yet? I never knew this campus was so enormous. I still can’t find my chemistry class.”

I wanted to ask her if she tried the chemistry building that was right across the street from our dorm, but I didn’t.

No one else responded either. Minnie looked at me for help. A few boards came crashing down behind us.

“Do you need any help putting up your lofts? Audrey and I put hers up yesterday and now we’re experts.” I said.

Minnie smiled at me. The night before, we had been up half the night constructing her fucking loft. I think she learned some new words from me. Minnie, the Catholic, was unfortunate enough to get an atheist as a roommate. Did the university even bother to look at our questionnaires?

“Yes, we could use the help.” The answer came from one of the fathers, who was drowning under all of the boards.

A woman put her hand out. “Hi, I’m Karen’s mom.”

“Hi. It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Cooper.” We shook hands.

After a quick introduction to the rest of the parents, someone tapped my shoulder. I turned to see Mr. Cooper. “I’m so glad you know how to do this. I’ve never been very handy.” He laughed self-consciously and peeked out of the corner of his eyes at Jenna’s father, a manly giant wearing a tool belt.

All of us got to work. It was difficult working in such a confined space with eight people. But I loved that no one spoke, except to say, “Pass the hammer,” or “Can you hand me the screwdriver?” Those were the type of conversations I excelled at. Actions, not words. Not one personal detail was exchanged. Not one intimate detail about my life or my family was asked. They knew my first name, and that was all. Once, when applying for college, I thought about changing my last name because it had occasionally appeared in the papers when I was forced to pose for photo ops with my parents. However, I had learned, over the years, that no one really looked at the names under those photos—‌well, except for the people in the photos.

They might have suspected that I lived with a nut job. But so what, I was fucking surrounded by kooks. How did I get a Mouseketeer as a roommate?

I sighed. It was going to be a long year. Maybe if I got a job I could afford a private room after the first semester. I knew, for a fact, that Abbie had a room to herself. But not me. I had to suffer. I looked at Minnie. She just smiled at me. Jesus! It wasn’t fair!

Chapter Four

I soon learned that I was the shyest person out of the four of us. On many occasions, my three roommates made me uncomfortable by getting undressed in front of me. Growing up, I always had my own room. My sister and I never shared a room, a bathtub, or anything. It was almost like we were raised in separate households. Strangers. I learned to love my isolation.

I think my desire for privacy offended Karen, a free spirit who didn’t understand why I was so uptight.

But I was uptight, and I couldn’t change that. When I used the bathroom, I locked both doors so no one could barge in on me. The day after meeting Jenna and Karen, I was changing my clothes behind locked doors when Karen shouted that the phone was for me.

I opened the door, shoved the last bit of my shirt into my jeans, and mumbled a thank you.

“Hello?” I said into the receiver.

“How did it go?” My friend Mel always dismissed pleasantries and got right to business.

“Hi, I’m fine. Thanks for asking. How did what go?” I hunched the phone into my shoulder while I pulled my shirt out so I wouldn’t look too uptight. Karen looked relieved. Mel, of course, was asking about meeting my therapist, and I didn’t want Minnie and group to know about that.

“That good, huh?”

“That about sums it up.” I grabbed the phone in my hand again and turned to see a curious audience.

“I really can’t talk right now. I wanted to call and check in before you started your classes.” Mel sounded tired. She had probably worked ten hours at the mall for the back-to-school crowd.

“Never better.”

“It was that bad? Jesus, I’m sorry, but I really have to go. I’ll call you later and we’ll talk.” She rushed through the words.

“Okay. And Mel, tell Wesley I said hi.” I hung up. I grinned mischievously, assuming that would get a rise out her. Her boyfriend and I didn’t get along, to say the least. I knew she had to get off the phone because Wesley didn’t want her talking to me. He despised me, not just because I was gay, but because I was a rich bitch. Two no-nos in his book.

The three stooges stared with their mouths slightly agape. “Are we ready to go?” I asked.

“W-who…‌who was that?” stammered Minnie.

“That was my friend Mel.”

“Who’s Wesley?” she asked.

Oh, so that was it: not only was I living with a Catholic, but with a homophobe. Perfect! Could this living situation improve at all? Stupid questionnaire for roommates. I was utterly convinced they lost mine and just stuck me in this situation.

“Wesley is Mel’s boyfriend.” I didn’t mention that Mel was short for Melanie. Let them sweat it out some. Serves them right for eavesdropping on my phone call. They could have been polite and gone into Karen’s and Jenna’s room to give me some privacy.

“Anyhoos, are you all ready to go?” I asked.

Jenna started for her room. “Almost.” She returned with her keys.

As we left the dorms, I realized that every stereo was blaring. It was the first weekend at college for most of us and classes started on Monday. Obviously, the plan for the weekend was to live it up.

The four of us decided to break in the new town together, which involved going to a fraternity party. I wasn’t too keen on the idea, for obvious reasons. However, I never voiced my opinion. I usually kept it pretty quiet that I was dating a woman. My silence on the matter didn’t go over all that well with Jess. She was older and was out to everyone, including her work colleagues, friends, family, and the random grocery store clerk. Jess was not shy. I had no desire to let people into my life. It was not that I felt ashamed. I just didn’t care enough about people to get close to them. I had few friends in high school and I didn’t like my family, so telling them was never an option.

Keeping Jess out of the picture in my college town wouldn’t be too difficult. She lived two hours away, and she was four years older. We associated with different groups of people. We decided that when we saw each other, I would head to her town. My parents lived two towns over from Jess. In each city, I lived a different life. At Jess’s, I was me. At my parents’ place, I was the dutiful daughter. And now, in college, I was the wild college student. Wild, please! But I was a college student, at least.