Marjorie Farrel (20 page)

Alice had not sat on the sidelines for a Season and done nothing. She was a shrewd observer, and she described dresses and personalities in equal detail. Simon found he was genuinely enjoying her company. Robin often described the general scene to him, but was not interested in who was dancing with whom, or who was wearing what. Alice was able to help Simon “see” Viscount Earlham’s high collar, which made it almost impossible for him to turn his head, and the oversized turban that almost extinguished the Duchess of Crewe.

“Oh, and there is Lady Diana Grahame,” sighed Alice. “I do admire her. If I were beautiful, Mama would not be so constantly displeased with me.”

Simon felt a rush of sympathy for the girl. She may be plain, he thought, but she is not stupid or dull, once her self-consciousness wears off. And she is genuinely kind.

“You are quite an attractive woman in ways that are not on the surface,” Simon said kindly. “You are obviously in a difficult family situation, and yet are still able to consider another’s feelings. You stood up to your mother tonight, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” said Alice wonderingly.

“I find you a witty, observant companion,’’ Simon continued, “and I’m sure that anyone who looked below the surface would also.”

“Thank you, your grace,” said Alice, knowing that superficiality was more common than blindness. She was hardly likely to have much chance to demonstrate her better qualities while under her mother’s wing, but she was grateful to Simon for his kindness.

“Now, you admire Lady Diana, do you? What is she wearing tonight? And who has she given her waltzes to?” Simon was interested for Robin’s sake.

“She is dressed splendidly, as usual. Tonight she has on a sapphire-blue gown, just the color of her eyes, and it sets off her black hair to perfection. She has spent most of the evening with a cluster of young men, but as usual, it is Viscount Devenham who monopolizes her time.”

“I have heard he has a tendre for her. Is the feeling mutual?”

“I am not sure, your grace. She seems to allow him his attentions and is everything that is kind to him, but ...”

“But what?”

“I am not convinced her kindness is anything more than just that. She is known for flirting outrageously, but with Devenham, I think she is not encouraging, but only being sympathetic to his obvious lovesickness.”

“You are most observant, Lady Alice.”

“I have had time to be, your grace,” she replied simply.

“Yes. Well, I will introduce you to some of my younger friends, and perhaps you will have less time on your hands and spend more of it dancing.”

Alice flushed with pleasure, not so much at the thought of dancing with eligible young men, but at the duke’s kindness. No one had been kind to her for a long time.

Robin returned at that moment, bringing with him, as though on cue, not only the punch, but young Lieutenant Scott, whom he had instructed to rescue the duke. The lieutenant bowed and asked for Alice’s hand for the dance that was being struck up.

She nodded shyly, but just before she left, she touched Simon’s arm and whispered, “I enjoyed our time together, your grace.”

Simon smiled. “And I too. I trust that we will have another occasion to further our friendship.”

Alice went off, her face alive with pleasure, which caused her partner to look at her in some surprise, for her animated expression made her almost attractive.

“Do you mean to court her?” Robin asked incredulously.

“Of course not. But she is good company once she is away from her mother. She was not embarrassed to help me, nor overly solicitous, and gave me quite a detailed picture of the ball—quite different from yours, Robin. I enjoyed her and would like to get to know her better. I know you brought Scott over to rescue me, but I was in no need of rescue, I assure you. In fact, I would like you to encourage a few other junior officers to dance with Miss Hyde. Now, however, I would like you to take me into one of the empty card rooms and go off and dance a few dances.”

“A headache, Simon?” Robin was immediately concerned. “We can go home, if you like.”

“No, I am fine, just a bit overwhelmed by all the noise. I don’t want to hold you back, nor stand out like a grand prize for all the desperate mothers. Just find me a small room where I can rest for a few minutes, and I’ll be up to socializing again.”

Robin led Simon into one of the anterooms off the main ballroom. There were a few chairs, and Simon sank into one gratefully and shooed his friend back to the dance floor. He could still hear the rise and fall of conversation, but it was muted. As he heard familiar tunes being struck, he had found his foot tapping and felt real pain that dancing could never be a part of his life again.

I will certainly confine myself to dinners, thought Simon. It is one thing to know one’s limitations, quite another to be surrounded by dancing.

As he sat there, feeling more and more of an outsider, he heard the door open and shut abruptly, and the rustle of silk, and then an exclamation of surprise and chagrin. Whoever had entered had expected an empty room. Simon was both annoyed and amused. He needed a few minutes to himself and had no desire to make polite conversation. But it was quite clear that his lady was as put out by his presence as he was by hers.

They both started to speak at the same time. “I beg your pardon, your grace. I had thought to find this room empty.”

Simon stood and bowed in her direction. “You only uttered what I was thinking, Lady Diana.” Simon smiled. He had recognized her voice, which was distinctively low. “You are looking lovely tonight, my lady. That blue just matches your eyes.”

Diana, in her customary unselfconscious way, said, “However did you know what I was wearing? Can you still see colors then, your grace?”

Simon laughed. Only Diana would have responded so naturally, without thinking. “No, I am afraid I was just teasing you. I had an informant this evening who described the Incomparable. It seems you still hold your title.”

“You startled me. I was truly sorry to hear of your misfortune, your grace, and did not mean to be insensitive just now.’’

“I know that, Diana. May we go back to the old informality? Come, sit down and tell me what has driven you into hiding. I have good-enough reason to be away from the ballroom, but surely you have a full card and some disappointed young man is searching for you.”

“I am trying to escape one particular young man, your—I mean, Simon.”

“Would that be Viscount Devenham?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

‘‘I have heard the odd bit of gossip about ...”

“... Lady Diana’s latest outrageous action?”

“No, I wasn’t going to say that. But I do know that you have shown a decided preference for his company.”

“I have been encouraging him,” Diana said. “I don’t know why I should be admitting this to you. But I have to tell someone or I will end up being cruel to Dev, who, Lord knows, does not deserve it, and confirm my reputation as a heartless flirt.”

There was more than self-satire in Diana’s tone, thought Simon. There was a real sadness. “You do not care for him?”

“No. Oh, I care for him one way, although my actions certainly don’t seem to prove it. I did not mean to end up hurting him. It was just that his adoration came along at a time when I needed it. Now, that makes me sound the complete egoist, doesn’t it, if I weren’t convinced he is only infatuated.”

“When I was on leave last fall I thought you and Robin ... ?” Simon was not sure how to continue. “I was not here for long, but it seemed to me it was more than a flirtation,” he said hesitantly. “Forgive me, I shouldn’t pry.” Simon was not sure if he had not gone too far, but at the same time, he wanted to know what had happened to interfere with what had seemed to him an ideal match.

“I don’t mind,” Diana said. “Yes, we were both quite serious, though neither of us made it public. Robin asked me to marry him before he left. I refused, we quarreled, and it was over, just like that.”

“Why did you refuse him?”

“I don’t know. Yes, I do. I felt pushed. I had never felt such strong feelings for anyone, and I was quite terrified. Had he not suddenly been called up, it would have all progressed at a more normal pace, but I felt rather like a horse refusing a jump. I needed to be brought around again, but we had no time. It was jump now or lose him. You see, he thought that I was afraid he would come home seriously wounded and that I wanted to wait until I saw him return whole. I was furious he thought me so shallow. I thought he should have known me better if he loved me. So I refused to explain further, and he left believing I cared so little for him that I needed insurance. As though I would not have loved him however he returned, crippled or blind ...” Diana gasped. “Oh, my awful tongue. I am sorry, but I keep forgetting.”

“And thank you for doing so,” Simon reassured her. “It is a welcome change from those who treat me as though I had lost all my faculties, instead of just my sight. I have been hiding here precisely because it is quite wearing to be only regarded as the Blind Duke. So ... Robin left without knowing that you loved him?”

“Yes. When I realized that he could not possibly know every corner of me even though he loved me, and that all we needed was some time to understand each other’s position, I was frantic. I sent him a letter, but it was returned unopened. I never even knew whether he returned it or had never received it. At any rate, he is home now and never even speaks to me, except when politeness demands it and then in the most daunting of polite tones.”

“And so you welcomed the viscount as a suitor?”

“I truly do enjoy his company, Simon. But I was so intent upon proving to Robin that he could not hurt me by his coldness that I quite forgot the effect on Devenham. And now I am more entangled than I ever intended to be.”

“Do you think that he is truly in love with you?”

“He thinks he is,” responded Diana. “I am an ‘older’ woman; I am considered a bit fast, so that only increases the attraction. But he doesn’t really know me.”

“So you flirt with Dev and Robin wastes his time with Lady Lenox. What a comedy it would be, were it not so painful for all of you.”

“If it is a comedy, it is unlikely to have a happy ending. I shall refuse Dev, but that will not bring Robin back to me. It is clear he has no feeling left for me at all.”

It was not so clear to Simon that this was true. He had felt Robin stiffen every time the viscount was with them. Were he indifferent to Diana, surely he would not care with whom she flirted? But he was not sure the fact that Robin still cared would make a difference. He knew how proud his friend was. It seemed ridiculous to Simon, such misunderstanding and misplaced pride. But of course Robin had not believed Diana had truly loved him.

“I wish there were some way I could help you, Diana. I would like to see Robin happy, but I fear there is not much I could say to him.” Simon heard the strains of a waltz, and trying to cheer Diana, said, “Surely your card is full and some young gallant is looking for you?”

“Devenham put his name down for every waltz”—Diana laughed—”and that is why I took refuge in here. There is no need to give more fuel to the gossips than is necessary. I am quite content in here with you, Simon. Unless I am intruding too long upon the privacy you sought? I quite forgot you were also seeking sanctuary.”

“Please stay, if you wish to. I am enjoying your company,” said Simon. “And it keeps my mind off myself. I must confess to a little self-pity tonight, as well as fatigue.”

Diana’s spirits had revived. The relief of confiding in someone had eased her conscience, and no longer preoccupied with her own problems, she looked closely at Simon for the first time. She noted one finger beating time against his thigh. She remembered dancing with him in her first Season and what a graceful dancer he had been, and she could not resist one of her sudden surges of enthusiasm. “You shall have this waltz, your grace,” she said boldly.

Simon started to protest.

“I remember you as a wonderful dancer. No one can see us here. Let me roll back the carpet and push back the chairs.” She proceeded to do so while Simon stood there, feeling both trapped and tempted. Diana was unconsciously and naturally flirtatious, and he was surprised at his response. He felt that current of attraction that may pass between men and women who know they are unsuited for anything more serious, but who enjoy each other’s company all the more for it. Simon had forgotten how enjoyable that feeling was.

“Now,” said Diana, standing in front of him, “the room is clear and we have perhaps twelve feet on either side of us as a dance floor. We shall have to pretend we are in a crowded ballroom and keep our circles small, but we are good enough to do that. Put your arms around my waist, Simon.”

“Perhaps you should lead on our first try.”

“Yes, maybe you are right. Oh, what a scandal this would make,” Diana said as she awkwardly at first, then more skillfully, guided Simon around their small floor.

Simon was stiff for the first few minutes, afraid that he would bump into a wall or a table, but as he began to trust Diana’s lead, he relaxed and found his dance legs returning. Halfway through, he felt sure enough to clasp her closer to him and take the lead away from her, and by the end of the waltz he was feeling almost as natural as he had last winter.

 They both were breathless when the music stopped, and so excited that their experiment had been successful that neither of them heard the soft knock at the door. Diana’s back was to Robin, and Simon had not heard him, so he had a moment before they knew he was there. A moment to see his best friend with his arm around Diana’s waist and Diana laughing up into Simon’s face. He had not thought he could feel so empty until now. If Dev made him feel angry and jealous, he was still sure it was unlikely to come to a match. But Diana and Simon? Well, wasn’t it what they all thought Simon needed? A lady of quality who would make him realize he was still attractive? And hadn’t he already faced the truth that Diana could never have loved him and sent him off to war the way she had? So why should he not be pleased for both of them?