Authors: Garrett Leigh
I blinked as Ash shook my uninked shoulder. It took me a few moments to realize the persistent buzzing from his gun had stopped. “Are you done already?”
Ash gave me a heated look as he soothed my skin with a cool cloth. “Are you kidding? That was the longest sitting I’ve ever had.”
I didn’t answer, because though I knew what he meant, I’d slipped into a zone for the last part and it had flown by.
Ash leaned backward and snagged the mirror from the coffee table. I sat up slowly while he held it up and averted his gaze.
He was nervous—anxious for reasons I would never understand—but as I stared at my own reflection in the mirror, I knew he had no reason to be. The ink was amazing, even more so than the stencils he’d shown me just an hour before. He was right about the white ink. It made the whole piece, and I was literally stunned. It was hard to believe it was even me. I even felt different, like his ink decorating my skin had altered me somehow. It was an odd feeling, because despite my mom’s belief that Ash’s arrival in my life had changed me, I didn’t believe in shit like that.
Colpo di fulmine,
Maggie called it. The “thunderbolt” from Italian folklore, but I didn’t buy all that crap about love at first sight. Did I love Ash? Probably. Was I
love with him? Next question.
All I knew was something about this kid just drove me crazy. He was all I could think about, day and night, even when he was right next to me.
“Do you like it?”
For him to ask, I knew my silence must have stretched far too long. I broke my stare with the mirror and turned to face him, contrite for making him wait. “I fucking love it.”
The tense set of his shoulders relaxed and he smiled. One of his far too rare heart-stopping smiles. “Really?”
I leaned toward him and took his face in my hands. “Really. Thank you, it’s everything I never knew I wanted.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
Nothing about you ever does.
I brushed my lips against his in the most restrained kiss I could possibly manage and grinned. “I know, but it doesn’t have to. I really do love it, and that’s all that matters, right?”
“I guess,” he said, reaching for some plastic wrap to tape to my chest. “Although, you have the best skin, so it was always going to look good on you.”
“The best skin, huh?”
He leaned forward and trailed his finger down my chest. He avoided the areas still burning from his needle gun, but the lightness of his touch made me shiver. “Yeah, I wanted to ink it the moment I saw it… with white ink, actually. Feels kind of surreal now it’s over.”
Something in his tone bothered me. It sounded so final and absolute, like it would never happen between us again. His gaze was fixed on something I couldn’t see, and as ever, his habit of keeping his eyes downcast made him impossible to read. It was frustrating, but as he was still here… still had his hands on me, I couldn’t bring myself to dwell on it. Instead, I caught his hand in mine, quickly searched out his other hand, and tugged him from his perch on the coffee table until he was straddling my waist on the couch.
Ash came willingly enough. He braced his arms on the back of the sofa and leaned down to kiss me. I stretched up to meet him, and the moment our lips met, my mind quickly emptied itself of anything that wasn’t his mouth. It had been hours since he’d met me outside the station house, and something had been brewing between us ever since. The heat had faded slightly as Ash had assessed his mark on my body, but now that was done, over, the sparks were back and ready to fly.
I arched up into him and groaned, sliding one hand down his back to the base of his spine and finding purchase with the other in his hair. Kissing Ash was amazing. I’d never felt anything like it. Sometimes it felt like I could spend days lost in him. But not tonight. Tonight Ash had other ideas, and before I knew what was happening, he’d slid from my lap and dropped to his knees. By the time I’d figured it out, my jeans were gone and he had my cock in his mouth.
I wove my hand into his hair to steady myself as my head fell back on the couch with an audible thud. Ash gave good head, really good head. I needed to ground myself before I got carried away. Every encounter with him was the same. Before him, the last guy I’d slept with, we’d banged all night. That was never going to happen with Ash. He only had to look at me and I was ready to explode, much less put my dick in his mouth. If I didn’t at least attempt to control myself, we’d be done before I could blink.
I closed my eyes as he worked his magic. He had a way with his tongue that drove me crazy. He found his rhythm, and it wasn’t long before I started moving my hips to meet him halfway. Ash moved his spare hand to grip my thigh and pushed my leg up toward my chest. I let go of his hair, interpreting his intentions, and gripped the back of the couch. He slid his finger into me and that was it—my attempt at control was over. My legs twitched, my stomach clenched, and I was done.
Ash swallowed quickly before I lunged at him. I yanked him up from the floor and pulled him over me. A blowjob from him was fucking amazing, but I knew one thing that was even better. “Fuck me?”
I jerked as he grinned and ground his denim-covered dick against me. “Trust me, I wish I could, but there isn’t a single condom left in this place.”
A wet, openmouthed kiss that went on and on distracted me from answering, but when the need for air outweighed my need for him, I pulled away and quirked an eyebrow. “So? You can still fuck me.”
I punctuated my words by grazing the throbbing pulse in his neck with my teeth. Ash groaned and pulled away, shaking his head. “We can’t.”
“Why not? We’re both clean… damn, you got tested just a few weeks ago.”
“It’s not that.” Ash maneuvered himself from my lap so he could lie down. I waited until he’d slouched down before I kicked my jeans away from my legs properly and straddled his waist. He rolled his eyes as my dick poked him in the stomach. Bizarrely, it was still rock hard. “Quit waving that monster at me. It’s not about that.”
I grinned, but I backed off a little. He looked like he had something to say, and that didn’t happen very often. “Then what is it?”
Ash chewed the inside of his cheek while he considered his answer. “It’s different,” he said eventually. “I don’t know if I could handle it with you. You make me feel so….”
He waved his hand as his voice fell away, but I got what he was trying to say. Ash blew my mind. When I considered how it would feel to have him inside me with no barriers or restrictions… I shivered and exhaled heavily. Maybe he was right. Maybe barebacking was beyond anything either of us could cope with.
I smirked as I tried to figure out what he was really worried about. I mean, what was the worst that could happen? That he blew his load too soon? He said it wasn’t about being safe, and that was true for both of us. I knew he was clean. Damn, he got tested more than I did. He hadn’t had unprotected sex in years, and I’d never had unprotected sex at all.
Ash sighed. “I just told myself I wouldn’t do it again. None of the shit they told me at the clinic made any sense, but they showed me some really nasty pictures. I dreamed about my dick falling off for weeks after that.”
I sat back on his thighs and twined my hands with his. “Yeah, sex ed was the only time I paid attention in school. I don’t think any boy in my class ever looked at his dick in the same way again.”
“Never mind. Listen, look at this way; I know you’re clean, and you know I am, so we
do it, this once… if you wanted to. It’s not a big deal.”
He seemed unsure, so I prepared myself to let it go. Barebacking wasn’t something I’d ever thought I’d be up for either, so I couldn’t blame him for being hesitant.
I lost myself for a while in the smooth planes of his chest. Mine felt red hot and stinging from the fresh ink, but his was warm and smooth, and I’d learned recently that he had a particularly sensitive spot just under his sternum. Ash gasped when I sank my teeth into it and nipped gently. I did it again, smirking. I’d never pressure him into doing
, but I wasn’t above some gentle persuasion.
Ash arched his back and groaned. He put his hands under my shoulders and pulled me up so we were nose to nose. “Are you sure?”
I kissed him lightly. “I’m sure. You know I wouldn’t ever do something I didn’t want to, don’t you?”
We stared at each other for a long moment. His gaze burned a hole in me, and I suddenly realized I was wrong. It
a big deal, a really big deal, and it was really important that we got it right. Hesitantly, I leaned forward and kissed him. It was a long kiss, and because I knew Ash had probably run out of words, I hoped it was a kiss that said everything he needed to hear. I trusted him with everything I had, and I hoped he trusted me too.
Beneath me, Ash responded, and with the weight of unexpected emotion hanging over us, things became heated again really fast. His remaining clothes found their way to the floor, and with us both bare and ready, there was no going back. Still straddling him, I reached behind me to align us, but as I felt him right there, hard and waiting, my confidence abruptly abandoned me.
I swallowed nervously. “You’ve done this before, right?” Ash rubbed his thumbs in soothing circles over my hips. He didn’t answer, but his eyes were bright as I covered my hands with his and tugged him forward. “Show me?”
His eyes widened at my uncharacteristic uncertainty; it wasn’t something he’d seen before. Even when I was on my knees in front of him, giving him the first blowjob I’d ever given anyone, I’d never once asked him to guide me. But I was asking him now, because despite this being something I really wanted, I was suddenly terrified of getting it wrong.
The blip in my confidence was brief. Ash rolled us over, and the moment he began to push into me, all my nerves left me. All I could feel was the burning pleasure of all that was him. Every nuance, every ridge and vein. Every inch of skin bare against mine. I could feel it all, and it was fucking incredible.
He pushed forward until he could go no further. His cock pulsed gently inside me, something I probably wouldn’t have felt if he’d been wearing a condom. The sensation sent a bolt of electricity through me so strong that despite finding release just a little while ago, I was suddenly right on the edge all over again. Ash shifted, and hovered his hand above me. He wanted to grab my shoulder, but with the fresh tattoo there, he couldn’t, so he settled for bracing himself on the arm of the couch.
He was tense as he held himself still, but it wasn’t the uneasy, slightly fearful tension I sometimes saw in him. It took me a moment to realize he was in entirely the same predicament as me.
Tentatively, I flexed my body. Ash moaned and dropped his head to my shoulder. The sound traveled through me and my head once again fell back on the couch. Ash told me once that he’d barely made a sound during sex before he met me. It made me feel pretty fucking special, and every noise he’d ever made for me was imprinted on my brain forever. They kept me company on the long nights I spent away from him, because it didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing—he was never far from my mind.
Ash raised his head and found my eyes. He rolled his hips in a slow circle, his gaze intense, and something in the air shifted. It wasn’t how it usually went down between us. When Ash was on top, he’d fuck me hard and fast. We saved the slow shit for the mornings when he was feeling lazy. Then I would ride him real slow until he felt so good he forgot to be surprised about it. Until he forgot to duck his head and hide how he felt. Now it was like he was showing me everything and I couldn’t look away.
He took my face in his hand and touched every part of it until his fingertips came to rest on my lips. He held them there while he fucked me slowly, and in turn, I just stared at him. I was completely transfixed by everything about him until the feeling of being so completely connected to him became too much.
I fell over the edge of something incredible. Whimpering wasn’t my thing, but there was no other word for the sound that came out of me. He followed with a quiet groan as my release pulsed between us, and the arm that supported him gave way so he fell down on top of me. I wrapped my arms around him and he slumped on the uninked side of my chest. Despite the sticky mess between us, I wanted to make the most of him. He was often jumpy after sex, so I knew he wouldn’t stay still for long.
True to form, just a few blissful moments later, Ash shifted and moved his weight off me. I loosened my arms to let him get up, but he didn’t. Instead, he slid down my body slightly and put his chin on my chest.
I reached out and mussed his sweat-dampened hair. “Okay?”
He offered me a lopsided grin in answer, and that was enough for me. We lay in a comfortable postcoital haze until the silence was abruptly broken by the growl of my stomach. Laughing, Ash raised his head and sat up. “Man, that was loud.”
I stretched my arms above my head and took in his hooded eyes and drowsy smile. Sleepy Ash was a beautiful sight. My appetite was probably the only thing that could distract me from gawking at him. “You hungry?”
He shrugged easily, and I knew he didn’t really care. I’d noticed that about him. He ate near enough everything that was ever put in front of him, but he missed meals sometimes… like he’d forgotten he had the means to eat.
There were a lot of things about Ash I couldn’t change, but dinner was something I could help him with. I nuzzled his tousled hair and kissed the top of his head. “Stay here,” I said. “I won’t be long.”
I left him dozing on the couch, took a quick shower, pulled some clothes on, and slipped out of the apartment. It was really hard to leave him, even briefly, because something had changed between us tonight, or at least it had for me. One of the reasons I’d practically yelped during sex was because I’d caught myself about to say something really fucking stupid.
I didn’t say it…. Maybe I should’ve, but I didn’t. This was never supposed to happen to me. I’d seen my mom lose her heart in the worst way, and I’d always sworn I’d never let mine go, no matter what.