Married in Seattle (11 page)

“I’m glad to hear he’s enjoying his semi-retirement.”

“I am, too.”

A short silence followed.

“Good night, Janine,” Zach said after a moment. He glanced, frowning, into the guest room.

“Good night,” she said awkwardly.

Janine was sure neither of them slept a wink that night. They were across the hall from each other, but might as well have been on opposite sides of the state, so great was the emotional distance between them.

In the morning, Zach’s alarm rang at seven, but Janine was already awake. She threw back her covers, dressed and had coffee waiting when he entered the kitchen.

Zach seemed surprised to see her. “Thanks,” he murmured as she handed him a cup. “That’s a very…wifely thing to do.”

“What? Make coffee?”

“Get up to see your husband off to work.”

“I happened to be awake and figured I should get out of bed and do something useful.”

He opened the refrigerator, took out the orange juice and poured himself a glass. “I see.” He replaced the carton and leaned against the counter. “You did agree that our marriage would be a real one.”

“Yes, I did,” she said somewhat defensively. But that agreement had been before she’d learned about the one great love of his life. Zach had warned her their marriage would be advantageous for a variety of reasons, the least of which was love. At the time, Janine had agreed, convinced their relationship would find a storybook ending nonetheless—convinced that one day they’d realize they were in love. Now she understood that would never happen. And she didn’t know if she could stand it.

“Janine,” Zach said, distracting her, “what’s wrong?”

“What could possibly be wrong?”

“Obviously something’s bothering you. You look like you’ve lost your best friend.”

“You should’ve told me,” she burst out, running from the kitchen.

“Told you what?” Zach shouted, following her down the hall.

Furious, she hurried into her room and sat on the end of the bed, her hands in tight fists at her sides.

“What are you talking about?” he demanded, blocking the doorway.

“About…this woman you loved.”

“Marie? What about her? What’s she got to do with you and me?”

“You loved her more than…more than you thought possible. She was brave and wonderful, and I’m none of those things. I don’t deal with pain very well and…I’d like to be patriotic but all I do is vote and all I know in French are verbs.”

“What’s any of that got to do with you and me?” Zach repeated hoarsely, then threw his hands in the air. “What’s it got to do with
anything?
”

Knowing she’d never be able to explain, Janine shook her head, sending her bangs fanning out in several directions. “All you are is
fond
of me.”

“Correction,” Zach said as he stepped into the bedroom. “I
cherish
you.”

“It isn’t enough,” she said, feeling miserable and wretched and unworthy.

“What do you mean, it isn’t enough? According to you the only reason you married me was that I was a good kisser, so you can’t fault me for
my
reasons.”

“I don’t, it’s just that you…you never told me about loving someone else. Not only that, you
admired
her—she was a hero. All you feel for me is fondness. Well, I don’t want your fondness, Zachary Thomas!” She leapt to her feet, trying to collect her scattered thoughts. “If you cared for me, you would’ve told me about Marie before. Not mentioning her was a form of dishonesty. You were completely…unfair.”

“And you weren’t?” Zach’s expression darkened and he
buried his hands in his pockets. “You didn’t say one word to me about Brian.”

Janine was so shocked she sank back onto the bed. Zach still glared at her, challenging her to contradict him. Slowly gathering her composure, she stood, her eyes narrowing as she studied her husband. “Who told you about Brian?”

“Your grandfather.”

“How did he know? I never said a word to him about Brian. Not one solitary word.”

“But obviously he knew.”

“Obviously.” Janine had never felt more like weeping. “I suppose he told you Brian lied to me and claimed to love me when all the while he was seeing someone else.” Another, more troubling thought entered her mind. “I…bet Gramps told you that to make you feel sorry for me, sorry enough to marry me.”

“Janine, no.”

She hid her face in both hands, humiliation burning her cheeks. It was all so much worse than she’d imagined. “You felt sorry for me, didn’t you?”

Zach paced the length of the bedroom. “I’m not going to lie to you, although I suspect it would be better if I did. Your grandfather didn’t mention that you’d fallen in love with Brian until after the day we took him to the doctor.”

“He waited until we got to know each other a little,” Janine whispered, staggered by the realization that her grandfather had known about Brian all along.

“By then I’d discovered I liked you.”

“The word
like
is possibly even worse than
fond
,” she muttered.

“Just hear me out, would you?”

“All right,” she sighed, fearing that nothing he said now mattered, anyway. Her pride had suffered another major blow. The one love of his life had been this marvelous patriot, while Janine had fallen for a weak-willed womanizer.

“It isn’t as bad as it seems,” Zach tried to assure her.

“I can just imagine what Gramps told you.”

“All he said was that he was afraid you’d never learn to trust your own judgment again. For quite a while now, he’s watched you avoid any hint of a relationship. It was as though you’d retreated from men and were content just to lick your wounds.”

“That’s not true! I was seeing Peter Donahue on a regular basis.”

“Safe dates with safe men. There was never any likelihood that you’d fall in love with Peter, and you knew it. It was the only reason you went out with him.”

“Is…is what happened with Brian why Gramps decided to play matchmaker?”

“I suspect that was part of it. Also his concern for your future. But I don’t fully understand his intentions even now. I don’t think it matters, though. He wanted you to be happy and secure. Anton knew I’d never purposely hurt you. And in his eyes, the two of us were perfect for each other.” Zach sat down next to her and reached for her hand, lacing her fingers with his own. “
Does
it matter? We’re married now.”

She looked away from him and swallowed hard. “I…may not be blond and gorgeous or brave, but I deserve a husband who’ll love me. You and Gramps both failed to take that into account. I don’t want your pity, Zach.”

“Good, because I don’t pity you. You’re my wife, and frankly, I’m happy about it. We can have a good life if you’ll put this nonsense behind you.”

“You’d never have chosen me on your own. I knew what you thought of me from the moment we met. You assumed I was a rich spoiled woman who’d never had anything real to worry about. I bet you thought I’d consider a broken nail a major disaster.”

“All right, I’ll admit I had the wrong impression, but that was before,” Zach insisted.

“Before what?”

“Before I got to know you.”

Janine’s shoulders heaved with barely suppressed emotion. “As I recall, the reason you were willing to marry me was because I wasn’t so bad. And let’s not forget the financial benefits,” she added sarcastically.

Zach’s sigh was filled with frustration. “I told you I wasn’t ever going to say the stuff you women like to hear. I don’t know a thing about romance. But I care about you, Janine, I honestly care. Isn’t that enough?”

“I need more than that,” she said miserably. It was the promise of their future, the promise of learning about love together, that had intrigued her.

Zach frowned. “You told me even before we were married that you didn’t need romantic words. You were content
before I mentioned Marie. Why should my telling you change anything?”

She saw that Zach was losing his patience with her. She stared down at the thick carpet. “I really wish I could explain, but it does make a difference. I’m sorry, Zach, I really am.”

A lifetime seemed to pass before he spoke again. “So am I,” he whispered before turning away. A moment later the front door opened and almost immediately closed again. Zach had left.

“What did you expect?” she wailed, covering her face with both hands. “Did you think he was going to fall at your knees and declare his undying love?” The picture of the proud and mighty Zach Thomas playing the role of besotted husband was actually comical. If he’d done that for any woman, it would’ve been the brave and beautiful Marie. Not Janine.

After that disastrous morning, their relationship grew more strained than ever. Zach went to work early every day and returned late, usually past dinnertime. Janine never questioned where he was or who he was with, although she had to bite her tongue to keep from asking.

Zach proved to be a model housemate, if not a husband—cordial, courteous and remote. For her part, she threw herself into her volunteer work at the Friendship Club, spending hours each week with the children. She did her best to hide her unhappiness from her grandfather, although that was difficult.

“You look pale,” he told her when she joined him for lunch one afternoon, several days after her return from Ocean Shores. “Are you losing weight?”

“I wish,” she said, attempting to make a joke of it. They sat in the dining room, with Mrs. McCormick wandering in and out, casting Janine concerned glances. Janine resisted the urge to leap up and do aerobic exercises to demonstrate that she was in perfect health.

“You can’t afford to get much thinner,” Gramps said, eyeing her solemnly. He placed a dinner roll on the side of her plate and plunked the butter dish down in front of her.

“I’m not losing weight,” she told him, spreading butter on the roll in order to please him.

“I took that sea gull you gave me into the office,” Gramps said as he continued to study her. “Zach asked me where I got it. When I told him, he didn’t say anything, but I could tell he wasn’t pleased. Do you want it back?”

“No, of course not.” Janine dropped her gaze. She’d never intended for Gramps to take Chester into the office. On impulse, she’d given him the ceramic bird, reluctant to have it around the condominium to remind her of those first glorious days with Zach.

“I wish I knew what was wrong with you two,” Gramps blurted out in an uncharacteristic display of frustration. He tossed his napkin onto his dinner plate. “You should be happy! Instead, the pair of you look like you’re recovering from a bad bout of flu. Zach’s working so many hours it’s a wonder he doesn’t fall over from sheer exhaustion.”

Janine carefully tore her roll into pieces. She toyed with
the idea of bringing up the subject of Brian, but in the end, she didn’t.

“So you say you’re fine, and there’s nothing wrong between you and Zach,” Gramps said sarcastically. “Funny, that’s exactly what he said when I asked him. Except he also told me to mind my own business—not quite in those words, but I got the message. The thing is, he looks as pathetic as you do. I can’t understand it—you’re perfect for each other!”

Gramps reached into his pocket for a cigar. “I’ll be seeing Zach this afternoon and I intend to give that boy a piece of my mind. By all rights, you should be a happy bride.” He tapped one end of the cigar against the table.

“We’ll be fine, Gramps. Please stay out of it.”

For a long moment, he said nothing; he only stared at the cigar between his fingers. “You’re sure you don’t want me to talk some sense into the boy?” he finally asked.

The mental picture of him trying to do so brought a quivering smile to her lips. “I’m sure,” she said, then glanced at her watch. Pam would be waiting for her. “But since you’re seeing Zach, would you please let him know I’ll probably be late for dinner? He…should go ahead and eat without me.”

“Do you do this often?” His question was an accusation.

“No,” she replied, shaking her head. “This is the first time. Pam needs my help with a school project and I don’t know when we’ll be finished.”

Gramps glowered as he lit his cigar, puffing mightily before he spoke. “I’ll tell him.”

As it turned out, Janine spent longer with Pam than she’d expected. The homework assignment wasn’t difficult, but Pam begged Janine to stay with her. Pam’s father was working late and the girl seemed to need Janine more than ever. They made dinner together, then ate in the kitchen while Pam chatted about her friends and life in general.

It was almost nine by the time Janine pulled into the parking garage. The first thing she noticed was Zach’s car. The atmosphere had been so falsely courteous between them that she dreaded each encounter, however brief. Since that first morning, Zach hadn’t made any effort to talk about her role in his life. Janine wasn’t looking for a long flowery declaration of love. Just a word or two more profound than
fond
or
like
to let her know she was important to him.

Drawing a deep breath, she headed for the condominium.

She’d just unlocked the door when Zach stormed into the room like a Minnesota blizzard. “Where the hell have you been?” he demanded.

Janine was so shocked by his fierce anger that she said nothing.

“I demand to know exactly where you were!”

She removed her sweater, hanging it carefully in the entry closet, along with her purse. Zach scowled at her silence, fists clenched at his sides. “Do you have any idea of the time? Did it even cross your mind that I might’ve been concerned about you? Your cell phone was off and you didn’t return any calls.”

“I’m sorry.” Janine turned to face him. “But you knew where I was,” she said calmly.

“All Anton said was that you’d be late. Not where you were going or who you were with. So naturally I was worried.”

“I’m sorry. Next time I’ll tell you myself.” Janine yawned; the day had been exhausting. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go to bed now. Unless there’s anything else you’d like to know?”

He glared at her, then shook his head. Wheeling around abruptly, he walked away.