Married to the Marquess (28 page)

K
ate smiled to herself as she prepared for bed. She had no idea what had gotten into her husband, but ever since Alice had left, he had been attentive and charming and so sweet it was leaving her breathless. Every morning he sat beside her at breakfast, experimenting on how close to her he could get before she would push him away. Every morning he got a little closer.

Half of her thrilled at his attention, reveled in each and every heated look and soft smile. She had never felt more beautiful, more captivating, or more interesting than she did when he was with her. For a woman who had been trained to expect a great deal of herself but to never think much of herself, it was a refreshing change.

It seemed that the plan to court him in order to convince him to court her in return had worked. She toyed with him just enough to keep things interesting, refraining from giving in completely to avoid losing herself in the process. But it was getting more and more difficult to pull back from him when every fiber of her being was screaming to sink further into the swirling depths of temptation and promise that was her husband. No longer was it a test of his affections. It was now a test of her will.

Lately she thought it might be possible that Derek could love her, and this was what held her back. What if he
did
love her? She was so uncertain of herself, of what it all meant; what if she could not fully return the sentiment? She liked him, and on many levels. He was rather quickly becoming the person she wanted to spend all of her time with, and he most certainly was the man who occupied her dreams. He was encouraging, he was affectionate, he was kind; in short, he was everything she had never thought she would have, and especially not from him.

How could she be falling in love with a man she never knew existed?

And she was falling in love with him, she knew enough of herself to know that, and there would be no use trying to deny it.

It terrified her.

She ceased in her preparations for bed and grabbed her cloak and half-kid boots. She needed to think, and there was only one place where her thoughts were clear and pure, regardless of the insanity of her life. She slipped down the hall to the servants’ stairs, and used the kitchen door to take her to the back garden. It was only through the back hedge and across two streets before she would reach it, and the secrecy of her journey always left her exhilarated.

But before she could take three steps, she hesitated. While she normally loved this time to herself, to be alone with her thoughts and the night, she suddenly found she did not want to be alone at all. She wanted…

She turned and ran lightly around the corner of the house to the window of Derek’s study, and, just as she suspected, the curtains were pulled back. Over the brief course of their improvised courtship, one of the things she had learned was that Derek was fascinated by the stars, and whenever he could, he would stare at them. It was oddly adorable that he had this secret interest in them, and she suspected he had done so ever since he was a boy. As it was turning out, Derek was a man with many secrets, and she suddenly wanted to know each and every one of them.

Moving herself into the light from the window, she waited for him to notice her as he paced around the room. His thoughts must have been rather occupied, for he did not even glance out of the window once. She laughed quietly to herself. Whatever was distracting him, he was doing a very poor job of hiding it. The lines on his face were aging him, and she suddenly saw how Derek would look when they were old and gray, and in the stern line of his jaw, she saw how their son would look when he was not getting his way. She hoped her son looked like his father. She hoped all of her children looked like their father.

She found the very thought of them sent a warm feeling coursing through her. If she kept this up, there would be nothing left of her to pull back.

Shaking herself just a bit, she tossed a small pebble at the window, the sound of which brought Derek’s head around in surprise. The shock increased when he saw her standing outside. He tilted his head in question, a curious half smile forming on his remarkably handsome face.

She smiled back and waved him out, inviting him to join her.

He looked confused, but said nothing.

Again she waved, smiling more broadly.

His grin grew and he shook his head, not in refusal, but in amusement.

She took one half step forward, softened her smile and her eyes, and beckoned again with one hand.

Derek’s grin faded, but the interest flared in his eyes. She saw him swallow, and then nod. Before she could react, he had turned from the window and almost run from the room.

With a relieved smile, Kate stepped back and waited for him to join her. She did not have to wait long at all.

He came jogging towards her, smiling with a mix of confusion and humor. “Kate, what in the…?”

She shook her head and held out a hand to him, which he took as he reached her. She offered a mischievous grin, and starting to run towards the back hedge, and he obediently tagged along, his hand firmly in hers.

“Where are we going?” Derek laughed as he ran alongside her.

“You’ll see,” she replied cryptically, unable to resist grinning at him.

“Doubtful. It’s pitch black out here.” His words were reluctant, though his tone was anything but.

“Oh, come on, Derek. The moon is out, the stars are out, it’s a glorious night, and I want to enjoy it with you.”

He gripped her hand more tightly but said nothing in response, which she took to be a good thing. They pushed through the hedges with no difficulty, as her repeated trips through had left a small break in them. She could almost feel his anticipation growing with hers as they ran across the streets, the silence of the night adding to the mystery. She hoped she had been right in bringing him along; it felt right to do so.

“Kate!” Derek hissed, a smile in his voice. “Where exactly are you taking me?”

“We’re nearly there,” she panted, tugging more firmly on his hand as they ran. “This is my favorite place in all the world. I come here whenever I need to think, or to breathe, or gain perspective.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“Most of the time, yes. It is on the Mayfield’s property, after all, and backs up directly to Hyde Park. Daylight would be highly inappropriate. Not that anybody has paid any attention to it in years, but that adds to the charm of it, I think.”

“The charm of what?” Derek asked as he looked at her in exasperation.

She finally stopped as it came into sight, and she sighed. “That.”

He turned to look, and Kate was torn between watching him and trying to see this place with new eyes, as he was. She settled for both. Derek’s eyes widened as he took in the small gazebo, almost overrun with lilacs, looking like something out of fairytale. The moon reflected brightly off of the nearby pond, casting a faint silvery light across the panorama.

“Oh,” Derek breathed softly, moving forward on his own now, though he still held Kate’s hand in his own. Only when they reached the gazebo did he speak again. “How did you ever find this place?”

“I don’t even recall,” Kate said as she gently touched the petals of one lilac within her reach. “But it’s been my haven ever since. Lilacs are my favorite flower, you know.”

“Are they?”

She nodded absently, still toying with one. “They grow best when wild, they take hold of all around them, and their fragrance is one of the most poignant of all floras. And they are beautiful, particularly in the moonlight, don’t you think?”

“I do.”

Something in his voice made her shiver and she turned to look at him, only to find him watching her instead of the flowers. “Why are you looking at me like that?” she whispered, feeling very self-conscious.

“Because you are a lilac. You grow best when untamed, you take hold of all about you, your fragrance is rich and inviting, and you have beauty beyond compare, most particularly in the moonlight. A lilac in a world of weeds.”

She felt herself blush and released his hand as she began walking along the outside of the gazebo, her fingers trailing amongst the lilacs and the aged wood. “A husband does not flatter his wife, sir.”

“Are there rules of husbands now as well?” he asked as he slowly matched her pace from inside.

“As to that, I cannot say,” she murmured shyly. “I’m not trained in the rules of husbands.”

“Then, as a husband, allow me to enlighten you. A husband with sense enough to marry a capable, wise, and witty wife, who also happens to possess attractive features and accomplishment, is well within his rights to flatter her as he so chooses.”

He continued to match her slow and lingering pace, watching her through the gaps in wood, the openings on each side, his eyes seemingly fixed upon her face. She looked up at him on occasion as he spoke, and every time he met her gaze.

“In fact, it is his duty to flatter her, particularly if he is sincere,” Derek continued softly. “He is not worthy to bear the title of husband if he does not.”

“Sincerity would be important,” Kate allowed, flicking her eyes up to his through the opening of the gazebo again. “Vain flattery serves no purpose but to heat the air and puff up the flatterer.”

“You think me insincere, Kate?”

“I think you partial and biased.”

“Perhaps I am.” He stepped forward then, his frame towering over hers, both due to his size and the height of the floor he was standing upon. He stood as close to her as he could while maintaining his position, one hand still gripping the post.

Kate lifted her head to stare into his eyes, her heart pounding frantically. Why did her husband have to be so very attractive? This breathless unsettling of her entire being was rather precarious. She could have moved back, could have stepped away, but something held her captive.

Derek held her captive.

She swallowed hard, but could not find words.

“But being partial and biased doesn’t make me less sincere or truthful,” he told her in a voice that was almost a breath. “It merely gives me a clearer sight where once I was blind.”

“Oh dear,” Kate breathed, finding the very attempt at thought rather difficult. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have brought you with me after all.”

Derek reared back, his eyebrows shooting up nearly to his hairline. “What? Why not?”

“Because I needed to think,” she said a little more firmly, taking two small steps away from him, “and it is becoming increasingly difficult to do so with you around.”

He grinned rather mischievously at her blunt admission. “Really?”

“As if you didn’t know,” she scoffed, smiling finally, moving away to continue walking around the gazebo in the moonlight.

“What do you need to think about?”

“You. Me. Us.” She shrugged and stopped walking, leaning against one side of an entrance, taking a deep breath and inhaling the calming fragrance of the lilacs. “Who we are, what we are… what it all means…”

There was so much swirling about in her mind. Tomorrow would be the end of the two weeks that Derek had agreed to stay. After tomorrow, he could leave her again, and do whatever he pleased. She didn’t dare mention it to him for fear that she would catch in his eyes a flash of relief or victory. If he left, she would not be able to bear the torment. Not from others when it became apparent that she was not carrying his child, but from herself, who had grown so attached to him, so fond of the friendship they enjoyed, and even the breathless moments that were thrust upon her. Life would be bleak without him.

How had she come to this? How had everything in her world become so wrapped up in him that she hardly knew who she was without him?

“It has been a whirlwind time of it lately, hasn’t it?” Derek sighed, coming over and leaning on the post opposite her.

She nodded, the very beginning of tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

“We’ve come so far, you and I,” he said softly. “Personally, I find it hard to believe that I ever hated you.” He chuckled and shook his head. “It seems so ridiculous.”

“I would have agreed with you wholeheartedly back then,” Kate replied with a small smile. “But now I have to disagree. I was a shrew. A self-righteous, contentious, cold echo of my mother, hardly fit to be a wife at all, let alone a woman. You were right to hate me.”

“And I was an arrogant, cantankerous, pretentious prig, destined to become a doddering codger like his father, no more fit to be a husband than a boulder is.” He smiled and shook his head again. “I used to call you a tyrant. I used to say you were spiteful and horrifying and evil. I thought you were the devil incarnate.”

“I used to call you lazy,” she returned. “I said you were a waste of human form and intellect. I thought you were disrespectful. And ignorant. And annoying.”

“Well, I can be very annoying,” he allowed with a light smile, which brought one to her face as well. “You had a point there.” Then he sobered. “I hardly recognize the man I was, Kate. I despise him. But he was the man that married you, I can’t change that.”

“And she was the woman you married,” Kate whispered, her voice full of regret.

“But we are not married to them now.”

She looked up at him, and saw the same regret, hope, and earnestness in his eyes that she was feeling within herself. And again, her breath was stolen from her lungs.