Masquerade (7 page)

Cheyenne’s boyfriend, Colt, holds her almost the same way Laney’s did as I give her a tattoo. Hers goes even quicker than Maddox’s sister’s because she’s only getting a quote. A cool quote about making your own fate.

My mind isn’t much on that, though. It’s stupid. I see couples in here all the time and don’t really pay it any attention, but I can’t help but study the way Maddox’s four friends are. Though maybe
friends
isn’t the right word. He obviously doesn’t get along well with Adrian and he’s only said a couple words to Colt.

There’s something about them that catches my attention. It’s the way each couple is with each other, like they’ve fought the world to be where they are, and I kind of envy that. It’s not as though I’m looking for a partner or I haven’t been through stuff, because I have, but for the first time, I wish I dealt with it differently. Not because of my family like I usually do, but for me.

“All done,” I tell Cheyenne. Colt still holds her hand as she goes to the mirror to look at it.

Maddox steps up next to me. “I like the font.”

“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites.” It’s sort of old-fashioned-looking, almost medieval, yet thin, feminine. “It fits your art style, actually,” I tell him. “It’s almost like there’s knowledge to it.”

Maddox glances over at me, those gray eyes that have the same knowledgeable quality. “Yeah?” he asks, with a hit of vulnerability I’m not used to from him.

“Yep.” And then I turn away, because he suddenly feels too close. “You like it?” I ask Cheyenne. It looks good on her shoulder.

“Absolutely. It’s gorgeous.” She’s still looking in the mirror while Colt traces a tattoo on his wrist that says
Mom
. Yeah, these people have definitely been through more than most.

“You do great work.” Laney steps up next to her brother.

“Thanks. I’m glad you guys like them.”

“How much do we owe you?”

Without thinking, I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it. You’re with Scratch, so—”

“No,” Maddox interrupts.

I almost argue with him that I don’t usually do things like that and not to look a gift horse in the mouth when I realize what his answer’s about. He thinks he’ll owe me if we do that. I’m not sure I want him to owe me either. Luckily, Adrian jumps in and speaks. “He’s right. This is your business. It’s not a big deal.” Nodding, I head over to the desk to check the time. After I tell them how much they owe, and they pay, Laney says, “You should hang out with us sometime.”

Maddox tenses and a small smile curves Adrian’s lips. The two guys obviously feel differently about what she asked, which tells me it has a deeper meaning than saying hi to the new girl in town.

Not a good idea, but it’s not like I can be rude to her either. “Cool. Thanks. I don’t have much extra time right now since I’m trying to get Masquerade off the ground, but maybe we can figure something out sometime.”

The little downturn of her lips says she realizes the answer is no. It’s not smart to entangle my life any more with Maddox’s. I’ve already slept with him twice and he’s here with me practically every day.

“Okay. Sure. You can get a hold of me through Maddy if you’re interested.”

“Maddy, huh?” I lift my eyebrows at Maddox, but he shakes his head.

Laney gives him a hug. He quickly pats her on the back and pulls away. Then the four of them walk out, leaving Maddox and I alone again. He leans against the front of my desk and I move over to stand next to him. I’m not sure why I do.

“You’re protective,” I say.

“She’s all I have.” The words have to squeeze past his lips his mouth is so tight.

I’ve never been one to pry in other people’s business because I’ve never let myself really care enough to do it, but everything inside of me is begging to ask him why. Why is it only two of them? What are their secrets? Why does Maddox think it’s his job to take care of her?

Even though I want to, I don’t. Wondering about him shouldn’t be something I’m trying to keep myself from doing. It usually happens automatically.

So instead of asking, something equally as crazy falls out of my mouth. “You do a good job.”

A blast of heat seems to shoot off Maddox and slam right into me. Anger? Pain? I’m not sure.

“Not really. You don’t know anything about us.”

Moving over, I stand in front of him and cross my arms. “I do have eyes. She’s happy, you care about her, and she cares about you. Feels like about as close to success as a person can get.”

And she does love him. Even if she hadn’t come in here begging me to give him a chance, I would have been able to see that today.

“Looks can be deceiving.”

A little jolt hits me in the chest. He’s right. People assume my life was horrible because I was kidnapped. They think it was automatically perfect when I went home. Feeling and situations behind the scenes often make things look like something other than what they are. “You need to stop saying things like that to me.” My voice is low. When Maddox raises his eyes to me, I know he sees what I mean. Words like that make me feel close to him.

Instead of taking them back, he continues to stare at me, this smoldering look in his eyes that threatens to burn me alive. I welcome the forbidden flames.

His finger hooks through the belt loop on my jeans. His tug is gentle, but I come easily, the whole time yelling at myself,
Back up! It’s too much. You can’t do this with him again.

“Stop making me want you.” The same heat from his eyes is now in his words.

“Stop letting me have you,” I reply, and it seems to inflame him more.

He pulls me closer again, right between his legs, as the other hand moves up to cup my cheek. His stare alone is burning me alive. Neither of us are smiling, both torn by this wild desire and the need to push the other away.

“Pretty soon we’re going to hate each other if we keep doing this.” The knowledge makes me a little sad, but I fight to bury it beneath my craving for him.

“I know.” And yet, he still leans forward and I do too. Our lips are close, so so close, that I smell him and feel him and almost taste him when—“Oh my God! Told you they’re open! I knew I saw someone inside.”

My body jerks away from Maddox as two girls laugh while they’re stepping inside. Neither of them are looking at us, so I don’t think we were caught.

“Hey! You’re open, right? The sign says closed, but we saw you in here and the door is unlocked,” the perky blonde says.

The girl standing next to her is dark-skinned with hundreds of long, black braids in her hair.

“Are we interrupting?” she asks.

“Nope.” I head toward them. “Yeah, we’re open. I forgot to change the sign.” Total lie, but it’ll keep Maddox and I away from each other, something we need.

“What are you looking for?” I ask the girl with the braids.

“Not me. Her.” She points to her friend.

The blonde shows me a little sun design she brought in and I give her a quote. When she agrees, I tell her, “Cool. I’m Bee. This is Maddox. He’s learning the biz.”

Braids eyes him. “Hi. I’m Christine and this is Aimee.”

“Hey.” Maddox nods at them and then turns to me. “I’ll get the equipment set up.”

We go through our usual routine and it’s not long before I’m sitting down and tattooing a sun on the swell of Aimee’s breast. Maddox sits close like he always does, studying what I’m doing and asking questions. I can still feel the heat rolling off him.

“So you’re looking to get into tattooing?” Christine asks him.

Obviously.

“Yeah.”

“That’s cool. You’ve had some nice work done.”

“Thanks,” he tells her. And on and on and on. She wants him. That much I can tell and she has every right to want him. I’m not one of those girls who’s going to hate her because she has eyes in her head and knows a good-looking guy when she sees one. Plus, Maddox isn’t mine.

Even though he’s giving short answers, he’s not being a dick to her. He’s into watching Aimee get tattooed. That’s what he’s here for. Every once in a while, I glance his way and honestly, I can’t even tell if he realizes this woman wants him. I don’t mean that I think he’s oblivious to things, it’s… I don’t think Maddox works that way. He doesn’t run off emotions unless it’s for his family. He keeps his distance, which means he’s not paying attention.

Whoa
. Why do I suddenly think I know him so well?

I pull the tattoo gun away from the client’s skin to wipe away some of the excess ink.

“It looks good,” Maddox tells me. “The white around the sun makes it stick out more. I was iffy about it at first.”

“You don’t trust me?” I try to tease him, hoping it will get my thoughts away from things that are real.

But when he replies, “More than I trust others,” my heart stumbles. I put my needle back to work on Aimee’s tattoo as his reply rolls over and over in my mind. In the same vein, I almost feel like I trust him more than I do others too. The way he still stays here watching me tattoo and the easy set of his body tells me he didn’t mean anything by his comment. It wasn’t some big declaration, but still, it feels like
something
. I’ve had too many of those moments with him.

When I’m finished with the tattoo, Christine says to Maddox, “I’ll have to come back when you’re tattooing. You can give me my first one.”

Hello, flirty.

Again, she’s not doing anything wrong. More power to her for going after what she wants but I still find myself feeling pissy when I grit out, “He won’t be here when he’s on his own. Masquerade is mine.”

Maddox’s face flashes a different kind of fire than the look he gave me by the desk. This one is hard and I know it’s my fault. I have no idea what’s gotten into me; I only know I don’t like it. I’d turned the atmosphere in the room to awkward as hell.

Without a reply to me, or Christine, Maddox heads over and starts taking care of the equipment. My brain keeps telling me to take the words back, to apologize to the customer, and to Scratch, but I can’t make my mouth listen.

As soon as they leave, Maddox is grabbing his stuff. He didn’t even have to stay here this long, I remind myself. He helped me this morning and we did three tattoos on a day we weren’t supposed to do any.

“Hey,” I start to say to him as he’s heading toward the door.

“I gotta run. I didn’t plan on being here this long.”

“Maddox…”
I’m sorry. I’m freaking out and I don’t know why.
“I’m—”

“Don’t,” he cuts me off.

“Don’t what?”

“You’re honest—that’s what you are. You told her the truth. It’s important that we both remember that. I’ll see ya later.” After that, Maddox walks out of my shop.

Guilt trickles through me before becoming a massive waterfall. I jump when my cell phone vibrates on the desk. “Relax,” I mumble as I walk over to look at it.

MOM lights up on the screen.

I wait, telling myself I’m going to pick it up on the next ring. I don’t. And then I don’t again. Finally it stops. It’s not the first time her call has gone unanswered since we spoke about my sister.

It’s another reason to feel like crap.

And then I remember the vision, memory, whatever I should call it about being grabbed and wonder if it’s real. I shiver. A flash of sitting in the corner, scared, floods my vision. I never had any of those memories, dreams, before. And if they are real, I know it had to be from when I was taken from the person whose phone calls I ignore.

What’s wrong with me?

“I love Chinese food.” Laney takes a forkful of her fried rice and then smiles at me.

I shake my head. “You have food on your lip.” She wipes it off before grinning again. Crossing my arms, I rest them on the picnic table where we’re eating lunch. Fall’s setting in and the weather’s cooling down slightly, but today’s a pretty decent day. She puts another bite into her mouth happily as though everything is right and perfect in the world.

Sometimes I wonder how we can be siblings. She’s always been like that in a way. Laney’s been through a lot like me and she’s grown up fast because of it, but she’s also always had this sunshine and happiness outlook that I’ve never come close to having. She’s emotional and takes things to heart yet still can see the beauty in things that I couldn’t give a shit about.

It’s part of the reason I’ve always wanted to shelter her from the bad. Why try and taint that good? There’s enough negative in the world already. Plus, she always got the shit end of the stick when she didn’t deserve it. Everything that I got I had coming to me because I kept my mouth shut about Dad.

I’m still keeping my mouth shut to protect myself.

“How’s your tattoo?” I ask her.

“It’s awesome. I love it. You freaked for no reason, Maddy. I don’t get you sometimes.”

Yep, she’s right there. I know it was for no reason, but I don’t say it.

“And school?”

“It’s great. I love my classes. Lots of prereqs right now. I can’t wait to get into more of the nursing stuff.”

When we were kids, I thought I would be in the NFL and she always wanted to be a nurse and take care of little kids. It fits her and she’ll make it happen. I’m glad she’ll get her dream, though mine is such a distant memory. I don’t feel like that same person anymore.

In reply to her, I nod.

“What about you? How’s the tattooing going?”

This time it’s my turn to take a bite of my food. I knew she’d ask, like I’m sure she knows I don’t want to answer. The why of it I don’t get myself. Even while I’m shutting her out, I always feel like shit about it.

“Good. You’re doin’ it all okay? With work and school?”

Laney sighs and pushes her dark hair out of her face, looking at me with the same gray eyes I see in the mirror every day. “Yes.”

“What about money? You’re working part-time—”

“Yes,
Dad
.”

My body turns to stone at that. He’s the last motherfucker I want someone to call me, though maybe it’s not really far from the truth.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that, Maddy.” She read my mind. “But it’s ridiculous. You worry about me, not yourself. You want to know everything about me but don’t want to tell me anything about you. We need… we need to try to move past it, ya know?”

There’s the logical part of me that knows that. Fuck, Adrian’s son is dead. He’d do anything for my sister though. “We’re not all built the same way.” I shrug. It’s the only answer I have. My instincts are to keep myself closed up. I don’t do the comforting thing, and it’s not something I can decide to change and do it. Hell, I don’t even know if I want to. “Just because I’m different than you doesn’t mean I’m not over it.”

Her eyes close at that and I know she’s sad. Guilt tugs at me, telling me to try and fix it, but I don’t know how to be the person I used to be. I went from a kid who only wanted to play football to going gambling with my dad who told me it was the only way to pay for college. I wanted college and football, right? I became good at keeping my mouth shut for my own fucking good and now I don’t know how to open it again.

“Remember when we were younger? It was before everything went down. God, Maddy. You couldn’t have been any older than ten. You used to collect cans and do yard work and then you’d take your money down and buy us Chinese food.”

An ache forms in my chest. I ignore it. Ignore the need to walk away too.

“One time we ate Chinese at a park like this and then you tried to teach me to play football.”

“You sucked.” I’m surprised the words came out.

“I did, and you spent hours out there teaching me to throw. To me, it didn’t really matter that I sucked. Well, that’s a lie. It kind of did because you liked football. I looked up to you. All I wanted was to be like my big brother and even way back then, you tried to take care of me.”

I drum my thumbs on the picnic table and then reach into my pocket, pull out a cigarette, and light it. “You don’t wanna be like me, Laney.”

She knows that now. I don’t even have to tell her I’m no one to look up to.

“You were my best friend. You still are. You’ve always been more than my brother.”

I take a drag of my cigarette, hoping this conversation is going to end soon.

“Mom called me…”

My eyes snap to Laney. “What did she say to you? Did she give you shit?” Laney was the one to hold Mom while she lay bleeding. She was also the one Mom blamed for saving her.

My sister closes her box of Chinese. “She started to. She tried to make me feel guilty because you don’t talk to her. She thinks it’s my fault. I hung up. I told her if she was going to harass me, I wouldn’t talk to her.”

The urge to smile hits me at that. She’s stronger now. Sticking up for herself. That makes me feel good. “Don’t answer anymore. If she calls you again, tell me and I’ll take care of it.”

Laney shakes her head and I know she’s upset. “I don’t
need
you to take care of it. That’s not why I told you. I can take care of myself. It’s time for you to take care of yourself too. I’m good, Maddy. And I have Adrian. I want… I want you to have someone too.”

At that, I push to my feet.
“Just one more time, Maddox. Be a man. Sometimes men have to do things that aren’t right to take care of their family. I do this for you guys and if you tell your mom, it will kill her.”

I should have opened my mouth. I should have known it was more than the gambling he was trying to hide. If I hadn’t listened to him, he wouldn’t have left that weekend. Maybe Adrian’s son Ash would still be alive. Why would I want someone else in my life to depend on me when I obviously make shitty decisions? The men in my family only let people down.

“I gotta go.”

She pushes to her feet right behind me. “You always have to go. Anytime we talk about something important, you have to go. Maddox, I want you to be happy.”

“Who said I’m not? I’m doing the tattoo thing. I have a job—”

“You keep yourself so closed off from any and everything important. You don’t date. What about you and Bee? I saw something there.”

Bee is definitely not someone I’m going to talk to my sister about. “I thought your boyfriend was supposed to be the psychic one, not you.”

“Whatever, Maddox.” There’s an edge to her voice I’m not used to hearing from my sister, like she’s getting fed up, and then for the first time, it’s her who walks away from me.

* * *

I’m in a shitty mood. I text Bee that I’m not coming to Masquerade before work today. She’s probably going to be pissed. I’m the one who pushed her into this and now I’m not showing up. Right now, I can’t find it in me to care.

I head home and get ready to go to Lunar. The last thing I feel like is being around a bunch of drunk people. I’m pissed about my fight with Laney and feeling like shit because of the way I treat her. And her boyfriend too. Fuck, I can hardly talk to the guy. It hurts too much to think of what my family did to him. Real stand-up fucking guy I am.

I don’t know what makes me do it, but I head to the bar first. I’m early and I try to avoid Trevor as much as I can. He’s too hyper for me.

It’s only about 8:00, and a weekday, so Lunar’s not too packed. Both Trevor and Tyler are behind the counter. I try to take a quick turn to head to the back before they see me, but Tyler calls out, “Hey, Cross. Come here, man.”

Shit
. I’m not really in the mood to get involved with whatever the owners of Lunar need.

“What’s up? I gotta clock on in a minute,” I tell them when I reach the bar.

“We have a problem.” Tyler leans against the counter, arms crossed. He’s wearing a silk button-up shirt and slacks. What a joke. He owns a club where meth-heads get caught getting high in the alley, they have private stripper parties, and his brother fucks everything that walks, yet he’s always dressed like he’s sitting in a fiftieth-floor office somewhere.

“And it has something to do with me, how?” I ask.

I see Trevor try and cover a laugh, but Tyler just hardens that stern-ass businessman look.

“Because you’re security and we’re having a security issue. Unless you don’t like your job here and then I’m sure something can be arranged.”

No. No, I don’t like my shitty job here, but I need it. “What do you need?” I grit my teeth. Tyler nods and so I walk around to their side of the bar.

“Turbo’s out of here. He got caught dealing. You ready to step up?”

Wow. Didn’t expect that. Turbo was the head of security.

“Why me?”

“I’m wondering that, too, but Trev says you’re right for it.” Tyler’s stare is hard. I look at his brother, surprised he went to bat for me.

“What other responsibilities will I have?”

“First and foremost, don’t sell drugs in my club,” Tyler says.

I shake my head. “I don’t fuck around with that shit.”

“Yeah, that’s what Trev said.”

I’m wondering how in the hell Trevor knows or thinks he knows so much about me.

“You do the schedule. Your hours shouldn’t change unless we need help. Someone’s sick or needs time off, you man up and step in. You take responsibility too. One of the guys fuck up, it’s on you. We have private parties. They’re all yours or you make sure the right guy gets it. Extra money’s on the table too. You down?”

Fuck no
. Then again, what else do I have? Yeah, I’m tattooing with Bee, but what if that doesn’t last? Not only that, but she said so herself, once I’m done training, I’m out. It’s not like I have the money to open my own shop and if I can’t get anyone to let me apprentice under them, I’ll probably have trouble getting a job too. This? It’s guaranteed money, even though I hate this place.

“I’m in.”

Tyler nods. “I’ll be in touch.” And then he walks away. When I look at Trevor, he has a big-ass smile on his face.

“What?” I ask.

“You’re welcome.”

“I didn’t know you were the one who earned the job. I thought it was me.”

“You’re such a prick, Cross. That’s why I like you, though. How’s your girl?”

I fight the urge to tell him Bee’s none of his business. “She’s not my girl.”

“No?” His eyebrows go up.

The urge to hit him suddenly makes my fists tighten. “Nope.”

“That’s good to hear. She’s fucking hot. Bring her in with you again, yeah? If you don’t want her, I’d definitely like to get to know her better.”

Before I know what’s happening, I have the front of his shirt in my grip and I’ve shoved Trevor up against the wall. As soon as he starts laughing, I know what he did and know I stepped right into his plan. I still don’t let go of him.

“I’m kidding, man. You know I don’t play like that. Plenty of fish in the sea… though maybe not as feisty as her.”

Don’t fucking hit him. Don’t fucking hit him
. I can’t afford to lose this job.

“Judging by your reaction, I’m taking it she’s more your girl than you’re willing to admit.”

“Fuck off, Masterson.” I shove a little before letting go of him.

“Relax, man. I’m giving you shit. Trying to lighten you up a bit. Life’s too fucking fun to walk around as pissed at the world as you are.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You were born with a silver spoon stuck up your ass. Twenty-two years old and you own a club with your brother. Life must be real fucking hard.”

As I walk away from him, my chest feels tight and my jaw hurts it’s so tense. When my phone rings, I pull it out to see Laney’s name. Instead of answering, I turn my phone off. I’ve heard enough shit for one day. I’m not in the mood to deal with any more.