Masquerade Secrets (15 page)

“No!” The denial was ripped from somewhere in his chest. He couldn’t bear for her to think that she had done something wrong. Or that she lacked in some way. “You are perfect. More wonderful than anyone I have ever met.” A light flickered in her eyes, a light of hope, but there was no hope. “You have done nothing wrong, but I have.”

Her face fell, and he felt like a cad. Wrenching away from her pain, he turned, raking his fingers through his hair in frustration. A gesture that he had never done before.

His normally perfect hair stood on end from his fingers.

“I made a promise to another.”

She was quiet for a moment, processing what he had just said. “The masquerade woman.”

He nodded, frustrated with his life. “Yes. I promised myself to her, promised that I would find her.”

“I will help you.”

He shook his head forcefully. “No. I can’t ask that of you. Especially after what just happened between us. I can’t hurt you more.” He breathed shakily, turning toward her. “I hate myself that I’ve hurt you already.

He felt her feathery light touch on his arm. “I am responsible for myself, Bradford. I have made my own choice, and I will take care of my own feelings. I don’t regret what has passed between us, and I never will. But I’d like to think of myself as your friend.”

 
“You are. Perhaps even the best I’ve ever had.”

She smiled wistfully at that. “Tell me what you know of her, and I will help you in this.”

He searched her face, looking for the hurt, but didn’t see it. He had no idea that she was capable of masking such a strong emotion, but he knew she did now. What else didn’t he know about her?

“Honey-blond hair, green eyes, medium height,” he listed off her features like a list of numbers. “And she is here at the house party.”

“She is here? Are you certain?”

He nodded, but there was no enthusiasm in the gesture. “I saw her at the masquerade the other night. She told me.”

“I see.” She looked up at him again. I will make a list as soon as I return to the house. Pasting on a smile, which he clearly saw was fake, she gestured to the horse. “I believe we’ve walked long enough. Shall we return to the house and start the hunt?”

He wanted to hold her again, tell her how much she had come to mean to him, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t free to do so. So he nodded his agreement instead, moving to lift her to her horse.

Seeing her stiffen in the saddle, he looked up to see the groom approaching them. He had completely forgotten he was there.

“Will we be continuing on or returning to the manor?” the servant asked, any hint that he had witnessed their embrace was hidden.

The fact that none of Viscount Lawrence’s grooms were available that morning, and that he had to use one of his own men, was a boon. “We will be returning to the manor directly. Thank you, John.”

His servant nodded, acknowledging his master’s words and the silent request that what he had seen remain a secret. But Bradford wasn’t concerned that his servant would tell anyone. He had long since weeded out any of his staff that would gossip.

As the groom rode away, he looked up at Aubrey, tension creasing her brow. “There is no need to worry,” he quickly soothed. “He is one of my servants and he would never say a word.”

At his reassurance, she relaxed in the saddle, and he was taken aback by the amount of trust she showed him.

After checking that she was secure, he turned to his horse and mounted. There wasn’t anything left to say.

***

Quickly making her way to her room, she shut the door firmly before sinking onto the bed. The tears began slowly, then built with such pressure that there was no stopping them.

The hurt that had left her numb during their ride back to the estate was thawing, allowing her to feel the pain of losing Bradford.

She had never entered a competition for a man’s heart, never had any desire to. But she wanted Bradford’s heart like nothing she had ever wanted before. The fact that he wanted someone else hurt.

And the terrible thing was that he didn’t want another woman.
 
He wanted the masquerade woman, which was a part of her, but not really. She was a ghost, a fantasy.

However, she, Lady Aubrey, was flesh and blood. A true woman with feelings and emotions and desires.

How could he not know it was her? How could he scrutinize everyone, cataloging their traits, and not notice that the honey-blonde, emerald eyed woman was her?

Despair crushed her. When his eyes had looked into hers, when he had kissed her with a passion that she had never known, her heart had soared so high. She thought she would never be the same. And it had been true, she never would be the same. But in the next breath, when he had pulled away from her and she saw the look in his eye, she had crashed to the ground.

He had chosen the other woman. He chose a fantasy.

Her heart wrenched, more tears staining her pillow.

“Goodness! Aubrey, what is the matter?” Charlotte closed the door softly and rushed to her side.

With her sister’s comforting presence, the dam on her feelings burst, and she sobbed uncontrollably. Charlotte let out a soft cry as she heard her older sister break.

Her sister’s comforting arms wrapped around her. “Oh dear. Have a good cry. Cry it out.”

Her touch felt good, seemed to lessen the hollowness in her soul. She didn’t have Bradford, but she had her sister, her family. And they loved her.

A few more tears escaped her, purging the hurt enough that she could breathe.

With a quick squeeze around her sister’s waist, Aubrey silently thanked her for the comfort she had given.

“I’m sorry.” Aubrey leaned away and sniffled. “You might need to change your dress.”

Her sister waved the worry away. “It’s all right. I needed to change anyway.” She took Aubrey’s hand as they sat on her bed facing each other. “Now tell me what happened. What is the matter?”

For a moment she thought about denying the request, thought about how crazy it would sound, but she knew she couldn’t hold it all in any longer. She needed to share it with someone.

“Oh Charlotte, it’s a mess.”

“What is, dearest? What has happened? Start from the beginning.”

And that was exactly what Aubrey did. Starting from when she walked into Lady Templeton’s masquerade and ending with what had happened between the duke and herself during their latest ride.

Aubrey ended with a deep breath, feeling the weight of it all rise slightly from her shoulders. Why had she waited so long to tell anyone?

Glancing at Charlotte, Aubrey wanted to laugh at the surprised look on her sister’s face. “Why did you not tell me sooner?”

“There was nothing to tell. Nothing had happened between the two of us.”

“Nothing to tell?” her sister’s voice rose slightly. “The duke declared himself to you weeks ago!”

Shaking her head softly, Aubrey denied her sister’s words. “You don’t understand, Charlotte. He didn’t declare himself to me.” Seeing her sister’s confused look, Aubrey clarified. “He declared himself to the masquerade woman. She doesn’t exist.”

“But she does exist. You are she.”

“Not really.”

“Yes, really.” Charlotte squeezed her hand, gaining her full attention. “I have never understood why you have waited on the edges of the ballroom. You are gorgeous!” At her sister’s disbelieving snort she tried again. “You are gorgeous and charming, generous and intelligent. But you hide yourself away. You hide from others instead of showing how beautiful you are inside and out. I have never understood why.”

“I don’t know.”

“I see the masquerade woman in you. I see how beautiful and lively you are. Perhaps you needed the anonymity to unlock it yourself. When you believe in yourself, when you accept it and show the world, you are the masquerade woman.”

The words were like a balm to her soul. Her sister was squeezing her hand, almost as if she could pump her words into Aubrey’s heart.

Was Charlotte right? Had Aubrey been hiding something away all these years? Hovering on the edges of the ballroom to escape notice?

She hadn’t felt comfortable her first season, hadn’t fit the mold of a true debutant. Was that why she had felt lacking? Felt like she needed to haunt the fringe of the ballroom? She hadn’t quite thought of it that way before.

“I know who you are Aubrey. And I love who you are.”

With a soft smile, Aubrey squeezed her sister’s hand. “I love you too.” She took a cleansing breath. “You’re right. I hadn’t realized that I hid on the edge of the rooms.”

Her sister nodded to drive her point home.

“Perhaps it’s time that I stopped.” Something felt as if it were releasing in her chest. She felt lighter, freer. “I think tonight will be as good as any to show the ton what they’ve been missing.”

Charlotte laughed in delight and leaned in to hug her sister. “I can’t wait to see it. They won’t know what hit them.”

They laughed together for a moment before falling into another silence. “What do you plan to do about the duke?”

If only Aubrey knew. She could finally confess to who she was, but did she want that? A part of her still yearned for him to recognize her on his own, to know that she was the one he wanted regardless of his promise.

But would he ever be able to do that?

She knew he was a man of his word, and once given, would never break it. But what if he never found the woman? How long would he wait until he moved on?

It seemed so overwhelming.

“Is it really all that bad?” Charlotte asked, clearly seeing the debate on her sister’s face.

“I don’t know what to do. I want him to want me the way I am, because of me. Not because he promised a faceless woman at a masquerade.”

“I see.” Her sister paused as if considering something. “But Aubrey, he said he would want you no matter who you were, no matter what your reputation. Do you not believe him?”

“Of course I do. He is a man of his word. But I don’t want him to be required to accept me because of those words.”

Deep in thought, the two girls thought of how they might change Aubrey’s situation. But as the minutes passed, neither had an idea.

“Come, let’s get ready.” Taking Aubrey’s hand again, Charlotte led her to her dressing table. “Let’s focus on you right now. Everything will work out. I’m sure of it.” With a wicked grin she added, “Besides, the true Lady Aubrey will be presented to the guests this evening, and she must ready herself for all the male attention that will be turned her way.”

Aubrey laughed, the tiredness creeping into the sound. “I highly doubt that.”

Charlotte looked incredulous. “You can’t be serious! Aubrey, when I am finished with you, I guarantee, ever single man in this house will flock to you.”

With that promise, Charlotte set to making her sister fit for a debut others wouldn’t soon forget.

CHAPTER 8

Swearing, Bradford stuck a diamond pin into the knot at his neck. He kissed her. Kissed Aubrey.

What must she think of him?

One minute he had told her that he needed her help to find another woman, and the next he was kissing her, holding her as if he never wanted to let her go.