Master (An Impossible Novel) (Impossible #6) (17 page)

I forced myself to remain in professional mode.  “But what’s the link between Martel and The Mentor?  Why would The Mentor go to such lengths for him?”

“You’re very brave.  That makes me… happy.” 
I remembered the words he had spoken to me as he held me down, his cock hardening against me.

“The Mentor is insane.  He admitted it when he…”  I swallowed. 
“When I was with him.  He seemed almost surprised that he felt any emotion for me at all.  My guess is he’s a psychopath.  What bond did he share with Martel to make him care enough to protect his mentee?”  I turned back to the only lead we had.  “What about the list of patrons at Dusk?  There was one who’s FBI, and he’s in the New York field-”

“No!”  Smith barked, and I shrank back.  “Don’t you dare say Kennedy’s name.  I owe him everything that I am.  He’s a good man.”

“My name and Dex’s are on the list, too,” Reed reminded me, effectively cutting off what was sure to be a tirade from Smith.  The man was intimidating, and I had inched toward Reed for support without realizing it.  Smith’s eyes fell on my white-knuckled grip on my partner’s hand, and he backed off.

“You don’t know him, but I do.  So does Reed.  Kennedy could never do something like this.”  Smith’s voice was gentler this time, and some of the tension left me.  I hadn’t at all enjoyed being caught in his furor.

“All right, then,” my voice barely trembled.  “The client list at Dusk has gotten us nowhere, we can’t find anything about Martel’s family other than his murdered parents, and now we know that Parnell’s probably not The Mentor.”  What started out as a confident list of facts turned defeated by the end.  What more did we have?

“We’re still going through the missing person cases,” Reed reminded me.  “We might find something there.  And now we know he’s in law enforcement.  That’ll help narrow our search.  We’re not back at square one, Katie,” he reassured me.

I was almost terrified to ask, but it was the only other next step I could think of.  “What about Lydia?”  I didn’t look Smith in the eye.  “Could I talk to her again?  If she remembers anything-”

Smith let out a warning growl, and my teeth snapped closed.

“I think it’s Lydia’s choice.”  Reed fixed Smith with a significant stare.

After a long, tense silence, Smith snapped, “Fine.  You’re right.  It’s her choice.  I just want to keep her safe, but I have to remember that she doesn’t like it when I make decisions for her,” he said the last with fondness, and I was relieved at his renewed warmth.  Lydia obviously brought out his softer side as well as triggering his ferocity when it came to defending her.  “I’ll ask her tonight.  I know it’s important to her that The Mentor is caught.  She worries constantly about the women he might be hurting.”  He turned kind silver eyes on me.  “And I know she likes you, Agent Byrd.  If she’ll talk to anyone, it’ll be you.”

“Thanks,” I said, slightly abashed.  I had been the first agent Lydia had opened up to after she had been found at Decadence, after Martel had abandoned her.  She had been so destroyed inside.  That conversation still haunted me.  It wasn’t something I looked forward to repeating, but if she was strong enough to talk about it, I would have to be strong enough to listen.

“Okay,” Smith stood.  “I have to get back to her.  I don’t like her being in Chicago and out of my sight.”  His eyes glowed as he looked from Reed to me, impressing his will upon us.  “This conversation doesn’t leave this room.  I don’t trust anyone else.  Except Clayton and Kennedy,” his gaze burned into me as he spoke his boss’ name.

My heart squeezed.  I shared the same faith in Dex and Frank, but I didn’t dare tell Smith that I would utter a word to either of them.

I thought about Colton.  Didn’t I trust him, too?  He had been so sure Parnell was The Mentor.  And I knew Parnell would have made the perfect scapegoat.  He had weaseled his way out of being imprisoned for his known crimes because the CPD had lost the evidence against him.

Someone in law enforcement.

I recalled my blindness when The Mentor had assaulted me, how he had masked every aspect of his identity.  He had been so close that he had touched me, and I was still no closer to learning who he was.

I can’t trust anyone.

Chapter 13

It was still so strange lounging in bed next to Reed, as though it was the most natural thing in the world.  Passion had lead me here on other nights, and exhaustion the night before.  But now we had both showered and brushed our teeth and gotten into bed, as though we were a normal couple going about our usual routines.

Thankfully, Reed had brought a variety of clothes from my apartment, so I wasn’t stuck with just pajamas.  I had a sneaking suspicion he had included the silky green nightgown with white lace on purpose, but I didn’t mind.  It was far less embarrassing than my animal print PJs.  The only thing embarrassing about this was the fact that my hard nipples were clearly visible against the thin material.  That was something Reed didn’t seem to mind.

He also didn’t seem to mind sleeping in nothing but boxers.

“Don’t you have a t-shirt or something?”  I asked.  The intensity of my attraction to him still scared me somewhat, and having him mostly naked wasn’t helping.

He laughed at me.  “Well, aren’t you prudish all of a sudden?  You didn’t mind looking at my cock in the shower.  Besides, the boxers are a courtesy.  I usually don’t wear anything to bed.”  The playful sparkle in his eyes faded.  “I thought you might appreciate some space between us tonight.  I understand if you want me to sleep on the couch.”

“What?  Why?”

“After everything that’s happened with The Mentor, and today with Parnell, I figured you might not want to be near a man.”  The words seemed to pain him, as though it went against his nature to put distance between us.  I remembered how he had touched me so boldly in the shower, burning away memories of my stalker’s touch.  He obviously wanted to do the same again, to claim me after the vile things Parnell had said about raping me, but he also seemed to sense that I had hit some kind of breaking point.

A part of me thought he was right.  But at the same time, I couldn’t bear the thought of his distance.  I needed Reed’s strength beside me, despite my fears about what needing him said about me.  I was coming to accept that I didn’t have to be strong and independent all the
time, that it was okay to show vulnerability.  But I couldn’t afford to think like that just yet.  I had to catch The Mentor before I could think about changing my life.

“I don’t want you to go,” I said quietly.  “Today was horrible, but something good came of it.  The way Frank was so protective of me…  It made me realize he wants me to be safe and happy.”  I took a deep breath, ready to make the admission out loud.  “I think you might be right, Reed.  Frank would have never wanted me to join the FBI if he realized how much I hate it.”

His eyes widened.  “You’re really thinking about quitting?”

I bit my lip.  “I think so,” I whispered, as though I was afraid to say the words.  “But not yet.  I have to catch The Mentor first.  And I’m worried…”  I hesitated.  “I’m worried when I
stop being strong, all my grief about my dad will come back and I’ll have to go through mourning all over again.  I don’t know if I can handle that, Reed.  I’m…  I’m scared.”

“Come here,” his voice was soft as he wrapped an arm around my waist and scooted my body closer to his.  I rested my head on his shoulder, taking comfort in his steady warmth.  “If you do have to grieve, I’ll be right here with you.”

“You lost your mother,” I remembered.  “How do you deal with it?  With her being gone?”

“Losing her shaped my whole life.  I wouldn’t be who I am if things had happened differently.  And I know she’d be proud of who I’ve become.  I miss her, but I can’t change the past.  All I can do is
choose how to live now.”

“You said you were fourteen when she died.  How did it happen?”  I knew the question was intensely personal, but Reed had never been anything but unflinchingly honest and open with me.  And I had shared some of my deepest secrets with him.

“She was stabbed to death.”  He paused, as though it took effort to say the next words.  “By my father.”

“Oh my god, Reed.
  I’m so sorry.”  The words weren’t enough, but what else could I say?  The prospect was horrific.  How was Reed able to live with what had happened to her?

“I am, too.  She didn’t deserve that.”  His eyes met mine, and I saw a wealth of sadness in them.  His hand twined in my hair, working through the coppery strands with a tenderness that shocked me.  “She had a gentle heart, like you.  But she wasn’t as strong, and she was impulsive.  She married my father after knowing him for a month, before she had the chance to realize what he was.  Cristian S
ánchez was a Colombian drug lord.  He was at his home in Atlanta at the time when she met him.  My father was very charismatic, and he was never cruel to her.  I believe he truly loved her.”

My lips parted, and I hung on to every word.  Reed’s father was a drug lord?  And now Reed was FBI?  How did that work?  I kept my silence, waiting for him to tell me the rest.

“My mother loved him, too, even though she hated the violence in his life.  She didn’t want me to have any part of it.  She kept me in Atlanta with her when my father would travel for his business.  She even named me for her father instead of naming me after Cristian, like he wanted.  But when I was fourteen, my father decided I was old enough to start learning the family business.  My mother had tried so hard to keep me away from it.  She tried to run with me.  My father went into a fit of rage, and he stabbed her for trying to leave him.  He grieved after, as though he hadn’t been the one to do it.”  Reed’s lips twisted in disgust.

“I managed to get away,” he continued.  “I went to my mother’s parents, and my father didn’t dare follow me there.  He knew I could report him for killing my mother, so we had a tacit understanding not to threaten each other.  I even took my grandparents’ surname – Miller – to further distance myself from my father.

“When I graduated college, I joined the Atlanta Police Department.  I had only served for a year when they asked me to help them go after my father.  I still hated him for what he had done to my mother, so I agreed.  I went in on the raid with the APD.  My father pulled a gun on me and shot me in the chest.  I would have died if it hadn’t been for the Kevlar.  My partner shot him to protect me.  I watched Cristian die.  And I felt nothing but satisfaction.”

He turned a worried gaze on me, as though concerned he had said too much.

“He killed your mother,” I said, letting him know that I understood.  Reed had never loved his father, and Cristian had taken his one real parent from him.  There were times I wished the man who had shot my father was dead.  There were times I dreamed about killing him myself.  My mother died giving birth to me, and Daddy had been my everything.

Reed nodded, his eyes clearing with relief that I hadn’t judged him.  “As soon as I turned twenty-four and was eligible for the FBI, I applied to be a Special Agent.  I was accepted at Quantico because of the work I did to bring my father down.”

His thumb traced the line of my cheekbone.  “I felt so powerless in the years after my mother’s death,” he confessed.  “When I was eighteen, I found BDSM.  It helped me channel my emotions.  It helped me understand myself and take control.  I wouldn’t be who I am without it.”  He brushed a kiss across my lips.  “I know you’re still scared of it, and I understand why.  With the things you see at work every day, I know why your desires confuse you.  But you don’t have to be afraid of them, Katie.  I would never do anything to hurt you.  You know that, right?”

The tension in his muscles let me know how important my answer was to him.  “Yes,” I breathed.  “I know you wouldn’t hurt me, Reed.  Not really.  But you’re right.  I am scared.  I’m scared of what you make me feel.  I’m scared to change how I live my life.  I don’t know how to be any other way.”

His forefinger curled beneath my chin.  “Then let me show you.”

I stayed completely still as he slowly leaned into me.  His satisfied smirk let me know he enjoyed trapping me with nothing more than his power over me.  And I
was
powerless when it came to him.  I was powerless, and I loved every heady second of my helplessness to resist him.

When his lips came down on mine, it was like coming home; sweetest joy and the deep satisfaction found in familiarity.  His mouth slanted over mine, the nip of his teeth urging me to open for him.  I complied, sighing into him, reveling in the comfort and ecstasy of his kiss.  Our connection was electric; our bodies recognized the natural bond shared by our souls, even if we didn’t fully realize it yet.  Reed was my perfect fit in every way, physically and emotionally.  The rush of feelings for him brought my fear creeping back up through my bliss.  It was too much, too fast.

I tried to pull away, but Reed only barely allowed my lips to break from his.  He cradled the back of my head, blocking my retreat.

“I won’t hurt you, remember?”  His voice was as smooth as dark velvet.  “You don’t have to be afraid with me.”

“I’m not afraid that you’ll hurt me.  I’m scared of what I feel for you.”

Lines of concern appeared around his eyes, but he didn’t release me.  “Why?”

“We’re partners, Reed,” I evaded the real reason.  “We shouldn’t be doing this.”