Maternal Harbor (2 page)

Pai's eyes narrowed.  “I have a husband.”

“He's out to sea for how long?”

Pai blinked a couple of times.  Her eyes pooled.

Teagan’s cheeks warmed.  She hadn’t meant to hurt Pai’s feelings, not for anything.  Doretta, Pai and Erica were the first gals she’d grown close to in a long time, and it wasn’t until she made their acquaintance, that she realized her social life consisted of bantering fisherman and customers.  Her baby’s father had been the exception, and his rejection still left her questioning her judgment.

She met Pai’s eyes straight on.  “I’m edgy today and don’t know why.  I hate that I took it out on you.  Forgive me?”

Pai collapsed, chest inward, arms melted to her sides, hands curled around the paunch that held her son.  “But you were right.  Mama told me not to marry a sailor.  Now I know why.  It’s like I’m sleeping in an uneven bed.  I miss the weight of him.  He’s supposed to be on the side facing the door.  All I want is for him to be next to me, protecting me.”  Suddenly, she hung down over her belly, moaning; the sound quickly escalated to a desperate wail.

Instantly, Teagan wrapped her arm around Pai and leaned down trying to see her face.  “My God, what’s the matter?”  She held her breath, waiting, willing that nothing was terribly wrong.  The two women by the window looked concerned.  A very pregnant teenager by the magazine rack and the pimply boyfriend beside her appeared terrified.  A pregnant woman in pain spiked anxiety like nothing else; the planned tranquility of the modern setting had been displaced by sudden fearful concern.  

Finally, Pai gasped, “I’ve felt rotten all last night and now I’m hurting something awful.”

“
I’ll get a nurse.”  Teagan jumped up and scuttled around the aquarium.  Several young women clustered at the check-in counter, waiting to speak to the receptionist.

Teagan crowded by them.  “Sorry, but Pai needs to see a doctor now.”

Pai yowled from her chair.  The receptionist also jumped up.  “I’ll get a nurse.”

Teagan gently rubbed her friend’s back until the nurse rushed into the lobby, hooked Pai’s chin in the palm of her hand and raised the face until she could look into her eyes.  “Are you having pains?”

Pai nodded.

“
Please lean back.  I have to check your baby.”

Teagan helped Pai straighten and the nurse held her hand against the extended abdomen, then low in the front.  “This little guy wants to meet his mama.  Your doctor is here and will see you right away.  I'll get a wheelchair.”

Relieved, Teagan squeezed Pai’s hand.  “You’ll be the first one to hold her son.  Can I phone someone for you?”

Pai shook her head; her silky pageboy shimmered from the slow, sad denial.  “There is no one,” she murmured.

There had to be someone.  Even Teagan wasn’t this alone.  “Your mother?”

Pai moaned low in the back of her throat.  “You and Doretta are it.  I've met no one else since our transfer except Erica and a couple of other Korean girls in my building.”  She gripped harder on Teagan's hand.  “I'm scared.”

“You're just having your baby.”  Teagan glared at the hallway.  Where was the nurse with the wheelchair?

Pai’s nails dug into Teagan’s palms.  “Listen to me.  It wasn’t just that man scaring me.  I feel like there’s something watching, looking in my window.”

“What?  Looking from where?”

“
Will you hear me?  I feel eyes.  My place is filled with them.  Someone is watching.  It started a month ago.  If anything happens, take my baby and make sure Duffy knows?”

Pai’s agitation frightened Teagan.  “You’re acting completely paranoid.  That can’t be good for the baby.”

Tears filled the almond eyes.  “You won’t protect my baby?  Why?”

The question hung between them, and Teagan didn’t know what to do about the sullied air.  “You’ll be just fine.  So will the baby, if you just calm down.”

Pai grimaced from pain.  “You have to look after my baby.  Promise me.”

“
You
know
I will.”  What else could Teagan say?  Even though she was overwhelmed by the thought of caring for one baby, and then adding another baby seemed impossible, she would do everything in her power to guard Pai’s son. 

A glimmer of hope reflected in the tortured eyes.  “I have to trust you.  Can I?”

“I don’t break promises.  Never have, never will.”

“
I know that.”  Pai's nails released Teagan's flesh.  “I'll tell the doctor.  Sign something.”  Her pallid face glistened as another labor pain seized her.  “Evil is watching.  Be careful.”

Quickly, Teagan scanned the room, looking for some horned madman.  The only thing out of place was the other patients stealing glances, concern written on their faces.

Finally, the nurse rushed into the lobby with a wheelchair.  They lifted Pai onto her feet and helped her into the chair.

“
Remember, you vowed.”  Pai glared back at Teagan as if expecting the promise to be repeated over and over until she was wheeled into the mouth of the hallway.

As soon as Pai disappeared, Teagan collapsed in a chair, glad to have Pai in the hands of people who would help her.  In fact, she delved into the solitude.

Even after Pai teetered inside the OB-GYN clinic, Erica Thorburn continued to sit in her Chevy Blazer.  Her appointment time came and went.  She simply couldn’t make herself face another checkup.  Everything was fine.  No sense in the doctor poking around more than necessary.  Besides, she felt too hyped to endure the exam room.  She needed a hard run uphill.

On the seat beside Erica lay a neatly folded pile of Seattle Police Department uniforms.  She brushed away a slight wrinkle in the sturdy, familiar fabric.  They needed to be fresh and clean, ready for her return to duty.  Wearing civvies, especially maternity ones, made her uneasy.  The body armor, uniform, and badge provided security.  She missed the Glock riding her hip even more.  In fact, she felt stark naked without it.  She also felt broad and pregnant.  She cursed.  Paunchy or wide-hipped officers were a blemish on the department.  For eighteen years, she worked hard in the gym to keep her five-foot, nine-inch frame sharp.  Mere pregnancy wouldn’t be allowed to change it.  During the first trimester she’d added tortuous cross-country miles, but even with that, her body spread.  A light workout at the gym before heading to the cleaners sounded better than pruning the marigolds along the back fence.  A frown tightened between her eyes.  The blossoms were too tall again; one reached all the way up to the fourth slat.

Erica rubbed her forehead.  What’s the hurry?  You have all day; that’s plenty of time to do both.

A tremor fluttered below her right rib, and she placed her hand over it.  “Are you awake, Derek?”  She pressed her palm against the bulge of the baby and waited for an answering thump, but none came.  “Derek,” she repeated, enjoying the strong sound of the D and the K.  After spending hours with a stupid name book, she’d thrown it away.  Only Derek worked.  There was none better.

She patted her tummy.  “It’s okay.  You sleep now.”

Erica pulled from the curb, liking her new Blazer almost as much as her squad car.  It prowled the blacktop with solid power.  Yesterday, she bought it off the show room floor, before realizing what she’d done; the salesman might have pressured her, or her mood simply needed something new.  She had planned to show it to Teagan, Pai and Doretta at the clinic, but was glad they hadn’t recognized her.  Some things should be kept private; at least until Derek and the boys needed a ride to ball games.  She chuckled at thinking of the unborn babies as boys, teammates, and buddies.

Erica noticed Teagan’s illegally parked pickup and considered giving her a ticket.  “Erica, why would you do that?” she scolded herself.  “Just once in your life relax.”

But it was just like Teagan to push the rules.  And the cleaners better do a good job.

             
After Pai disappeared down the hall, Teagan stayed rooted in the maroon office chair, wondering how her friend could suddenly be in so much pain.  Labor wasn't supposed to start like that.  What if sudden labor hit her?  For the first time, Teagan realized the dangers of living alone.  How could John do this?  Risk his baby?  His unexpected, hurtful words, when she’d told him, still riled her with helpless frustration at his unexplained selfishness.  He was self-absorbed, but she had overlooked it until the day she told him about the pregnancy.

“
Damn, Teagan, how could you do this to me?”  He appeared so indignant, like he suffered great betrayal at her hands.

Hiding the unbelievable hurt at his reaction, Teagan said evenly, “I seem to recall your presence.”  He couldn’t possibly think she was punishing him with a baby.

“You’re on the
pill.
  How can you be pregnant?”

“
Is it so awful?” she shot back.  “You’ve always said you wanted children.”  The word children broke and trembled.

“
That was an abstract in the very distant future.”

Anger burned in Teagan’s chest as his rejection slammed into her, hard and quick, spreading in all directions.  “Did you lie about getting married too?”

John flushed.  “Okay, the doctor bills are mine, but I can’t be involved.  I’ll leave tomorrow.”  He took her hand, looking at her with seductive eyes, willing her to give in.  “One more night is all I ask.”

“
Get out!”

“
You know, I can’t be worried about a baby and travel too.  And I am not changing jobs.”

“
Just leave.”  Teagan motioned toward the door.

“
You’ll miss us twisting the sheets.”

Teagan tried not to throw his clothes from the drawers, but took unadulterated joy in dumping his stuff all over and watching him pick it up.  Better yet was tossing his crap from his half of the medicine chest into the waste basket, hearing his bottle of aftershave break.  She handed him the odorous basket at the door.

His parting shot, emphasized with a pointing finger still echoed, “Don’t get an abortion.  I’m a rotten person but he deserves to live.”

Teagan aimed for his hand when she slammed the door, but a slight hesitation caused it to miss.  After the slam, her anger receded and her world dissolved, his desertion seemed unbearable.  How could he not want to be part of his child’s life?  Her baby must never know the emptiness caused by absent parents.  She’d known enough for the both of them.

Teagan’s baby moved and she absently laid her palm where the head rested.  “Yes wee one, your father left us,” she whispered, “but we won’t hate him.”

She had a new start because of the baby, an unexpected one for a self-proclaimed loner.  The unlikely friendship with the three expectant mothers at the clinic suited her; it was unbelievable, but she even liked shopping for baby things with them.  Pai picked out the cutest rompers.  Hope nothing bad happens.  Teagan shivered the thought away. 

Over at the clinic’s reception station four skinny, no-belly women busily answered telephones, checked in clients, or took payments – working like nothing unusual was happening.  Insensitive witches.

Teagan noticed for the second time a slight discomfort poking the small of her back and fingers of pain inching around to her navel.  She felt nauseated.  Oh great, Pai’s dying and she needed to puke.  The baby pressed against her bladder; she concentrated on the aquarium. 

A school of fringe tail goldfish swam in graceful arcs.  Their brilliant blue fins rocked constantly like Teagan’s worry.  Unlike everything else, she didn't choose the middle of worrying.  She fretted whole hog and actually took pleasure in an ability to dig up old stuff to stew about if nothing recent presented itself.  John maintained she never let go of anything.  He was right, but Doretta should be concerned about Erica; Pai shouldn’t panic over labor; A nurse should let her know what was happening.  Teagan was rankled, scared, and planned to stay that way.  She never realized until now how much she liked the quiet, seemingly timid Pai, but the gal did have iron in her tail fin.  She had certainly netted the promise she needed to get through the agony of giving birth.  Although she believed she remained confident, she had not.

Cheerful banter erupted from the exit hallway, and then Doretta huffed across the waiting room.  “You’ve seen your doctor already?” 

Relieved to see a friendly face, Teagan blurted, “Pai has terrible pains and they rushed her inside.  I don't know how she’s doing.  She even made me promise to care for her baby if she dies.”

Doretta puffed her chest in righteous indignation.  “That sounds just like Pai.  Least little twinge and she's dying.  So what do we do?”

“Wait.  They said they'd let me know and I still haven't seen my doctor.”

“
I'm hungry.”  Doretta tried to plop into a chair, but the best she could do was a backward tipsy fall.  She caught the padded arms and lowered onto the seat.  She tried to cross her legs, couldn’t and leaned back, stretching them out to entwine her ankles.  “Look!”  She bolted upright.

Teagan jumped.  “What!”

Eyes wide in horror, Doretta pointed at the side of her calf.  “That vein is sticking out!”