Maybe Baby Lite (15 page)

I gently rolled over,
careful not to wake Trey. I wanted to watch him in all his
gorgeousness and try to remember pieces of the night before. As I
watched Trey sleep, I was amazed that this beautiful man cared
about me. I wasn't sure of his motivation. My mom had always
repeated to me that men simply weren’t to be trusted. She'd once
told me that she'd held on to her virginity until her wedding night
with my dad. She'd confided to me that I was conceived the very
first time she had marital relations. She explained that was the
reason she was fanatical about practicing safe sex. She claimed my
father had lost interest in her after I was born and went elsewhere
for romance.

Trey’s hair was mussed
from sleep. I reached my hand up and brushed some hair back off of
his brow. He stirred feelings in me that I'd never known. They were
confusing at times, but I resolved to go with my heart. This
morning, I wanted to pamper him. I exited noiselessly from the bed,
and slipped into my robe and slippers. I quietly opened the bedroom
door and went out to the kitchen, shutting the door softly behind
me. I put the coffee on figuring Trey to be a coffee drinker. I
checked the fridge and got out the eggs, milk, and cheese for an
omelet. I could hear Trey stirring in the bedroom, then the
bathroom sink running.

When Trey emerged I had to
giggle. He was wearing my older shabby blue bathrobe. It was pretty
tight on him and the sleeves went only to his elbows. “You look
nice this morning,” I greeted him cheerily. He cocked one eyebrow,
scratching the back of his head and immediately grumbled for
coffee. My man wasn't a morning person.

“
Sit down,” I instructed,
and filled one of the mugs with steaming coffee. “Cream or sugar?”
I asked sweetly.

“
Black is fine, Tylar,” he
said, yawning, as I handed him the mug.

He took a sip of coffee
and then another. I handed him a plate with toast and an omelet and
sat down across from him with my plate.

“
This looks great, Tylar,”
he said as he started digging in, “Umm…it's good.”

“
I’m glad you like it,” I
said.

We ate in silence for a
few minutes, but I knew he was going to start pressing me about my
dreams. I was pleasantly surprised when the first thing he said had
nothing to do with my dreams.

“
What do you have planned
for today, Tylar?” he asked, looking up from his plate, chewing
thoughtfully.

Falling in love with
you…

“
I really hadn’t planned
anything. Just playing it by ear I guess.”

“
Do you want to take
Derringer out for a ride?”

I was shocked. What
happened to, “Nobody mounts my horse but me?” I wasn’t about to
throw that up to him now.

“
Well sure, you
mean
together?”

He frowned at me. “That's
the idea. I mean if you want to start exercising him in the arena,
you need to get used to him. I thought maybe we'd ride him
together.”

“
It sounds great to me.
When do you want to do this?”

He glanced down at his
Rolex. “I’ve got to get back to my house and clean up. I have a few
emails to answer. Let’s meet at the stables in a couple of hours,
around noon?”

“
It’s a date,” I answered
smiling.

He leaned over the
breakfast bar and gave me a peck on the cheek. I felt almost giddy.
We finished up with our breakfast. Trey did the dishes while I made
the bed. He told me he'd see me in a couple on his way
out.

It was just past 11:30
a.m. when I headed down to the barn, making absolutely sure that my
cottage was locked. It felt anxious in there now since I knew that
someone had let themselves in, leaving those boxes in my bed.
Someone from my past.

I entered the barn and
walked down the aisle between the horse stalls to the tack room.
Opening my locker, I grabbed my hunt cap and riding gloves and
zipped my half-chaps up over my jeans. I heard a man’s voice in the
aisle. Peeking out the tack room door, I was relieved to see it was
Trey. I was more skittish these days than any horse in the
stable.

My stomach had butterflies
as I watched Trey get Derringer saddled up. He knew what he was
doing. He'd put an all-purpose saddle on Derringer for today. It
made sense being that he wanted the Lipizzaner to get accustomed to
me riding him, but I wasn't worried that it would take long. Trey
was dressed impeccably in English riding garb. He was wearing a
white linen shirt, with fawn colored breeches that clung to his
well-muscled thighs and tight ass. His black field boots shone. I
was already taking much pleasure watching his sinewy moves as he
readied the horse. He put his riding gloves on after he finished
adjusting Derringer’s bridle, having been assured the fit was
gentle.

As I gazed at him, in the
back of my mind my mom’s nagging witch’s voice was harping to my
subconscious convincing my id that Trey was too handsome, too rich,
too polished, and too classy for trash like me. I pushed the
thoughts down.

Trey smiled when he saw
I’d arrived and I joined him in the aisle. Together we led
Derringer out of the stable, halting at the mounting block on the
lawn. Trey mounted Derringer expertly and I looked up at
him.

“
Where do you want me?” I
asked cautiously.

“
Well for now, how about
up on the horse with me?” He grinned mischievously as he lowered
his left arm down and with little effort, swung me up, placing me
right in front of him. I was encircled by his arms, my head resting
comfortably against his chest. I suddenly felt shy and giddy. With
a squeeze of his calves against the horse’s side, we were off at a
walk.

After a few moments of
walking, we'd left the stable far behind us and came to an open
meadow. Trey leaned down and whispered in my ear.

“
Ready to pick up the
speed?”

I nodded. Pressing his
calves against Derringer’s side again, Trey asked the horse to
trot. Behind me in the saddle, I felt his hips rise to post. I
leaned into him and matched his rhythm. Since Trey and I were
virtually sharing a saddle at the moment, it was a bit difficult
for me to do anything but remain close within his arms. As the
horse trotted, our bodies moved up and down in the saddle in
unison. Although I had no idea what lovemaking felt like, I
suspected the rhythm was similar to this.

At the far end of the
meadow, there was a crystal clear stream and plenty of shade trees.
He reined the horse over to a large tree that offered ample shade.
A couple of yards away, there was a large log lying horizontally on
the ground that bordered the stream. Trey slid down off of the
horse, taking me with him. I was puzzled by the short ride, but my
instincts told me that we were going to have a discussion first.
Play later. He dropped Derringer’s reins to the ground. The horse
happily stayed close, eating grass.

“
Come with me, Tylar,” he
held out his hand and I slipped mine into it. We walked over to the
log, and Trey straddled it, pulling me down once again in front of
him. This time I was facing him. I looked up at him
questioningly.

He smiled and held out his
hands, pulling me close to him, cupping my chin gently with his
hand, and tipping my face up to meet his eyes. Those sapphire blue
eyes were so intense and yet tender at the same time. He gazed at
me beneath his dark lashes and I knew it was time. It was time for
me to feel his full lips on mine and God I wanted to!

“
I need you to know
something Tylar,” his tone serious. “I'll never go beyond the
boundaries of what you permit me to do as far as touching you. Do
you understand what I’m saying?”

“
I think so,” I whispered,
studying his expression closely.

He continued, “I'll never
let our relationship get physical beyond what you're ready for,
regardless as to whether you communicate otherwise,
okay?”

Oh God, he's referring to
that whole, “Trey, will you fuck
me?”
disaster
.

I felt myself turn beet
red. I pulled my legs up, folding them in front of me like a fort
of protection. I wrapped both arms around my bent legs and lowered
my face so that my chin was resting on my knees, I avoided his
eyes. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I suspected he guessed that I
was a virgin, and a damaged virgin at that. Trey reached out with
his hand, tilting my chin up, forcing me to look into his eyes.
Eyes that were searching mine for something.

“
Tylar you've nothing to
be ashamed of, do you understand that? We're going to make this
right, damn it, I promise you that!”

Okay, now I'm a bit
confused.

Obviously, he'd figured
out I was a virgin. I loved that he was telling me that I'd no
reason to be ashamed of it, but what I totally wasn't getting was
his promise to me that
“we”
were going to make it right. Trey sensed my
confusion.

“
Do you want to talk about
it Tylar?” he asked softly.

“
I do,” I answered, “but
I'm a little bit embarrassed as well as confused.”

“
Just tell me what
confuses you. You’ve no need to be embarrassed about anything; it’s
not your fault, do you understand?”

“
Okay, here goes Trey. I'm
going to just blurt it out because I can’t candy-coat stuff. That's
just not my style”

He nodded, ready for
it.

“
I love that you're okay
with the fact that I'm still a virgin and all,” I blurted. “But
what I don’t understand is your promise that you and I are going to
make that right when you refuse …uhhh…you are reluctant to fuck me
because I guess you think I’m not ready. So I guess my question is
how much longer do you think my virginity needs to stay
intact?”

I looked at him and
suddenly realized I'd totally blown his mind. He couldn’t say I
hadn’t warned him about my bluntness. I continued to watch him
closely, waiting for a response. His expression was that of shock
or confusion. Maybe a little bit of both.

“
You’re a
virgin
?” he finally
sputtered. “I'd no idea; my God, are you sure?”

“
What do you mean, am
I
sure?
I think
I'd know, don’t you?"

He looked
stunned.

"What the hell did you
mean when you said ‘I'd nothing to be ashamed of’ and 'we'd make it
right,’ then if you weren’t referring to my virginity?”

“
I was referring to what I
presumed to be sexual abuse in your past. I mean the dreams, your
aversion to things that come on suddenly. It points to some type of
abuse; I guess I just assumed it was sexual.”

“
What?” I yelled. “Are you
serious? Don’t you think that I'd know it if I'd been sexually
abused?”

“
How do you explain the
dream last night?”

“
It was a nightmare Trey!
I’ve had a few since my concussion. They're weird and a little
scary, yes, I admit that, but to think they indicate I've been
raped or abused? That’s absurd!”

“
In last night’s dream you
were screaming things at me. You were asking me why I was letting
‘her’ use me to hurt you. You then screamed that you could do those
things; that you could be what she is.”

“
So?” I asked,
defensively. “None of that sounds like I was raped does
it?”

“
Who is
she
, Tylar?” Trey
demanded, “Is
she
your mother?”

I didn’t answer him. I
turned away not wanting to look at him. I didn't want to have this
conversation. Trey pressed on.

“
I've heard you shout out
things when you were dreaming in the hospital too! You were trying
to get out of bed. I had to restrain you. You said you wanted to
slap her and call her a whore. You mentioned Daniel. Did Daniel
hurt you in some way?”

His eyes were searching
mine for an answer. I was afraid to trust him with this secret. I
didn't want to believe it was true.

“
Daniel was my high school
boyfriend. I told you about him already,” I explained, not daring
to look Trey in the eye. “I guess I must've dreamed about my prom
while I was in the hospital. Daniel and I were going to make love
for the first time after prom but it never happened.”

“
Why didn’t it happen,
Tylar?”

“
I’m not sure,” I mumbled,
“probably because I got drunk and then sick.”

“
Is that all that
happened?” he asked softly.

“
Yes,” I lied.

“
Your nightmares seem to
be focused around your mother,” he commented. “Are you sure that
there isn’t more you’re not telling me?”

His questions were
starting to make me feel defensive. “What if it is my mother in
those dreams, those nightmares? What does that prove? It doesn’t
prove that I was sexually molested or raped, or that I’m
frigid!”

I was yelling by this
time.

“
Who said
anything
about you being
frigid?” he asked, his eyes flashing. “Is that what frightens you
Tylar? Because I can tell you this, you don’t have one frigid bone
in your beautiful body. No, there's something else you’re not
telling me. Why won’t you trust me?” he pleaded.