Mayor Hubble Is in Trouble! (7 page)

“Mayor Hubble is in trouble,” she said.

Finally, it was Election Day. There was a ballot box for each grade in the front hallway so kids could vote before going to class.

“Good luck, man,” said Michael.

“I hope you win,” said Neil the nude kid.

“It's in the bag, A.J.,” said Ryan.

“
What's
in the bag?” I asked. “You don't even have a bag.”

After I voted (for myself, of course), I went to the boy's bathroom and put on a fake nose and glasses I brought from home. Then I went back to the table with the ballot boxes.

“My name is Bob,” I said. “I'd like to vote in the third-grade election.”

“Certainly,” said the mom behind the ballot box.

After I voted (for myself again, of course), I went back to the boy's bathroom and put on the Batman costume that was in my backpack. Then I went back to the table.

“My name is Batman,” I said. “I'd like to vote in the third-grade election.”

“Thanks for voting!” said the mom as she handed me another ballot.

I must have voted for myself at least ten times. At that point I ran out of disguises
and walked down the hall to class. That's when Andrea stopped me in the hallway.

“I just wanted to say good luck, Arlo,” she said, “even though I hope you lose.”

“I hope you lose too,” I told Andrea. “So good luck losing.”

I was about to walk away, but I stopped.

“Hey Andrea,” I said, “can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, Arlo. What is it?”

“I just wanted to know,” I said, looking at my feet, “do you like me?”

I knew I shouldn't have said it. As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to stuff them back inside. But it was too late.

Andrea didn't answer for like a million
hundred seconds. It was so quiet. It was like we were in an underground cave, and all the other humans had been eaten by zombies.

And then Andrea said those three little words.

“Of course not,” she said. “I can't stand you.”

“Well, I can't stand you either,” I told her.

“Okay, then we're in agreement,” Andrea said. “May the better candidate win.”

I didn't say anything else to her as we walked down the hall to class.

After we pledged the allegiance and did Word of the Day, the whole third grade was called to the all-purpose room to find out who won the election.

When we got there, there was electricity in the air. Well, not really. If there was electricity in the air, we would all die.

I spotted Mayor Hubble sitting in the front row. He winked at me. Mr. Klutz climbed up on the stage and made the
shut-up victory peace sign. Everybody stopped talking. He took a sheet of paper out of his pocket.

“I hope this election helped you kids learn how democracy works,” Mr. Klutz told us. “You picked your candidates. You watched them campaign. You listened to them debate. You voted. And now the votes have been counted, and it's time to reveal the results. The president of the third grade is …”

I'm not gonna tell you.

Okay okay, I'll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you!

Mr. Klutz was about to announce the winner of the election. We were all on pins and needles.

Well, not really. That would hurt.

“The president of the third grade is … NOBODY!”

“Gasp!” everybody gasped.

“Nobody?” I yelled.

“I'm sorry,” said Mr. Klutz, “but A.J. and Andrea have both been disqualified.”

“Why?” everybody was asking.

“I have been informed that Mayor Hubble was helping both of them,” said Mr. Klutz. “Officer Spence, arrest that man!”

Our security guard, Officer Spence, came running over to Mayor Hubble.

“You're under arrest!” he said as he slapped a pair of handcuffs on the mayor.

“On what charge?” demanded Mayor Hubble.

“Trespassing, stealing yard signs, contributing to the delinquency of minors …”

“B-but …,” said Mayor Hubble.

Everybody started giggling because the mayor said “but,” which sounds just like
“butt” except it's missing a
t
.
*

“That's not fair!” Mayor Hubble yelled as Officer Spence dragged him away. “I'm not a crook, I tell you! I'm an honest man! I want my lawyer!”

After Mr. Klutz made the shut-up victory peace sign and everybody calmed down, the teachers went around passing out slips of paper and pencils to all the kids.

“We're going to have a runoff election to determine the president of the third grade,” Mr. Klutz told us. “You can vote for anyone you want, as long as it's not
A.J. or Andrea.”

Andrea was upset that she was disqualified, but I didn't care. I didn't want to be president anyway. I just didn't want
her
to be president.

We all voted again, and the teachers collected the slips of paper. It took about a million hundred hours for them to count up all the votes. Finally, Mr. Klutz went back to the microphone.

“The winner of the runoff election, and the president of the third grade is …,” he said, “… Mr. Wiggles? Who's Mr. Wiggles?”

WHAT?!

Neil the nude kid's pet ferret was the president of the third grade? Everybody
was hooting and hollering.

Neil was told to go get Mr. Wiggles. He went running to class and came back with Mr. Wiggles in his cage.

“Hooray for Mr. Wiggles!” we started chanting. “Hooray for Mr. Wiggles!”

Neil took Mr. Wiggles out of his cage and held him up in the air so we could all see him. Everybody went crazy. It was really loud.

“Hooray for Mr. Wiggles!”

That's when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. Mr. Wiggles must have been really excited about winning the election, because he started doing his weasel war dance and jumped out of Neil's hands!

And then, after winning the runoff election, Mr. Wiggles ran off! He hopped down from the stage and headed straight for the front row.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!” somebody shouted. “There's a wild ferret on the loose!”

“Help!”

“Run for your lives!”