Memory of Morning (15 page)

"My children are not
intellectuals
," Aunt Gwin said. "I will not risk their chances of making advantageous marriages because you Cliffs haven't the good sense to be frivolous."

Uncle Eadum gave his daughter a long, withering look. After a few seconds her gaze dropped to the floor and she gave him a curtsy.

"You will not have anything to do with fictional or scientific presentations," Aunt Gwin said.

"Except in the privacy of this house," Uncle Eadum said. "We aren't asking you go give up your interests, only to conform to Loudon custom during the Season."

He wanted his knighthood. And he wanted what was best for every member of the family. I wanted to go to bed.

"I am sorry, sir," I said. "I was thoughtless and forgetful. It won't happen again."

"It certainly will not." Aunt Gwin held up a circular. "I have marked every appropriate event for the rest of this month. By the time next month's circular is issued you shall all be inundated with too many invitations to worry about public entertainments."

"Thank you," I said.

I could feel Abethe quivering with fury beside me. Dwie looked like he was about to say something. Bell touched his arm and him gave a pleading look.

Once we got to the front hall, Abethe said to me, "How could you be so submissive in there? So apologetic? All right, I did not argue with my father in public, but you - groveled."

"I did indeed." I chuckled. I felt no shame or burn of indignation. "I learned to say ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, sir’ on the
Moonrunner.
You don't have to mean it, you just have to do it convincingly. Have you ever seen anyone flogged for insubordination?" I asked. "Keep a vision of a whip taking the skin off someone's back in your head while addressing your betters and you can say any fool thing you need to say."

Abethe shook her head. "How am I supposed to sleep now that I have that vision in my head?"

"Oh, dear. I'm sorry." I was used to violence, my cousin was used to a quiet life.

"That's all right," she said as she started up the sweeping staircase. "We slaughtered several pigs before I left home. I wonder how the sausage making is coming along?"

I suppose a quiet life can also be a bloody one. I now hoped my night wouldn't be haunted by dreams of death squeals and pig’s blood.

"I think I shall do the same." I had planned to go to bed, but instead took out the red leather journal, found some sheets of blank paper, and began to work on a fresh copy of my book.

Chapter Twenty

The next day was Songday and the entire household trooped off to First Temple for the earliest ceremony of the day. Nothing could be more proper or conventional. Cousin Corle kept congratulating us for being good, obedient children when going to temple on Songday was as habitual as breathing for all of us. Oh, well, she is a sickly woman and generally well-meaning, if a bit sour-tempered. Bell would be singing at the evening service, so I thought I might return for her performance. I used the morning service to actually worship. I was in need of centering and contemplation and the sacred songs helped take me to a place of calm and devotion.

I thanked the All for helping me put my thoughts in order and left the temple to run an errand. Abethe came with me.

"Why are we off to the print shop?" she asked after we'd hailed a horsecab and were alone. "Do you need a ream of paper to start a new novel?"

"I do want some foolscap, but my main mission is to correct this." I took a new calling card out of my reticule. Aunt Gwin had presented all of us with a small box of beautiful cards on cream stock to be presented at social calls, printed with our names and our address in Loudon.

"It reads
Miss Megere Cliff,
" Abethe read. "Oh, dear. How did your Aunt Gwin think she could get away with that,
Doctor Cliff
?"

"Don't be cynical, cousin. Well, not too cynical, as skepticism is in your nature. I believe her when she says it is a printing error. There are quite a few Miss Cliffs in the bridal stable, after all. Still, I intend to have the mistake rectified before Presentation Day."

Abethe gave a mock shudder - at least I think it was meant to be humorous.

"I still have some hopes that this will turn out to be entertaining," I said. "It has been so long since society has done anything like this that I thought it would be wonderful. It probably will be when the entertainments officially start."

"Stay hopeful, cousin," Abethe said. "While you walk into the marriage trap the older generations have set for you."

"It's not a trap if you want to get married. Which I do."

"Not I. Not anymore."

Abethe grew up in love with Nath Scarp. They'd been formally betrothed when they were both sixteen. No one had questioned that they were right for each other and would be together forever. The war with Framin took Nath from her in a sea battle fought within sight of Cliff and Scarp lands on the southeast coast. I remember the sounds and smoke from the cannon fire as we stood at the top of our shining white cliffs and peered out at the water. I remember ships ablaze and sinking. I remember Uncle Eadum holding Abethe's hand and how white her face was with fear for her beloved. I remember that she fainted when word came that his body was among those washed up on the shore.

Abethe retreated into grief and the solitude of the farm she and Nath had purchased before he went to sea.

I had been glad as well as surprised to see her among our Presentation troop when I arrived in Loudon. But in a way, it was silly for the likes of us to play at being girls.

"I begin to see that you did not volunteer to be here," I said now.

"By the goddess of grief, no. Father ordered me to take part in the exercise. He is
concerned
for me. He knows I have no plans to marry, but he feels he must make the effort on my behalf."

"You must have children," I reminded her.

"I know. The Cliff bloodline is too precious not to pass on. I'm perfectly happy to have a child, but no husband. My parents aren't married and they have done very well up 'til now. Although I don't even want what they have. I am sure some gentleman and I can make an accommodation."

"But your parents are the happiest couple I know. They make my doting parents appear standoffish toward each other."

"I suppose you have noticed that Mother is not among the gay crowd of elders in Loudon. That is not Mother's choice. Your Uncle Charle is trying to talk Father into marrying again. Father says he has no intention of seeking a noble bride, but Mother says it is all right, and has moved into my house with me. I do not want my mother living with me," she added.

After Uncle Eadum's wife died, he had hired Lise Hay as governess for his young twin sons. She and Uncle Eadum raised the boys, became lovers and had a child of their own. The sons were grown now, one lived in the Cliff family colony on one of the New Islands. The other was in charge of the family forestry interests. Both were married, and fathers themselves. Uncle Eadum did not need more heirs. I did not like the thought of his perhaps shopping for a better-connected bride for himself, and hoped he wasn't. It was neither Abethe's or my place to be outraged about it. So we spoke no more on this subject as the horsecab brought us to our destination.

There was a picnic in the rear garden when we arrived back at our rental palace. Songday was a free day for most of the servants so we helped ourselves to baskets of cold food, ate with our fingers, and enjoyed each other's company. A game of Wicket started, and people played cards. I found out that Mother had gone with Rassi and Tennit to pay a call on Rassi's mother in East Loudon. The day wore on pleasantly. I won at cards until I was accused of being a professional gambler and requested to take up Wicket for a bit of exercise.

Father and Uncle Eadum were standing under a tree, drinking wine and talking. They gestured me over as I headed for the Wicket players. They lifted their glasses in a toast as I joined them.

"Not until early next month, sir. After the Presentation and the Season has settled down a bit. I will be working there three days a week."

"It is generous of you to donate so much of your time."

Since I could only practice surgery on naval ships and Homes, or at charity homes, I might as well hone my skills where I was needed. "I will learn a great deal at Mercy, I am sure."

Uncle Eadum gave Father a significant look, and I guessed what was coming. "Your father tells me you plan to apply for acceptance to the Imperial College of Surgeons. That is a brave and admirable thing to do."

"Very," Father said. "It is about time a woman applied to join their ranks."

"I can apply, but it does not mean they will have me. I still intend to make the effort."

"Good for you," Uncle Eadum said, but he looked worried. "When will you storm the hallowed walls of masculine privilege? Not too soon, I hope?"

Last night's nonsensical lecture had not made me angry despite my bending to our elders' will. Perhaps I had saved all my annoyance for when I would need it, and that time was now. "How far are you planning on intruding into my private life and personal ambitions, Uncle?" I asked. "I will only be pushed so far for the sake of the family. You cannot forbid me from advancing in my profession."

There were many things he could order me to do, but improving one's station in life was expressly not one of them. He must obey the rules of the corporation as much as I.

"I have no intention of forbidding you from applying," he said. "None at all."

"But you want me to put it off? We Cliffs have always led the way."

Offend no one of the upper ranks of society in pursuit of your knighthood, eh, Uncle Eadum
? The Imperial College of Surgeons certainly contains some members of those upper ranks, and serves the connected and titled. A Cliff girl knocking on their door would certainly be viewed as an offense, no matter how necessary, and legal, it is for women to take their rightful place in every profession once closed to us.

"Your uncle thinks that waiting a while would be for the best, yes," Father said. He gave his elder brother a defiant look. "I do not agree. This is your decision to make, Megere."

I'd spoken loudly enough and angrily enough for people to look our way. Uncle Eadum noticed, and said, "Perhaps we should continue this conversation in private."

"There is no need, sir," I said. "Nor do you have any need to fear my plans might interfere with any of your own. While I am an excellent trauma surgeon, I have already decided I wish to gain more experience with more common procedures before applying for the Imperial College certificate. It will be some time before I consider myself ready. Excuse me," I said, as Star had come up and was pawing at my foot.

I spent the rest of the afternoon playing fetch with my dog, took dinner in my room, and continued working on my book rather than facing the family again.

The next day the dancing master showed up. This was followed by a deportment instructor. There were more visits to dressmakers and such. And then we attended temple classes to learn the Presentation ceremony. I would not say that the days flew by, but one by one, time got around to the first day of the Season.

Chapter Twenty-One

Standing next to me in the long ranks of white, Seeli leaned close and whispered, "This perfume cost me two crowns. Now I have to throw it away."

"Most of the money went to charity," I whispered back.

We were waiting, as we had been waiting much of the day. I am used to spending a lot of time on my feet, but even my feet were aching. "I knew I should have ordered some white work shoes to survive this," I whispered to Seeli.

"Could you dance in them later?"

"Shhh," someone behind us whispered.

Perhaps we were getting a bit giddy after so many hours. I am not saying I was not in awe of the Presentation Ritual, but it goes on and on... I had been in shorter sea battles. Of course, the battles also seemed endless at the time...

I cannot keep a thought in my head,
I thought. It had been so very long since breakfast...

I had been soundly sleeping when we were roused long before dawn. I was grateful for that. Poor Rhane didn't get a wink of sleep.

"Hurry, hurry! I've been dressed for hours!" she told Seeli and I when she rushed into our room while the hairdressers were still working on us. The one arranging my tresses was not happy with all the work I put her through with my unfashionably long hair. Nor did she like that I insisted on wearing silk flowers rather than real ones. The fresh flowers were going to wilt over the course of the day, and I found the idea of dead plants in my hair disgusting. I had dabbed rose perfume on some of the silk petals, and I thought the scent was nice.