Men at Work [Quick Read] (6 page)

“I can’t,” said Ian. “I said to Emma I’d go straight home.”

“Of course,” said Amar. “You should be there for her. Are you going right now? I’m pretty much done for the day. Just give me a second and I’ll walk up to the bus stop with you.”

The pavement outside the office was busy with hundreds of workers making their way home. Ian and Amar stood on the steps in front of the lobby doors watching everyone walk by.

“Do you think any of these people like their jobs as much as we do?” asked Ian.

“I doubt it,” said Amar. “Most people I know who work in offices say what they do is just a way to earn money. Nothing more and nothing less.”

“But it’s not like that at our place, is it?” said Ian. “We don’t just do this for the money. If we did, I would have left a long time ago.”

“You’re right,” said Amar. “It’s about the people. It’s about the fact that we can have a laugh. That somehow we seem to have found ourselves in a job where you look forward to coming in every day.”

Ian’s eyes were fixed on the ground. “It was me who sent the email from Emma’s computer.”

“I guessed it might have been,” said Amar, staring straight ahead of him, “but I was sort of hoping I was wrong.”

“Because I overstepped the mark?”

Amar put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You don’t need me to tell you what you’ve done and you don’t need me to tell you what you’re going to do about it.”

“I know,” said Ian. “But she’ll leave me if I do.”

“That’s true, she might,” said Amar. “But have you got any choice? If you’re thinking the guilt is going to melt away, you’re wrong. With things like this, stuff always gets a lot worse before it gets better. This way at least you know that you did the right thing.”

“The right thing would be not to have done it at all.”

“True again,” said Amar. “But since your name isn’t Dr Who and you haven’t got a TARDIS to take you back in time, I’m guessing that you’ll have to settle for telling the truth instead.’

Standing at his front door, Ian reached into his trouser pocket, pulled out his house keys and was about to open the lock when he froze. His eyes flicked back and forth from the lock to his keys a few times until at last he closed his eyes and lowered his hand. The second he opened the door, life as he knew it would be over. Nothing would ever be the same again. Everything he cared about would be destroyed.

Ian wanted to run away or hide until he was feeling stronger. Would it make things worse if he turned round and went to the pub and told Emma everything when less sober? Wouldn’t the result be the same? After all, she was going to leave him. He’d thought it through. He’d looked at things a million ways and in every one of them there was only one thing Emma
could
do.

Even if he didn’t go to the pub, maybe he could just not bother going home? He could call Amar and ask to sleep on his sofa tonight and then speak to Emma on the phone. Telling her what he had done wouldn’t be half as bad if he couldn’t see her face. He didn’t want to see her tears. He didn’t want to see the hurt in her eyes. He didn’t want to see anything to remind him that he had let down a girl who, only a few days earlier, had said to her mum he was “the most perfect man in the world.”

Ian took a deep breath and this time his keys made it to the lock. He called out Emma’s name and she called back from the bathroom.

“I’m in the bath,” she yelled. “Be down in a sec, okay?”

Ian went into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water and sat down at the table. He gulped down the water in a few seconds, put the empty glass on the table and looked around the room. The kitchen cupboards looked shabby and worn. Emma had wanted a new kitchen for ages and every other weekend a kitchen catalogue would appear on the table. Ian had promised only last week that come Christmas, once he’d got his credit card paid off, they would start saving for a brand new one. The news had made her so happy that it had been the only thing she talked about all day. Ian loved seeing her happy. The thought that he was only minutes away from making her desperately miserable made him wonder whether she would feel like he had never loved her at all.

“Hey, you,” said Emma as she came into the kitchen in a towel. She sat on his lap and gave him a long slow kiss.

“What’s that for?” asked Ian. “It’s not my birthday is it?”

Emma tutted. “No stupid,” she said, “you got that because a few things are clear to me now.”

“Oh yeah,” said Ian. “Like what?”

“Like the fact that none of this matters as long as I’ve got you. Like the fact that, even without a job, I’m still the luckiest girl in the world because we’re getting married. And like the fact that some people spend their whole lives looking for what I’ve got with you and never find it.” Emma put her arms around Ian and hugged him tightly. “Ian Greening. You are the finest man to ever walk this planet and I love you with my whole heart and will carry on loving you until the end of time.” Emma put her damp head on his chest. “And that, young man, is what I have spent all day thinking.”

Ian wanted to die. He really did. Was there any point in carrying on living after this? Right now he had the love of a good woman who thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. The minute he opened his mouth he would lose everything and every last good memory Emma had of him would be spoilt forever. Death compared to this would be far easier.

“Em,” said Ian, sitting up in his chair. “Can you just take a seat please? I’ve got something I need to tell you.”

“Oooh!” joked Emma, “This sounds interesting! You haven’t got me the diamond ring we looked at last weekend, have you?”

“No,” said Ian. “It’s got nothing to do with rings.”

“What about shoes?” said Emma. “I know I said I’d love those Dolce & Gabbana heels for my birthday, but you do know I was only joking don’t you?”

“No,” said Ian, “this isn’t about shoes either.”

“Okay, okay,” said Emma. “It’s not rings or shoes, so what is it?” Emma’s face lit up as a thought popped into her head. “It’s not the new kitchen is it? You’ve ordered it as a surprise haven’t you? When are they coming to fit it?”

“Emma,” said Ian. “This isn’t about shoes and it isn’t about rings or new kitchens either.”

“Okay,” said Emma.

“It’s about me,” said Ian, “and the fact that I’ve done the worst thing in the world.”

And then Ian told her everything.

“I can’t believe it,” said Emma as Ian finished confessing what he had done to her. “I really can’t believe it.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry, Em, believe me. If I could have my time again I would never have done it. Honestly, it’s the most stupid and hurtful thing that I’ve ever done.”

“Stupid doesn’t even cover the half of it!” said Emma. “You’ve made me look like a fool! There’s me telling all my friends what a great guy you are and how you’d do anything for me when all this time you were plotting behind my back to get rid of me.”

“It wasn’t like that Em, honest. I just wasn’t thinking straight that’s all.”

“And I’m guessing you blame me for that too!” Emma shook her head. “It’s hard to know which is worse,” she said quietly. “That you went out of your way to get me sacked or the fact that you hated working with me so much that you wanted to get rid of me. That’s right, isn’t it? You would’ve done anything to get rid of me, wouldn’t you?”

Ian shook his head. “It wasn’t like that, babe. You have to believe me.”

“Okay then,” said Emma. “Tell me what it was like. Tell me why it was so awful working day in, day out with your girlfriend!”

“You’re getting it all wrong,” said Ian. “The problem was with me not you.”

“Are you really trying to palm me off with that rubbish?” snapped Emma. “Do you really think you can get away with using a line like, ‘It’s not you, it’s me?’ Of course it was you, Ian! I’m not the one who’s been a lying, cowardly, sneaky little toad here! I’m not the one who didn’t have the guts to have a simple talk with his girlfriend and I’m certainly not the one who got me sacked!”

“I know,” said Ian. “I’m sorry, Emma, I’m really sorry.”

He reached to touch her arm but she pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me!” she snapped. “Don’t you dare touch me again! You’ve hurt me, Ian. You’ve hurt me so much that I’m not sure things can ever be the same. You were the closest person to me in the world and you let me down, and all for what? So that you can have a laugh with your mates in a stupid job that you care about more than you do me? How can I not be insulted by that? How can I not think that this shows how little you care for me?”

“Listen, Em,” said Ian, “you’re getting the wrong end of the stick. It was never about making you look stupid. It really was about me and my problems. I should’ve said right from the start that I wasn’t happy about you working at my place but I couldn’t think how to do it without hurting your feelings.”

“So let me get this straight: you didn’t have the guts to talk to me about working at your place, but you had the guts to sneak onto my computer and send an email that got me sacked in front of the whole office? Have you any idea how shaming that was? How awful it felt thinking that someone in the office hated me so much that they would do that?”

“It was never meant to go this far,” said Ian.

“But it did,” said Emma, “and now that it’s all out in the open we’ve both got to learn to live with what happens next.”

Ian felt himself begin to panic. It was really going to happen, his worst nightmare. Emma was going to dump him. “You’re not saying that you want to split up over this are you? I made a mistake, I admit that, and I promise you that I will make it up to you but please, Em, please don’t split up with me. Not over this. It was stupid, that’s all, just a stupid mistake and I’ll never do anything like it again.”

“Those are just words,” said Emma rising to her feet. “You might mean them, you might not, and I will never know. But when it comes to love, what really counts is deeds. The things you do and the reasons why you do them. By acting the way that you have you’ve shown me that I don’t matter to you. So maybe it’s my turn to show you just how much you have hurt me. If you have any love for me at all, you will pack a bag and just go, Ian. Go and leave me alone.”

“Go?” said Ian. “Go where?”

“To your mum and dad’s . . . to Amar and Rukmani’s . . . you could camp out right in the middle of your beloved office for all I bloody care! All I want is for you to go.”

“But this is just for now, isn’t it?” said Ian quickly. “Just so that you can sort your head out? You have to promise me you aren’t ending it for good, Em. You have to promise that this isn’t us breaking up forever.”

Emma shook her head. “I can’t make you that promise,” she said, not looking at him. “I really can’t, Ian. Because, right now, I just don’t know.”

It was nearly a week later and Ian was at his desk. He was preparing some data for a seminar on future funding for the department when Amar appeared at his desk.

“Coming for lunch?”

Ian shook his head. “Nah, I think I’m going to give it a miss. I want to get these figures done before the end of the day.”

“You do realise that you’ve worked through lunch every day this week, don’t you mate?”

“I’ve got a lot to do.”

Amar shook his head. “That might well be, but we both know what’s going on here. Look, I’m going back to my desk to get my jacket and then I’m going to come back and you and I are going to have a drink. No excuses, okay?”

“Whatever,” sighed Ian, turning off his computer. “I’m past caring about any of this anyway.”

Minutes later, Ian and Amar made their way up to the Sports Café on Broad Street, where he ordered a bitter shandy for himself and a pint of Coke for Amar together with two packets of salt and vinegar crisps.

“So how’s living at your mum and dad’s house going?” said Amar, his mouth full of one of the ice cubes from his drink.

“It’s great,” said Ian. “I love it.”

Amar looked surprised. “Really?”

“No, of course not,” said Ian. “It’s a nightmare! What else could it be when you’ve got two people who keep asking if you’re okay or want a cup of tea?”

“They’re just being nice,” said Amar.

“Well I don’t want them to be nice,” snapped Ian. “I want them to get on with their lives so I can just get on with mine!”

Amar fell silent at this outburst. He drank his Coke and crunched another ice cube while Ian stared into space.

“So I take it you still haven’t heard from her?” said Amar.

Ian shook his head. “Not a word.”

“Do you think that’s a good or bad thing?”

“It’s hard to say. On the one hand it means in theory we’re still together. But on the other it could be that’s she’s simply plucking up the guts to tell me it’s all over.”

“I don’t think it’s all over, mate. Rukmani and I were talking about it last night and we agreed that you guys are too good together to split like this.”

“And what did Rukmani have to say about my little stunt that got Emma sacked? Did she happen to mention what she would have done if she had been in Emma’s shoes?”

Amar nodded. “She might have said the odd word about it. Something along the lines of if ever I did anything like that to her, she would set fire to everything I owned and then set fire to me too!”

“But would she forgive you?”

“What you’ve got to understand, mate, is that my Rukmani’s quite a passionate woman. It’s in her blood. Forgiveness doesn’t come easily to her. Her dad still hates me for a joke I made about his moustache eleven years ago. But to answer your question, no. In fact her exact words were, ‘Not in a million years.’”

Back at the office, Ian tried to throw himself into work in the hope of blocking out Amar’s words but the harder he tried, the less he could do it. By three o’clock he had stopped even pretending to work and was simply staring out the window.