Men of Mayhem (39 page)

Cesare’s analyzing me with a mixture of pity and anger. As if he wants to hold me but also throttle me. Then he breaks our stare and resumes his dominant stance. 

No one utters a word. 

A man comes up behind Michael and whispers to him. Michael pins the guy to my left with a scowl and then points his gun at him. 

I feel dizzy but keep standing, my hands sweating profusely and my skin itching.

“Come here. I’m not in the mood for games. You didn’t tell me your last cocaine drop-off went sour. Why?” Michael demands.

“We had the problem under control,” the man answers shakily.

“So, you lied to me?”

“No, I omitted—” 

Michael cocks his weapon and shoots him right between the eyes. The body sags to the floor. “Anyone who lies to me gets executed on the spot!”

The women scream, and the other men seem astounded as well.

Cesare is impossible to read, but he says something to Michael, and they leave. 

Joey is on me the next second. “What did you tell Cesare? I didn’t know you fucking knew Cesare Amallo! If he finds out, I’m dead.”

“Then I guess you better get me out of here or get me a fix real soon because I’m dying from withdrawal.”

I’m a mess, having sweat all night from withdrawal, and I’ve completely lost my grip on myself due to Cesare. Seeing him pains me. And I need the pain to fade. I need drugs to erase years of regret, of missing my best friend, my one love who doesn’t want me anymore.

No! I don’t need the drugs
.

I’ve been fighting for months to get clean, but Joey feeds my addiction. I know he’s bad news, and I should’ve stayed away from him. If I had, I wouldn’t have ended up in this mess, but I’m an addict without funds. I have no job, student loans to pay off, and I keep falling back into his clutches. I run drugs for him in secret, and he pays me in heroine. 

Sometimes, in lucid moments, I can’t believe what’s become of me, and I try to get clean, but I’ve failed repeatedly. However, in this moment, I grasp how far gone I really am. I’ve witnessed a massacre and am being held hostage, but all I can think about is getting a fix. This is horrific, and I don’t want any of it.

My musings are interrupted when Cesare smacks Joey’s hand away from my arm. 

“Do not
ever
touch her again,” he spits, and Joey holds up both palms as Cesare drags me back to the bedroom.

“I don’t know what you’re playing at, or how the hell you got involved with Joey, but you don’t want me to find out from anyone else. I’ll be back tonight, and I expect you to have answers for me.”

Then he locks me in again while I’m already considering confessing. Even though Cesare is different, there’s still this pull between us. Why else would he be putting me in a room instead of leaving me with the others? He’s just as affected by our reunion as I am. Maybe I should confide in him. He’s still my friend, my first and only love. And a love as deep as ours never fades. 

Eleven Years Ago ~ Age Sixteen

Kinsey

That first kiss is the game changer. Cesare and I become thick as thieves in the next few months, and my crush on him evolves into my first love. When I’m not with him, I miss him desperately.

Unfortunately, he has a problem with my father and the crappy part of town I live in, so Cesare picks me up in the middle of the night so I can sleep at his house.

Tonight, I jump out my bedroom window and head toward Cesare’s car.

“Wow! You look beautiful, Kins!”

“Thanks.”

He takes my hand and entwines our fingers as he pulls out onto the road and drives us to his home, a beautiful brownstone in the heart of the city.

Twenty minutes later, I’m on his bed, kissing him. Already in just my panties and bra, I’m lying underneath an almost naked Cesare. Our ragged breathing fills the room as he pushes his erection between my legs, a layer of clothing preventing skin-to-skin contact.

“Kins, I want to be inside you,” he says, caressing his fingertips down my cheek, and I nod.

He shows me a lopsided boyish grin, roaming his hands all over my body.

“You’re so beautiful,
piccolina
,” he murmurs as he unhooks my bra and sucks my nipples.

Arching off the bed, I feel a tingling responsiveness in my lower stomach as Cesare nips a path down my stomach and legs, removing my panties and spreading me wide.

Then he lies between my legs, his mouth close to my core. “I’m going to taste you now.”

As he kisses me there, I grab his hair in surprise, but it feels amazing when he starts to lick and suck. 

“Cesare…” I moan.

He looks up. “Does it feel good, Kins?”

I smile, and he continues enthusiastically. Sensations I’ve never experienced shake my body as he devours me. Harder and rougher. I reach for ultimate bliss and peak when I gaze down and see him lying between my legs. It seems so forbidden, and I pant while pushing my hips from the bed.

While I’m still shivering in the aftermath, Cesare climbs up my body and gets rid of his boxer briefs.

“That was hot,” Cesare whispers and crushes his mouth to mine, rubbing his hard-on against my center.

He rests his forearms beside my head, his fingers weaving into my hair. And we stare at each other as he starts to enter me.

I flinch from the pain, and he strokes my hair. “Shhh…”

He pushes through, and it hurts, but he smothers me with a kiss and slowly thrusts. Gradually, I’m adjusting to the fullness.

Then I notice that Cesare’s shaking. “Cesare…”

Our gazes lock. 

“You feel so warm, Kins. It’s so wet.” 

I let the tips of my fingers caress down his back and urge him to keep going.

He moves inside of me while studying my face intently. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. Please, don’t stop.”

And he picks up his pace. I welcome him into my body, and the pain transforms to a dull ache that quickly dwindles. Touching Cesare’s lips, I lock eyes with him while we move together, my nipples brushing his chest, and I’ve never felt closer to anyone.

“Fuck! Kins, I’m going to come,” he growls and drops his head into my neck as he pushes in deep and groans.

Then he collapses on top of me while I rub his back.

His harsh breathing settles, and he shifts off me, rolling me to my side to face him.

I touch his pecs as he strokes my hips.

“I can’t believe we did it,” I utter with a smile.

He laughs, a truly contented laugh. “That’s the first thing you say after our first time?” Quickly, he rolls me onto my back again. “You always surprise me.” And he pulls back. 

Satisfied, we just lie in silence, enjoying the moment to its fullest. 

“
Piccolina
…” 

I know what he’s going to say, because I feel it too.

“
Ti amo
. I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Something in me is different, altered. Maybe I’m tied to Cesare forever now. The boy I’ve loved for so long, who would become my first everything in the next couple of years.

Nine Years Ago ~ Age Eighteen

Cesare

For the next two years, Kinsey and I are inseparable. She’s my confidant, my lover, my home,
mine
. 

However, change is upon us. We’re in my bedroom when she drops a bomb on me.

“Cesare, I got accepted to Chicago State, to study history,” she mentions, sitting on my bed Indian style.

“Why? Can’t you study history here, at NYU?”

She gives me a solemn look. “I can’t afford that.”

“Then I’ll pay for it.” I’ll be at Princeton, which is roughly a three-hour flight from Chicago, and I don’t want to be that far away from her.

“How?”

“I don’t know. I’ll ask my parents. I have a fund I could use.”

“That’s really sweet, but you can’t. And I couldn’t take it anyway. It’s way too much. I’d rather stay here with you too, but we don’t have a choice.”

I get up from my chair and go to the bed. “I don’t like this,
piccolina
. We see each other every day.”

She takes my hand in hers. “I’m going to miss you so much, but we’ll call and text. And you can come visit me.”

“Won’t you visit me?”

She sighs and averts her gaze.

“I meant that if I buy you a ticket, will you come? I know you don’t have the money, but you will accept that, right?”

“Of course. I love you, and I don’t want all of this.” 

“Me either.” I hug her.

A sense of foreboding settles in my soul, and suddenly, I’m dreading the future.

On edge, I find myself in my car outside Kins’s house watching over her. 

Her father returns home at 3:00 a.m., and I can see through the window that Kinsey has been waiting up for him. She turns on the lights, so I get out of the vehicle to ensure that she’s safe.

As I approach the front door of the tiny one-story, I hear them arguing inside.

“Where have you been?” she scolds her father. “You come home totally spaced out after being gone for days! I’ve been worried sick about you.”

“Kinsey, calm down and go to bed,” he slurs, sitting on the couch as I peek through the window. 

“No! Not this time. I always let you get away with everything. But now, you’ve gone too far. You stole my money!”

Motherfucker!
He stole her hard earned money that she’s been saving for Chicago for drugs?

“I said
go to bed
!” her father roars. “I’m getting sick and tired of your sanctimonious bitching, girl!” 

My blood boils with the way her father treats her.

Kinsey has reached her breaking point, because she starts to shout, “I want my money back!”

“Do not yell! This is still my house!”

Seeing her father striding to Kins, ready to strike her, I race back to the front door, but it’s locked.