Mended Affections (The Affections Series Book 2) (13 page)

"This is breathtaking." Rea turns to face me. She's so close I can feel her breath on my skin. "Thank you for planning this."

Rea leans to the side and places a gentle kiss to my cheek. I bend forward and make a cradle with my hands. She places her foot there, just as I wanted her to, and I help her into the bed of the truck. Climbing in, she grabs a spot and nestles in under the blankets.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" I ask, and open the cooler to retrieve myself a beer.

"I would love one. Thanks," she answers, then lays back to stare up at the sky.

I use the moment to take her in. I love that she's been doing better. I love that she isn't pushing me away anymore. Now I'm doing better. Sometimes even the things you don't want in life, are the things you need, and as much as she doesn't want to admit it, she needs me, just as much as I need her.

She's laying back, blanket tucked to her chin, and her hair fans out across the pillow. She's quiet and content. I love the stillness that the outdoors can bring when you’re in the middle of nowhere, without a soul in site. It's just me and my Alma.

Pouring her wine, I walk up the side where she is lying and hand her the glass. Sitting up she takes it from me and props her pillow up against the cab of the truck. "This is like old times, Striker, being out here just the two of us."

I place my hands on the tailgate and hoist myself into the truck. "I just remember the peace being out in the woods brought us, and wanted to do something that I knew we could both enjoy."

"Thank you. I was nervous about where we were going. It's nice not having the pressure of a social setting," she says.

I smile at her, thinking of our failed trip to the bar last year. Things were significantly different back then, with Dalton still alive, but it was definitely an uncomfortable night. "Yeah, well I can't say that it wasn't for more the selfish reason of having you alone."

I take a seat next to her, after pulling back the covers. I go to lean back next to her, but she stops me. "Wait. Here." She adjusts my pillow for me, so that it's propped up just like hers, moving it over to bring me closer to her side. "Whatever the reason, I like what you did. I was stressed about leaving the boys with my monster-in-law, but I'm glad I did."

We settle back, her sipping her wine, while we both quietly stare up at the night sky. Life is hectic with the three boys at times, so it's nice to just sit and relax. Just like old times, we don't feel the pressure to fill the silence with small talk, and when one of us feels the desire to speak, we will. For now, this is what I was looking for, a night to just be us.

I turn my head to admire the woman sitting next to me. The soft glow from the night sky slightly illuminates her porcelain skin. It's soft and inviting. When we were teenagers, I remember waiting years to be able to touch her skin, to feel it's smoothness under my fingertips. It felt just as amazing weeks ago, when my aunt almost caught us. I'm glad we didn't have the chance to go any further. I didn't know it yet, but I wanted to give her this. I want to plan special evenings out, just the two of us. Shit, I'll knock on her bedroom door if I have to, just to make it seem more like a date. I want to bring her flowers and hear her secrets from the past twelve years. I want to know what makes her happy and what breaks her heart. I can always sense how she feels, but I want to hear her put her thoughts into words.

Feeling my eyes on her, she adjusts so she's lying on her side facing me. I move down lower in the bed, just like her. We are still quiet, staring into each other’s eyes then Rea's hand comes over to rest on top of mine.

"It's so quiet out here. I love how it forces time to slow down. Minutes pass by slower when there's no need to do anything but lie here," she says.

I turn my hand under hers, grabbing it in my firm grip, and pull it close to my chest. The stretch of her arm causes her to shift closer. "I'm enjoying the quiet out here."

A beautiful smile stretches across her face. "Brings back some pretty fond memories."

"It does." I bring my hand up that I'm lying on, to hold her hand against my chest, freeing the other to reach up and stroke her cheek. "I haven't forgotten any moment that we spent together."

"Remember the time I skipped school and met you at our spot in the woods, right after we first started dating?"

I chuckle at her question. "How could I forget? That was one of my best memories. One I couldn’t forget, even if I tried."

She looks down at her hand in mine. "I was so nervous, not just because I didn't know what to expect, but because I didn't want to disappoint you."

I full on laugh now. "You sneaky girl, you had that planned out, didn't you?"

She nods her head and bites down on her bottom lip in guilt.

"I never suspected that. Besides, I don't think you could ever disappoint me as far as that's concerned. Shit, the moment I got inside of you, my world tilted and never straightened out." Moving my hand under her chin, I bring her eyes back up to meet mine. "Fuck, Rea, I don't know what will happen to me if I ever get that chance again. There won't be any going back. You were right when you said we need to move slow, because I'm not sure I'll survive if something happens between us again, once you've given yourself to me."

"Sometimes it's hard to not jump you when you're always walking around shirtless, Striker. Have you looked at your body? Women melt at your feet, and I'm not immune." The inflection in her voice, gives away her playful mood.

I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her body against mine. "You think I have it easy? I walk around like that on purpose, so you know what you're missing. It's all I’ve got to get your attention."

She laughs and buries her head in my chest. I feel the shake of her body against mine, and my heart swells at her happiness.

She pulls her head back. "I do like you for more than your body. I like that I can sleep in some days with you around to take care of the boys."

"Oh, yeah?" I bring my fingers to her side, lightly digging them into her until she laughs.

She wiggles and tries to pull away, while yelling into the night. "Gah, stop. No, don't. Please. STRIKER!"

I can't help but tickle her some more. "What, Rea? What's the problem?"

She's laughing and crying, while trying to escape my grip. "Please, I can't take it. Please, I'm gonna pee myself."

I stop my attack and allow her to catch her breath. In the midst of the flailing, and my inability to relent, I some how wound up on top of Rea, with her knees bent up on each side of my waist. I bring my forehead down and rest it on her chest, still laughing at her.

Her breathing is ragged and her heart beats rapidly against her ribs. I shift slightly, so that when I raise my head my chin falls above her breast and her lips are just inches from mine, as she looks down at me.

I swear I hear her breath catch in her throat, causing her to swallow her nerves. I wet my lips, as the position that we are in hits me. Me on top of her, pressed against my most desired place to call home. My eyes travel down to watch her tongue sweep out, running along her bottom lip. Once it's moistened, she pulls her lip in until her teeth bite into its flesh.

Fuck, I can feel my blood rushing south, filling my jeans to the point of discomfort. I bring myself up, cover her body completely with mine. My elbows rest on either side of her head, and I stare deep into her eyes, while lightly stroking her hair. Reflected back at me are the same desires I feel inside, but fear is still there. I know she's not ready. She needs to work on letting go of what everyone else thinks and just feel.

"Striker, what are you thinking?" she whispers, afraid to speak.

I timidly smile down at her. "It's not time yet. I love being out here with you, spending time just the two of us, but you’re not ready to go any further than this, yet." Leaning down I place a featherlight kiss to her soft lips. Her lips meet mine, just as soft, and when I pull away there's confusion written all over her face.

Just as I'm about to pull away and move back to my side of the truck, her fingers thread into my hair, pulling me toward her. Our lips collide with force, and she takes what she wants, sliding her tongue deep between my lips. Sweep, nip, suck. Sweep, nip, suck. Our tongues move flawlessly together. Our teeth nip at each other’s lips, and I can't help but moan every time she takes my tongue, sucking it like it's a sweet treat that she can't get enough of.

What the hell was I talking about before? Fuck, maybe I'm not ready. What's happened to me? I have this gorgeous woman. The woman that I have dreamed of being with since I was young, lying beneath me, practically begging me to ravish her, and all I can think about is that look of fear in her eyes. Maybe I read her wrong. Maybe it wasn't fear at all. Maybe I wanted to see it there as my excuse to not take our physical relationship any further. I mean I want to but just not yet.

God, her tongue feels amazing, but I find myself pulling back anyway. "Wait, Rea. As good as you feel, this wasn't my intention when bringing you out here."

She looks shocked that I've stopped. "Just because it wasn't your intention, doesn't mean we need to stop. I was enjoying what was happening between us, Striker."

I bring my thumb up, grazing it across her lips. "I was enjoying it too, Rea. That's not why I stopped."

She opens her mouth, slowly drawing my thumb between her lips. I can feel her tongue wrap around it, as she sucks and pulls away, causing my brain to immediately think about her placing her mouth on me in other places. "Why, exactly did you stop then?"

I groan in frustration. She's making this hard. Not just stopping what she started, but in the literal sense as well. I'm hard to the point of pain, and I know just how to relieve my troubles, but my brain is telling me no. Maybe it was the conversation with Max earlier. I don't want to step on any of the boys’ toes. I need him to be okay with this: with his mother and me living a life together, which would also include him and his brothers.

I roll onto my back, off of Rea, and look up to the star peppered sky. "Max said some things earlier."

Rolling onto her side, she props her head up on her hand, and looks down at me. "This is about Max."

"He freaked earlier at the thought of us going on a date. I hated it. I can't stand the thought of any of the boys not trusting me. I promised him that tonight wouldn't be anything that he was uncomfortable with. That he just needed to think of it as two adults enjoying an evening out doing adult things," I respond.

Reagan rolls onto her back, with a light thud. "Wow. I can't believe he had a problem with us going out. Did he say why? I mean you've been living in the house now, for a while, and he knows that Dylan is your son."

"He said it's because you're still married to his dad." I think about how sad Max looked in the car earlier. "I want to help him move forward, not make him miss his dad more. I felt horrible when I saw the look on his face. What if they’re not okay with this?"

"It's been the hardest on him. I never really entertained the idea of therapy for the kids, because initially they seemed to be dealing with things fairly well, but recently Max is having a lot of trouble. I should have never put it off based on my opinion of things. I was falling apart, of course I would think they were doing well, considering they were doing better than me," she says.

I don't know how to respond to that. Max has not handled things well from the beginning, but I can't bring myself to speak those words out loud. She doesn't need to beat herself up for something that she can't change. Building her up will be the best thing for everyone, especially the boys. I reach over and thread my fingers through hers. "It's never too late, Rea. Taking him now will be good for him. I wish someone would have done that for me after losing my parents so young."

She turns her head in my direction. "No one ever offered that to you?"

"My aunt asked if I would like to, but I was too young to understand and was embarrassed to speak with a therapist. Now looking back, it would have helped," I say.

"So you never once met with someone? I just worry about my other boys too. Maybe I need to arrange something for all of them. I feel like I've been seeing someone my entire life at this point, but group therapy has really brought some things to light that opened my eyes. I see a future worth living now." Her voice is soft and even, letting me know that she believes what she is saying.

"I was in the military, Rea. I spoke with a therapist, so I could learn how to deal with things I saw. It was the first time I ever spoke with a professional about things from my past that affected my daily life." I turn to lie on my side, facing Reagan. My eyes search hers as I continue to speak. "It was the first time I ever talked with someone about how I felt once you married Dalton. They truly helped me see things in a way I wasn't capable of doing on my own, with all the hurt I felt inside. Even if they seem okay, take the boys, Rea. What can it hurt?"

She reaches up, tracing her delicate fingers along my cheek. Her touch causes my eyes to close, and a shiver runs down my spine.

"I'm sorry, Striker, for hurting you. I know we both made mistakes, but I can't imagine what you felt when you heard the news that I was married.  I couldn't even think of you going on a date with another woman, and it was so much worse because it was your cousin. I can't regret my life with Dalton, but looking back now, I'm not sure what choices I would make if I had it all to do over again." Her fingers stop their trail at my lips, allowing her to run her thumb along my bottom lip.