Mending Hearts (9 page)

“
Alec, I think this is
enough.” 

“
It’s already done. The
question is, do you want it now?” 

She smiles and wraps her arms around my
neck. “Yes, of course,” she says before kissing me. 

“
We’ll need to head back to
shore.” I turn the boat around to head in the direction of the
house.

“
Alec, look.”

I look at Emma — she is pointing at a small
boat that appears to be stranded.

“
Do they need
help?” 

I guide our boat in their direction, “Let’s
see if there is a problem,” I say. We learn that the motor quit
working and the stranded boat is waiting on Seatow to arrive to tow
them to their house. We also learn they live a few houses down from
ours. “We are heading in that direction if you want to cancel
Seatow.” 

“
Are you sure? We don’t want
to put you and your wife out,” the young couple says.

“
It’s no problem. Besides,
we are already here. Might as well save your money.”

“
Good point, thank you.” The
guy tosses a rope to me while his wife cancels Seatow. Emma and the
girl talk some while I tow their small boat to the dock of their
house.

“
Thank you, so much. We
really appreciate it,” the guy says as I toss him his rope. “We
will pay this forward.” 

“
No problem, have a good
night,” I say as I pull off away from their dock.

I say to Emma,
“
Pay It Forward
was
a very good book and an OK movie that popularized — or maybe even
created — the idea of paying a good deed forward rather than back,
but have you ever seen
Bill and Ted’s
Excellent Adventure
, starring Alex Winter
and Keanu Reeves?” 

“
Is that the one that
popularized the saying ‘Party on, dudes’?” 

“
Yes, but a better saying it
popularized was ‘Be excellent to each other.’” 

“
One time when we were
living in Fort Drum, New York, Brooke and I went to the commissary
to get some things, and as we were loading up the car we saw an
obese woman crying. We walked over to her and saw that she parked
in a parking spot and the cars on both sides of her car were parked
way too close for her to get into her car. I was pregnant, but
Brooke scooted in between the cars and backed her car up for her so
she was able to get in.” 

“
Brooke plays like she’s
hard, but I knew she had a soft spot.”

“
Brooke has a very big
heart, and she hates bullies.” 

“
Are you ready for your
surprise, Baby?” 

“
I almost forgot about that.
I’m ready, although you didn’t have to do anything else. This
weekend was enough. I had a great time, thank
you.” 

“
You’re welcome.”

Emma stands close to me as I steer our boat
into the dock. Once it is secured, I reach for her hand and walk
towards the house. When we reach the gazebo, she stops and turns
around to look at the lake.

“
It really is beautiful and
peaceful out here,” she says, looking at the sun beginning to set.
“I’m going to like living here.” 

I smile and hold her close and say, “Me,
too. I think we should get married here.” 

She turns and looks at me. “Alec, I think
that is a great idea. It’s certainly big enough.” 

“
Good, when?” I
ask. 

“
Um, I don’t know. We
haven’t set a date yet.” 

“
I know, I think we should.”
I walk Emma to the bench under the gazebo and we both sit down. I
have been thinking about this for awhile although I didn’t plan to
have this talk tonight. 

“
When are you thinking,
Alec? A year or two?” 

“
I was thinking more like a
few months. This isn’t our first marriage, and I don’t want to wait
a year or two. I don’t see any reason to wait.” 

“
Our family is already
here.
We’re already
living together. Our kids already think they’re siblings,” she
says and I don’t think she’s talking to me. It sounds more like she
is thinking out loud. “It’s already August. Are you thinking a
winter wedding?” 

“
No, more like fall.
November, before the holidays. I would like to be married before
Thanksgiving,” I admit.

“
A November wedding.” I
watch her get her phone out, and although she is talking I don’t
think she is talking to me. “What date do we have in November?” She
scrolls through the calendar on the phone and mumbles,
“Thanksgiving.” 

I add, “And Veterans Day —
it’s November 11
^th
.” 

She looks up at me and
smiles, “Veterans Day is November 11
^th
.” 

“
Emma, would you like to
marry me on Veterans Day, November 11
^th
of this
year?” 

“
Do you think we can plan a
wedding in three months?” 

“
Emma, I can plan a wedding
in a week if you’ll be walking down the aisle to be with
me.”

She leans into me, “I love you.” 

“
Is that a yes to a November
11
^th
wedding?” I ask hopefully. 

“
A yes, Alec. That is
definitely a yes.” 

Molly

“
Mail call for ‘Miss All
that Glitters is Silver and Gold,’” Natalie yells from outside my
room. Natalie is one of the resident counselors. She has a great
personality and is very good at her job. 

I laugh as she walks inside my room holding
several letters. “You don’t need to announce mail call, you
know.” 

“
I know, I have to do
something to pass the time away.” Natalie hands me my letters and
sits down on the edge of my bed. “Another glittery card?” she
asks. 

I smile and look at the cork board above the
small dresser — the cork board displays all of the glittery cards
that Raelynn has made for me. “I hope so. There’s just something
about glitter that makes everything better,” I admit. 

“
I heard administration
talking about charging you a cleanup fee when you go home,” Natalie
says as she stands and walks towards the door. 

“
Really? This stuff does get
everywhere.” 

“
No, I’m kidding,” she
smiles. “I did hear Rachael say how blessed you are to get
something in the mail everyday.” 

“
Thank you, and I’ll see you
in group therapy at 6:00.” 

“
You know it. You do know
what today is, don’t you?” she asks. 

I smile, “It’s our three-week
anniversary.” 

Natalie says, looking around the room, “It
feels good, doesn’t it?” 

“
It feels
wonderful.” 

“
See you at group,” she says
as she disappears into the hall. “Mail call for Mr. Hotstuff,” she
yells, and I laugh. 

I open my card from Raelynn
and the glitter falls from it onto my lap. I have to smile.
I also have to be careful not to be seen with a
glittery crotch. I don’t need to draw attention to
that
.
The homemade card has a picture of a little girl and her
mommy. It says,
“Mommy, get well
soon.”
I open the card and the inside
says,
“I miss you, bunches. Raelynn.
Xoxo.

I open another card and more
glitter falls onto my lap and I have to smile again. The outside
card reads,
“To Sissy’s Momma.”
There is a picture of a little girl swinging. At
least I think that’s a swing set. I open the card and read
it.
“Get well soon, from Sissy’s Bubby,
James.”
I smile. He really is a nice boy.
Raelynn makes me something everyday and Emma and Alec are very good
at sending it to me. Today, they even included something from
James. I display the cards proudly on the cork
board. 

I wipe the tears from my eyes and open the
next letter. I am surprised to find it’s a letter from Bobby. I
miss him and I am still shocked he is married. I never asked him
and he never mentioned having a wife. When I called home, Alec gave
me Bobby’s number and said he wanted me to call him. This place is
pretty strict on phone calls. I decided coming in I would reserve
all my out-going calls for Raelynn. Everyone else I can write
to. 

This is Bobby’s letter:

Doll, I was hoping you would call, but I
understand why you haven’t. Thank you for being a part of the last
several months with me. I hate the life we led, but I am glad that
you were there with me. I am healing and becoming like the man I
once was. It feels good to be normal — well, almost normal
again.

I wake up and appreciate the sunshine, a
place to sleep, hot water, and food on the table. I feel happy and
sad. Sad over the loss of my Angel, Jamie, sad over the way I left
my dear wife, Leah, and sad over the way things ended … well, could
have ended with you. I feel pain and sorrow, and I am glad that I
no longer numb it. It’s an emotion and we can’t run from it.

I heard from Alec that you
are doing well, as I knew you would. You’re a fighter, Doll, and I
know you will come out of this better than when you went into
it
.
I spoke only
briefly about my daughter, Jamie, while we were in the hospital,
but I want you to understand what led me to my destructive
lifestyle. I lost my only child in an automobile accident that I
blamed myself for causing. I left my wife because I believed she
was in an irreversible coma, and I was also afraid that if she woke
up, she would blame me for Jamie’s death. I decided to leave and
run, run from the emotions and run from the life that would remind
me of what I can never have.

I met you shortly after my
decision to leave, and I knew you were different. We bonded and I
am happy we did. Drugs have a way of distorting the truth, changing
the perspective in which we see things. I have explained our
relationship to Leah; although she is hurt, she says she
understands.
 

Since I have returned home,
I have learned that a drunk driver hit our car and was charged with
vehicular homicide in Jamie’s death. I realize it doesn’t matter
who is responsible for the accident; the important and most hurtful
thing is that my girl is gone, gone from my life forever. But I am
relieved that I did not cause her death.
 

The night leading up to our
hospital stay is my fault. I was so consumed with guilt, with pain,
and sorrow. The voices that haunted me were loud and clear. It was
like I was reliving the accident over and over again. I drank and
took pills to numb the pain and nothing worked. The voices and the
sound of the zipper on the body bag was so loud, it was almost like
there was a microphone being used to magnify the sound. I crushed a
combination of pills in an attempt to quiet the voices. My plan, my
deadly plan, was for me to take everything in the bowl to quiet the
voices permanently. I guess I passed out before I was able to use
everything. The deadly combination of the pills was meant for me,
not for you, Doll. If the outcome were any
different…
 

I’m sorry, I can’t say it and I can’t even
think about it. I am truly sorry, but I have to believe this was
God’s plan for us. For me to be reunited with my beloved Leah, and
for you to be with your amazing daughter.

I hope when you get home and
get where you need to be, you’ll see me, or at least call me. Leah
wants to meet the amazing woman I shared the last several months of
my life with, and
I also would love to
finally meet your incredible daughter.

I would do anything in my power to see my
daughter again, but unfortunately, I don’t have that chance. But,
Doll, you do. My wish is for you to love her, hug her, and care for
her as if today was your last day to be with her.

Doll, we went to hell and
back and I really hope we can remain friends. I will always be here
for you. Here is my phone number and my address in case you lost it
or threw it away. Thank you, Doll, for being with me,
Bobby.
 

I cry and wipe the tears from my face. I
read the letter again, before I tuck his letter and the unopened
letters under my pillow. I can’t read anymore right now.

The glitter on my lap shimmers from the
sunshine beaming in through the windows, and I am reminded of my
daughter. I still have a daughter, unlike Bobby. This is all the
more reason for me to fight for my sobriety.

I attend every meeting I
can, I share my sad and pathetic story with others during group
therapy, and I call Raelynn everyday I am allowed phone calls. I
work hard to get better for
myself but more
importantly for Raelynn. I realize I need to be the best person I
can be for me so I can attend my daughter’s needs and be the person
that she deserves me to be. I keep a journal of my goals and my
plan to keep them.

After group therapy and right before lights
out, I return to my unopened mail that is stashed under my pillow.
I open the last letter and find it is from Adam McDaniel. I smile
and open it carefully. 

Dear Molly, if you are reading this letter,
then it means you are still with the program. I can’t begin to tell
you how proud I am of you. It is three weeks into your recovery,
and I figure now would be a good time to write. If I remember my
own experience correctly, your cravings are almost gone and you no
longer feel that the world is out to get you (smile, you know it’s
true). The hardest part is done. Did you notice I said the hardest
part? I would like to lie to you and tell you it’s all sugar and
spice from here on out, but I can’t. You are making great progress,
and I am proud of you. It will get easier as the days and weeks
pass.