Merry Christmas (Mills & Boon Vintage 90s Modern) (9 page)

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Authors: Emma Darcy

BOOK: Merry Christmas (Mills & Boon Vintage 90s Modern)
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Meredith’s needs demanded all his concentration right now. He suddenly realised she had stopped crying. Probably too drained to move. Or maybe it felt good to her to be held. By him. He hoped so.
The thought of making love to her crept into his mind and triggered a sharp awareness of how her body was fitted to his, the warm feminine softness clinging to his chest and belly and thighs. The temptation to run his hand over the curve of her bottom and press her closer was almost overwhelming. He had to fiercely will the growing tension in his loins to ease off. It was imperative to soothe Meredith’s fears, not raise more. The last thing he wanted was to alarm her into being skittish with him again, shying away from any contact.
“Kimberly!”
Her head jerked back as the name exploded off her lips. Agitated hands pushed at him as her gaze swept the area up to the house, her face mirroring shock at having forgotten the presence of her daughter.
“No problem,” Nick assured her. “Kimberly didn’t stick around. She put the house lights on for us and has probably taken herself off to bed by now.”
“Oh!” Her eyes fluttered at him in embarrassment. “I’m sorry...”
“Don’t be. I’m sorry we put you in such stressful turmoil. I had no idea you saw yourself on trial. That’s not how it is, Meredith, I promise you.”
She sucked in a deep breath and expelled it on a long, shuddering sigh. “I completely lost it.” Still embarrassed, she started shifting backwards, creating distance between them again.
Rather than lose all contact with her, Nick dropped his embrace, sweeping one arm out as a directive to the house and dropping the other to catch her hand and hold it in a companionable grasp as he started them walking again, smiling encouragement at her.
“What you need is an Irish coffee to unjangle all your nerves. I can highly recommend it as a restorative as well as a relaxing agent.”
It teased a wobbly smile from her. “You’re very kind.”
“Hold that thought!” he admonished her with mock gravity. “No more making me out a callous monster. Okay?”
“Okay.”
She was tagging along with him, letting her hand rest in his. He kept his grip steady, elated at this small victory. “Once we’re settled on the veranda, we’ll talk about what you’d like to have with Kimberly. Get it sorted out as best we can.”
Another wobbly smile. “Thank you.”
“You know, last year with Denise and Colin gone and their deaths happening so close to it, Kimberly and I had a fairly miserable Christmas. This year, because we have you with us...” A family again, he thought, his grin unashamedly showing delight in the idea. “...We’ll have a merry Christmas.”
Her feet faltered. She stared at him, an arrested look on her face, and Nick started to tingle... everywhere...as though all the Christmas lights in the world had been switched on inside him. Then he realised what he’d said...Merry Christmas...and the primal male inside him rose rampant, determined to fight his way to her heart.
Me.
Not him.
Me.
CHAPTER TEN
N
ICK released her hand to let her precede him up the steps to the house. Meredith’s heart was pumping so hard her temples throbbed. She grabbed the banister to keep herself steady. It was an act of will to force her quivery legs into the required climbing action.
The way he’d looked at her just now, when he’d said “Merry Christmas” ... it was as though time had tunneled backward. But he didn’t know. He hadn’t realised. Yet how could he look at her like that without feeling what he’d felt all those years ago? Was it happening again?
Her mind whirled with the eruption of desires from their long, dormant state. Impossible to tuck them away again. They were running rampant, demanding release, demanding expression, crying out against the containment she had enforced. If she just turned, reached out, they would surely be met and answered by the man who’d answered them so magically before.
Then the insidiously dampening thought of Rachel Pearce wormed its way through the chaotic impulses holding reign. However unreal the other woman seemed right now, she did exist in Nick Hamilton’s life and they had most likely been lovers for quite some time.
The image conjured up was miserably deflating. But it didn’t have to mean he couldn’t be attracted to me, she fiercely argued. Or were her senses distorted from wanting him so much? Maybe she had a fevered imagination from having been in Nick’s embrace again, wallowing in the sense of belonging to him.
She reached the veranda and started for the door.
“Why don’t you stay out here while I make the coffees?” Nick suggested. “Just relax. It’ll be my pleasure to serve you.”
He was being kind, giving her time to recover her composure after her crying jag. She nodded and managed another smile. “Thank you, Nick.”
“Won’t be long,” he promised.
She watched him go inside, a man who cared about others’ feelings, a kind man, no different from the Nick she’d known so intimately. She should have realised those ingrained qualities of character wouldn’t change. Had anything, apart from the one vital loss of memory?
Hopeful thinking, she cautioned herself. Rachel Pearce might be left behind in Sydney. It didn’t mean she was forgotten. By Kimberly’s account, Nick was very much involved with her. It was indicative of trust and confidence that Kimberly’s future educational direction was discussed between them and the choice of Rachel’s old school had a ring of family continuity about it. While there didn’t appear to be any formal engagement, marriage was probably on their minds.
Nevertheless, they weren’t married yet.
Was it bad of her to think that? To want another woman’s man?
A fiercely primitive wave of possessiveness tore at the uncomfortable scruples as her mind filled with the thought...
he was mine first!
And he wasn’t indifferent to her. Apart from his words of caring, the way he’d held her while she’d wept had demonstrated a very real caring. Then taking her hand afterward, looking at her with that special sparkle in his eyes...her stomach curled, just thinking about it.
What would happen if she told him Kimberly was his child?
Meredith brooded over the question as she wandered down the veranda and settled in one of the cane armchairs they’d brought out from the house earlier this evening. Was it fair to lay that on him? Was it fair that he’d left her with a baby and wasn’t there to stand by her when she’d most needed him?
Not his fault, she savagely reminded herself.
It would make him feel guilty if she told him. Did she want him to turn to her out of guilt?
No.
It had to be with love, given freely.
She knew in her heart it wouldn’t work otherwise.
If it was going to happen, it would of its own accord, she decided. All she had to do was wait. Having set her course once more, and having been assured by Nick there was no cut-off point with Kimberly, Meredith switched off her mind, letting the sound of the sea frill it with a rhythm that soothed with its constancy, the repetitive roll of water upon land.
“Two Irish coffees coming up.”
The announcement heralded Nick’s return to the veranda. Meredith’s hard-won sense of peace instantly shattered. Her body sprang alive with a prickling awareness as Nick loomed closer, carrying a tray holding two long mugs. Her mind pulsed with irrepressible needs. She tried desperately to get herself under control as he set the tray on the table next to her and subsided into the chair on the other side of it.
“This is the life,” he declared with deep satisfaction. “Far from the madding crowd, no pressure decisions to be made. Sun, sand and surf. Can’t beat it for a holiday.”
That hadn’t changed for him, either.
“Is it very stressful, being a merchant banker?” she asked, grateful for his lead into a safe conversation.
“It has its moments. The money markets need to be carefully watched. But I don’t let it get on top of me. It’s what I’m trained for,” he answered with the easy confidence of a man who had a long record of success in the financial world.
“Then it was worthwhile going to Harvard.”
His head snapped around. “How do you know I went to Harvard?”
Meredith’s heart kicked into a panicky beat. The comment had slipped out and now she had to answer for it. She quickly busied herself, stirring the layer of whipped cream into her coffee while her mind frantically sought an acceptable explanation.
If she said Kimberly had mentioned it... Too risky. He could check with her. Impossible to claim reading it in an article. She had no idea if any story had ever been printed on him. What else would serve...except the truth?
“Your sister told me,” she said flatly, evading his sharply questing gaze, sitting back in her chair and holding the mug of coffee to her lips, ready to sip.
“Denise? Why would she tell you about me?”
Meredith’s brain moved into crisis mode, darting around danger areas with incredible speed. “I wanted to know about the family that would become my baby’s family,” she said, keeping her tone eminently reasonable.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you about your connection with Denise. As I see it, this adoption could not have gone through regular channels. Normally there’s no contact between the parties.”
He wasn’t going to leave it alone. She had to satisfy his curiosity without revealing his paternity. Ruthlessly monitoring every step made toward the adoption, Meredith plunged into telling him the barest of facts.
“My stepmother sent me to her sister in Sydney so my pregnancy wouldn’t shame her with her friends. The doctor who did my check-ups was also your sister’s doctor. I was booked into a hospital which was a regular channel for adoption through a government agency. Your sister knew the person who could arrange for my baby to be adopted by her.”
“Are we talking bribery here?”
“I don’t know. You asked for the connections. Those were certainly some of the connections made,” she stated carefully.
“Go on,” he invited tersely, not liking what he was hearing.
“At first, I didn’t want to give up my baby.”
“Are you saying my sister and this person coerced you?” he broke in again, clearly upset.
Meredith shook her head and sipped the strongly flavoured coffee, needing a suffusion of warmth. He was shocked, angry, and there seemed no point in stirring bad feelings. It was too late to change anything and Denise and Colin Graham had been good parents to Kimberly.
“They put their case,” she explained. “I listened and gave it a lot of thought. I couldn’t have let my baby go to someone I didn’t know anything about. I trusted your sister to do the best she could for my daughter. She agreed to send me the photographs so I’d know something of her life. And that was it. I signed the adoption papers, knowing my baby was going to a better home than I could give her.”
“You were talked into it,” he muttered, his sense of fairness still frayed.
“I made the choice, Nick,” she said quietly.
“Denise could be very domineering.”
“She did all I wanted her to do for Kimberly.”
He ruminated on that for several minutes. “I guess she did,” he finally conceded. “Denise was good at mothering. Our parents died when I was a kid and she was more a mother to me than a sister.”
I know
. Meredith thought, but she didn’t make the mistake of voicing the give-away words this time.
“She and Colin...they were good people,” he mused sadly.
He was letting it go. She’d done it! He was satisfied.
His gaze swung around to her, dark and disturbed under frowning brows, making her pulse skitter again.
“All the same, it was wrong to keep bargaining with you when, you were so vulnerable. As much as Denise craved a child of her own, she shouldn’t have done that.”
Meredith took refuge in sipping some more coffee. When no comment was forthcoming, Nick turned his gaze broodingly out to sea. There was a time and a tide for everything, Meredith thought, and the events Nick was questioning were long gone. Nothing could be gained by chewing over them.
“You said we could talk about Kimberly and the future,” she softly reminded him.
“Yes.” He brightened, sitting up in his chair and reaching for his coffee, his eyes pleased with the new subject. “Tell me what you’d like to do,” he invited warmly.
Relief and pleasure danced through her. He was a beautiful man and her heart swelled with love for him. Her whole being clamoured for a resolution to all the unfinished business between them.
“It depends on what plans you’ve made,” she offered cautiously. “Kimberly said you were thinking of sending her to PLC.”
“Ah!” He grimaced. “Do I detect some more manoeuvring and manipulation by my devious niece? Has she been bending your ear about being banished to boarding school?”
“Not really.” Meredith saw the opportunity to clarify the situation and took it. “She seems more concerned about how she’ll fit into your life if you marry Rachel Pearce.”
“Marry Rachel?” He frowned. “It’s not on. I never said it was on.”
Her pulse went crazy. He wasn’t committed. She gulped some more coffee in the hope it would settle her down again.
“In fact, Rachel dropped by last Sunday to give me the enrolment forms for PLC and let me know she’d just remet the one big love of her life the night before.”
“Oh!” That information put a different complexion on. the picture. Maybe it was pride saying marriage had never been on. On the other hand, if Nick had been deeply wounded last Sunday he’d been amazingly good at hiding it. “That must have come as a shock to you,” she said, watching intently for some sign of the effect on him.
“More a surprise.” He shrugged. “I was happy for her. The man in question was married the first time around and she’d been fairly cut up about it. He’s now in the throes of divorce and wants another chance with her. Rachel was on her way to meet him for lunch when she called in.”
So that was why she’d been dressed to the nines! And Nick was now absolutely free of any sense of commitment to her! Meredith was dizzy with elation. It took an enormous effort to concentrate her mind on finding out if he was also heart-free.
“Were you... very attached to her?”
“You mean, did it hurt?” he said bluntly.
“Well...” She winced sympathetically. “You couldn’t have been expecting it.”
“We were good friends.” He smiled without any chagrin whatsoever. “We’re still good friends. I would expect Rachel to call on me for a favour and I’d do the same, if need be.”
“That’s nice,” Meredith murmured, feeling weak with relief.
“She’s a nice person. Unfortunately, she tended to rub Kimberly up the wrong way. No natural knack with children.”
This past year would not have been an easy time to win acceptance, Meredith thought, with Kimberly still feeling the loss of the parents she’d known. Rachel had probably met a brick wall resistance.
“Besides which, I think Kimberly had you on her mind,” Nick remarked.
The insight surprised her yet instantly made sense. “The other mother figure,” she murmured.
“Precisely. She wanted you. And she finally came out with it.”
Meredith sighed her contentment. It was wonderful to feel wanted by her daughter. If only Nick wanted her, too. her life would feel complete.
“She’s very happy with you,” Nick assured her.
“Yes.” She smiled at him, almost bursting with pleasure. “Though no doubt we’ll have our differences in times to come.”
He grinned, his dark eyes dancing again, making her heart trip over itself. “Little storms do blow up now and then. It’s a matter of weathering them,” he dryly advised. “Tell me what you think about sending her to PLC.”
They talked for hours, plotting—as parents do—what might be best for their child, with the reservation that the plans met with Kimberly’s approval. They agreed the most important thing was for her to feel secure about them always being there for her. On the other hand, selfish and unreasonable demands were not to be encouraged nor catered to.

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