Merry Christmas (Mills & Boon Vintage 90s Modern) (13 page)

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Authors: Emma Darcy

BOOK: Merry Christmas (Mills & Boon Vintage 90s Modern)
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“Which eventually led me back to you.” He sounded tired, spent, a long, long way from being happy about it.
Tears welled into her eyes. “I thought you’d come for me, you know? For a moment, when I opened the door to my apartment and saw you standing there...I thought you’d come for me.”
“God!” He shook his head despairingly. “What do I say to you?”
That you love me. That you’ll hold me tight forever and never let me go again.
Her whole body ached for him to say the words, to take her in his arms and press them home to her.
The click of the front door opening startled both of them out of their painful thrall. Nick spun around to see. Meredith watched in tense helplessness as Kimberly stepped out onto the veranda, a forlorn little figure, throwing anxious glances at both of them, uncertain of her welcome yet forcing herself to brave facing them.
“What are you doing out of bed, Kimberly?” Nick snapped.
“I couldn’t sleep.” Her voice wavered. “I got up to look at the presents again.”
“Spy on us, you mean,” he said grimly.
“Nick...” Meredith protested.
He flashed her a tormented look. “Kimberly has a habit of eavesdropping.”
Meredith looked at her daughter, seeing her torment, too. “Did you eavesdrop, Kimberly?” she asked softly.
A grave nod. “I didn’t mean to, Merry. The window was open and you were saying...saying...” She gulped and looked at Nick, her eyes huge and shiny with tears.
“Damn it, Kimberly! This is none of your business!” he thundered, too upset to realise how wrong he was.
It was her business. Kimberly had the right to know, too. Meredith watched in helpless dismay as in the artless, direct way of children, her daughter put the question straight to him.
“Are you my real father, Uncle Nick?”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
T
EARS rolled down Kimberly’s cheeks but she seemed unaware of them. Her eyes clung to Nick in silent, desperate pleading for him to put things right for her. One of her hands was twisting the soft cotton of her T-shirt nightie, fretting at it in a subconscious need to hold on to something. Her hair, released from its ponytail, hung in a bedraggled fashion around her face. She looked like a lost waif, bereft of all that had had meaning to her, and Meredith ached to gather her in her arms and hug comfort and reassurance.
But it was to Nick her daughter looked for what she needed, and Meredith painfully held herself back from rushing in. She simply wasn’t in a position to offer some secure platform from which they could all launch into a rosy future to replace the past. Nothing was really resolved between her and Nick. It was up to him to answer his daughter. It was up to him to answer all the questions now.
Yet Nick looked as lost as Kimberly, stricken by the realisation of all she might have overheard; the role her adoptive parents had played in taking her from Meredith, in preventing Nick from knowing about his fatherhood, ensuring he didn’t link up with her mother again, and keeping the knowledge of her real parentage from her.
The world they had known had been torn up and the pieces couldn’t be put together again. No matter what was tried, it wouldn’t be the same. Couldn’t be. The recognition of it made it all the harder to come up with the right thing to say. Or do. The moment had come upon them too fast. None of them was ready for it. Yet it was so important to get it right.
To Meredith, waiting on extreme tenterhooks, it felt like aeons before Nick moved. His face softened as he stepped over to the child waiting to be claimed by him. He squatted in front of her, his eyes on the same level as hers, and he took her hands, gently fondling them.
“Yes, I am, baby,” he said softly. “I am your real father.”
Kimberly bit her lips and shook her head, too distressed to speak.
“I didn’t know, love. I didn’t know until today,” Nick went on. “But now that I do know...”
“How could you forget Merry?” It was a cry from the heart, carrying the sense that he’d let her mother down, let them all down.
The caring from her daughter moved Meredith to tears.
My child, fighting for me...
How quickly the bond had formed! Or had it always been there, waiting to be tapped?
Nick sucked in a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he reached out and gently smudged the tears on his daughter’s cheeks. “I didn’t forget her, Kimberly. I suffered a head injury soon after I left Merry all those years ago, and the weeks before the accident became a blank to me. I didn’t remember meeting and falling in love with her, but I’ve dreamed of her ever since. I didn’t know she was a real person. In my dreams, I could never reach her, but I felt if I ever did, she’d bring a special magic into my life. And she has. She’s given me a daughter I didn’t know I had.”
More tears welled and overflowed, both from Kimberly and Meredith, though thankfully no one was looking at Meredith.
Kimberly swallowed convulsively. “Would you...would you have come back...and married her?”
“Yes.” No hesitation. “I would have wanted to be a father to you, Kimberly. And as soon as I saw Merry, I would have fallen in love with her all over again.”
Meredith’s heart turned over. Was Nick expressing what he felt now? Or was he simply appeasing Kimberly’s sense of rightness?
“Why did Mum keep her from you?” It was a wail for what might have been. “It wasn’t fair, Uncle Nick. It wasn’t fair!”
Kimberly burst into sobbing.
Nick sprang up and hoisted her against his shoulder, hugging her tightly. She flung her arms around his neck and wept, her small body racked with the devastation of faith in the parents she thought had loved her, whom she had loved. Nick carried her to the closest cane armchair and sat down, cuddling her on his lap and gently rubbing her back.
Meredith could only stand helplessly by, waiting to give what assistance she could, when and if it was called upon. She fought a silent battle with her own tears, afraid she would distress Kimberly even more if she saw them.
Eventually the sobbing diminished to the occasional hiccup. Kimberly remained huddled against Nick’s shoulder, limp and drained, accepting his silent soothing like a kitten, needing to be petted and loved.
“Kimberly...” Nick called softly. “What your Mum did was wrong. It was wrong for me and wrong for Merry. But she and your dad loved you very much. They didn’t know how it had been between Merry and me. They thought they were doing the best for you. And they did, Kimberly. They did their best to give you a happy life.”
Nick lifted his gaze to Meredith, his dark eyes anguished, apologetic, appealing for her understanding. She responded instantly, moving to crouch beside the child on his lap and rub her legs, chilled now from the cool night air and her enervated state.
“Kimberly...all the photographs your mum sent me year by year showed me a very happy child,” she assured her. “I loved looking at them. As Nick told you, I have them all over the walls in my bedroom. Please don’t let those years be spoiled for you now, my darling. You wouldn’t be the wonderful girl you are if your mum and dad hadn’t given you a very loving home.”
A woebegone face peeked at her around lank strands of hair. “You would have loved me, too, Merry.”
“I do love you. You’re my own precious child. You always were and you always will be. Nothing changes that, Kimberly,” Meredith promised her.
“But Mum took me from you. You said...”
“No. You’ve misunderstood, Kimberly,” she broke in quickly. “I gave you to your Mum because she could look after you better than I could at that time. And she and your dad looked after you beautifully. Even if Nick had come back to me, I don’t know if we could have done better.”
Kimberly thought that over for a while before saying, “I would have had my real parents.”
“You have them now.” Meredith stroked the damp hair away from her daughter’s pale little face, smiling as she tucked it behind her ear and said, “Aren’t you the lucky girl, with two sets of parents loving you?”
There was a perceptible brightening of expression before a frown marred it. “You and Uncle Nick were angry at each other.”
“No.” Meredith shook her head, the smile still lingering on her lips. “Nick was upset because he couldn’t remember and I was upset having to explain everything to him. But that’s over now.” She glanced up for his support. “Isn’t it, Nick?”
“Yes. We’ve got it all sorted out, Kimberly,” he assured her.
It stirred Kimberly into sitting upright so she could look Nick in the eye. “Have you fallen in love with Merry again?” she asked with disarming directness.
Meredith held her breath. Nick’s gaze turned to her, telegraphing so many emotions they were difficult to decipher. A plea for forgiveness? Need for her understanding? Anguish at having been put on the spot?
“I never stopped loving her. Even when she was only in my dreams, she touched my heart.”
Dear heaven! Was it true?
“Are you going to marry her now?”
The clear line logic of a child! It left nowhere for Nick to go. He was trapped within the integrity of what he’d already said in his efforts to soothe his daughter’s distress.
His gaze did not leave Meredith’s. It begged her response as he said, “If she’ll have me.”
Kimberly turned, her eyes full of hope and expectation. “Merry?”
She stood up, her legs trembling under the weight of decision. Two pairs of eyes were pinning her to a response here and now. Meredith’s heart was pounding. She wanted to say yes, but was it right to do so when the question had been asked under duress? Did it matter? If Nick was truly willing for the sake of their daughter, why was she even hesitating?
“Yes,” she said firmly.
Kimberly hurtled off Nick’s lap and hugged her. “It’s what I’ve been dreaming, Merry, for you and Uncle Nick to get married so I could have both of you all the time,” she babbled.
Nick rose from the chair with the air of a man who had just had an enormous burden lifted from his shoulders. If he felt any weight from the responsibilities he had just taken on, it certainly didn’t show. He oozed confidence, as though his world was under control again and what he had was what he wanted.
Meredith fiercely hoped so. She hoped she wasn’t fooling herself into seeing what she wanted to see.
He gave her a grateful look and gently squeezed his daughter’s shoulder. “Let’s drop the uncle bit, Kimberly. Just call me Nick, as Merry does.”
“Oh!” She swung around to beam at him.
“Okay, Nick.”
He tapped her cheek, smiling indulgently. “Off to bed, little one. It’s Christmas tomorrow.”
“And you and Merry want to kiss and make up,” she replied with her own form of indulgence.
“You could be right about that.”
She giggled.
Meredith was amazed at the resilience coming to the fore with the assurance of having both her real parents established in her life.
“Have a good night, Unc...! mean, Nick.” Her grin was extended to Merry. “A very good night.”
“Sweet dreams,” Nick prompted.
“Yes. Sweet dreams,” Meredith echoed, hoping her own dream was really coming true.
Kimberly walked jauntily to the front door, pausing before she made her exit to sweep them both with another grin, her eyes twinkling like stars. “Merry Christmas,” she called very pointedly. Then off she went down the hallway singing, “I wish you a Merry Christmas, I wish you a Merry Christmas, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A
S KIMBERLY’S singing receded down the hallway, Nick’s hands slid around Meredith’s waist and turned her to face him. Her heart was fluttering so wildly she felt almost sick, apprehension and excitement warring inside her.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, his eyes a swirl of dark chocolate, meltingly warm. “Thank you for being you, for having my child and giving her to me. But above everything else, thank you for waiting for me, Merry.”
“Oh, Nick!” Relief gushed through her. The love in his voice was unmistakable. “I’m sorry I gave up on you. I...”
“No...” He placed a finger on her lips, hushing the stream of regret “I was wrong. You don’t have anything to answer for.” The finger softly stroked down to her chin and dropped, his hand moving to curl around her neck and caress her nape. “God knows I’ve seen enough, been with you enough to appreciate, in some small measure, how it’s been for you. I’m sorry I got so screwed up about being left out.”
The fluttering eased. She managed a wry smile. “Well, at least I’m not too young for you anymore.”
He frowned, pained by the reminder. “I don’t know that you ever were. Some feelings go beyond any sensible reasoning. Dave said if I’d had my mind on surfing, the accident wouldn’t have happened. Maybe I was thinking of coming back to you and that was what the dream meant.”
Twice he’d spoken of dreaming about her. Meredith’s curiosity was piqued. “What happened in your dream?”
An ironic smile cleared the frown. “It was mostly like last night, you waiting on the beach for me, facing out to sea. You never spoke, yet I’d feel you were calling me. I’d set out to reach you and when I got close, you’d turn around as though you’d heard me coming and your face would light up in welcome.” He sighed. “Then my legs wouldn’t move any more. I’d stand helplessly, watching you fade away.”
“How strange!” she murmured. “Sometimes, especially after a walk on the beach, I’d have a restless night. I’d lie in the dark, thinking of you, how I used to stand at the water’s edge, watching you ride your board or windsurf. I guess, in my heart, I was calling to you, Nick.”
They stared at each other, awed by the need that had spanned time and distance, calling from soul to soul.
Nick sighed, his eyes turning rueful. “I wish I’d known how to answer. But for Kimberly finding out about you and wanting to meet her real mother...”
“She’s wonderful, isn’t she?”
He smiled. “Very much like her mother.”
“And her father. She’s got your hair...”
“Your eyes.”
She laughed, happiness bubbling up and brimming over. “Isn’t it marvellous we can now be her parents? Oh!” She winced as the thought of Denise and Colin Graham hit her. “I didn’t mean...I wasn’t being glad about what happened to your sister and brother-in-law, Nick. It was just...”
“I know.” He pulled her closer, warming her with his body. “It was good of you to say what you did to Kimberly, considering the selfish judgment Denise made.”
“It wasn’t entirely selfish,” Meredith quickly protested, so happy to be where she was, nothing else mattered. “Your sister was thinking of you, wanting you to be a success.”
He shook his head. “She was thinking of what
she
wanted for me, not what
I
wanted, Merry.”
“Still, you’ve been very successful with your career,” she argued, not wanting him to harbour ill feelings toward a woman who. had given him and Kimberly so much. “You must be pleased about that. You like your work. I can tell.”
“You’ve
been very successful with your
Flower Power.
Did it make up for what we missed?”
She slid her hands over his shoulders and around his neck, her eyes earnestly pleading her case. “That time is gone, Nick. Let’s not waste now in mourning it. And we’ve got so much to look forward to.”
His face softened and suddenly broke into a grin, his eyes twinkling like Kimberly’s. “You can take charge of the flowers for the wedding.”
Her stomach felt as if it was twinkling. “Are we going to have a wedding?”
“We most certainly are,” he answered with fervour. Then he laughed. “Kimberly would accuse us both of being stodges if we did her out of it.”
“You really want to marry me?”
“Did you doubt it?”
Not now. The sense of coming full circle was far too strong. But it was fun to tease him, confident of a love that would go on forever, regardless of any obstacle or tribulation.
“Well, Kimberly did, more or less, force your hand,” she said archly.
“Only getting to the heart of the matter more quickly, my love. And you are my love.” His eyes searched hers with urgent intensity. “You don’t doubt that, do you, Merry?”
She smiled, glowing with certainty. “You’re calling me Merry.”
“I wanted to before. It sounded right. Felt right. But I kept thinking it was
his
name for you and I didn’t want you to associate me with the lover who’d let you down.” He grimaced. “There’s some irony for you.”
“I’m sorry you don’t remember, Nick, but it was the same as it is now. I never stopped loving you, either,” she said softly.
“Merry...”
He choked up. His head bent. His lips moved over hers in a slow, sensual tasting. She felt his desire to savour every nuance of her physical reality and his intent to treasure the magic of this coming together. And it
was
magic, the touch of love, the sureness of it coursing through them, swelling their hearts and warming their souls.
With the deepening of their kiss came the need for every closeness, all the intimacy they had shared the night before, heightened by the joy of knowing the long yearning for each other was over. They were one again and the desire to express that in every way was too strong to delay.
“Share my bed with me,” Nick murmured. “I want to be with you all night.”
Blissful thought...yet they weren’t entirely alone. “Is it wise with Kimberly? If she finds us in the same room in the morning...”
“It will cement her happiness,” he answered confidently. “She feels our marriage is long overdue.”
Meredith sighed. “You know her better than I do.”
He smiled, tucking her close to him for the walk inside. “You’re catching up fast and you have the advantage of being female. Like minds...”
She laughed, sliding her arm around his waist and snuggling closer as they strolled to the front door. “You’re good with her, Nick. I’ve loved watching how you are together.”
He pressed a soft kiss on her temple. “She’s part of you. I guess it shone through. She’s always been a special child to me.”
Special...
The sense of it sang in Meredith’s mind and hummed through her body all during their lovemaking. Nick was special. Their child was special. The feeling they had for each other was special. And this wonderful Christmas had to be the most special of all.

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