Messed Up (24 page)

“There is nothing that makes Levi more infuriated than feeling that he is being disrespected or deceived. It’s too late for you Chelsea. You are in this way over your head. But if you care about your friend Conner, you’ll stop seeing him. Levi is just about at the end of his rope. I know when his patience is about to break,” Bryce started to leave the office, but then turned back, looking pale, “Please don’t tell him I said any of this,” he almost begged.

“What would he do to Conner?” I could hear my voice shake.

Bryce’s face looked stricken, “Remember what happened to Toby?”

He left the room without another word. I allowed my body to sink to the cold tile floor and I closed my eyes. In my mind I could see the look on Toby’s face that night at the benches; the blood dripping down his chin, his eyes pleading for me to help him. Suddenly, Toby’s face was replaced by Conner’s. I forced my eyes to open as a shiver ran from my toes to the top of my head.

I slowly rose to my feet, taking time to get my balance before walking out into the front of the store. Bryce didn’t look at me, but I saw his eyes flash on a table in the food court. Sitting at the table was a kid I’d never seen before. He had a skateboard tucked into his backpack. His eyes were fixed on me. I met his stare and he quickly turned away.

“Thanks for the warning,” I said under my breath, not looking at Bryce.

“Sorry I waited until it was too late,” he replied with his hand over his mouth. What does that mean, I wondered,
too late
? Camille had said something similar. What were they talking about?

I grabbed my backpack and hurried out of the food court. As I walked through the mall, my eyes flashed all around me, searching for the kid with the skateboard. Was he really following me? My worst suspicions were confirmed when I slipped into the Victoria Secret and saw him step onto the escalator, casually looking over his shoulder and right at me.

I dashed through the lingerie section, knocking a stack of pink and black polka dot thong underwear onto the floor. I darted out the side door, hoping the kid wouldn’t be versed enough in the typical Victoria Secret floor plan to realize there were two ways out of the store. I ran at full speed through the top floor exit of the mall and across a pedestrian bridge that led to the parking structure. I continued to run down the three flights of stairs to the bottom of the parking lot where I had left my car. I was counting on the fact that the kid thought I was still looking through silky bras and lace panties.

I hid in the stairwell while I scanned the parking lot. I could see my car about a hundred feet away. The only people in the lot were a mom with her two little kids happily loading their car with their day’s loot. I sprinted at full speed to my Volvo. I forced my keys into the ignition with a shaking hand. My car started up with its familiar rumble and I drove out of the parking lot.

As I drove past the front entrance of the mall I yielded at the crosswalk to let a man in a Footlocker uniform cross. Right behind him was Skateboard Boy. Our eyes met. I held up my fist to him and extended my middle finger. Asshole
.

22

Parked in Conner’s driveway, I sat unmoving behind the steering wheel. My eyes fixed on a crack in the cement walkway leading to his front door. Inside, my mind was like a TV experiencing technical difficulties—fuzzy nothingness. I had been rendered completely immobile by indecision about what to do next. Nothing in my life had prepared me to deal with my current list of troubles. I knew I should cancel the camping trip, I knew that I couldn’t tell Conner the truth, I knew that at any second one of Levi’s friends could pick up my trail again, and I knew I couldn’t let anything bad happen to Conner. It was this vacillation that ultimately led me to go camping despite myself.

I barely noticed as Conner came out of his house, put his duffle bag in my trunk and climbed in my car. “Hey Chels,” he said reaching over to ruffle my hair playfully, “I hope you don’t mind. I told Milo and Becca that we would drive your car up there. My parents have all their gear in the Suburban.”

I nodded, “Sure.”

We picked up Milo and Becca and then headed north out of town. I was silent as the three of them talked, about what I’m not sure. I could tell Conner was troubled by my silence, because he kept glancing over at me. I knew he wouldn’t question me in front of the others though. My mind was racing. I had to figure out a plan to keep Conner from any danger.

We’d driven for about an hour when I suddenly pulled off the road at a gas station. “I’ve got to go the bathroom,” I said, scampering out of the car, grabbing my backpack on the way. I found the dirty restroom around the back of the station. It smelled of urine and one glance at the floor explained why. I dug my phone out of my bag and flipped it open quickly, dialing Levi’s number. I was relieved when his voicemail picked up. It would be easier to lie to a machine.

“Hi Levi,” I said, forcing my voice to sound light, “I wanted to give you the heads up that I’m going to be MIA for the next couple of days. I was going to go camping with some friends, but my sister is dragging me to some kind of music festival on a river somewhere. Wish me luck. Anyway, hope you’re doing okay,” and then I forced it out of my mouth, “I love you.”

I was splashing water on my face when I heard Conner lightly tapping on the door, “You okay, Chels?” he asked, concerned.

I walked out, nearly knocking him in the face with the door. I took his arms and wrapped them around me, nuzzling my head into his chest, “I’m okay,” I lied, “just a little carsick.”

Conner took over the driving and I began to relax, although only slightly. Becca and Milo sat in the back kissing and giggling like a couple of escaped convicts whose rights to conjugal visits had been revoked while they were in the pen. I have to admit, that despite everything, including the fact that I was terrified for my own personal safety as well as Conner’s, I had enough left in me to feel slightly embarrassed by the PDA happening in the back seat. I wondered if Conner was feeling the same way. Prior to our intimate moment the other night, I’m sure Conner and I would have just laughed at Becca and Milo, but now it was like there outward gooiness was shinning the spotlight directly on our lack thereof.

I have always considered my appreciation for nature to be a little subpar compared to my parents. They are the type of people who are crazy about anything that involves nature’s beauty. As a result my entire young childhood was spent traipsing around to all the natural wonders that our fine country has to offer. The whole time I was less than thrilled. My parents would stand at the top of a mountain peak, with this look of pure delight, and I would wonder if some part of my brain had been damaged inutero, thereby making it impossible for me to feel what they seemed to experience. This is probably why the idea of camping made very little sense to me. Wouldn’t a hotel be a better option? When we reached the campsite that late afternoon, I had my first real glimmer of what the world must look like through my parents’ eyes.

The campsite was on a lake so pristine and still that it reflected with perfect accuracy the mountain range behind it. The sun had reached the part of the sky where its light becomes a warm glow, and that glow seemed to illuminate each leaf on every tree in a way that made them look like they were strategically placed in perfect order. The lake too had a warm glow about it. Everything was quiet aside from the sound of a red-winged black bird that called to us from across a babbling brook just to the left of our campsite. The whole place seemed so magical that it wouldn’t have surprised me at all to see a tiny fairy dancing about in the current of the brook. All of us, including the two smooching lovebirds, took in the ambiance in silence. Was this really so beautiful, I wondered, or had I reached an age where I had seen so much filth that I could finally appreciate it?

Conner’s parents were the next to arrive, followed by his grandparents and then his sister Donnie with a couple of her friends. The tranquility of the lake was quickly transformed by the kinetic energy that seemed to follow the Bianchi family wherever they went. The males set up the campsite, while the females busied themselves with dinner preparations. As was tradition, I supposed, dinner was a major production. There were three separate types of proteins, all marinated in different sauces, two vegetable salads, two pasta dishes, and an enormous loaf of garlic bread. I might end up in a layer of dirt three inches thick, but at least I won’t go hungry doing it, I thought.

That night, after Becca had stealthily moved into Milo’s tent, I lay on my sleeping bag, staring blankly at the Coleman ceiling. Long shadows flashed about outside the tent, as the trees and bushes swayed in the warm night breeze. The campsite slowly grew silent and dark as people turned off their lights and went to sleep. I could hear what I was sure was Conner’s grandmother’s snoring from at least fifty feet away. She sure has a set of lungs on her, I thought. I don’t know how much time passed as I laid there thinking about how I was going to handle the Levi situation.

I eventually decided I should put on my sweats and try to go to sleep. Rolling over, I sat up and began to dig through my gigantic duffle bag. My hand passed over a large button on the pocket of my favorite jeans—the ones Levi had given me. I’d packed them just in case I needed to look semi-decent. I continued to search for my sweats when my entire body seized with a frightening realization. Julie! I had told Levi I was going to be with my sister. He knows how to get a hold of her. He’d called her about the freaking jeans! My heart began pounding loudly in my chest, my hands started to shake. Would he really call her to check on my story? After everything I had learned that , I was now certain that he would.

I grabbed my cell phone, frantically dialing Julie’s number. Nothing happened. I looked down at my phone.
No service!
Crap! I grabbed my backpack and keys and stumbled out of my tent. I would have to drive until I got a signal. I had to get a hold of Jules before Levi did.

I ran down the path to my car. It was dark and I tripped over a root in the path. I quickly picked myself up and continued on. I knew I should tell Conner where I was going, but I didn’t have time for explanations. I could see my car parked along the silent road. I began sprinting toward it, and then stopped dead in my tracks. Parked just behind my car was a navy blue SUV that I recognized immediately.

23

I felt a strong, cold hand grab the back of my neck. I could tell by the way his thumb drew a line down the side of my neck, from my ear to the base of my clavicle, that it was Levi.

“
Surprise,” he said in an icy whisper.

“
Levi,” I spun around, trying to replace my terrified face with one that looked delighted “What are you doing here?”

He didn’t respond to my question but instead grabbed my arm so hard that it stung under his grip. He dragged me to his car quickly, forcing me to practically run to keep up with him. He opened the door and shoved me inside. Levi reached into the glove compartment, and for a split second I thought he was going to produce a gun, but instead he handed me a piece of paper and a pen.

“
Write your little girlfriend a note,” he instructed in a voice so harsh, I immediately followed his directions and wrote Conner’s name with my shaking hand, “Tell him you needed to go home and you’ll talk to him later.” I wrote what he had dictated, but my hand was trembling with such force that the letters looked like I’d just learned to print. Levi seized my face in his hand, squeezing my cheeks with an aggressive grip and forced me to look at him, “Stop shaking and write the fucking note,” he demanded fiercely, handing me a second sheet of paper.

“
Maybe if you’d stop yelling at me I wouldn’t be shaking like freaking lap dog,” I blurted out in frustration. Levi’s eyes glared at me and his face turned to stone. For a fraction of a second I thought Levi was going to lose it, but he turned away looking out at the dark night.

I steadied my right hand with my left and wrote a second note:

Conner,

-Chelsea

I hoped the note sounded believable. The worst thing that could happen would be for Conner to chase after me while Levi was in his current enraged state. I reasoned that maybe I could defuse the situation before Levi decided to do something terrible to Conner.

Suddenly, I heard voices, my heart stopped. Please don’t let it be Conner, I prayed silently. Emerging from the trail leading from our campsite were three figures. As they approached I recognized them to be James, Noah, and Skateboard Boy. They approached Levi’s car. James was carrying my duffle bag, which he tossed in the backseat.

Levi snatched the note from my hand, read it quickly then passed it to Skateboard Boy, “Put this on the Suburban,” he directed. He dug my keys from out my pocket and handed them to James, “Leave her car at her house.” Levi shut the door on me. I watched him talk to his little minions for a couple minutes before he got in the car.

I could feel my anxiety begin to build as we drove in silence. I decided my best option would be to try to appeal to his humanity, “Listen Levi,” I said in the calmest voice I could rally, “I’m really sorry I lied to you. I didn’t mean to mess things up. I just didn’t want you to worry about Conner. Nothing is going on between us. I swear to God.”