Microsoft Word - Jenny dreamed (13 page)

When they finally reached the crest of the hill over-looking her parents' home, Jenny felt a tug at her heart. It had been eight years since as an innocent girl she'd seen the house. The last six weeks of terror and abuse had left her without a vestige of innocence. She returned here a woman, more aware of the world's evils than she'd ever wished to be.

Before they started down the trail, Jenny extracted a promise from Dev-that he tell no one of her experiences. "It would kill my mother, Dev," she explained in a voice hoarse with remembered anguish. "She would blame herself because of Lil, and that ... woman is beyond justice now." Jenny thought for a moment and looked up at him; "Then again, perhaps she's only beginning to know what justice is now."

At the house, Jenny was introduced to Sally, and after her first shy reserve had faded, Reverend Sparks's daughter took to her like a mother hen, to a stray chick, fussing over her and chiding Dev for not taking better care with her. "You can see the poor girl's all tuckered out," she said with a sympathetic clucking sound. "Dear, we were so worried about you!"

When Jenny appeared puzzled at the plural "we," Sally gave a flap of her arms and cried,

"Mercy, where is my head! Your poor little maid has been wasting away, lookin' more frail by the second. I'll fetch her and then bring you some tea!"

But there had been no need for Sally to go in search of Isa. The girl had heard her mistress's voice and like a diminutive whirlwind swept from her room at the back of the house, entering the parlor with a swirl of black skirts and a rapid flurry of Spanish exclamations.

For two weeks now Jenny had been pampered and coddled, treated to an overabundance of Sally's nononsense home cooking, and the bloom of health was back in her cheeks. In fact, she was complaining humorously to Dev as they strolled beside the lake in the late afternoon sun, she would soon have to start dieting.

"Sally will have me looking like one of her plump chickens if I don't take care!" she ventured, enjoying the easy sound of Dev's laughter as he assured her it would do her no harm.

"You've got to develop a hearty appetite if you expect to stay healthy out here, Jenny," Dev said. "No tea and crumpets and skipping meals to keep yourself thin enough to fit the latest style of ballgowns!" For a few moments he was silent, his eyes searching the landscape.

Then he slowly touched her arm and whispered, "Look there, by the pines."

A deer had come down from the foothills to graze, and Jenny held her breath, watching the delicate, pale brown doe nibble gently at the tall grass on the far side of the lake. She was awed by the sight of a wild creature in such a natural setting. In London one saw a variety of animals at the park zoos, but they were penned in behind wrought-iron bars, looking sadly back at the visitors who'd come to view them.

Suddenly the animal raised its nose, poised for flight as it caught the movement of Jenny's skirt fluttering in the gentle breeze that had risen. Its cotton-white tail flipped up in alarm, and in seconds the doe had bounded grace-fully into the woods.

Dev and Jenny strolled in companionable silence as the lengthening shadows of the trees cast a dappled pattern across their path. "You never did tell me the reason for your visit,"

Dev said as they reached the stand of pines where the deer had grazed. "Your father's letter hinted it was something other than a vacation."

Jenny smiled. She could well imagine what her father had said. He'd been against this trip of hers from the beginning. She explained to Dev that for the past year she had kept busy with volunteer _work at one of London's biggest hospitals. "Though my late husband frowned upon it, I seem to have a natural inclination toward nursing. You may find it shocking, but I think I'd have made an excellent doctor!" Jenny wrinkled her nose, remembering that a great many of the doctors she'd met had been less than altruistic in their concern for the poorer, working classes of London's population.

"I know enough to diagnose common illnesses and treat wounds, how to set broken limbs and comfort the fevered-skills that should be put to good use, Dev." Jenny paused, sure that Dev's reaction would mirror her father's. With or without his help, she intended to see it through. "I want to help my mother's people," she stated firmly, "and give them the benefit of modern medicine." She settled onto a large, flat-topped boulder that sat half in-the water, half on dry land at the edge of the lake, primly folding her hands together in her lap as she waited for his response.

"Well ... have I left you speechless with shock?"

she teased, trying to elicit some indication of favor or disfavor.

"No, ma'am," Dev replied. He set one booted foot against the rock, rested his forearm across his knee, then pushed back the brim of his black hat and smiled down at her. "I've just been pondering the right way to tell you it's a hare-brained scheme without offending you."

"I am not offended, sir, but I will be if you don't explain the reason you feel it's so 'hare-brained!' " Jenny retorted defensively. "You'll be happy to know your sentiments are shared by my father. He used exactly the same phrase."

"Okay." Dev sighed. "You want me to level with you, right?"

Jenny smiled. "I would be delighted if you'd level with me. I do respect your opinion, though I'll warn you ahead of time that nothing my father said changed my mind. Don't forget I have ties to the Blackfoot, Dev. My grandfather was a full-blood chieftain."

"Well, you may have some Indian blood in you, miss, but you don't know a thing about the way they think. This was their country, all of it. Now they've got nothing left but little bits and pieces-whatever the white man didn't want or hasn't decided he wants yet. The Blackfoot are proud, and vain, too. Part of the pain they feel over the loss of what was theirs is the fact that, for the most part, they gave it all up without a fight, signing useless pieces of paper that they thought would satisfy the white man's greed."

Dev had looked away, the bitter empathy he felt reflecting in his face. Now he looked back at her, frowning as he continued. "They don't want your help, Jenny. Believe me, it wouldn't be welcomed at all. Anyone with a white face is suspect, and they've had plenty of reason to feel that way."

"You're white."

"Not in their eyes, I'm not," Dev explained quickly. "Thirteen years ago they took me in, and to the Blackfoot tribe, I was born a Blackfoot, no matter what color my skin is. There's another reason they won't take any medical help, though. You'd be upsetting their traditions, offending the shaman, the holy man. They believe in his power to make medicine, both good and bad; they'd be risking the chance that he'd call up evil spirits."

Jenny was quiet, her mind digesting everything he'd told her. What about the children, she thought, didn't parents everywhere share a common concern for their children's well-being?

Surely she could do more by improving their diet and treating childhood illnesses than some chanting, gourd-rattling high priest calling on the supernatural. "I was originally very determined to do this, Dev. Now I have another reason, a selfish one."

It was too painful to face him with what she was about to say, so Jenny looked down at her clenched hands. "I never could have guessed that my trip would have been ... interrupted as it was and I have tried, truly tried, not to dwell on the memories in self-pity." Finally she had the strength to look up and found him listening intently, with a sympathetic look on his face that encouraged her to go on. "But it would make them unbearable if it were all for nothing! Can you understand that, Dev? Some good should come of it."

Dev thought a moment. Hopeless as the gesture was,certain to be misunderstood and rebuffed, Jenny had earned the right to have her try. He owed it to her to make it as easy for her as he could. He was beginning to like Jennifer Bryant, really like her, not because he was beguiled by her looks, though God knew she was a tempting woman, but because of her remarkable character. She was an intriguing combination of oppositesfeminine yet strong; vulnerable but fiercely independent.

Despite her wealthy, upper-class breeding, she cared about people, enough to risk her emotional health to help.

"You have a great deal of persistence in you, young lady," Dev said now, offering her his hand to help her rise. "You'll need it if you're to have any chance of success. I'll take you to the village and introduce you. After that, it's up to you ... but you will get your chance."

Thrilled by his willingness to help her, Jenny impetuously threw her arms around his neck and hugged Dev, then drew back and blushingly apologized for her unlady-like response.

"It's a hell of a lot nicer than a handshake," Dev replied, tucking her arm within his for the walk back.

Despite her hard-won battle to convince Dev he should accompany her to Gray Hawk's village, Jenny had reason a week later to believe her eloquent pleas had all been for nought.

He'd been caught by her enthusiasm, fired by a shared belief that she really could help the tribe. Now she stared into her mirror at a stranger's face, the reflection of a girl who resembled Jenny Bryant but whose wild, stricken eyes were smudged purple with lack of sleep.. The fingers that rose to touch her pale, waxen complexion trembled, and their palsy intensified Jenny's feeling of unreality.

She couldn't be pregnant! Of all the tortured thoughts her mind had entertained during her captivity, it had never occurred to her that she would be left: with a vivid, ever-present reminder of it. In two years of marriage to Rodrigo she had failed to conceive, and before he'd left for Venezuela he had taunted her with his lack of an heir. "Wives are such imperfect creatures," he'd sneered. "You are beautiful, Jena, and barren, while Inez is as ugly as a mongrel bitch and breeds as easily!"

Now, in an ironic twist of fate, she had proved him wrong, too late for him to know. Jenny bowed her head, the tears she had restrained soaking her hands. A thousand questions pummeled at her brain demanding to be answered. She had no answers. Who was the father-one of the men at the bordello? Bill Evers? Or, as she suspected, Beau Stanner?

Would she ever know?

She had missed two of her monthly periods, and they had never been irregular. Add to that her morning bouts of nausea. How could she hide this ... this embarrassment from her parents? Before, perhaps; but never now.

Sometimes during her ordeal she had questioned God. Why had she been abandoned to such a fate? Inez had told her once that she would someday pay for her irreverence, for her lack of piety, for her vanity, and Jenny believed the debt had been paid in full. Now she knew differently. This was the penance she was to pay. That comparatively brief period of mental torture and physical abuse was only the prelude. This stranger's burden growing within her violated body would punish her all her life.

Jenny was angry, hysterically, unreasoningly furious. "I won't," she protested in a low, hoarse voice. "I will not accept this!" The image in the mirror, blurred by her tears, seemed to mock her resistance, and a moment later a long, jagged crack sliced her reflection in two.

She'd thrown her heavy, cut-crystal perfume bottle with all her might, then risen and stumbled to the door to run. She didn't know where, just away, anywhere but here, anywhere.

In the kitchen, Sally looked up from slicing her fresh garden green beans for the evening meal and cocked her head to one side, listening. "Did you hear a crash upstairs?" she asked Dev a moment later. When he replied that he hadn't and reached for another of the still warm sweet rolls she'd baked for lunch, Sally swatted his hand away and chided, "You won't eat any supper if you keep at it!"

Dev grinned and snatched one anyway. "I'm still a growing boy at heart, Sal. 'Sides," he mumbled with a mouthful of honeyed roll. "Y'know I can't resist your cooking. I ought to break down and marry you!"

Sally didn't rise to his teasing. Instead, with a serious expression of concern, she leaned forward and said, "It's not me who's needin' the sanctity of a wedding, Dev Cantrell!" then returned to her task without further explanation.

"Sally?" Dev waited until she'd looked up. "What was that supposed to mean?"

The housekeeper lowered her voice to reply . "It means that even if I never have been married, I'm a Woman. Haven't you noticed how pale your Jenny's been lookin'? How tired she is, even if she's taken to napping in the afternoons? I put two and two together even before Isa came and asked me if I had any medicine for an upset stomach! That poor girl's carrying a baby, Dev ... and if nothin' happened to her in Denver, like you've been claimin', then you ought to do right by her."

Dev looked stunned by the news, several shades paler' beneath his dark tan, and Sally almost felt sorry for the harsh way she'd spoken. "I told you, sooner or later it was going to catch up with you, Dev. You can't go through life merrily doin' as you please without eventually paying for your pleasure!"

"Shut up, Sally," Dev snapped. "I'm trying to think." He stood up, absently staring out the kitchen window, then frowned. "Now, what is she up to?" he puzzled aloud as he caught sight of Jenny hurrying across the yard toward the barn. It was just as well, he had to talk to her about this revelation of Sally's anyway. It was one hell of a shock, and if it was true ...

suddenly he was in a rush to find out what Jenny was really planning on doing. Sally asked whitt he'd seen, standing up to peer out the window, but her inquiry was answered only by the slamming of the back door.

Dev was ten yards from the barn doors when his stallion broke from the barn in a trot, with Jenny astride him riding bareback. What was she thinking? Faro was too big an animal for her to handle, especially with only a bridle. "Whoa, there, Faro," he called. "Jenny, you're going to get yourself killed. You can't manage him! Come on,now-"

Jenny had a wild, fevered look in her eyes, an expression that said she didn't want to listen to anything. She was an excellent horsewoman, using her knees to direct the skittish stallion away from his master's reach. Dev made a try for the reins as she passed, but Jenny anticipated the move and flicked the thin ribbons of rawhide against the mount's neck. He responded by rearing away from Dev, dancing high on his hind quarters as Jenny clung to his back, then galloping away as Jenny shouted into the wind, "Leave me alone!"