Middle of Knight (28 page)

His parents had no reason to take her words literally and that was fine. They didn’t need all the details. Her confession of where she’d been and how far she’d come segued to the most sincere thank you ever.

“I know he doesn’t live in the ten-mile Jones radius with his own bed and breakfast. But thank you for letting him find his way in life … thank you for letting him find his way to me.”

The dam broke. Felicity didn’t even try to wipe her tears, she just let them stream down her face.

Fate. It was a mysterious concept, an unknown destination, and often a heartbreaking journey. For the first time since Claire died, Jessica saw a glimpse of light beyond the cold, eternal darkness. She hoped it was a new day—the dawn of forever.

Knight

J
illian and AJ
headed south, running from the colder weather while keeping a good state or two between them and the West Coast. AJ’s body gained some strength, rebounding a bit since the radiation treatment. With that extra boost of strength came pain—debilitating, death-would-be-a-sweet-relief type of pain. Forty-eight hours after the last pain pills were taken, Jillian thought she would have to physically put him out of his misery for good. But she couldn’t … not to AJ.

“I’ll be right back,” she whispered to AJ as he thrashed in bed, releasing painful moans and grunts that broke Jillian—someone who was nearly impossible to break.

Grabbing her phone she stepped out of their hotel room into the hallway.

“If someone has a gun to your head, it serves you right for being so fucking far away from where I planted your ass.”

“I’m sure you wish someone had a gun to my head, McGraw¸ but that’s not why I’m calling. I need a favor.”

“Sorry, sweetheart, I’m all out of favors.”

“I’m sending you a photo of the label from a bottle of pain pills. I need refills … unlimited refills at the nearest pharmacy.”

“I’m not a doctor.”

“You have the power to make the fucking sun stop shining. Pills. Lots of them. Now.”

“I don’t like how you talk to me.”

“I didn’t like how you fucked me.”

The line went silent, but she knew he was still there.

“You’re wasting your time. Just put your highly-decorated sergeant out of his misery.”

“Time is all I have these days and you know that, asshole. There’s a Walgreens on the corner. Fifteen minutes.” Jillian pressed
End
.

As she opened the hotel room door, she heard a clattering of glass.

“What are you doing?”

AJ twisted the cap off a bottle from the minibar refrigerator and gulped it down then reached for another.

“Stop!” She grabbed it from him and shoved the rest of the bottles back in the refrigerator then slammed the door shut. “Twenty minutes. Give me twenty minutes and I’ll have some more pain meds for you. Okay?”

AJ sat back on the edge of the bed and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “Fuck!”

Her heart felt like it could explode into tiny pieces from witnessing him in so much pain. “Twenty minutes. Stay out of the minibar.” She grabbed her purse and phone then raced out the door.

When she returned, AJ looked up at her from the bed, shaking and sweating.

“Here.” She helped him sit up and handed him two pills and a glass of water.

“How did you get these?”

“You don’t want to know.”

AJ nodded and swallowed the pills.

“Maybe I should take you back.”

The bloodshot glare from his tired eyes gave her real physical pain. She stared at the bottle of pills, contemplating how much longer she could go before needing to pop a few too.

“If you want to take me back…” he grimaced “…I understand. I know I’m asking for a lot. But if you’re asking if
I
want to go back, the answer is no.”

She gently pushed him back onto the pillow and crawled up beside him, resting her head on his arm, her hand over his heart. “Then we keep going.” Where they were going, she didn’t know.

“If you need to get back home—”

“Nope. I’m yours.”

She stayed by his side as he rolled and turned, flinched and shook with torment until the pain medication took hold and pulled him under. After sliding out of bed, she grabbed her phone and settled into the other bed.

Jillian:
U awake?

Jackson:
Am now.

Jillian:
Sorry. Just wanted to let U know I’m OK.

Jackson:
Where are you?

Jillian:
Utah.

Jackson:
WTF?

Jillian:
AJ wanted to leave, but he doesn’t want to go back to Omaha.

Jackson:
He’s running.

She smiled.

Jillian:
He’s living.

Jackson:
He’s dying.

Jillian:
Aren’t we all? I need an escape, just while he sleeps. Make me lol.

Jackson:
I’ve got nothing.

Jillian:
BS – U always have something, Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Jackson:
Ryn hits like a girl.

Jillian:
I’ll remedy that when I get home. Not funny tho – try again.

Jackson:
She doesn’t like pussy or cunt.

Jillian:
I’m lol, but I don’t know why. R U telling me she’s not a lesbian?

Jackson:
She doesn’t like the terms. Vagina, just vagina.

Jillian:
Sounds like a boner-killer or “erection-killer”

Jackson:
You’d think, but my penis still likes her vagina.

Jillian:
The fun buzz is wearing off. Enough about you and Ryn’s genitals.

Jackson:
Love you. Pissed as fuck that you left, but I still love you.

Jillian:
Told U to make me lol not cry. <3 U 2! TTYL

“Pussy,” she whispered to herself with a big smile.

*

“You’re staring,” AJ
said with his eyes still closed.

“Just making sure you’re still alive. Is that kind of gruesome?” She picked at the frayed knee of her jeans while sitting cross-legged on the bed beside him.

He peeked open one eye. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”

“Do you think there’s a manhunt for you?”

“You make me sound like a criminal.”

“You did escape.”

He pushed himself into a sitting position with a grimace and a low groan. “I did, out the front door.”

“True. So are you hungry?”

“Not really, but I’m guessing you’re going to make me eat.”

Jillian leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Yep.” She popped the p. “Continental breakfast near the lobby. Maybe they’ll have cloth napkins and it can be our first official date.”

“You and your cloth napkins. I don’t get it. You really don’t think we’ve had an ‘official’ date because we haven’t had cloth napkins?”

“How many times do I have to tell you? A girl’s gotta have standards.”

He eased out of bed wearing only half a grimace. It was progress. After a shower and packing up their minimal belongings, they ate breakfast sans cloth napkins and continued southeast, taking the byways through southeastern Utah into southwestern Colorado.

“Let’s stop here.”

“A brewery?”

“Food and beer. No beer for you. You have drugs.”

“I’m actually feeling a little better today.”

Jillian wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked through the deserted parking lot for a late afternoon lunch. “I noticed. You’ve been eyeing my boobs all day.”

“Because you’re not wearing a bra.”

“The shirt has a built-in shelf bra.”

“I see your nipples.”

She laughed. “It’s a little chilly today. What are you going to get? Bacon cheeseburger? Steak and fries?”

“Probably just a salad.”

“Fuck the salad. You need some meat and potatoes.”

AJ opened the door for her. “Maybe they have a good Tofurkey dog.”

“Ooo … wouldn’t that be grand.”

The waitress sat them near a large wall of windows with a picturesque view of the lush valley sprawling all the way to the majestic Rockies. Jillian ordered for both of them, a veggie burger and the house burger both with fries and
two
beers after AJ gave her an intense glare when she tried to order him an iced tea.

“Do you happen to have any cloth napkins?” AJ asked when the waitress brought their food.

“Sorry, sir.” She shook her head.

Jillian sniggered. “Nice try, Sarge.”

“She’s not going to get a good tip.”

“Absolutely not. Teach that bitch a lesson for not being more accommodating.” Jillian squeezed ketchup and mustard onto her bun. “Don’t roll your eyes at me. I’m not the one who asked her about the cloth napkins.”

“True, but it wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t for you.”

“God … this is to die for,” she mumbled over a very unladylike mouthful before catching how inappropriate her words were. “Shit. That’s not what I meant. I just meant that it’s good or—”

“Stop.” AJ trapped her feet between his under the table and leaned forward. “If you choose to die for a sandwich, then I’ll respect that.” He sat back and shrugged. “It’s not a bad way to go. I’d much prefer it to this cancer shit in my fucking brain.”

Wiping her mouth with the non-cloth napkin, she grinned. “I love you, Aric James.”

He nodded with an intense look, the kind that made her feel his eyes everywhere, but most especially between her legs. Grasping his sandwich with both hands, he lifted it from the plate. Before taking a bite he slowly licked the sauce that had squeezed out along the edge.

How desperate was she to be envious of a cooked piece of meat? It had been a while since she’d had sex or even brought herself to orgasm. AJ took a big bite then slowly licked his lips. Thankfully Marvin Housby saved the day. Jillian giggled.

“What’s so funny?”

Jillian felt herself blush which was a very rare occurrence for her. “I was getting…” she looked around the restaurant “…turned on by you looking at me and then your tongue lapping along your sandwich.” Her laughter turned into an actual snort as she lost control of the moment. “But then it reminded me of Marvin Housby.”

“Marvin?”

She nodded. “Greta told me he masturbates to the pictures on the ValuPak coupons, like the girls on the Hardee’s ads.”

AJ cleared his throat, blotting his napkin against his mouth to hide his own humor.

“You looked like one of those girls on the Hardee’s commercial, and I looked at you like Marvin Housby and burger babes.”

“You think I look like a girl?”

“No. Just the way you were tonguing your sandwich.”

“I wasn’t
tonguing
my sandwich.”

The growly beast that sat across from her brought such life to an otherwise barren existence. The uniqueness of their love could never be compared to anything else. Luke had the best of her and she didn’t want it back—not ever. But AJ filled her lungs with life after death, he gave her so much hope that there was in fact light beyond the darkness.

“What’s the first thing you remember?”

“About what?” He dipped a French fry in ketchup.

“Your life.”

All she wanted to do was crawl inside his head as he looked out the window past the mountains to many years ago. Just a glimpse, that’s all she needed, a small piece of his innocence.

“I’m not sure. I think it’s the first time my mom took me camping. My father had been deployed for almost a year and so we went camping with my aunt, uncle, and my two cousins in Northern California.”

He smiled at the window. For a small moment in time he wasn’t fighting the cancer or PTSD. It was just a boy and a memory so special he kept it safe for over forty years.

“It was in the fall like now, and cold, as in freeze-your-ass-off cold. I must have been three or four. We huddled around the smallest fire ever. If any of us breathed too hard it nearly snuffed it out. My mom made s’mores except she forgot the graham crackers so we just sandwiched burnt marshmallows between two pieces of milk chocolate. I went to bed with sticky hands but my mom didn’t care. She still zipped me up in her mummy bag with her to keep me warm. When we arrived home my dad was waiting on the front porch.”

Jillian—
Jessica—
knew how it felt to not know if or when her father would come home. Every time he walked through the door felt like Christmas.

They finished eating, letting his childhood memory linger in the air around them like a delicate bubble that neither wanted to pop. Eventually their waitress popped it for them.

“Can I interest either of you in dessert?”

They both shook their heads so she handed AJ the bill. “Your daughter has your smile.”

AJ shot a lethal scowl at the back of her head as she continued on to another table.