Midnight Kisses (7 page)

F
orgive me.

The words were simple and clear. She was still upset that he had totally ignored her for the past week, but this single rose seemed to be working its charm. Or should she say, he was working
his
charm.

She couldn't believe she had fallen so easily for what he'd offered. She had exposed herself and knowing what happened between them had been more than just sex only made her feel more exposed.

Why did Daniel have to come into her life at this time? She had been slowly, very slowly, building up to the kind of life she wanted.

She was happy with her job. She had great friends. Okay, she didn't spend as much time with them as she
should, or could, but they were great friends. And she had a home.

She had fallen in love with the apartment from the moment she'd seen it and had given the agent the sale immediately. She'd spend her first month there furnishing it and since then had added her own personal touches with a flair she didn't realize she had.

The rooms, painted in a bone white and trimmed with leather brown, were spacious and roomy. Afro-American and Caribbean art she purchased hung from every wall, adding vibrant color to the spare palette. The furniture, all mahogany, was modern and classy.

She smiled, experiencing a surge of pride at what she'd accomplished. She'd created a place of her own. She'd created a home.

Forgive me.

She glanced at the note again.

She hadn't expected it. She expected him to wallow in his self-pity again, and not come back up for air. Maybe this was another indication that he was on his way to healing. Maybe she needed to be around.

She didn't think she'd ever stop being amazed that he was a minister. He oozed sex appeal and his body was that of an African warrior…firm and strong. Her body still ached for him and often, at night, alone and cold, she'd brought thoughts of him into her bed and welcomed him with a fervor that almost felt real. His musky scent with a hint of his woodsy cologne still lingered.

What was she going to do?

There was a knock on her door. She wondered who
it was? Cheryl would usually call. Denise? No, she was at work.

She headed for the door and peered through the peephole.

Daniel.

She breathed deeply and then opened the door.

Her next thought was how fine he looked. Then an image of him naked and sweaty flashed in her mind. She realized that her resolution not to call him would be harder than she expected.

“How can I help you?” she said coldly.

He took a step backward before he said, “I believe I deserve that.”

“You deserve that and more,” she replied. She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

“I need to speak with you.”

“I'm busy right now.”

“It doesn't have to be now. Whenever you're available.”

When she hesitated, he continued. “I know I'm the last person you want to talk to right now, but we need to talk.”

“Since it's so important to you, I suppose I can spare a few minutes now,” she said begrudgingly and stepped aside, confirmation that he could enter.

He walked into the room and she could tell he was uncomfortable. She closed the door and followed him inside. When he turned, he smiled shyly and her heart melted. Her anger shattered into tiny fragments. She couldn't help but return the smile. She could tell it had
taken all of his courage to come there tonight. She willed the social worker inside her to surface.

She indicated the couch and, when he sat, moved to the chair adjacent to where he was sitting. For a moment there was silence and then he spoke.

“I was in New York.”

She didn't respond. She'd give him time to say what he wanted.

“I'm sorry. I know it's almost midnight, but I wanted to talk to you before I went home. I'm not sure how to say what I have to say, so maybe, it's best to begin at the beginning.”

“That's fine,” she responded.

“Three years ago, my wife and daughter died in a car accident. I was at home working on my sermon. I was supposed to go to the store. I didn't and my wife went instead. A drunk driver slammed into the car. They both died instantly.” His voice was low, dull, as if he were trying to keep his emotions under control. She ached to take him in her arms but she knew he needed to talk.

“I died along with them that night. For the first time in my life, I couldn't talk to God. Everything I'd worked so hard to establish just seemed like a joke. I'd dedicated most of my life to people and this was what God had done to me. Can you imagine putting your wife and your child into the ground at the same time? Sometimes at night, I still see that small, white coffin, and I get so angry.”

“So you blamed God,” she said.

“Yes, a part of me did. And a part of me blamed
myself. But I thought that God would have made an exception for me. He didn't.”

“I'm sure He understood your anger at the time,” she said, her tone reassuring him.

“Yes, I'm sure He did,” he said with resignation. “But I couldn't deal with it. So I just packed my bags and left. I just wanted to get away from everything. My home, my family… I couldn't bear how they looked at me; as if I were some pathetic fool.”

“I'm sure they were just concerned.”

“I know, but at the time, I felt like I hated everyone. I'd already lost a brother, and then my father. I couldn't deal with it, so I lashed out at God. It was the easiest thing to do.”

“So what did you do?” she asked gently.

“That's when I left. I just left everything behind and haven't looked back since.”

“So you've had no contact with your family whatsoever?”

He hung his head. “No, I haven't spoken to anyone in the past three years. I just couldn't deal with family or friends. Every day I miss them, but I'm still not sure I'm ready to go back.”

“But that's what family is there for. To help you during these times.”

“You didn't know the Daniel I was back then. I will be the first to admit that I've changed drastically. I fooled people, had them eating out of my hand. I was quick to condemn those that did wrong and the congregation loved it. I was even quick to condemn my brother Corey because he was gay. And even more so
when he committed suicide.” He paused for a moment. She saw the glistening of tears in his eyes. He wiped them away, bringing himself under control.

“But I was filled with pride. I loved the power that I had. There was a part of me that felt as if I were a god. So when my wife and daughter died, I felt powerless. I didn't want God in my life anymore. But I've resolved my conflict with Him. I let Him stay where He is and He leaves me alone.”

“That seems a bit extreme,” she responded and then immediately regretted her words. She saw the veil that hid his thoughts and emotions.

For a while, there was silence, but then he spoke again. “That's why I went to New York. I had to get away. I couldn't deal with my feelings for you. But while I was there, I realized that I always do that. I run away from things I don't want to handle. I've always taken the easy way out.”

“But you came back.” She pulled her chair closer to his and reached out to hold his hands.

“I'm sorry about your wife and daughter. I deal with death daily at the hospital, but it's still hard for me to understand you leaving your family.”

“I've had to deal with many deaths in my family in recent years. My brother Corey, my dad, and then Lorraine and Chelsea. Death hasn't been easy on my family.”

“But you're still alive. You have other brothers?”

“Yeah, three.”

“Three?” she echoed.

“Patrick, Taurean and Mason. Corey, my youngest, died several years ago.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.”

“It's fine. It's a long time ago. The good memories are there. Corey was special. It took me a long time to realize that.” His voice cracked, thick with emotion.

He reached for her, coaxing her to sit next to him on the couch.

“Now I've definitely talked a bit too much about me. I'd like to hear some more about you. What made you the strong, confident woman you are.”

“I like it better when you were doing all the talking,” Renée said with a tender smile.

He gave a short laugh. “I know, but all that emotional chitchat has left me drained.”

“Well,” Renée started, “I've always had a good family life, though my father died when I was young. My mother has always been supportive. A bit too much at times. Then I met Cheryl and her foster mother Gloria. Gloria was the best. She encouraged us to dream big. I've made arrangements for Jamie to go live with her, actually.”

“That would be a great idea. She needs to have some sense of family. Most of these runaways are kids who just want to be loved.”

“Well, Gloria has lots of that to give. She was there to help me when I almost got married a few years ago and my groom never turned up at the church. My mother did warn me about him, but I didn't listen.”

After a moment of quiet, he spoke. “Seems that both of us have had our share of heartache.”

“Yeah, I'm sure we all have to deal with something drastic in our lives.” She paused and then continued. “I know I shouldn't ask this, but are you planning to connect with your family?”

Daniel was silent for a while. “To be honest, I'm not sure. They've probably all moved on with their lives. Patrick and Taurean are married. And my other brother Mason got married a few weeks after my wife and daughter died.”

“They must be worried about you.”

“I'm sure they aren't. My brothers may love me, but they merely tolerated me when I was at home. When my brother Taurean went to prison, I refused to go see him. When he came out and visited us, he forgave me without hesitation. He's one of the most noble people I know. Me? I'm just a reject that God threw out. I was full of pride and self-righteousness. They're better off without me.”

“I'm sure they don't feel that way, not if they really love you.”

He hesitated before he responded. “Maybe what you say is true. But I'm not ready to deal with them yet.”

“Well, you can't run away from them forever,” Renée added before Daniel became silent.

“I think it's about time I go,” he said finally. “I have work early in the morning. I'll think about what you said,” he replied sincerely.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you,” she said.

“I'm fine. Just a bit tired. I took a late flight. I don't mean to seem closed off. I'm taking this in baby steps. I suppose I'm on the proverbial road to healing. I'm not
sure. But I'm doing it in my own time and at my own pace.”

“I understand. I agree. You should be getting home. You do look tired. And you must come in and see Jamie. She's been asking for you.”

“I will. Thanks for listening to me. I really think I need someone to talk to.”

“I'm glad I could help.”

With that, he turned and headed for the door. She followed.

He stopped suddenly and glanced at a painting on the wall.

“What is it?” she asked.

“That painting? Whose work is it?” Daniel asked.

“Alana Buchanan,” she replied, then paused, her eyes widening. “Buchanan.”

He laughed. “That's Taurean's wife. I'd know her work anywhere. It's been here all this time?”

“No, I only hung it recently. A friend of mine bought it for me while she was on vacation. I love it.”

“Yes, Alana is very talented.” He turned to her. “I have to go. It's getting late.”

He walked to the door and opened it. But then he turned around and pulled her to him. Her arms instinctively wrapped around him and they kissed. Despite their anger and frustration, the kiss was a gentle touching of lips, a lingering of tongue on tongue. His desire was evident and he began to kiss her hungrily, almost as if he were desperate. But then he pulled away suddenly, leaving her aching for more.

For a moment they stared at each other and then he broke the silence.

“Now I should really go. Have a good night.” He turned and walked away, leaving her with a feeling of emptiness that she was growing accustomed to when he was not around.

Renée closed the door and headed straight for the bedroom. She flung herself on the bed and, without warning, tears sprung from her eyes. She cried for Daniel. For the hurt and pain she knew he was experiencing. She cried for her own loneliness and the fact that she needed him.

When she could cry no more, she pulled the covers closer, snuggled into the fluffy pillows she loved and fell asleep, only to dream of a tall, handsome prince who'd come and kiss her hurt away.

And in her dream the prince had the most beautiful amber eyes.

 

Daniel slowed the car and parked it in the brightly lit parking lot. He stepped out, heading to the tiny pond in the middle of the gardens near his home. He'd discovered the place by chance, but it was here he came when he needed to think, and tonight he needed to think.

Tonight had gone well. He'd finally opened up to Renée. He'd wanted to spend the night with her, but he needed to be by himself. Tomorrow he'd start to approach life with a different attitude.

What Renée had said to him about his family was true. He loved his family and knew he had the capacity to love again. Strangely enough, with his wife, he had
been a totally different person. He'd been devoted to her; and he would have done anything for her. When he discovered that she was pregnant, he was like a kid. He had been so excited, Lorraine had to plead with him to control himself.

Lorraine. There was a part of him which still loved her, but he knew that he needed to let go, and until he could, he would never find happiness with someone else.