Mind of Her Own (19 page)

“Mom remembers us, Dad.”

“I know, babycakes, and we’ll make sure she remembers us from now on.”

“So everything will be like it used to be, Daddy?”

“I doubt life in the Copeland home will ever be the same. We’ve learned to work together as a family, you’re almost a teenager, and everything has changed. Your mom is back with us, but I suspect she’s going to be a combination of the old mom and the new one. What do you think? Can we get through this together?” He glanced at Jazz.

“Yes, we can,” she said with a small smile.

* * *

It was late by the time they arrived home from the police station, and later still before everyone was calm enough to send to bed. Madison told her brothers the shocking tale of her attacker and her savior. She left out the part about Phil’s intentions.

Their daughter glowed with love as she told Tim and Joey about how Collin saved her life. Joey proclaimed he’d known Phil was a bad man from the moment he’d met him. Tim held Madison’s hand so she wouldn’t be scared anymore and offered to sleep in her room in his sleeping bag. Surprising everyone, she said he could.

Now the moment had come that Louisa dreaded—telling Collin about the past. They had settled in her new office. It seemed appropriate since that’s where Collin had read about her past. Or some of it, at least. Those pages hadn’t told him what had been buried deep within her, the shame and humiliation she’d kept locked away because she thought no one would believe her.

“Can you tell me what happened to you?” He swiveled the chair side to side.

“It’s not a pretty story, Collin, but I will tell you. Just let me talk without interruption; then maybe I can get through it.” Her feet pushed the wicker rocker she sat in, and it protested the motion much like her emotions resisted the telling of her secret.

“I can do that,” he said. The corners of his mouth suggested a smile of encouragement.

The chair rocked faster as she rubbed her shoulder with a hand as if the motion would help her release the misery inside. “My parents left me with Phil while they went to Mexico. He thought it would be fun for us to have a vacation too. So we went to a hotel that had a pool.” She stopped, not wanting to continue, but realized that would give Phil power over her again.

Spurred on by her anger, she rushed through the memories as the movie played in her mind. “He told me the bathroom was broken. I was twelve, and I believed him. I took off my clothes to put on my swimsuit. I had my back to him because I was embarrassed. He said he wouldn’t look.” She took a ragged breath. Collin left the chair and squatted next to her. He took her hand in his. True to his word, he didn’t say anything but remained still, his fingers tense against her own as he waited for her to continue.

“Stop. Never mind, you don’t have to tell me any more. I love you and I believe you. You don’t have to relive this for me.” His forehead furrowed as pain etched his face.

“No, I want to say it once and for all and be done with it. I wanted to tell my parents, but they liked Phil so much, and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I was only twelve.” She could feel her nose dripping but didn’t have the strength to get a tissue. “I was their perfect child.”

“Louisa, you don’t have to be perfect for me.” His words, soft and strong, healed part of her heart.

She slid out of the chair and into his arms and let him hold her while she cried for the little girl she used to be. And for her precious daughter, Madison, and the fears she would have to overcome.

On the deck, Louisa relaxed in the thick padded wicker swing. She’d need to take the cushions in tomorrow, since it was getting too cold to sit out here at night much longer. Most of the leaves had fallen, providing an unhampered view of the sky. The stars were plentiful and mirrored on the lake, appearing to be even more magnificent. Tim and Joey had been tucked into bed with a good-night story. Madison was in her room, either listening to her new purple iPod or talking on the phone with Hannah.

Louisa’s eyes welled. She stretched the cuffs of her sweater over her hands to warm them. Her daughter almost had to live through the same horror she had lived through at twelve. The counselor Maddie was seeing felt she would recover and become even stronger.
Thank you, God, for that miracle,
she thought. Phil was in jail without bond, and Collin’s firm was representing Madison.

Since she had hidden her own shame so deeply inside all these years, her healing would take longer. It would require a lot of work for her emotions to realize she wasn’t responsible for what had happened to her as a child. At least she felt better knowing someone believed her now.

Conversations with her mother had been awkward at first. Louisa explained how she’d tried to tell her about the abuse, but she’d always thought her mother would be angry that her good daughter wasn’t perfect anymore. Her mom had crumbled like ancient text and begged Louisa’s forgiveness. It hadn’t been easy, but working with her therapist, Louisa had begun to travel the bumpy part of the forgiveness road. But the forgetting part of forgiveness would be the mountain climb of her life. She was beginning to understand that her mom couldn’t truly fathom the thought of what happened or the reality that she hadn’t caught the clues Louisa offered. If she faced the facts, the guilt would be too heavy for her to bear. As a mother, Louisa understood the need to remember the past in the very best light because only the present could be changed.

The door to the deck swished open behind her. Collin’s heavy footsteps were comforting. Watching his protectiveness for both Madison and her had provided a real sense of safety. She regretted not telling him what had happened earlier. He would have believed her, and their marriage would have been so much richer without the destructive secret.

“Hey, brought you something.” Collin handed her a cup of hot chocolate. The swing swayed as he sat beside her. “Are you okay? You seem to be thinking hard.”

“Thanks.” She grasped the warm cup. “Sure, and yes, I’ve been thinking. I want to thank you for my office and tell you I’m no longer mad that you kept the journals from me.”

“They weren’t always fun to read. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better husband to you.”

“Collin, you’re the best husband I’ve ever had.” Anticipating his reply, she tried not to grin.

“Humph. I’m the only husband you’ve ever had,” he said.

She laughed. “That makes you the best.” She sipped the chocolate, enjoying the taste, never mind the calories. She’d made a vow not to worry about such things again. “I’ve made some decisions I hope you won’t mind.”

“Like what?” The swing moved sideways as he leaned in to hear her answer.

“I feel it’s important to continue taking our family to church. Collin, there is so much for us to gain—”

“Shh.” He put a finger to her lips. “I agree. At first I didn’t want to lose my Sunday mornings sitting in a pew, but now I’m beginning to see the value. I’ve always had faith, but I didn’t realize how much I missed by not belonging to a community of believers.”

She blinked back the tears that nipped at the corners of her eyes. This man was the man she wanted in her life forever. “Thank you, Collin.”

“That’s one decision. You said ‘some,’ so what are the others?” He gave the swing a shove with his foot.

“I want to try to have a career as a writer.” The words were tentative, but the intent was not. She would write, even if Collin didn’t agree.

“That’s good, and have you considered—”

She stopped his oration with a firm grip on his thigh. “Before you say anything more, I need to know if you’ll support me in this.” She inhaled deeply before sharing her dream. “I want to go to conferences and learn how to do this the right way. I won’t always be available to host parties for your firm. Collin, I want to be me, not just your wife.”

“I’m relieved to hear you say that, Louisa. I wanted to tell you that I’ve been thinking of giving up the race for a partnership. I’d like to spend more time with our family too. You and the kids are too important, but we may have to change our style of living.”

“Would I have to give up that fantastic office you made for me?”

“Are you kidding? I see a vacation house up in the Rockies in our future with the money you’ll make writing as Jazz Sweet.”

She winced at the name. “Collin, I don’t want to be Jazz Sweet ever again.”

His foot stopped the movement of the swing. “Who do you want to be?”

“Your wife. Louisa Copeland, with Jazz’s attitude for life, but unafraid to touch you and love you in every way.” She rose and stood in front of him. The moonlight danced across his face, highlighting the love in his eyes. “Collin Copeland, will you give up sleeping on the couch and take me to our room?”

He sprang from the swing. It swooshed into the back of the deck with a crack. He pulled her into his arms and then led her back into the house, his gaze never leaving hers. “Welcome home, Louisa,” he whispered.

Later that week, Louisa sat in her new office, amazed at how much thought and detail Collin had put into building it for her, right down to a pail of white sand to trail her fingers through. She swiveled in her office chair and reached for a fresh journal on the shelf. She opened it to the first page and began to write.
A Journey
, by Louisa Copeland . . .

Christian author Diana Lesire Brandmeyer writes historical and contemporary romances. Once widowed and now remarried, she writes with humor and experience on the difficulty of joining two families in
We’re Not Blended—We’re Pureed: A Survivor’s Guide to Blended Families
. Her first historical,
A Bride’s Dilemma in Friendship, Tennessee
, released May 2012. She lives in southern Illinois, where the corn grows at a rapid rate behind her home.

Diana has three grown sons, all on their own now, and each of them bringing someone special to join the family. Yay! Daughters-in-law!

Visit Diana’s website at
www.dianabrandmeyer.com
and her blog at
www.dianabrandmeyer.com/blog
.

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