Mind of My Mind (6 page)

"Tomorrow," said Doro. He sat down on the dry end of the long, low diving board.

Karl shook his head, sat down on the concrete opposite him. "I never thought you'd

do something like this to me."

"You seem to have accepted it."

"You didn't give me much of a choice." He glanced at Vivian, who had come to sit

beside him. As he owned the servants, he owned her. Doro had been surprised to find him

wanting to marry her. Karl usually had little but contempt for the women he owned.

"Do you intend to keep Vivian here?" Doro asked.

"You bet I do. Or are you going to stop me from doing that, too?"

"No. It will make things more difficult for you, but that's your problem."

"You seem to do all right handling harems."

Doro shrugged. "The girl will react badly to her." He looked at Vivian. "When's the

last time you were in a fight?"

Vivian frowned. "A fight? A fist fight?"

"Knock-down, drag-out."

"God! Not since I was in third grade. Does she fight?"

"Fractured a man's skull last week with a frying pan. Of course, the man deserved it.

He was trying to rape her. But she's been known to use violence on far less provocation."

Vivian looked at Karl wide-eyed. Karl shook his head. "You know I'm not going to

let her get away with anything like that here."

"For a while, you might have to," said Doro.

"Oh, come on. Be reasonable. We have to protect ourselves."

"Sure you do. But not by tampering with her mind. She's too close to transition. I've

seen potential actives pushed into transition prematurely that way. They usually die."

"What am I supposed to do with her, then?"

"I hope talking to her will be enough. I've done what I could to make her wary of you.

And she's not stupid. But she's every bit as unstable as you were when you were near

transition. Also, she comes from the kind of home where violence is pretty ordinary."

Karl stared down at the concrete for a moment. "You should have had her adopted.

After all, I'd be in pretty bad shape myself if you had left me with my mother."

"You would never have lived to grow up if I had left you with your mother. Her

mother wasn't quite as bad. And her family tends to cluster together more than yours.

They need to be near each other more, and some of them get along together a little more

peacefully than your family—not that they really like each other any better. They don't."

"What's the girl going to do about needing her family when you bring her here?"

"I'm hoping she'll transfer her need to you."

Karl groaned.

"I'm also hoping that you won't find that such a bad thing after a while. You should

try to accept her, for the sake of your own comfort."

"What if talking to her doesn't quiet her down? You never answered that."

Doro shrugged. "Then use her methods. Beat the hell out of her. Don't let her near

anything she can hit or cut you with for a while afterward, though."

MARY

I turned twenty just two days before Doro took me to Karl. Later, I decided Vivian

must have been my birthday present. Somehow, Doro forgot to tell me about her until the

last minute. Slipped his mind.

So I was not only going to marry a total stranger, a white man, a telepath who

wouldn't even let me think in private, but I was going to marry a man who intended to

keep his girl friend right there in the same house with me. Son of a bitch!

I threw a fit. I finally did the yelling and screaming Doro had warned me I would do.

I couldn't help it, I just went out of control.

The whole thing was so Goddamn humiliating! Doro hit me and I bit a piece out of

his hand. We sort of stood each other off. He knew that if I hurt him much worse, I would

force him out of the body he was wearing—into my body. He'd take me, and all his

efforts to get me this far would be wasted. I knew it myself, but I was past caring. I felt

like a dog somebody was taking to be bred.

"Now, listen," he began. "This is stupid. You know you're going to—"

We both moved at the same time. He meant to hit me. I meant to dodge and kick him.

But he moved a lot faster than I expected. He hit me with his fist—not hard enough to

knock me unconscious, but hard enough to stop me from doing anything to him for a

while.

He picked me up from where I had fallen, threw me onto the bed, and pinned me

there. For a minute, he just glared down at me, his face for once looking like the mask it

was. There's usually nothing frightening about the way he looks—nothing to give him

away. Now, though, he looked like a corpse some undertaker had done a bad job on. Like

whatever he really was had withdrawn way down inside the body and wasn't bothering to

animate anything but the eyes. I had to force myself to stare back at him.

"The one thing I can't do," he said softly, "is prevent my people from committing

suicide." Whatever there was about his voice that made it recognizable no matter what

body it came from was much stronger. I felt the way I had once when I was ten years old

and at a public swimming pool. I couldn't swim and some fool pushed me into twelve feet

of water. I remember I just held my breath and waited. Somebody had told me to do that

once, and, scared as I was, I did it. Sure enough, I floated to the surface, where I could

breathe and where I could reach the edge of the pool. Now I lay still beneath Doro's body,

waiting.

He reached out to the night table and picked up a switchblade knife. "This came with

the body I'm wearing," he said. He rolled off me and lay on his back. He pressed a stud

on the knife and about six inches of blade jumped out.

"As I recall, you like knives," he said. He took my hand and closed my fingers around

the handle of the knife. "It doesn't really matter where you cut me. Just drive the knife in

to the hilt anywhere in this body and the shock will force me to jump."

I threw the knife across the room. Broke the dresser mirror. "You could at least make

him get rid of that damn woman!" I said bitterly.

He just lay there.

"Someday there's going to be a way for me to hurt you, Doro. Don't think I won't do

it."

He shrugged. He didn't believe it. Neither did I, really. Who the hell could hurt him?

"I loved you. Why are you humiliating me like this?"

"Look," he said, "if he has the woman there to turn to, he's a lot less likely to let you

goad him into hurting you."

"I'd be a lot less likely to goad him into anything if you'd get rid of Vivian."

"You underestimate yourself," he said grimly. "Besides, he's in love with Vivian.. If I

made him get rid of her, I guarantee you he'd take it out on you."

"I just wish I could find a way to take this out on you."

He got up and looked down at me. "Change your clothes," he said. "Then we'll go."

I looked at myself and saw that my pants and blouse were smeared with blood from

his hand. I changed my clothes, then packed the rest of my things. Finally, we drove over

to Palo Verde Avenue.

While Doro introduced us, Karl and Vivian stood together looking like sister and

brother and staring at my eyes. Which gave them at least one thing in common with

everybody else who meets me for the first time. There were times when I wished for a

nice, bland pair of brown eyes. Like Karl's or Vivian's. Oh, well.

I watched Vivian, saw how pretty she was, how nervous she was. She was no bigger

than me, thank God, and she looked scared, which was promising. Doro had told me Karl

wouldn't let her really resent me or feel angry or humiliated. Wouldn't let her! She was a

Goddamn robot and she didn't even know it. Or, rather, she did know it but she wasn't

allowed to care.

Karl looked like one of the bright, ambitious, bookish white guys I remembered from

high school. Intense, hair already thinning. Doro had said he was twenty-eight, but he

looked older. And he sounded . . . well, he sounded just the way I would have expected a

well-brought-up guy to sound when he's trying to be polite to somebody he can't stand.

Strained.

After the short, stiff introductions, Doro took Vivian's hand as though this wasn't the

first time he had taken it, and said, "Let's let them get acquainted. How about a swim?"

Vivian looked at Karl and Karl nodded. She and Doro went out together. I watched

them go, wondering about things that weren't exactly any of my business. I looked at Karl

but his face was closed and cold. Then I forgot about Vivian and Doro and wondered

what the hell Karl and I were supposed to do now. We were in his tennis-court-sized

living room, with its wood paneling and its big white fireplace. We were sitting near the

fireplace and we both stared into it instead of at each other.

Then, finally, I decided to get things started. "Do you suppose there's any way we can

do this and still have a little pride left?"

Karl looked surprised. I wondered what Doro had been telling him about me. "I was

wondering if there was any way for us to manage it at all," he said.

I shrugged. "You know as well as I do that we don't have any choice about that. Do

you know what kind of help you're supposed to give me?"

"I'm to shield you from the thoughts and emotions you receive when they get to be

too much for you. Doro seems to think they will."

"Did they for you?"

"In a way. I passed out a few times."

"Shit, I'm already doing that. It hasn't killed me yet. Did anybody help you?"

"Not that way. All I had was someone to keep me from banging myself up too badly

physically."

"Then, why the hell . . . ? No offense, but why am I supposed to need you?"

"I don't know."