Miriam's Heart (17 page)

“This is what you want?” He glanced down at Jared and then back at her. He stared full into her eyes. “You want me to abandon the Amish church for a truck and a faster way of life?”

Jared began piling sand on Charley’s high-top work shoe.

Miriam reached for Charley’s hand. “I didn’t
say
I wanted you to leave the church. Not that, exactly. I wanted to know if
you’d
stop being Amish if that was the only way I would agree to marry you.”

Charley gripped her hand. When he spoke again, his voice was rough. “I love you, Miriam. I love you more than I love Roland or my sister or my mother, more than my own life. I want to make you my wife. I want us to have children together, but I want to raise them in our faith.”

She held his gaze. “But what if leaving the Amish church is the only way I’d marry you?”

“If I had to stop being Amish to marry you…”

She waited, holding her breath for his answer.

He broke off, his voice ragged with emotion. “I can’t do that, Miriam, not even for you.” He shook his head. “I’m the same as I’ve always been. I’m a Plain man, like my father and grandfather, all the way back to the old country.”

A maple leaf floated down, sailing past the bench to land on Jared’s outstretched knee. “La-la-la,” he squealed, grabbing the leaf with both hands.

Tears clouded Charley’s blue eyes. “Ask me anything else, Miriam. Anything else I would do for you, but this is where I fit in God’s world. I’m just good old Charley. I’m not the kind of man who can change my faith, not even for you.”

“You’re certain?”

“From the bottom of my heart.” He took a breath. “So if you want to be Mennonite, I wish you happiness with John.”

M
iriam smiled at him. “You mean that, don’t you? You really mean you want me to be happy—even if it’s with John?”

He nodded. “Of course. I love you. Why wouldn’t I want you to be happy?”

The hurt in Charley’s eyes was a raw wound. Miriam could feel her heart constricting. It had never occurred to her that both men might fall in love with her. And now, no matter which man she chose, she would have to refuse the other. How had she been so foolish as to let this go so far? Tears filled her eyes. “You say you love me, but do you trust me?”

His answer came all in a rush. “With my life.”

She had to see John.
Now.
She had to tell him her decision. “Could you come with me to talk to John? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I can only say this one time—and I need both of you to be there.”

Charley picked up Jared, dusted off his clothing and adjusted the little boy’s small hat. His gaze was on his nephew, not Miriam, as he said, “You’re going to marry John and leave the faith?”

A rush of joy filled her, making her want to spin and shout, to throw up her arms to the sky and laugh. “I didn’t say that. I just said trust me, Charley. Now, come with me.” Her tears were already fading. “Please.”

“Do you know where John is? Is he at the office? We just can’t go tearing around Dover chasing him in the buggy.”

“
Ne.
I don’t know, but I can find out.”

Charley frowned as she pulled the red cell phone out of her apron pocket and pushed the button that would
speed dial
John’s cell. Jared giggled and reached for the red phone with both chubby hands.

“Hello, John? It’s Miriam.” She took a breath and explained what she needed.

In seconds, she hung up and turned back to Charley and Jared. “He’s at Hershberger’s farm. Perry has a calf with a barbed wire cut. John offered to come here when he’s finished tending the heifer, but I asked him to meet us at the schoolhouse. Halfway in between.” She glanced around. “School’s out for the day, and we can talk there in private.”

Charley nodded. “I can drive you there.” He shifted Jared to his shoulder. “But we’ll have to bring this bundle of mischief with us. Roland needs to take Pauline to the doctor and I promised him I’d keep the boy until they got back.”

“We can take him. No problem. And it will please Uncle Reuben that we have a chaperone.” She chuckled. “Even if a small one.”

Charley grinned at her. “
Ya.
You must set a good example for your sisters.”

The tension seemed to ease between them as they walked back to where Charley had left his open buggy. There, Miriam lifted Jared into the seat while Charley went to tell his brother where they were taking the boy. In just a few minutes, Charley returned to hitch his horse to the buggy. “Just as well Jared’s going with us,” he said. “Shupp wanted to know where we were off to and did your mother know.”

Miriam chuckled. “Shupp is as bad as Aunt Martha. Such a gossip, he is.”

Jared picked that moment to pull off his hat and sent it flying.

Charley retrieved the boy’s straw hat, climbed up into the seat and gathered the leathers in one callused hand. “You sure you know what you’re doing?” he asked Miriam as he passed Jared’s hat to her. “You won’t regret what you’ve decided?”

She smiled at him over Jared’s head. “Never.” She smoothed back the toddler’s hair and placed the hat on his head.

“Keep your hat on,” Charley ordered as he drove out of the barnyard. “Just like Dat does.”

As they passed the house, Pauline waved from an open upstairs window. “Look,” Miriam pointed. “There’s your Mam.”

Jared giggled, bounced up and down and waved with both hands.

Neither Miriam nor Charley spoke as he guided the horse out of the lane and onto the blacktop road. A tractor trailer and a line of cars passed, but Charley paid them no mind. He kept the gelding at a fast trot and didn’t pull off onto the shoulder until a convertible ran up on them and blew the horn.

Jared’s face paled and his lower lip came out. It appeared that he was about to burst into tears until Charley took him onto his lap and let him hold the ends of the reins. “Shh, shh,” Charley soothed. “This is a good horse. He’s not scared of the cars and you shouldn’t be, either.”

Jared sniffed and clung tight to the leathers.

“What a big boy you are,” Miriam encouraged. “Your Dat will be proud of you.”

As they passed the chair shop, they saw Eli and Ruth standing outside the front door and waved. “Eli’s making her a walnut table as a wedding gift,” Miriam said. “Roman’s giving them two chairs to match it, but it’s a surprise.”

Charley nodded. “It will be a happy day, their wedding. I hope your sisters can come home to share in Ruth’s joy.”

“
Ya.
They will. Aunt Martha and Dorcas have promised to go out and stay with
Grossmama
for the week so Leah and Rebecca can be here.”

Charley looked dubious. “That doesn’t sound like Martha.”

Miriam smiled. “She’s a good woman, Charley. Sometimes, it’s hard for her to show it. But she knows how important it is to Mam to have us all here for Ruth’s wedding.” She grasped the railing as Charley reined the horse across the intersection and turned onto the road that led to the schoolhouse.

“It goes to show, you shouldn’t make hasty judgments,” Miriam said. “Even when it comes to Aunt Martha.”

“Ya,”
Charley agreed. “I suppose it does.” He hesitated. “I’ve been taking instruction from Preacher Perry, for my baptism. I didn’t say anything to you before, but…”

“So you are definitely going to join the church?” she asked. “There’s no chance you would change your mind?”

He shook his head. “Not even for you.”

She took a deep breath and stared out at the fields of corn on either side of the road. These were English farms. Soon a giant combine would roar down the rows and harvest the corn…while at the Byler place and many others, it would be Amish men cutting the corn stalks with machetes and stacking them in shocks. It was as though the Amish were caught in a previous time, she thought. Every thing we do is the old way, following tradition, even if it means more work. But, she had to admit, the rows of corn shocks stretching across the fields made for a beautiful sight.

John’s truck was parked beside the schoolhouse. Charley guided the horse into the drive and up to the hitching rail. Miriam climbed down and reached up for Jared.

“Swing!” he cried, pointing. “Swing!”

“I’ll take him,” Charley offered as he tied the gelding to the post.

“Later,” Miriam said. Holding Jared by the hand, she walked over to where John waited by the pickup.

“Who have you got here?” John asked.

While Miriam made the introductions, John opened the glove box and took out a package of pretzel sticks. “Okay?” he asked, before offering the little boy a pretzel. Miriam nodded, and Jared plopped down on the grass with a pretzel in both hands and a smile on his face.

John looked from Miriam to Charley. “I guess this is serious,” he said.

Miriam’s courage wavered. This was so hard. How could she say what had to be said? How could she make them understand how she felt without hurting either John or Charley?

“I think she’s made up her mind,” Charley said, coming to stand beside Miriam. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I want to wish you both—”

“Charley Byler, will you hush and let me say my piece,” Miriam blurted.

Then John started to speak and she held up a hand. “That goes for you, too, John Hartman.” She felt a little light-headed and wished she was at home milking the cows, or even peeling potatoes, anywhere but here.

Miriam took a deep breath. “I want you to know, I love you both,” she said softly. She looked at one man and then the other. “John, you have opened new windows to the world for me. And, Charley…Charley, you’ve always been my best friend.”

Charley and John looked at each other and then back at her. They both looked nervous.

Heat flushed under Miriam’s skin; she was shaking inside. What if she messed this up? What if she lost both of them in the telling?

It didn’t matter. She had to be honest, to them and to herself. “If I have hurt either of you, I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart. I mean that. I never meant to hurt anyone.”

“I just want you to be happy,” Charley said. He picked up Jared and cradled the boy against his chest. “That’s what’s important, Miriam. I’ll always be your friend, if you’ll let me.”

She smiled at him. “I hope you will. I hope we’ll always be best friends.” Then she turned and reached for John’s hand, and his face lit with an inner flame.

“Miriam…” John murmured.

She placed the red cell phone in his palm and closed his fingers around it. “This belongs to
your
world,” she murmured. “It was kind of you to lend it to me, but I don’t need it anymore.” She moved to stand beside Charley and Jared. “I love you, John, but as a dear, dear friend, not as a husband.”

John nodded. “You’re going to marry Charley, after all.”

“I love him, and he and I are meant to be husband and wife,” she answered. “I realized that when Charley told me that he couldn’t change his faith, not even for me. You’re a good man, John, but my husband must be a man of strong faith. His love for God must be stronger than his love for me.”

“I think I understand.” John hung his head as he slipped the red cell back into his pocket, but then he looked up again. “But I still want to be your friend…and Charley’s, if he’ll let me.”

But she wasn’t listening. She was gazing up into Charley’s eyes. “If he’ll have me after I’ve been so foolish.”

“Me?” Charley croaked. “You want
me?”

John cleared his throat and reached for Jared. “Let me take this little guy,” he said hoarsely. “Give you two a minute alone.” He turned his attention to Jared. “Would you like to blow the truck horn?” he asked the toddler, tickling his belly.

“Beep! Beep!” Jared shouted with a giggle.

Charley stood staring at her as John walked away. “Me?” he repeated. “
Ya,
you.” She was crying, tears flowing, her lower lip quivering. “Will you marry me, Charley?”

He didn’t move a muscle. She wasn’t sure that he was breathing. “When?” he asked.

She let out a great sigh of relief, smiling through her tears. “Um…I don’t know.” His question took her by surprise. “We’ve got to join the church first. Be…be baptized.”

“When?” he repeated.

She threw her arms around him. “Weddings are in November, you great ox. Will you marry me in November?”

His arms closed around her in a hug so tight that it took her breath away.
“Ya,”
he agreed. “In the Amish faith I will make you my wife, as soon as the bishop will allow. And all my life I will love you, Miriam Yoder…every day. And every day, I will thank God for you.”

On the second Thursday of November, the Yoder house overflowed with guests—not only Bishop Atlee and the ministers and deacon of their church but two visiting bishops and three additional ministers from Pennsylvania. Hannah was everywhere, bustling about, directing the setup of chairs for the church service and the last-minute preparations and storage of food in the kitchen. Assisting her were her daughters: Anna, Susanna, Johanna, Leah and Rebecca and her best friend Lydia. Already, men and women were taking their places for the ceremony and the first stanzas of the opening hymns were spilling through the windows and doors into the yard. Upstairs, the two couples had spent the last hour and a half in council with the bishops and ministers.

At ten minutes past nine, by the tall case clock on the stair landing, Samuel came down the steps. Immediately, those who were still milling around took that as a signal to be seated. “Hannah, it’s time,” Samuel called from the bottom of the steps. “You don’t want to be late to your own daughters’ wedding, do you?”

Cheeks flushed, Hannah brushed back a stray strand of hair, smoothed her apron and hurried to take her place in the rows of chairs. Samuel winked at her as he crossed the aisle. “It will be fine,” he mouthed silently, and took up the hymn with the others once he’d reached the men’s section.

Hannah was too nervous to utter a sound. She fumbled with her hymn book, found the page and then lost it. Rebecca, with Susanna in tow, took a chair to Hannah’s right, took the book and found the correct page for her mother. Anna, Leah and Johanna moved quietly into seats behind them as the bishops and ministers came down the stairs and entered the ministers’ row.

“Here they come,” Rebecca whispered.

Heads turned and waves of whispers flowed under the words of the hymn as Ruth and Eli came down the stairs hand in hand. Ruth’s dress and cape were the blue of Susanna’s eyes, and the depth of her smile brought a tear to Hannah’s eye. Behind them, equally as solemn and equally as beautiful came Charley and Miriam. Her younger daughter had chosen a deeper shade of blue, more summer sky than her sister’s clothing. Both wore crisp white
kapps,
the symbol of their reverence before God.

Rebecca squeezed Hannah’s hand. “They look happy,” she whispered. “
Ya.
Happy.” Hannah found her voice and took up the words of the old song of praise for God’s blessings.

The two couples took their places in the front row. Miriam clasped Ruth’s hand and leaned close. “Scared?”

“
Ya.
You?”

Miriam glanced up at Charley. How handsome he looked in his black coat and vest, how solid. She shook her head. “Not with Charley,” she murmured.

Charley looked down at Miriam and smiled. “I love you,” he murmured as Bishop Atlee cleared his throat to begin his sermon.

“I love you, too,” Miriam breathed. “From the bottom of my heart. Forever.”