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She laughed all the time, and she was very strong willed." And then he
smiled at Victoria. "Rather like you, in some ways, " and then his eyes
clouded over again. "In the end, that's what killed her. She was very
stubborn, and she had a passion for children."

"Father said she died on the Titanic, " Victoria said matter-of-factly.

She was interested, but not nearly as sympathetic as her sister.

But oddly enough, that made it easier for him to tell her. Talking to
Olivia brought tears to his eyes sometimes. There was something so
sensitive and caring about her.

"She did. She was about to get in the lifeboat with Geoff apparently,
but there were a number of children around. She gave up her place for
one of them. I can't believe somehow that there wouldn't have been room
for her too, that she couldn't have gotten in with them. But she stayed
to help get quite a lot of children in the last boat, and one or two
rafts. She even gave one of them her life vest. The last person who saw
her said she had a child in her arms. Thank God it wasn't Geoffrey."
There was a long silence, and then, "She was an extraordinary woman."

"I'm sorry, " Victoria said softly, and this time she meant it.

"I can imagine you doing something like that, " he said generously, as
he looked at her, but she shook her head. She knew herself better.

"Maybe Olivia. But I don't think I would. I'm far too selfish.

And I'm not very good with children."

"You'll learn, " he said gently. "What about you? What about this broken
engagement? I gather it was still unofficial."

"You could say that." She'd been sleeping with a married man, * was
certainly a nicer way to say it. "Is that what Father told you? "

"Not really, " he smiled at her, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

Her father had been as honest with him as he felt he could be. "I gather
it got a bit rougher than that. But I don't have any delusions about
this being a romance between us. I think we could be good friends. I
need a mother for Geoff. You need a safe haven from the storm you're in
right now." He had heard some of the rumors about her and Toby in New
York, although he still didn't know exactly what had happened. He knew
there had been a flirtation with a married man, and promises that
weren't kept, and a broken heart. But he knew none of the details of her
indiscretion, or the miscarriage that had nearly killed her. We actually
begin luckier than some, because we don't have any illusions. No broken
dreams, or broken hearts. No promises that won't be kept. We could be
very good friends, that's really all I want now."

He couldn't imagine ever being in love again, and even the vague
stirrings he felt for her were most unwelcome.

"Why don't you just hire a housekeeper for him? " she asked honestly.

"Someone like Bertie." He laughed at the simplicity of the suggestion,
and looked at her with open amusement.

"You must think I'm very strange, marrying a woman who doesn't love me.

But I don't want to be in love again. I don't want to lose anyone I care
about ever again. I couldn't bear it."

"What if we fall in love with each other eventually? " she asked, more
to be contrary than because she thought it likely.

"Do you feel inclined that way? " he asked, totally aware of her
indifference to him. "Do you find me irresistible? Do you think you'll
fall in love with me very quickly? "

"Not in the least, " Victoria said, laughing at him. She was surprised
to find that she liked him. He wasn't attractive to her, but he was very
pleasant.

"You're in no danger."

"Excellent. And if I hire a housekeeper, you won't have a husband.

Or at least not me at any rate, and then you'd have to go looking for
someone else and that would be a lot of trouble. This would be much
simpler. Only one thing, " he said cautiously.

"What's that? " she asked, with obvious suspicion, but he had a twinkle
in his eye when he addressed her.

"I would prefer it if you tried not to get arrested, or at least not too
often. As an attorney, that could be awkward."

"I'll do my best, " she said with a small smile, wondering what it would
be like to live in New York again, and run into Toby. For the moment,
she hated him, and would have liked to scratch his eyes out, or maybe
rip out his throat the next time she saw him. He might as well have
killed her. And then she looked at Charles seriously and spoke to him
bluntly.

"I'm not going to stop going to meetings. I'm a feminist, and a
suffragist. And if that embarrasses you, I'm sorry."

"Not at all. I think it's very interesting. I see no reason to obstruct
your political views. You're entitled to your own opinions."

"I don't know why you're doing this, " she said, looking at him, unaware
of how lovely he thought her. And he was foolish too. He knew precisely
how wild she was, and there was a part of him that wanted to tame her.

In a way, she was a kind of challenge, even more so because she didn't
love him. Theirs would be an interesting union.

I i_ "I don't know why I'm doing this either, " he said honestly.

"Probably for a lot of very odd reasons, none of them dangerous, only
stupid." And then, as they walked slowly back to the house again, he
asked her the final question. It was like a business deal they had set
up.

Neither of them were enchanted with it, but they both thought it was
worth trying.

"When do you want to do it? " As late as possible, she wanted to say to
him, but didn't.

"Not for a while. There's no rush." And that way, no one would think she
was doing it because she was pregnant. What about June? "

"That sounds reasonable. Geoff will be out of school by then. It would
be a good time to get to know you. What about a honeymoon? " he asked
matter-of-factly. It was the oddest conversation of both their
lives almost to the point of being crazy. Would you like a trip?"

"Yes, actually, I would, " she said nonchalantly.

"What about California? " he proposed. It was the business deal again,
but she declined his offer, and countered.

"Europe."

"I don't want to take a ship, " he said, for obvious reasons, but she
was far more stubborn than he was.

"I don't want to go to California." 'we'll have to talk about it later."

"Fine, " she said, and they looked at each other. There was no emotion
there, no romance, no sentiment, no love at all on her part, and only a
vague sensual malaise on his. These were the oddest reasons possible for
two people to marry each other. They were building a lifetime on less
than nothing. But he needed a mother for his child, and she needed a
husband to restore her reputation. And in effect, it was all they had to
offer each other. And they walked back to the house in silence.

In spite of its odd beginning, the whole Thanksgiving weekend went
surprisingly smoothly. Victoria appeared to be amenable, and even Edward
seemed surprised that it had gone so easily, and Victoria was so
willing.

Victoria said very little to Charles, and she never spoke to Geoff at
all, but he fell in love with Olivia, and Charles had gotten to know his
future father-in-law and enjoyed his tales about his business.

And although it was painful for Olivia to spend time with Charles, she
was completely enchanted with Geoffrey. She took him riding on Saturday,
and he loved it. She gave him her favorite horse, Sunny.

And on Sunday morning, as they sat on a rock in a field, while the
caretaker's dog played nearby, she showed him the freckle. It was on her
right palm, just creeping between her fingers, and it was so tiny, you
almost had to squint to see it. She made him promise not to tell a soul,
not even his father. She made him hold up his hand and swear with an old
Indian chant she and Victoria had learned when they were children.

"When we were your age, we used to play tricks on people sometimes, and
trade places. I'd pretend to be Victoria, and she'd pretend to be me.

It was fun, most of the time anyway, and no one ever knew we did it,
except Bertie."

"Are you going to do that to my dad? " he asked with interest, and
Olivia laughed at the idea.

"Of course not. That would be a mean thing to do to him. We just did it
when we were children."

"And you've never done it since? " He looked surprised and as though he
knew better. He was very wise for his age, and he was crazy about his
new aunt by marriage. They had told him the day before that his father
and Victoria were getting married. He seemed surprised, but not terribly
worded about it.

"Actually, we've only switched a few times since we've been grown-up, "
Olivia confessed, "usually with people we don't like, or if one of us
has something to do we really hate."

"Like the dentist? " he asked with interest.

"No, we don't switch for the dentist. But we might do it for a very dull
dinner one of us has accepted and wishes they hadn't. But usually, we go
to things like that together." "Will you really miss Victoria when she
comes to live with us? "

"Yes, I will, " Olivia said sadly, unable to even think about it for the
moment. "I'll miss her terribly.

You'll all have to come here to see me, especially you, " she smiled at
him. "I'm glad you came here for Thanksgiving." l i l "So am I," he
said, and then slipped a hand into hers. He really liked her. "And I
won't tell anyone about the freckle."

"You better not, " she said, and hugged him close to her. It was odd
thinking about what it would be like to be his mother She thought
Victoria was doubly lucky.

They walked slowly back to the house, and late that afternoon Charles
drove him back to New York. But they had promised to come back for
Christmas. Geoffrey was all excited just talking about it, and Olivia
had promised to give them a dinner. It would be their first dinner party
after the announcement the following week of their engagement, and
Olivia was going to invite everyone they knew all up and down the
Hudson.

Their father looked satisfied when Charles left, and Victoria looked
exhausted. It had been a strain for her, but not as bad as she had
expected. She went to bed early that night. And Olivia sat for hours by
the fire, thinking of Geoffrey and his father.

It was odd thinking of Victoria and Charles and Geoffrey. They had each
other now. They were suddenly a family. And overnight, she had become a
spinster.

Chapter 9.

The engagement of Victoria Elizabeth Henderson and Charles Westerbrook
Dawson was announced in the New York Times on the Wednesday after
Thanksgiving. It said that the wedding would be in June, but no exact
date had been set yet. And Edward Henderson looked pleased with himself
as he folded the paper and set it on his desk. They had done it.

There was the usual mild furor after the news, some calls from New York,
several letters came to her. And in the city, there were little Apples
of gossip, but none of it as damaging as it might have been.

Were it not for Charles, the outcome of Victoria's stupidity might have
been disastrous. As it was, people were saying that she had had a
serious flirtation with Toby Whitffcomb, and she had been seen in highly
indiscreet places with him. But very little more could be said with
total certainty. The only one who knew the truth was Toby, and for him
to say it now would have made him look far worse than he wanted.

She was safe. Almost. Or she would be, in her father's eyes, once she
was Mrs. Charles Westerbrook Dawson.

But as Victoria sat reading the announcement later that afternoon, she
stared at it in dull amazement. How could they have done this?

And why?

All because she had fallen so desperately in love with Toby, because she
had believed him. Now she had to be sold into slavery to a man she
didn't care about, to be punished. And she would have to do the same
things with him that she had done with Toby. But instead of exciting
her, this time she felt numb and disgusted. She wondered how she would
ever do it. Charles had said they would be good friends, he said he
didn't expect adoration from her.

He didn't expect anything, except companionship, and a mother for
Geoffrey.

Even the thought of the child revolted her. She didn't want to be
anyone's mother, and knew she never would again. Thinking of him
reminded her of the lost baby, and that had been traumatic enough.

She had every intention, once she married Charles, of doing whatever it
was that women did to avoid having babies. She didn't know what it was,
but she was sure there was something. And perhaps, she thought
hopefully, he wouldn't expect that of her anyway. That wasn't part of
being "friends, " as he said they were. Perhaps he wouldn't expect
anything of her at all, physically. She ardently hoped not. The thought
of his touching her, in any of the ways Toby had, thoroughly chilled
her.

"What are you looking so serious about? " Olivia asked as she came into
the room, carrying an armload of fresh towels. One of the maids had been
bringing them upstairs, but Olivia had offered to help her.

But she saw now that Victoria was looking deeply grieved as she sat
staring at the New York paper, and then she realized what it was, and
she smiled at her gently. "You'll be happy with him, Victoria .. .

he's a good man ...
and you'll be able to do whatever you want in New York .. .

think of that .. ." It was something. Victoria looked up at her bleakly
and nodded, so involved in her own despair that she didn't even sense
Olivia's sorrow.

Victoria went on long walks after that in the afternoons, and Olivia
never said anything anymore when her sister disappeared to Croton or
Dobbs Ferry, or even Ossining. She knew she went to meetings with other
women whenever she could, and she noticed easily that there was a
sharper edge to Victoria now, a real anger against men which bordered on
hatred. She kept her tongue in control most of the time, but when the
opportunity arose, or anyone said something, Victoria was quick to lash
out with her opinions. Most of them masqueraded as political, and they
had been once, but Olivia knew only too well that her feelings against
men now, and her championing of women as the victims of governments in
general and men in particular, were spawned by Toby Whitticomb, and even
Charles Dawson. She saw Charles as a kind of kidnapper, who was in
league with her father, to punish her for having loved Toby.

Unfortunately, the party Olivia had planned for her was of no interest
to Victoria, and she barely listened when Olivia read the guest list.

She said she didn't care who came, and the fact that the Rockefellers
and the Clarks had accepted was no victory to her. She was sorry that
any of them were coming. There was nothing to celebrate. It was simply
an arrangement.

"Don't call it that, Victoria, " Olivia said unhappily when Victoria
said as much to her the day before the Dawsons' return to Croton for
Christmas. "It's well meant. You're both offering each other something
important. Charles has saved you from the awful things people might have
said otherwise, and think of little Geoffrey, and how happy he'll be to
have you as his mother."

"I don't want to be a mother to him, " Victoria said angrily. She had
done nothing but think of how miserable she was since Thanksgiving. "I
have no idea how to mother him. He doesn't even like me."

"Of course he does, don't be stupid."

"He likes you, " Victoria said firmly. "And he's right. He knows the
difference between us, and I think he senses that I don't like
children." She was right about one thing, though Olivia wouldn't admit
it to her, Geoffrey Dawson had an uncanny knack for telling them apart,
even without seeing the famous freckle Olivia had shown him.

"He likes both of us. And I'm sure that in a very short time, you'll
come to love him." But Victoria felt forced into it, and she already
resented the obligation. All she wanted now was a civilized arrangement
with Charles, and the opportunity to see some friends in New York, and
go to political rallies and meetings. She even dreamed of being in
politics one day. She felt certain that it was her calling, as the
religious life was to others. She saw herself as a kind of Joan of Arc,
a purist who would lay down her life for her ideals.

Whenever Olivia listened to her, she was startled by the extremes toward
which her twin was moving. "You need to think a bit more about ordinary
things, Victoria. Like your husband, and your home, and your wedding."

But calling Charles her sister's "husband" cut straight to her soul, and
she almost recoiled from the shock of it as she said it.

It was sinful for her to react this way, she knew, wicked of her to
covet her sister's husband, and only because he was so kind, and she
loved talking to him. She had no right to think of him that way now.

She never had, but while they'd been in New York, it had been so easy to
daft into girlish dreams about him. But for both of them, their girlish
days were over. They would soon be twenty-one, and in different ways,
for different purposes, they had both become women.

Victoria had known carnal love, however illegitimately, and she would be
married soon.

And Olivia now belonged entirely to her father, and would spend the next
decade or two, or perhaps even three if he lived long enough, in his
service. Victoria's life would be one of compromise. Hers would be one
of sacrifice and denial. And both had to come to terms with their
futures, or thought so.

Olivia talked to her about the party again, and forced her to listen
this time. She had ordered new dresses for them, heavy black velvet
ones, with short trains. They were very modern and fashionable, and had
been copied after designs by the Callot sisters in Pads.

"When I go to P"As, " Victoria smiled at her lovingly, she appreciated
all that Olivia had done for her of late, although she didn't always say
it, "I shall buy you something real, by one of the designers you love so
much. What'll it be? A Beer? A Worth? A Poiret? You'll have to give me a
list and I'll go shopping for you." It was agonizing for both of them
now to think of a time when they would not be together, and there were
times when Olivia flatly refused to do it.

It was one thing thinking of her getting married and going away, but
quite another letting herself feel the real pain of no longer having her
sister with her, night and day, wherever they went. There hadn't been a
day when they were separated for more than a few hours for their entire
lifetimes. It would be like losing a limb, Olivia feared, or all of
them. She could feel the air squeeze out of her with a dull pain
whenever she allowed herself to think of it. She went and hugged
Victoria then, and told her that she would miss her terribly when she
was gone. Almost beyond bearing.

! . I , it "You'll have to come and live with us, " Victoria said
matter-offactly.

She had already thought of that, and she wanted Olivia to do "I'm sure
Charles would be thrilled at that, " Olivia laughed hollowly.

It would have been agony for her to live under his roof with him and
never have what she'd dreamed of.

"He'll get two for the price of one, " Victoria said lightly. "And you
can take care of Geoff." Victoria grinned and lit a cigarette in their
bedroom, as Olivia made a face at her and opened a window. "It's
perfect."

"Bertie's going to kill you if she catches you smoking, " Olivia warned,
and then locked the door of their bedroom so she wouldn't.

"And what about Father if I come with you? Shall he come too? " She
grinned ruefully at Victoria. They could pretend all they wanted to now,
but eventually they both knew they'd have to face it.

Starting with the honeymoon, their lives would be forever separate.

"Father says he'll let me go to New York whenever I want to."

"That's not the same, Ollie, and you know it."

"No, " she sighed, "but it's the best I can do for the moment." And then
she had another thought, it would at least be some small consolation.

"What about Geoff? Will you take him on your honeymoon? "

"God, I hope not." Victoria made a face as she took another drag on her
cigarette, and Olivia waved the smoke in another direction.

"That is such a disgusting thing to do. I wish you wouldn't."

"Smoking is all the rage among women in Europe, " Victoria said,
laughing at her sister.

"So is milking cows. I wouldn't want to do that either, and that doesn't
smell half as bad. Anyway, what about Geoff? Will you take him? "

"Charles and I haven't talked about it, but I can't imagine he'd want
to. I want to go to Europe." Olivia felt her heart ache again at the
mention of it. She would no longer be part of Victoria's life then.

"Maybe Geoff could stay here with me. It would be good for him, and I'd
love it."

"What a great idea." Victoria grinned at her. She liked nothing better
than the thought of leaving the boy in Croton.

The last thing she wanted to do was chase him all over the ship, worse
yet all over Europe.

Charles hadn't actually agreed to go to Europe on their honeymoon yet.

He was still talking about California, but Victoria was adamant, and she
was certain she could convince him. She was not going to California.

From everything she had heard about it, it sounded uncivilized,
uncomfortable, and dreadful.

"I'll suggest it to Charles while they're here. Or do you want to? "
Olivia asked as she closed the window. It was freezing outside, and it
had already snowed twice since Thanksgiving.

"You ask him. I'll work on Europe." She smiled, and a little while
later, both sisters went downstairs arm in arm, feeling a little better.

Victoria was thinking of her honeymoon, and the women she wanted to see
in London. She had already written to them previously. In fact,
unbeknownst to Olivia, she had sent a letter to Emmeline Pankhurst in
prison. And Olivia was happy, thinking about having Geoffrey with them
for the summer. It would be some small consolation for not being with
her sister.