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"But it must have worried him terribly.

You'll have to be very kind to him on the voyage, " she said pensively,
and Victoria looked annoyed.

"Maybe you should go with him instead. He'd never know the difference."

"Maybe not, " Olivia said quietly, but Geoff would.

And the next day, Charles remedied the situation himself, when he took a
walk with Victoria before lunch, and they sat quietly for a few minutes
on a bench, looking out over the Hudson.

"It's so beautiful here, I don't know how you can leave it, " Charles
said, and Victoria forced herself not to point out to him that her
father was forcing her to. But she was wise enough not to say it.

"Actually, I prefer New York anyway. This is incredibly boring.

It's Olivia who loves it here. I like a bit more excitement."

"Do you? " he asked, teasing her. He knew her better than she thought,
even if he couldn't always tell the difference between them.

"I'd never have thought it." She laughed at him then. He was smart, and
he had a good sense of humor. She liked that. And he had no illusions
whatsoever about their union, or at least he appeared not to.

"Actually, I came up with a very good idea while I was in New York.

It's a system for telling you apart from Olivia. I hope you like it.

" She imagined some kind of ridiculous ribbons like the ones they'd worn
as little girls, and she was about to object when he took her hand in
his and slipped his other hand out of his pocket, and without saying a
word to her, he put a very handsome diamond ring on her finger. It was
very delicate, the stone wasn't large, but it was fine, and it had been
his mother's. She had died several years before, and he still had all
her jewelry. Some of it had been Susan's before she died. But he had
never given this ring to her, his mother had still been alive, and
wearing it, when he was married the first time.

Victoria looked down at it in total surprise, startled into silence.

It fit perfectly and her hand was shaking. And Charles only stood there,
looking down at her from his considerable height, with something kind
and warm and hopeful in his eyes. But unlike Toby, he didn't take her in
his arms, or tell her how much he loved her. "It was my mother's, " was
all he said to her, wishing he had the courage to kiss her.

"It's lovely .. . thank you .. ." She turned to him then, wishing just
for a moment, that things had been different.

"I hope we'll be happy one day, " he said, taking her hand.

"Marriage can be a great thing, between good friends."

"Doesn't it take more than that? " she asked sadly, remembering the
brief but exquisite moments she had shared with Toby, the genuine love
she had felt for him as well as the passion.

"Sometimes, if you're very lucky, " Charles answered, remembering his
own past, and wishing he didn't. This was going to be entirely
different.

But perhaps, if he conquered her, if she could be tamed, Victoria would
be a good wife too. He was willing to try it, for Geoff's sake.

"Love is a strange thing, isn't it? " he said, putting an arm around
her.

"Sometimes you find it where you least expect it. I won't hurt you,
Victoria, " he said very gently. "I'll be your friend .. . and I'll be
there for you, if you let me." But they both knew that she was still
holding him at a distance. He wasn't sure for how long she would, but
for the moment, she was like a wild mare, and he knew he could not come
any closer. "I won't frighten you, " he said, and she nodded.

"I'm sorry, Charles." The sorrow in her eyes was real, for all of them.

She wondered how long it would take her to forget the pain Toby had
caused her, if ever.

"Don't be, " Charles said quietly. They both knew the conditions under
which their engagement had been entered into, and neither of them had
any illusions. "You owe me nothing yet." But later? she wondered, Would
it be different then? Would she suddenly want him as she had wanted
Toby, just because she had worn a white dress and a priest would have
said a jumble of words at them? What difference would that make?

"I suppose it's official then, " she said cautiously looking down at
the ring on her finger. "We're engaged." She said it as though she
didn't quite understand it, and he laughed softly at her.

"Yes, we are. And in June, you'll be Mrs. Charles Dawson.

That gives you six months to get used to it, " he said, and then he
moved carefully toward her, and he very gently put his hands on her
shoulders.

"May I kiss the bade a little ahead of schedule? " he asked, and not
knowing what else to do, she nodded.

He took her in his arms then, and ever so cautiously, he kissed her.

And just feeling her there next to him, brought a surge of memories to
his mind and body. He felt a rush of longing and desire for her, as he
thought of Susan and of her, and he had to fight not to let himself be
swept away by his own emotions. She was the first woman he had touched
in almost two years, and he was almost overwhelmed by sorrow and
tenderness as he held her, but she understood none of it. She felt only
the lips of a man she didn't love, and was being forced to marry.

He stood holding her afterwards for a long time, knowing she still felt
nothing for him, and convinced that it would come in time. It was good
that they would have the summer in Europe.

"Shall we go back? " he asked pleasantly, and he took her hand in his,
feeling the diamond he had placed on her finger.

She said nothing of it when they returned, and it was at lunch when
Olivia first saw it. The sight of the ring on Victoria's finger startled
her. It was all suddenly real to her, the engagement, the wedding, the
fact that Victoria would soon be gone, and she would be left alone with
her father. Olivia's eyes filled with tears, and she looked away, deeply
embarrassed. Victoria sensed instantly that something was wrong, and
then looked down at her own hand, feeling remorseful and apologetic, and
as soon as lunch ended she put her arms around her sister. Charles
didn't understand what was happening, as he watched the two hug each
other close in painful silence.

"I shall miss you terribly, " Olivia whispered when they finally left
the dining room.

"You must come with me, " Victoria answered fiercely.

"You know I can't, " Olivia said as tears filled her eyes again, and
Charles stood in the hallway, watching them from the distance, wondering
what they spoke of "I shall never love anyone but you, " Victoria said,
and meant every word of it, but Olivia shook her head in answer.

"You must. You owe it to him. You must learn to love them, " Olivia
whispered, and then went to tell Charles how beautiful she thought the
ring was. He seemed pleased, and the three of them walked arm in arm out
into the winter sunshine.

Chapter 10.

Christmas was more fun than usual with the Dawsons there, in spite of
Victoria's hesitation. Olivia loved seeing Geoff's face as he opened his
gifts, and they all went on a sleigh ride on Christmas morning.

It had snowed heavily on Christmas Eve, and after theyd come home from
church, the hills high above the Hudson had been blanketed with a thick
mantle of white velvet.

Olivia let Geoff drive the sleigh, and together they made snowballs and
pelted Victoria and Charles until they drove them indoors, and then
Olivia helped him build a snowman. They didn't even come back into the
house until nightfall. It was a perfect day for all of them, marred only
by the fact that Edward caught a chill, and was in bed until almost New
Year. But he managed to get up for the party Olivia had arranged for
Victoria and Charles on New Year's Eve, and it was a delightful evening.

Every one ate well and drank lots of champagne, and looked very elegant
for the party. And Olivia had even arranged for musicians. There was
dancing in the front hall, and everyone was in high spirits.

They let Geoff come down to visit before dinner, and all the guests
seemed happy to meet him. They generously congratulated Victoria, and
there was not the faintest whisper of scandal. Her reputation had been
saved. Her future was assured. All was well in Croton-on-Hudson.

And by New Year's Day, Victoria and Charles seemed to be quite
comfortable with each other. They chatted amiably from time to time, and
if not deeply in love, at least they appeared to be fairly friendly. The
only thing that seemed to make Victoria truly uneasy was Geoffrey.

Olivia was well aware of it, and she took him away with her whenever
possible, so Charles wouldn't notice.

But she urged Victoria constantly to get to know him.

"He's just a child, for Heaven's sake. A nine-year-old boy.

What harm can he possibly do? Don't be so stupid."

"He hates me, " Victoria said simply.

"He does not hate you. He likes you." It was a lie, but Olivia was
desperate for her twin to get to know him. "He's just more used to me.

We could probably switch, if we really put our minds to it, and he'd
never know it." But they both knew that was a lie, and on New Year's
Day, as usual, Olivia took him out with her, to keep him away from her
sister.

And in spite of some ice and snow still on the ground, she decided to
take him riding.

"Be careful, miss, " the stable man warned. "It's treacherous out
there." Olivia could see for herself that there was another storm
brewing.

"We won't go far, Robert. Thank you." She gave their tamest horse to
Geoff, a sweet old nag she herself had ridden as a child, and she used
her own horse to ride beside him. Her own mare was full of fun that
afternoon, and more than a little feisty. She'd had too little exercise
over the holidays, and the weather had been bad. But Olivia enjoyed a
lively ride, and she took Geoffrey out over the hills, and showed him
all the places she had loved as a child, even the tree house, and the
secret glade where she had often hidden from Bertie with her sister.

She told him about the time they'd stayed out all night when they were
twelve, because they'd gotten into so much mischief in school and were
afraid their father would scold them. The sheriff had been called, with
his dogs, and they had found them of course, and they had cried, but of
course nothing serious had happened to them. Their father had always
been kind, and even somewhat lenient. Until Victoria's last escapade in
New York. There had been no leniency possible there, they were at the
mercy of Victoria's own actions and the gossips of New York City.

The only solution possible was for her to marry Charles Dawson, but
Olivia didn't explain that to Geoffrey.

"Were you ever spanked? " Geoffrey asked with interest, as Olivia shook
her head. Their father had never touched them. "Me neither, " he
confirmed, much to her satisfaction.

They played cowboys and Indians on horseback for a while then, and it
was hard to believe that she was twenty and not ten, as they chased each
other over ridges and across gullies and frozen streams. Olivia jumped a
log now and then, but she was careful not to do anything to endanger
Geoffrey. And as night fell, they rode slowly home, toward the stable.

Olivia chased a few rabbits across the snow as Geoff laughed at her, and
they were almost home when there was a clap of thunder. There was a
flash of lightning in the sky, and another roll of thunder, which seemed
just above them, but before Olivia could say anything to him, Geoff's
horse bolted. All she could see were Geoff's terrified eyes, as the
horse raced across the icy ground, jumping all obstacles between him and
the stables.

"Geoff, hang on! " she shouted in the wind, praying he could hear her.

"Hang on tight! Don't let go! I'm coming! " The old nag that had barely
moved in years fairly flew across the field as she followed, and she
caught up with him very quickly. She leaned out as far as she could,
with her graceful arms, hanging on to her own saddle with one hand, and
grabbed the other horse's bridle. It was a neat move, and with a firm
hand, she slowed the other horse to a trot just in time for another clap
of thunder. She yanked hard this time, and took one of the reins from
Geoff and held it tight, just as her own horse danced and bolted.

She had to let Geoff's rein go not to take him with her, and her mare
stood high on her hind legs, dancing beneath the lightning, while Olivia
fought to control her. She could see that Geoff's horse was terrified,
but this time his horse didn't move, she was exhausted. It was Olivia
who had to fight this time, but yet another clap of thunder drove her
skittish horse mad, and she danced first sideways then straight ahead,
and jumped high in the air, unexpectedly, across a wall of hedges.

The horse disappeared on the other side, but she left behind Olivia's
crumpled mass, as she lay on the ground near Geoffrey. And he could see
from a single glance that she was unconscious.

"Olivia! Ollie! .. ." He started to cry but he was afraid to dismount
for fear that he wouldn't be able to get up again, and instead, sobbing
hysterically as it began to rain, he headed for the stables.

His father and the stable man saw him come in, crying incoherently and
waving, and before he could even explain, Olivia's mare galloped past
him. She went straight to her stall, and it was easy to see that her
rider was no longer in the saddle. Geoff was frantically trying to
explain it to them .. . the thunder .. . the lightning .

.. the horse .. . the fall .. . the hedges. Robert was already astride
his own horse as he listened. "Can you ride? " he asked, and Charles
nodded.

He helped his son dismount, and took the tired horse from him. It was
hard work getting her to leave the stable again, but they had no time to
get out another horse and put on a saddle.

Robert had understood instantly where they had been, and Charles could
feel his heart pound in his ears as they rode through the driving rain
until they found her. They almost missed her at first. She was a thin
mass of brown riding coat, with her long black hair spread out on the
ground around her. The stable man was the first to dismount, and Charles
was right behind him. She was dead white, and to both of them, she
looked lifeless. Charles felt himself reel at the thought of it, and the
terror of what he would tell Geoff and her father and sister if the fall
had killed her.

"Is she .. . ? " he whispered, but in the fierce wind, Robert didn't
hear him. He only turned to him, shook his head, and said he had to go
back to get the carriage. "Stay with her. I'll be back in ten minutes.

I'll call the doctor." Charles could see then, as he knelt beside her,
that she was breathing, but deeply unconscious. He took his own coat off
and tried to make a little tent for her, shielding her from the rain,
and he was surprised to find, as he knelt beside her on the ground and
looked at her, that he was crying. She was a fool to have gone out with
ice on the ground, and it could have been Geoff lying there, but he also
knew she would never have let that happen. He knew from riding it just
then, that the horse the child had ridden was practically dead it was so
old, and it wouldn't have harmed him. And as Charles looked down at her,
he felt something stir, something agonizing and warm that reminded him
of Susan. It was what he had felt for her whenever he talked to her,
that sweetness in her soul, that caring, the laughter in her eyes, it
was that which hurt so much, which drove the stake through his heart and
reminded him of what he'd lost nearly two years before.

And looking at her now, he couldn't bear it.

The boy was right, the twins were not the same. They were entirely
different. Victoria, so wild, so free, so indifferent to him, so
innately sensual, and yet uncaring. He wanted to tame her, own her,
break her, yet he knew in his heart he would never love her. But this
woman was entirely different. And what he felt as he looked at her made
him want to flee to safety. Never again would he lose what he loved,
never again would he give his heart, and then let Fate steal it from
him. For him, Victoria was infinitely safer .. . Olivia excruciatingly
dearer .. . and if she died now .. . if she died ...
if she went .

.. he knew he couldn't bear it. Not again, not now. It wasn't fair .

.

. it wasn't right, what he felt for her. And yet, he knew that, whatever
happened, he was going to marry her sister.

"Olivia .. ." He bent low next to her, calling her name, and gently
stroking her hair, praying that her neck wasn't broken, he could see
that she was still breathing. "Olivia .. . speak to me ..

.

Ollie, please .. ." he said, crying like a child, feeling a rush of love
for her, and hating himself for it. "Olivia .. ." She stirred and opened
her eyes, and he had to fight to regain his composure. She was looking
up at him, dazed, as though she didn't know him. "Don't move, you've had
a bad fall, " he said in the fierce wind that blew around him. Her body
was soaking wet by then, but her face was protected by the jacket he
held above her. His own face was dripping wet, the dark brown hair
matted to his head, his tears mingled with the rain on his face.

And she could see nothing of what he'd been thinking. And then she
remembered.

"Is Geoff all right? " She could still barely speak, she was so winded,
and her vision was slightly blurred, which made it harder to see him.

She wasn't sure who he was at first, and then she realized it was
Charles. She tried to smile, but it was too painful.

"He's fine. He came to get us." She tried to nod, and winced, and then
closed her eyes and lay there as he watched her. What he had just felt
for her terrified him, and yet he knew he was doing the right thing
marrying Victoria. It would be too dangerous to love a woman like this
one. His whole heart and soul might give way like a seawall in a tidal
wave. He had never felt what he did for her, for anyone, except Susan.

Victoria was so much safer .. . dangerous in her own way, but not to
him. She was only intriguing. It was this woman, with her gentle ways,
who could destroy him.

"How are you feeling? " he asked again a minute later, still shielding
her from the wind and rain, and aching to touch her.

"Terrific." She smiled blearily up at him, and he gently touched her
face and kept his hand there, fighting everything he felt, reminding
himself that this was only a mistake, a single brief moment of
indulgence. Will you help me up? " she asked, unsure if she could make
it.