miss fortune mystery (ff) - bubba dub dub (8 page)

Ida Belle stepped forward, “Now, Lyle.”

He was suddenly on his feet and I yelped as he surged toward me.

Fortune stepped between us, her hands up and her legs in a fighting stance. I realized she was thinking about taking him on and I freaked. “No! Don’t hurt her. I’ll go.”

Gertie’s hand shot up and she sprayed something toward Lyle’s one good eye. He made a sound and his hand slammed into his eye, rubbing enthusiastically. Unfortunately he forgot he was holding the knife. He sliced a big chunk of his hair off with it and, as the strands filtered toward the ground, he uncovered his eye and growled at Gertie.

She turned a confused look at the can in her hand and grew pale. She’d sprayed a purse sized jolt of hairspray into his face. I was pretty sure she’d meant to use the mace, forgetting she’d given that to me.

As I struggled to remember what I’d done with it, Lyle started toward Gertie.

Fortune leapt into the air and did a perfect roundhouse kick, hitting him in the middle and causing him to stop, suck air, and then turn to her. He started toward Fortune.

Ida Belle bent over, picked up a large rock, dropped it into her purse, and hit him in the head with it. Lyle once again paused, like a water buffalo trying to figure out why the canary had hit him in the head, blinked, and then started for Ida Belle.

Fortune turned to me. “Go search your boat. We’ve got this.”

As I dithered, not at all sure they “had it” Gertie gave off a window rattling yell and snapped a baton, extending it and hitting Lyle on the forearm with it as he lunged for Ida Belle.

Fortune kicked him on the left calf and finally succeeded in bringing him down to one knee.

“Go!” she yelled at me.

I went. I ran toward the water, where Bubba’s boat still bobbed on the opposite side of the short, rickety dock from Lyle’s boat. Dodging around the stinky gator carcass, I hit the dock and stopped as it swayed beneath me. The board under my feet shifted and I scrabbled toward the center until it settled back down.

I dropped to my knees and crawled toward Bubba’s boat, quickly climbing inside.

The sounds from the shore were ominous and troubling. The meaty sound of flesh hitting flesh was terrifying, because I wasn’t at all certain Lyle wasn’t beating the bat snot out of all three of my friends. But I forced myself not to look. Because I was afraid the few seconds I’d take being distracted would be the seconds that would spell the end of my friends.

I quickly searched the small boat, pulling aside rancid pieces of clothing, a Ziploc holding something gooey and nasty looking, and a mildewed and torn boat cushion. I didn’t see anything that looked like a clue. A single push pole lay along one side and stuck out the back, a six inch long piece of pvc pipe glued to the end that rested inside the boat.

I quickly searched the length of the pole, cringing as someone yelled in pain, followed by a crash.

“Hurry up, Felicity!”

I sucked air as I realized I was holding my breath. Fortune was still kicking, probably literally, and that meant the geriatric 007 were still okay. Fortune wouldn’t let anything happen to her friends.

There was nothing carved or written on the pole. Frustration made me scream and I started to throw the pole down, but my gaze caught on the pipe handle. I hadn’t searched that. Scrambling toward the bow of the boat, I grabbed the pipe and lifted it, peering down its length. It took me a second to spot it. It had been taped along the inside of the pipe and was fairly well hidden.

But one corner of a small white envelope stuck up from the tape. I reached in and grasped it between two fingernails, ripping it out of the pipe, and stood up too fast, nearly falling into the water.

Screeching, I grabbed for the edge of the dock, and climbed out as fast as I could. As soon as my feet hit the warped wood I took off running, praying the half-rotted surface would hold. I made it to shore, punched the gator carcass out of my way, and was sprinting toward the house when Fortune spun around with the baton she must have taken from Gertie, hit Lyle on the side of the head with it, and kicked him in the gut as he started to fall.

He slammed backward, into the chair he’d been sitting in when we arrived, and it crumpled under his weight, folding him into it as he crashed.

We left him, big feet sticking into the air and limp as a dead snake, and ran around the house.

I didn’t even think to look at my treasure until we were several miles from Lyle’s house and I could finally breathe.

“Did you find anything?” Gertie asked from the front seat.

I opened my hand and looked at the rolled, white envelope. Unfolding it, I frowned. “It looks like a collection envelope.” I looked inside. “It’s empty.”

Ida Belle and Gertie shared a look. “Which church?” Ida Belle asked.

“Sinful Catholic.”

There was a collective groan in the car that made me wonder if the next phase of our clue collecting was going to be just as much fun as the last one had been.

###

When we got back to Gertie’s there was a long, black car idling at the curb in front of her house. We headed for the car and the back window slid down, framing the wide, fleshy face of Big Hebert. Little sat beside him and Mannie glared at us from behind the wheel.

Fortune waved at Mannie. “Hey! How was your stint at the Sinful jail?”

He gave her a tight smile. “Just peachy.” Hostility radiated off the big thug like heat off a Louisiana highway. Nobody seemed to notice it but me.

“You ladies are quickly rising to the top of my hit list,” Big told us.

Alarm bloomed in my chest at his words. When a guy like Big Hebert said “hit list” he probably really meant
hit
list.

Ida Belle glared back at him. “Don’t blame us for Mannie’s jail time. We tried to leave him safely at home. It wasn’t our fault he decided to show up and start shooting up the place.”

Big’s face wobbled dangerously as he shook his head. It was like watching Jell-O in an earthquake. For a moment I thought he might put out an eye with a dancing cheek. Fortunately the flesh was too dense to allow for such pinpoint damage. “You were told Mannie was to be your bodyguard. He was to go where you go.
Everywhere
you go. You ladies didn’t do as you were told. I don’t like when that happens.” He sighed expansively. “I’m afraid there are going to have to be consequences.”

Gertie’s hands started to flutter. Her eyes got round and she clutched her purse like it would keep her from sinking into the ground at her feet. Ida Belle and Fortune noticed and seemed worried about Gertie’s state. Ida Belle even went so far as to take a step toward Gertie.

But Gertie blew before Ida Belle could stop her. “Jesus is your savior, Mr. Hebert.”

The big man in the car narrowed eyes made small by all the flesh surrounding them. “What are you babbling about, old woman?”

“He’s calling you to his service,” Gertie said. She slid a glance toward Ida Belle, her gaze widening.

Ida Belle seemed to catch her meaning. “Yes. He’s calling you to the Sinful Catholic church,” Ida Belle said. “He has a special place in the front pew for you. There will be a collection made in your honor. You might want to go to the early service though. By the afternoon service the collection pickings are slim.”

Big seemed to be considering this. “A collection, you say?”

We all nodded.

“How much would this collection include?”

“A few hundred dollars,” Gertie said, nodding enthusiastically. “But the Lord might inspire more in your presence.”

Big didn’t look fully convinced. “I don’t know. This Lord guy and I haven’t always seen eye to eye on stuff. You know?”

“He’s a very forgiving guy,” I offered weakly.

Big frowned. “I’ll give that some thought, but just so you know. That doesn’t absolve y’all from the sin of seriously pissing me off.”

The ladies shrugged. I was impressed by their toughness. My heart was pounding so hard I thought I might pass out.

“In fact, I’m giving you twenty-four hours to get rid of these Russians and then I’m going to make my own deal with them. And you ain’t gonna like the deal I make.”

Alarm turned my stomach to acid, I stepped forward. I couldn’t let my new friends take the hit for my screw ups. “It’s my fault, Mr. Big. I brought the Russians here. I’ll take whatever consequences you think are necessary.”

Ida Belle and Gertie frowned. Fortune stepped in front of me. “Ignore her. She’s got wind burn of the brain. We told you we would take care of the Russian problem, Big. That thing last night was a personal issue. I asked them to come bail me out of a tough spot. I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring Mannie to Deputy LeBlanc’s house. We were trying to protect him.” She shrugged and slid Mannie a slightly hostile look.

A big truck slid to the curb behind the long black car and Big fixed me with a look. “Twenty-four hours, Miss Chance. Then you and your friends are gonna pay for ruining my week.”

Carter climbed out of his truck as the Heberts drove away. His expression didn’t bode well for anyone who might have had a part in encouraging his dog to break down a wooden privacy fence the night before, and who’d just been seen conferring with the local mafia. “What was Big Hebert doing here?”

Fortune grew pale, her gaze sliding guiltily around the neighborhood as if a useful lie was hiding behind a bush somewhere. I found it fascinating the way she lied so easily to everyone except Carter. It always seemed to leave a mark on her when she had to lie to him.

“Leave this to me,” Ida Belle murmured.

Fortune looked so relieved I felt sorry for her. It couldn’t be easy dating the law when you hung out with people who regularly eviscerated the line between legal and not so legal.

“Didn’t you get your ticket?” Ida Belle asked Carter.

He strolled up to us and stopped, his gaze locking on Fortune. “What ticket?”

“Hebert’s is having a boat show for the Fourth of July. I’m surprised he hasn’t already been to the Sheriff’s office for his permit.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s going to be quite an event. Boat rides, water acrobatics, a carnival.”

Wow, when Ida Belle came up with a story she did it up big.

“You don’t say.” Carter slid his gaze over the four of us, no doubt looking for the weak link. Determined not to be the fault in the line for once, I nodded enthusiastically. “I guess that’s what you four were doing on the bayou this morning…rehearsing for the water acrobatics?”

“Absolutely!” Gertie agreed. “I was doing a Flying Wallenda off the side of the boat while Ida Belle verified how long she could keep the bottom out of the water.”

“Yeah,” Carter agreed, his gaze locking on Fortune. “That pretty much describes what I saw.” What about that other boat?”

“What other boat?” Gertie asked. She widened her eyes innocently just in case her wondering tone of voice didn’t fool him.

“The one you were playing chicken with. You know, the big black one that barely veered off before you crashed.”

Fortune and Ida Belle looked at each other and Fortune gave a laugh. “So that’s what the black thing was that whizzed right past us.” She shook her head.

“We were so busy instructing Gertie on her Flying Wallenda we didn’t even notice the other boat.” She placed a hand over her heart. “Whoo. That was close.”

“Really?” Carter asked Fortune. “That’s what you’re going with?”

She widened her eyes and cocked her head. “What do you mean? That’s what happened.”

Clearly disgusted, Carter shook his head. “Where’s your ticket?”

“Hmm?” Ida Belle asked.

“You said Big was selling tickets to his Fourth of July event. Where’s your ticket?”

“Oh,” Gertie said, chuckling. “He ran out just before he got here. He promised to bring more back in twenty-four hours.”

Beside me, Fortune stiffened. Gertie was veering a little too close to the truth. Fortune reached out and tapped Carter on the arm, no doubt to distract him. “How’s Tiny? Did you get the fence repaired?”

“He’s fine,” Carter grumbled. “The fence is another matter. I’ll have to keep him chained while I’m gone during the day until I can get it fixed. That’s the second time he’s blasted through in that spot. I don’t understand it.” He skimmed us all with a look. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think somebody was taunting him.”

“Fortunately you do know better though, Carter,” Ida Belle told him.

“Yeah.” He cast his glower over us one last time and turned to stalk back to his truck. “I’m gonna go back to the office and make a phone call to Hebert’s. If I find out he’s not having a Fourth of July event you four will be hearing from me again.”

All the blood rushed from my face. “Oh no, what are we going to do? He’ll find out we lied.”

Fortune shook her head. She was already dialing a number on her cell. “Big has as much to lose on this as we do if Carter starts snooping around. At least for the moment he needs us. He’ll tell Carter what we want him to hear.”

CHAPTER NINE

We were having dinner at
Francine’s Diner
when the door opened and a big guy with graying blond hair in a messy ponytail and a silver-dollar-sized red bump on his forehead rolled in. He looked around the diner and then made a beeline right for our table.

“Oh, crap!” I muttered.

Fortune, whose eyes had gone still and dark when she spotted him, gave him a thorough once over.

“It’s the cop who came after your father,” Gertie said.

“Detective Rouse,” I said as he approached. “It’s so nice to see you again.”

He painted our table with a glower. “Oh no, there’s four of you now.”

“Four times the pleasure,” Ida Belle told him with saccharine sweetness. “What brings you back to Sinful, detective?”

“As if you didn’t know.” He pulled a chair from an adjoining table and swung it around, sitting backward. He narrowed his icy gray gaze on me. “Where is he, Miss Chance?”

“I wish I knew, detective. I’ve looked everywhere.” Shrugging, I smiled at my friends. “I was just having a last dinner with my friends and was planning on going home in the morning.”