Missed Connections (16 page)

"I will." Jamie nodded. "I'm… thank you, Kyle. People aren't generally kind to me."

"Yeah, well, people suck." Kyle shrugged. "But I try not to. I mean, other than under the obvious circumstances."

"Obvious…" Jamie trailed off, and then his eyes widened. "Oh. Right. Obvious."

Kyle grinned. "So, what movie are we watching?"

Jamie produced a DVD case from the messenger bag he was still carrying. It took Kyle a second to absorb the title, because it was a long way from what he'd been expecting. "Pride and Prejudice? Girl," he teased.

"Well, I do have a vagina, so…" Jamie shrugged.

Kyle also took a second to absorb that. "As in…?"

"Attached and plumbed in. That was an incredibly awkward way to tell you, I'm sorry." Jamie shifted his weight on the stool, staring down at the kitchen bench.

"No, umm." Kyle blinked. "That's cool. I'm sorry if I've ever said anything that made you uncomfortable."

It honestly was, as far as Kyle was concerned, fine. He hadn't expected it, or imagined it in his wildest dreams, but Jamie was still Jamie. Besides, Kyle knew what he was doing regardless of what he found in someone's pants. Surprised as he was, nothing had changed. The beginning—or reawakening—of a huge crush were still firmly planted in the back of his mind.

"You don't have to be sorry if I can still be on top." Jamie grinned at him, relief obvious on his face.

"So do you–" Kyle cut himself off and raised a hand. "No, wait. Ignore me. Just tell me if I fuck up and I'll trust you to let me know anything I need to know ahead of time. Sound good?"

"Sounds good." Jamie nodded. "I assume I can trust you not to make it widely known?"

"Dude, obviously. I don't kiss and tell, y'know?"

"I had gotten that impression. I'm sorry for springing it on you. Again." Even as he apologised, Jamie was glowing. Kyle couldn't help smiling back at him.

"The only thing you need to be sorry for is your pathetic taste in movies. Which is really pathetic, just so you know. But I will graciously watch it with you in exchange for being allowed to sneakily put my arm around your shoulder."

"You're such an ass." Jamie rolled his eyes. "I bet you like movies full of unreasonably muscular men shooting things and no actual plot to be found."

"Well, yeah. Explosions. Who the hell doesn't like explosions?"

Jamie paused for a moment. "That's a good point. You can pick the movie next time."

Kyle grinned and bent down to check on his pizzas, internally squealing with joy that Jamie already intended on a next time.

*~*~*

Full, happy, and sleepy, it was difficult for Kyle to imagine anything he'd rather be doing than curling up next to Jamie in bed. It was earlier than he'd normally be going to sleep on a Friday night, since he started late on a Saturday and only worked a few hours, but he didn't feel like he was missing out on anything.

"Thank you for letting me sleep over." Jamie snuggled close and sighed happily, using Kyle's chest as a pillow rather than lying on his own part of the bed. They'd both stripped down to T-shirts and underwear, Jamie wearing one of Kyle's less threadbare ones and practically drowning in it, but apparently comfortable.

"No problem." Kyle tilted his head to kiss Jamie's forehead. "'s what friends are for."

"I'm really glad we found each other again," Jamie murmured. "I didn't exactly pine after you, but you've been nothing but good to me. Better than everyone else. Even when we were still in high school."

"'m glad we found each other, too." Kyle yawned and melted into the mattress.

The next thing Kyle was aware of, it was the middle of the night and he was alone in the bed. He waited a minute or so for Jamie to come back, listening to see if he could figure out where Jamie had gone, and then got worried and rolled out of bed as well. The spot Jamie had been in was still warm, so he couldn't have gone far.

Kyle found him in the kitchen, sitting at the bench with his arms folded and head resting on them, a half glass of water nearby. Not wanting to startle him, Kyle approached as noisily as he could and then put a hand on Jamie's shoulder. He jerked awake and then blinked owlishly in the dim light of the street lamp outside the kitchen window.

"Kyle?" He frowned. "I didn't mean to wake you, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Kyle moved his hand down to rub Jamie's back. "You okay?"

"I woke up with a headache and didn't want to disturb you. I know you're working later."

Kyle made a sympathetic noise and wrapped his arms around Jamie from behind to rub his stomach. Jamie didn't hesitate in melting against him, making a soft sigh as some of the tension in his back eased. "You're better than painkillers," he murmured, letting his head fall back onto Kyle's shoulder.

"Glad I'm helping." He leaned down first to run his nose along Jamie's neck, and then to kiss slowly up and down it. Jamie relaxed further and wriggled back against him, sighing happily when Kyle started rubbing circles on his belly, under the T-shirt he was wearing. "You need an aspirin?"

"I'll be fine if I can get back to sleep."

"Then come back to bed and I'll help you." Kyle pressed an openmouthed kiss to Jamie's neck where it met his shoulder.

Jamie allowed himself to be guided back to the bedroom and tucked in comfortably beside Kyle, his back pressed to Kyle's chest so Kyle could keep rubbing circles on his tummy and bury his nose in Jamie's hair.

"How is a belly rub helping a headache?" Jamie asked after they'd been lying in silence for a while.

"Magic fingers." Kyle kissed the back of Jamie's neck. "Also, I'm just amazing in bed."

Jamie snorted, but shifted closer all the same. "I bet you are. I do, in theory, want to find out first hand some time."

"Consider me available any time," Kyle murmured. "'Cause I wanna show you."

After not getting an answer for a solid thirty seconds, Kyle realised Jamie was asleep and let himself drift off as well. When he woke up again, it was to find the sun peeking through the curtains, Jamie sprawled on top of him, drooling onto his shirt, and snoring softly. The thought hit Kyle that it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen, so after a glance at the clock by his bedside told him he had at least another half hour before he needed to get out of bed, he settled in to pet Jamie's hair gently while he slept.

Less than five minutes later, Jamie stirred awake, yawning and stretching before he realised he was lying on top of Kyle.

"Uh," he said, without making any attempt to move. "I'd say sorry, but I'm not really. This is probably the most comfortable position I've ever been in."

"You can stay where you are a while longer. I don't need to be up yet."

"And yet, you are." Jamie shifted the thigh that'd fallen between Kyle's legs a little to brush against his morning erection. "Which is very flattering, by the way."

"I take it your headache's better?" Kyle smiled slowly at him.

"Much. You should take advantage of that."

Kyle almost agreed, but then paused at the way Jamie had phrased it. It probably hadn't been deliberate, but that almost made it worse. Taking advantage wasn't something he did, and he wasn't about to start with the first person he'd really had the desire to date. On the other hand, hurting Jamie's feelings was something he wanted to avoid at all costs, because he knew what they had going was fragile while they were still figuring each other out. Fragile, but worth handling with care until it got stronger.

"Nah." He reached up to stroke Jamie's hair away from his face. "I haven't got enough time to give you my full attention. I don't half-ass things."

The way Jamie's whole body relaxed told Kyle he'd done the right thing. There was no need to push. Neither of them were going anywhere.

"Probably for the best. I'm comfortable right where I am." Jamie yawned widely.

"Me too. We should do this more often."

"More often than once a week?" Jamie raised an eyebrow. "Because it's on the early side for you to be clearing out a drawer or something. I think. I've never gotten to that point before, so I'm going on what I've seen on TV."

"I don't think I'd actually need to clear a drawer out. I probably have an empty one or two." Kyle pondered the possibility of asking if Jamie
did
want to leave some of his stuff here. It was starting to sound like a really attractive option. "I don't mind you stealing my old T-shirts. But if you wanted to leave some stuff here for sleepovers, that's cool."

"I'm glad you've worked out that I
am
stealing this T-shirt." Jamie grinned. "I was going to offer to wash it for you and then never remember to bring it back."

"It's all yours." Kyle smiled at him, taking Jamie's enthusiasm as neither a yes nor a no. It wasn't the kind of thing he'd want to rush into, after all, but he wasn't freaking out over the idea, so there was hope.

Kyle wasn't entirely sure when he'd decided he wanted to spend
that much
time with Jamie and mark out his apartment as a place Jamie could come to whenever, but it'd probably happened around the time he'd decided that at least on Kyle's side, they were exclusive. Which had been when Jamie had given him his phone number.

It was slowly dawning on him that he was probably in deeper than he'd originally thought.

"If you get up now, I can make you breakfast," Kyle offered.

"I'm honestly not hungry enough to give this up just yet. Tell me to move when you actually need to get up." Jamie closed his eyes again. Kyle wasn't willing to argue with that.

*~*~*

"It's been
six weeks
." Gwen stared at Kyle once Jamie was out of the coffee shop again. Her commenting about the two of them right after Jamie left was a regular occurrence now, so Kyle wasn't startled. Six weeks? That was a little on the alarming side, but when he probed the feeling deeper, he was thrilled he'd been doing this for so long. Jamie made him smile like a total idiot every time he saw him, and that was nothing to panic about.

"It has!" Kyle grinned. "Cool."

"No, I mean, you've been dating for six weeks and you
still
haven't slept with him." Gwen broke her stare to blink a few times and then shook herself out of it. "You haven't gone without for six weeks since I've known you," she added at a whisper.

Kyle gave himself a moment to think about that before answering. Gwen was right, obviously, since she was almost never wrong, but it didn't feel like going without. He got to see Jamie all the time, and they increasingly showered each other with physical affection. When he was over, Jamie was never more than three feet away from Kyle, and they almost couldn't stop kissing sometimes. There was no shortage of intimacy between them.

It hadn't occurred to Kyle to really think about it, but he didn't feel deprived. The lack of sex didn't matter at all.

It was also way too early in the morning for revelations like this.

"Wow," Kyle said mostly to himself. He turned to Gwen and looked at her with wide eyes. "I'm in love with him."

Gwen dropped the mug she'd been drying. "What?"

"I… I mean, I'm pretty
sure
…" Kyle stammered. The thought had come up a lot lately. He'd even been on the verge of saying it out loud to Jamie a few times, but he'd stopped himself out of fear that it'd freak Jamie out as much as it was freaking
him
out.

While he was thinking, Gwen rushed over to throw her arms around him, squealing excitedly. "My little Kyle, all grown up!"

"I'm two months older than you. And like a foot taller," Kyle protested.

"But you're emotionally stunted," Gwen said as though this was an adorable quality. "I'm so proud."

Kyle huffed softly, but allowed Gwen to hug him for another few seconds before pulling back and going to get something to clean the broken mug up with. Gwen kept grinning at him as he did, like this was the most exciting thing that'd happened to her all week.

"Are you going to tell him?" Gwen asked as soon as Kyle was finished clearing up.

"I dunno." Kyle shrugged. "Do I need to? What if it makes him feel like that means he
has
to fuck me? I mean he's smarter than that, but he's got a whole lot of issues around this kind of thing."

"Keep assuring him he doesn't?" Gwen put a hand on Kyle's arm. "You're trying very hard not to hurt him."

"Well, yeah. I don't wanna do that."

"But—and you know this—a good relationship is about give and take. You can't be the only person in charge of giving, Kyle. It's unsustainable."

"I don't want sex if he doesn't. End of story."

Gwen waved her hand dismissively. "I'm not talking about that. You can't take Jamie's responsibility for his feelings away from him entirely. You're not doing him
or
yourself any favours."

"I…" Kyle licked his lips. "I dunno if I can risk it."

"You'll have to eventually. You're so afraid of hurting people that you never stop to wonder if you're hurting yourself. You have needs, too. Emotional needs that you can't just bottle up. If telling him that he means a lot to you scares him off, then he was never yours to start with. You understand that, don't you?"

Kyle took a deep breath and then let it out slowly to quell the rising panic that Jamie just
might
get scared off. Or, alternatively, drift away because the whole thing keeps looking like casual fun and not something way more serious. "Yeah. I know. I'm just not sure I'm ready to find out."

Gwen nodded sympathetically and gave Kyle another pat on the arm. "You will be. But the sooner you find out, the less it's going to hurt if it all goes wrong."

With his stomach tied in knots, Kyle nodded and then moved to busy himself with work. Gwen was probably right about this, and if Jamie didn't see this… whatever they had… the same way Kyle did, it was definitely better to know now than later. It was just a case of getting up the nerve to put it to the test.

*~*~*

"Are you okay, Kyle?" Jamie curled his hand around Kyle's arm, making him jump. He'd been in a completely different place, miles away, and suddenly he was back in the room, curled up on the couch next to Jamie, with… a movie he'd genuinely forgotten the name of, but had a lot of period costumes, playing on the TV.