Misty Blue (29 page)

“You taught yourself to do that?”

“No, my brother taught me, but I’m glad that I learned how. Whenever any of the kids at school thought they were bothering me, that I cared that I wasn’t invited to their parties, I’d always smile and tell them about the things I was doing with my brother. They were all jealous that I got to stay up so late at night, that I was always eating out. None of their big brothers would take them any place and Keefe was always taking me to the movies, to parks. Wherever they went, he would find a way to make sure I had as good a time as any of them. And when we went home we would laugh. I knew that it worked because all the kids at school started asking if my brother would take them to the movies with me if they came to my house.”

“Did he?”

“A few times, but after I almost told that we were living alone I started not wanting to be around too many people. I was afraid I would tell someone.”

“You were afraid of being sent back to foster care.”

“Of course, Mia answered. “If I hadn’t been, then I really would have been crazy.” She was getting annoyed again. “Listen, what does any of this have to do with Damien?”

“It all does, Mia. Don’t you see if you had not been such an expert at repressing your feelings you would have told your mother off at the wedding? The next morning when Damien’s father asked about your personal life, you would have told him to go to hell. You would have thrown that tape in your husband’s face and told him you didn’t like that garbage. Mia, you would have told him that his actions and the actions of others had caused you to imagine him with the tons of women he’d had. You would have told him he’d screwed up, that you were looking for something romantic and he’d better get it. Hell, if you’d told all the people off that you should have, you probably never would have seen those pictures. And then you would have never gone through the dry spell with no sex. And you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now getting angry because you don’t want to talk about it.”

Mia laughed. She looked at Dr. Grey’s surprised expression and laughed even harder, laughing until tears rolled down her cheeks.

“You’re yelling at me, telling me I’m repressed and telling me that I’m repressing. Well, duhh. No wonder you need a therapist.” Mia laughed and Dr. Grey joined in.

* * *

“Good morning, baby girl.”

“Good morning, how did you sleep?” Mia rolled over and looked into her husband’s eyes.

“Better than I have in a long, long time. How about you?” “To be honest I’ve being sleeping better since we started sleeping in the same bed.” She grinned. “I never knew how much fun sleeping with a man could be.”

“Sleeping with a man?” Damien asked, grabbing for Mia.

“Sleeping with the most handsome, adorable, sensitive man in the world who also just happens to be my husband.”

“That’s better.” Damien ran his hands down the side of her body, caressing her behind, then bringing his fingers back to rest on the twin mounds. “Ready to continue our lesson,” he asked as his usual visitor poked its head, tenting the sheet. It had been established that he couldn’t control that. So he didn’t even attempt to try.

“What do you have in mind?” Mia asked.

“Would you like to join me in the shower?”

“Are we allowed to touch?”

“Maybe we could help with soaping each other up but anything else should be saved for an advanced lesson which we’ll get to as soon as you’re ready.”

“Dr. Grey thinks you’re a saint,” Mia said as she bounced from the bed. She felt her husband’s eyes on her naked body and turned back, smiling at him. “I know better,” she cracked. “She also thinks you’re very smart. She thinks you would make an excellent therapist.”

Damien laughed. “We’ll see. Come on.” He pulled Mia behind him into the bathroom. “You know, I don’t even know how you like your water. We’ve never showered together.” He looked at her. “How do you like your water?”

“Hot. How about you?”

“Not so hot,” Damien replied. “Let’s see if we can find a happy medium.” He adjusted the spray and waited while Mia put her fingers into the water. “That’ll do,” she answered and they both climbed in and lathered each other.

Damien couldn’t resist when Mia’s arms wrapped around him and she slid her tongue into his mouth. Maybe kissing shouldn’t be counted as touching, he thought.

Wet, soapy, hot and wanting him. Oh this was what he’d always thought they would be like together. Only he’d given his word to take it slow. Damn.

Mia rushed into the restaurant, racing for the table she knew her brother had gotten for them. She was over twenty minutes late, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Hey,” Mia said quickly, hugging her brother tightly and kissing him. He was staring at her. “What are you looking at?” she asked, feeling embarrassed for some unknown reason.

“No reason. I just haven’t seen much of you in the past two months and I wanted to see if marriage was agreeing with you.”

There was something more to Keefe’s statement than met the eye but she ignored it. “Oh, it’s beginning to. It was a little rocky there in the beginning but we’re working things out.”

Keefe didn’t say anything and Mia smiled to herself and waited. They had yet to talk about the hysterical call she’d made to her brother on her honeymoon, or his offer to fly out and get her.

“I’m okay, I promise.” He was looking uncomfortable and Mia knew he wanted to ask her why she’d called. She toyed with the idea of not telling him but the continued look of fear on her brother’s face changed her mind. So she said, “I started back to seeing Dr. Grey again.”

“You did?” Keefe asked, genuine surprise tinting his voice. “Why?”

“I needed someone to talk to.” Mia saw the brief flash of hurt. “Someone who wouldn’t be embarrassed to talk with me about sex and someone who didn’t want to save me, or go and kill my husband without even knowing what the problem was.”

Keefe laughed. “Kicking your husband’s ass if he gets out of line is my job. I’m your big brother, remember?”

“I remember. But hurting my husband is not your job. If he gets out of line I can take care of him myself.”

Keefe smiled. “You sound awfully confident.” He looked down, too curious not to ask. “What happened, Mia? Why did you call me sobbing as if your heart were breaking?”

“It was at the time,” Mia answered, looking her brother in the eye. “Every horrible thing that I had imagined, that I had asked you about, that I had talked with Damien about, happened.”

“You thought about him with Ashleigh?”

“Worse.”

“With all the women he’d been with?”

Mia stared for a moment at her brother. “Are you sure you can hear this without running out of the restaurant?”

“I’ll try my best.”

“It wasn’t pictures of Damien and other women that got to me, Keefe. I liked making love with my husband. I thought that liking it so much made me like mom, that I was a slut.”

“Mia, I’m so sorry. I should have talked with you more.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I think I do. If I hadn’t harped so much on your not being like her—”

“Don’t do this, Kee. If I hadn’t been afraid I would probably have made love with James, a man I didn’t even love. I’m happy I saved myself for Damien. If anything, I want to thank you for that. Besides, I’m not telling you for you to start feeling guilty over something you couldn’t control. I know you’ve been worrying about me and I want to tell you what happened. Do you want me to continue?”

He ran his hand over his head, looked away then back at his sister. “Yes, tell me.”

“Well, after I thought I had turned into her, God forbid, the images came and they wouldn’t stop.”

“You couldn’t control it?”

“No, I tried. You have no idea how hard I tried. My process failed me.”

For a moment, Mia felt weak admitting it to her brother, but then she smiled. “I tried to be strong, only being strong was pushing my husband away. He had no idea what was going on. I know I scared the bejesus out of him. He tried to help, he really did. But I was so scared of…of it happening again that I wouldn’t let him near me, not even when we came home,” she added.

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“I know. I didn’t want you to know, but I wouldn’t sleep in the bed with Damien.” She looked down. “I was trying hard to work it out, to use my process. But it wasn’t working. That’s why I called Dr. Grey. I didn’t want to lose my husband.”

“Are you sleeping together now?”

“Yeah.”

“So Dr. Grey helped?”

“Not with that. One night Damien came home, came into my room, picked me up and took me to our bedroom. He told me he wasn’t sleeping alone.”

“You didn’t object?”

“God, I was glad.

“Did the pictures continue?”

Mia felt her face getting hot, wondering how she was going to tell her brother that for weeks Damien climbed on her, entered her, did what he had to do and left. She smiled. There was no way to tell her brother that bit of information. Besides, it wasn’t important. “No,” she answered at last. “No more pictures.”

“So things really are okay with you?”

“Like I said, they’re getting there.” She took in a deep breath. “We’re learning how to,” she looked away, then shrugged her shoulder, “we’re learning how to please each other.”

There was a puzzled look on Keefe’s face and Mia laughed. “Damien would kill me if he knew I was telling you all of this.”

“Then why are you?”

“You don’t want to know?” Mia teased.

“I’m not sure,” Keefe answered. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t being forced to do things you didn’t want to do.”

Mia laughed again. “You really owe my husband an apology, Kee. Not only isn’t he forcing me to do things that I don’t want, but he’s…we’re not—”

“You’re not making love?” Keefe gasped, wanting to put Mia and his own torture at her trying to tell him, behind them.

“No, we’re not.” Mia looked away. “It was Damien’s idea. We’re learning about each other, what works and what doesn’t.”

“Why?”

“I thought you weren’t quite sure you wanted to know.”

“I guess I changed my mind. I’m curious.”

“He’s doing it to prove to me that he didn’t marry me just so he could sleep with me.”

“Where did a crazy notion like that come from? Oh, let me guess, Mom.”

“And his mother.”

“Mia.”

“I know.”

“I told you to talk to him before the wedding.”

“I did.”

“Then?”

“Keefe, It’s over. We’re on the right track, believe me.”

“So why are you still seeing Dr. Grey?”

“I still have a few issues that I’m working on. I need a new process,” she told her brother. “Sticking to the old one nearly wrecked my marriage. I need to learn not to hide all of my feelings, no more repressing. I have to tell Damien what’s bothering me.”

Keefe rested his elbows on the table and propped his head between them. “Between me and Mom I’m surprised you ever got married. I’m sorry that I had anything to do with messing things up for you, Mia. I didn’t know there would be repercussions later for you.”

Mia took her brother’s hands. “Don’t, Kee. If it hadn’t been for you I really would have gone nuts for good. You taught me how to deal with the pain. You were the only one I ever let in. Now I have to learn how to let Damien in.” She smiled. “It’s not as hard as I thought it would be. He’s a darn good listener.”

“You really are okay, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am.”

* * *

“How is this? Tell me if you like it.”

Mia had to force herself to concentrate as the slight pressure from Damien’s mouth covered her breast. The touch was soft, as though a butterfly were kissing her. It was pleasant but nothing really special.

“It’s nice,” she answered smiling.

“Liar,” Damien laughed. “If this is going to work you have to tell the truth.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Really.”

“In that case, it’s no big deal.”

She watched the look on Damien’s face change to a mischievous glint as he applied more pressure and pulled her nipple into his mouth. A shot of desire sprung throughout her loins and she moaned.

“Still no big deal?” Damien asked.

Mia closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation. This was definitely a big deal.

“Your eyes are closed.”

“I know.”

“Open them.”

“Damien.”

“Come on, baby. I get nervous when you have your eyes closed.”

Mia opened her eyes, complying with her husband’s request. “What you were doing, it felt so good that my eyes closed automatically.” She saw the desire that filled him had made his eyes turn a deep amber color. “Damien, make love to me.”

She slid her hand toward the side of his muscular body before slowly inching her fingers toward his center. She felt for him, touched his warmth. Her eyes never leaving his face, her fingers curled around him and she smiled as his flesh danced in her hand. “Make love to me.”