Monroe, Marla - Belonging to Them [Men of the Border Lands 1] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) (12 page)

“I’m not sure where to start, so I’m going to start at the beginning.”

Brandon drew in a deep breath and walked over to the couch and sat down.

“When you first moved in with us, you were scared and uncomfortable around us. I knew I cared about you from the beginning, and I think Bolton was already in love with you before we ever made it back here. I was strict with you because I knew the dangers of living out here, not to mention the threat of someone grabbing you.” He took a breath and continued.

“I treated you badly, and didn’t realize it. You accused me of only wanting you to help around the house, and that I felt responsible for you, and that you belonged to me. You resented that, and we both said some insensitive things to each other.

“Over time, you obviously forgave me mine and tried to heal the rift between us, but I was resistant. I wanted you to love me despite that I felt like I needed to protect you. I wanted you to love me like you did Bolton, with no restrictions. I felt like a third wheel. I began to pull away from you. I foolishly thought you and Bolton would make a good team, and I was just in the way.

“I tried to move out, but knew I couldn’t do it all at once. I slowly moved some of my things to the other room, and occasionally would stay up late and sleep in the other room without you realizing it. I don’t even think Bolton knew it. We still had sex because I couldn’t resist you, but I was trying to avoid that as well.”

“You didn’t care about me?” Heather’s lips trembled.

“Yes, baby. I loved you. I loved you so much it hurt, but didn’t think you really cared for me. I thought you were only going through the motions because you felt beholden to me. I wanted more than that.”

“I didn’t, though. I loved you as much as I loved Bolton.”

“But we never said that to each other.”

“No, we didn’t. I guess that’s why you were jacking off in the shower that morning.”

Brandon closed his eyes. She had remembered after all.

“How long have you remembered?”

“Since last night, when I dreamed about it. It hurt so badly, Brandon.”

“I know, baby. It was wrong on so many levels, but most of all because it hurt you.”

“Why, Brandon? Why, when I was more than happy making love with you?”

“You have to agree, it wasn’t making love. I fucked you. I tried to make it as impersonal as possible so that it wouldn’t hurt so badly that you didn’t really want me.

“When I jacked off, it was to thoughts of you loving me for me. It was of you loving me, and me loving you. I never thought about another woman, Heather. You have to believe me on that.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what to think. Do you really mean it when you say you love me?” Heather asked in a broken voice.

“Yes. I love you more than life itself. When I thought you were going to die, it nearly killed me. I didn’t think I would be able to go on without you.”

“Are you sure this isn’t just guilt talking? That you feel guilty about it and what happened to me?”

“I’m sure, baby. I love you with all my heart. I want us to be a family. I want to move all the way back in, and make love to you as you’re supposed to be made love to.”

“I need to think about it, Brandon. It really hurt me finding you like I did. Knowing all those times that you didn’t want to have sex was because you’d already taken care of yourself.”

“Please, Heather. Please forgive me. I don’t think I can function without your love.”

“I do love you, Brandon, but I need some time.”

“Do you want me to move out for now?” It nearly killed him to offer.

“No, I don’t want you to move out. I just want some time to think about it.”

He breathed a sigh of relief and went over to kneel beside her. He took both her hands in his and kissed them.

“Do you want to sit up for a little longer, or are you ready to go back to bed?”

“I want to sit up some more. I feel good sitting up. Just leave me to my thoughts for a little while, Brandon. I’ll be fine in here.”

“Okay, I’ll check on you in an hour. If you need me before then, just call out. I’ll be in the back washing clothes. They’ve sort of built up over the last few days,” he said with a rueful grin.

“Let me be sick for a few days, and you let the house go to the dogs.”

* * * *

Heather watched Brandon walk out of the living room and disappear around the kitchen wall. She could hardly believe what all he’d said. Still, it all made since in a twisted sort of way. She had said some nasty things to him, but he held a grudge and let it come between them. Could she forgive him of that? Could she erase the memory of him in the shower with his own hand around his cock? She just wasn’t sure.

She could hear Brandon in the other room running water, and smiled. He seemed so earnest in his claims to love her. But she really wasn’t convinced that it wasn’t because he felt guilty about what happened. Maybe he blamed himself for her running outside and getting mauled by the wolf. What if she agreed to forgive him and months or maybe years down the road he realized he didn’t love her?Could she handle that?

How did Bolton feel about all of it? She felt sure they had fought about it. Or did he even know what had happened? Now she doubted his love as well. What if they only cared about her because they were stuck with her? After all, they wouldn’t have had her if she hadn’t chosen their trailer to hide in.

Heather felt totally confused now. She began to doubt everything she thought she had known. Tears threatened to fall. She grabbed one of the tissues and blotted her eyes. She refused to cry now. It wouldn’t help anything. It wouldn’t help her make a decision that would affect them the rest of their lives. She felt the weight of everything sitting on her shoulders. She alone could decide their future, and it didn’t seem fair.

Bolton walked in the back door and headed straight for her with a smile on his face. He seemed genuinely pleased to see her.

“Hey, Heather. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.”

He frowned. “Are you getting tired? Do you want me to carry you back to bed?”

“No, I’m fine down here. It actually feels really good to be out of the bed.”

“I guess you’ve been talking with Brandon, then.”

“Yeah. We had our talk.” She swallowed and looked down in her lap.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m not sure, Bolton. I feel all confused inside now.” She sighed. “I just need some time to think.”

“We’ll give you all the time you need, baby. We just want you happy.” Bolton’s expression was careful.

Heather smiled a watery smile and held out her hand to him. When he took it, she squeezed it to let him know they were okay. Well, she hoped they were okay, anyway. She wasn’t sure what to believe anymore.

Brandon walked through the living area toward the stairs carrying a set of sheets. He nodded at Bolton.

“Need some help with those?” Bolton asked.

“Yeah, thanks. I’m going to change the sheets while she’s sitting up so they will be fresh when she lies back down.”

Bolton squeezed Heather’s hand one more time and smiled down at her.

“I’ll be right back. We’ll just be upstairs if you need anything.”

“I’m fine. I’m enjoying sitting here in front of the fire. It’s cozy.” She forced a bright smile for his benefit.

She looked up at where Brandon stood with one foot on the stairs. He looked so forlorn standing there, like a little boy left inside while the others got to play. She felt sorry for him for a few seconds, then hardened her heart and reminded herself she had a lot to think about.

Something of her feelings must have shown on her face, because he sighed and turned to walk up the stairs. With that, she felt a little guilty. She needed to make a decision, but there was no need to torture him. He’d admitted his mistake and subsequent actions. He professed to love her. Surely that went a long way in her forgiving him.

Bolton followed Brandon up the stairs, leaving her alone with her thoughts again. She wasn’t so sure that was a good thing. All she did was go around in circles in her head. Then she remembered something that was just as important. They were living together, no matter what happened. She had nowhere to go, and they didn’t either. She couldn’t separate two brothers, and couldn’t live with one without the other one being in the same house. She needed to carefully think about her feelings. It affected all three of them, not just her and Brandon. Bolton would be affected no matter what her decision turned out to be. That knowledge sat heavily on her shoulders. She didn’t want that power, because she held the power of devastation over all their lives.

Chapter Nine

Bolton grabbed Brandon’s arm as they walked into the bedroom and turned his brother toward him.

“Did you talk to her? About everything?”

“Yes.”

“And?” Bolton’s stomach clinched in anticipation of the outcome.

“She’s thinking about it. She doesn’t know if she can forgive me or not.”

“What are we going to do if she doesn’t?” Bolton ran a hand over his head.

“We can’t make her forgive me, Bolton. She feels whatever she feels.”

“But where does that leave us?”

“I’ll move into the next room. You will take care of her and love her like she deserves. I’ll always protect her and do whatever I can to keep her happy. There isn’t anything else we can do.”

“It won’t feel the same, Brandon. We’re a team, all three of us. You screwed up, but people make mistakes. All families screw up, but they stay together and work through it.” He helped Brandon pull the corners over the mattress. “I’ll talk to her.”

“No! Don’t put any pressure on her. She doesn’t deserve that.”

Bolton watched the misery cross his brother’s face before he covered it with a mask of determination. It broke his heart to know the two people he loved more than anything in the world were at odds. There had to be something he could do to mend the situation. Try as he might, though, he couldn’t come up with anything.

They finished making up the bed in silence. Brandon plumped the pillows one at a time. When he got to the one he used, he hesitated, then laid it back in its place. No doubt he was contemplating if he would be sleeping there much longer. It felt like a knife in his gut to know things might not turn out how he wanted them to.

He was angry with his brother for screwing up in the first place, and wanted to bust his ass for it, but he was his brother and he loved him. They were all human and made mistakes, some worse than others. Brandon’s had been a major breach of trust. No doubt Heather was feeling doubt now about how they felt about her. He included himself in that, because despite his having loved her all along, she would wonder if he only felt like he had to.

“She might not want either of us anymore,” Bolton said in a near whisper.

“Don’t think like that, Bolton. She’s in love with you, and won’t turn you away. You’ve been nothing but good to her, and treated her like a precious gift.”

“But did I have to do that, or did I really love her like that?”

“Are you doubting how you feel about her now? Because if you are, you’re a bigger fool than I was.”

“No, I know I love her. But what is she thinking?”

“She’s thinking that she loves you no matter what, and she isn’t sure about how she feels about me anymore.” Brandon gathered up the dirty sheets and headed out of the room toward the stairs.