Montana Dawn (23 page)

“Oh, Luke,” Faith said, playing with the buttons on his shirt. “I wish so many things could be different.”

“Like what?” He thought he knew what she was referring to. He’d bet it was the mess she was in at home and her resulting fear that kept her from him. He was still hopeful that she’d open up and share her past with him, but that didn’t matter so much anymore. He was banking on the future, on her actions, not on her words any longer. He was counting on the way her eyes went dark when she looked at him, the longing he could see in her face, her warm response when he kissed her. Those things a person couldn’t fake.

She shook her head and leaned into his embrace. “Just…things.”

He inhaled her scent and stroked her hair, committing its silky feel to memory for the days he’d be away. Between worrying over her running off and Brandon finding out unfavorable things, he’d be home in record time.

Faith looked up at him expectantly, her breath coming faster. He took her face in his hands and kissed her mouth briefly, softly, lingering for a moment. Then he gathered her against his chest and kissed her hard. His urgency surprised him, and he longed to carry her into his room across the hall and close out the world. Instead, he released her.

“You take good care of that peanut while I’m gone,” he said as he looked into her eyes. She nodded. “And if you need
anything, anything at all, you know you can go to any of the family. They love you.”

Again she nodded. Her face, even dark with despair, gladdened his heart. He couldn’t be wrong about her feelings. She was his. She just didn’t know it yet.

F
AITH
watched Luke ride out. Her mind screamed and pleaded, making every argument it could think of against his leaving. She didn’t voice any of them, and anguish, anger and heat ripped her insides apart. When he returned she’d be long gone. She wanted to fall to the ground and beat her fists against the hard, dusty ground for the unfairness of it all.

That day, the only thing that kept her from falling into a pit of despair was the fact that Joe Brunn rode in, greeting everyone with a cheerful hello. He had no idea that her heart was breaking, that her world was falling apart, that her life would never again be the same. He simply arrived with the news that the bridge was complete, which Faith took as just another indication that she had to get busy. She’d known all along she was going to have to leave Luke eventually, that her stay here was temporary. Well, “eventually” had reared its ugly head.

Joe planned to leave immediately. He intended to get to Priest’s Crossing just as soon as he could. He didn’t go into any details, but he let Faith know that if she still wanted it, he was happy to escort her. Now she had to find Ward and convince him to let her ride out with Joe before meeting him somewhere along the way.

She found Francis in the barn. It had been a while since she’d talked with the youth, and she gave him a little hug.

“Francis, it’s good to see you! How have you been?” she asked, causing his cheeks to color.

“Just fine, ma’am. And you?”

“I’ve been fine, too,” she lied. She felt anything but.

“What are ya doing out here?” He gestured to the barn.

“I came looking for you.”

His eyebrows rose.

Faith forced herself to relax. The last thing she wanted to do was arouse any suspicions. “I was wondering if you’d hitch my old wagon. I’m making a trip into Priest’s Crossing.”

Doubt flicked across his face. “You are? Does Luke know?” The boy’s loyalty to Luke was heartwarming.

“Why, yes he does.” Faith held out the telegram from Christine Meeks. “He knew I’d be going, but I wasn’t sure when Mr. Brunn would show up to take me. Well, Joe arrived today and wants to set out as soon as I can be ready.”

Francis glanced at the note. “You sure?” When she nodded, he said, “It’ll be ready by the time you’re packed.”

“Thank you, Francis,” she said.

Turning, she saw Ward in the barn doorway, leaning on his crutch. He smiled as she approached. “Thought I saw you going into the barn.”

His appraising gaze made her skin crawl, and it also fanned a flame of anger that was slowly burning inside her. This poor excuse of a human being, this lowlife who preyed on creatures weaker than he was, who caused pain and devastation without thought to the lives that would be destroyed, was ripping her world apart. That’s just what she felt like doing to him.

“I’m getting ready to leave, Ward.”

His face turned ugly. “What do you mean? You ain’t going nowhere without me.” His unflinching gaze filled her with a sense of foreboding.

“You told me to think up a plan so the McCutcheons wouldn’t question my leaving, and I have. Do you want to hear
it?” she asked, gathering her courage. “Or not!” Even this tiny bit of defiance made her feel good.

“My, aren’t you the sassy one.” He stepped closer. “Just what did you have in mind?”

Faith lowered her voice so Francis, who’d set about gathering harnesses, wouldn’t hear. “If the children and I ride out of here with you, everyone is going to know something is up. That in some way you forced me to go. No one is going to let that happen.” She paused, glancing around to see if anyone was watching them.

“Go on.”

“It will be much more convincing if I leave with Joe Brunn, a friend of the family who offered to take me to Priest’s Crossing to work for his sister. You wait for us on the road. Since he doesn’t know you, when I tell him I’ve changed my mind and want to go home with you he’ll think nothing of it.”

She held her breath as Ward mulled over what she’d just suggested. Finally he nodded. “Fine. Even though I’d like to make that high and mighty Luke McCutcheon eat crow as he watches you ride away with me, this does make more sense. And since Luke will know you’re with this other fellow, this friend that he trusts…What did you say his name was?”

“Mr. Brunn.”

“Since he thinks you’re with Brunn, he won’t come looking.” Ward tossed down his crutch. “I’m leaving as soon as I get my horse. I’ll see you, Faith, honey, on the road to Priest’s Crossing. Don’t keep me waiting long.”

Faith realized as Ward strode away, just a slight limp slowing him down, that he didn’t know that Luke had already left.

As she made her way back to the house, she heard her name called. Turning, she saw Amy waving to her and running in her direction, eyes glowing and step light.

“Faith,” the young woman said, taking Faith’s hands in her own while struggling to catch her breath. Her joy was contagious, making Faith forget her problems for the time being. “I
still can’t believe it. You were right. The other night I got the courage up to go home and start talking with Mark. At first he didn’t want to discuss anything and avoided me all the more. But I didn’t give up. I wanted to be strong like you, so I followed him around and just kept talking. I talked up a storm. You would have been proud of me.” She squeezed Faith’s hand. “The more I told him how I felt, the easier it got.”

“Why, Amy, that’s wonderful.” Faith hugged her. “I’m very happy for you.”

“But that’s not all. After I told him that I was sorry for losing our baby, for getting in the family way, for forcing him to marry me, he opened up, too. He’s been thinking that I was sorry for marrying him. Without the baby, he thought I didn’t want to be his wife anymore. Can you believe how silly we both were?”

Faith was shocked how much her friend had changed. With her long hair and shining eyes, her cheeks tinted prettily pink, Amy was beautiful, love radiating from every inch of her.

“So,” Faith asked, “things are better then?”

“Everything’s wonderful. It’s just like when we first met and Mark was coming into town almost every other day to see me. We couldn’t stand to be away from each other for more than a few hours. That’s how it is now.” She laughed and twirled around. Moving closer, she whispered, “Sometimes he comes home in the middle of the day.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “I just love him so much.” She linked her arm through Faith’s. “Let’s go have a cup of tea.”

Faith shook her head. “I can’t. I’m packing.”

“What?” The girl pulled back in dismay. “What do you mean, you’re packing? Where are you going?”

“To Priest’s Crossing. I’ve a job waiting for me,” Faith said quietly.

“What about Luke? I know you have feelings for him, and Mark says Luke’s in love with you. You can’t go.”

Oh, the unfairness of it was enough to make her start crying and never stop. She hadn’t killed Samuel, hadn’t been
mean and ugly to him though he’d treated her like an animal. Would she have to pay for marrying him for the rest of her life?

Flood and Joe’s laughter emanated from inside the house, which reminded Faith she had to get moving. Joe wanted to leave as soon as possible. She didn’t want to anger him before they even got started.

She gave Amy’s hand a squeeze. “Don’t be upset with me on my last day here. Come and help me pack my things. You can hold Dawn while I gather my belongings.”

F
AITH
looked over at Amy, who sat forlornly in the corner of the big bedroom holding Dawn. Mrs. McCutcheon had found the two girls packing in Faith’s room and wanted to know what was going on. For the past half hour she’d been trying to talk Faith out of leaving.

The woman wrapped Faith in her arms and held her close. “Are you sure there’s
nothing
I can do or say to make you change your mind…just until Luke returns? I know he’s going to be extremely unhappy when he learns that you’ve left without saying good-bye.”

Faith closed her eyes and enjoyed the comfort of the woman’s embrace. She smelled of roses, and her arms were warm and soft. Oh, how she’d longed for someone just like this all her life. Her heart throbbed painfully in her chest. This was the mother she’d dreamed about all those lonely years on that godforsaken farm.

Determinedly, she pulled herself together. “I’m very sure. He’ll understand. Besides, Luke knew I was going soon and he left anyway.” She marveled at how confident her lie sounded.
“So you see”—Faith shrugged—“he’s probably relieved that I’m finally on my way.”

Mrs. McCutcheon shook her head in disbelief.

“Please.” Faith reached into her satchel and drew out a sealed envelope. “Would you give this to him?” Faith handed Luke’s mother a small brown envelope.

The older woman smiled, her expression a bit wobbly. “Of course I will. I keep trying to remind myself that it’s not like you’re going far, far away. Why, Priest’s Crossing is a lovely town! I’m sure we’ll see each other from time to time, and once Luke gets here he’ll spirit you back before we even start to miss you.”

“You mustn’t let him come after me.” The fear of him learning that she was with Ward was just too much. Too hurtful. She wouldn’t be able to bear it if she thought he’d know the truth. “I need to do this, to take care of myself and my children on my own for a while. I need to prove to myself that I can.”

“You, my dear, are just about as stubborn as Luke himself.” Mrs. McCutcheon plastered on a smile. “No wonder he’s so taken with you. You’re kindred spirits. If you’re set on going and you’re sure there’s nothing I can do or say to change your mind, then I have a few things I’d like to send along with you.” Seeming to read Faith’s mind, she patted her hand. “And don’t worry about Joe leaving without you. He won’t go until I’m good and ready to let him.” She hurried out of the room with the note Faith had given her, promising to be back in a few minutes.

“That’s about the last of it.” Faith finished stuffing her things into the old trunk that had made the trip all the way with her from Nebraska. It seemed a lifetime ago since Luke had carried it in, setting it on the stand by the window. Each morning she’d gathered the things she needed from it as she looked out on the most beautiful view she could ever remember seeing.

Colton bolted into the room. He was dusty from head to toe and sheer panic was written on his little face. “Ma,” he
cried, “why is our wagon out front and getting loaded with stuff? Are we goin’ somewhere?”

This was the lie she hated most of all. When Colton found out the truth, he’d never forgive her. He’d probably never trust her again. No matter how logical she made it sound to go back to the farm, he’d never understand.

“We’re moving on to Priest’s Crossing. We have someone to take us now, so we can’t wait.”

“But Ma,” he said defiantly, “I like it here. And so do you. Let’s stay. I don’t want to move anymore.” The desperation in his voice ripped at her insides. His hand reached out and grasped her skirt, clinging with a vengeance. “Please, Ma!”

“We can’t stay, Colton. We were only visiting. Now run into the next room and put your things into your knapsack. Hurry now, we can’t keep Mr. Brunn waiting.”

Colton backed out of the room, disbelief and anger clouding his face. He shook his head. “I don’t want to go. I
don’t.
Luke said I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to. I don’t want to!” He ran from the room, slamming the door behind him.

At the loud bang, Dawn woke up and started crying. Amy approached and handed Faith the infant. It was apparent that the baby wanted to eat. “You take her now, Faith,” she said. “I have something at home I want to give you. Don’t you dare leave until I get back. You promise?”

“I won’t.”

“I’ll be back quick.” Amy hurried from the room, too, and Faith soon heard her footsteps on the stairs.

Sitting in the chair by the window, she slowly unbuttoned her dress and placed the crying infant to her breast, but the comfort that nursing the baby usually brought eluded her. Her mind raced ahead to her coming time with Ward. Dread was pitted in her stomach, fear making her skin crawl. How long, she wondered, until he felt he could take her body like Samuel had? How long?

After suckling for a moment, Dawn tossed her head to the
side, fussing. Whimpering, she latched on again, sucking hard. Faith winced. The baby kicked her little legs in protest. Her frustrated mouth formed an O as she cried around Faith’s nipple.

Distressed, Faith looked down. “What is it, sweetheart? What’s wrong?” The hot prickling that usually accompanied feeding time hadn’t been present, and Faith realized that her milk had not let down. She had to relax somehow, think of something nice.

Closing her eyes, she drifted back to that morning on the bluff: the warm sun on her skin, the hawk flying high above her head…She held her breath, recalling the feeling she’d got as Luke gazed into her face with his dark, expressive eyes, questions written on his face that he’d never ask.

She was sure now that he loved her. She didn’t need to hear the words from his lips, for she could read them in his eyes every time he looked at her. Warm tingles careened through her body at the thought. Her breasts prickled. Dawn latched on for all she was worth, nursing greedily.

This would be the last time she fed her baby here in this spot. She looked around the room, taking in every detail so that she could remember them once she was back on the farm. Back with Ward and his father.

There was a light tap on her door.

“Who is it?” she called.

“Francis, ma’am. I’ve come for your things.”

“One moment, please.” Faith grabbed a clean cloth and draped it over her shoulder, hiding the nursing infant. “You can come in now.”

Francis stepped in, accompanied by Smokey. The men kept their eyes trained far from Faith. Without a word they hoisted the trunk up on Smokey’s shoulder, and he hustled out of the room. Francis gathered her odds and ends, knapsack and anything else he could find. He quietly closed the door and left.

Colton was doing his best not to cry, but Faith could see the wet streaks on his cheeks that he kept wiping away. He stood behind Joe Brunn, who sat in the seat next to her, long leather reins in his gloved hands. Tied behind the wagon was Joe’s horse, along with Firefly, Colton’s little mare. Flood had assured Faith that a man needed his horse, and it wasn’t like they didn’t have a few to spare around the ranch.

Everyone in the family had come to see them off. Rachel and Matt, holding little Beth, stood with Mark and Amy, Mrs. McCutcheon and Flood. Charity was on her horse and planned to ride along for a while.

“You be sure to get time off around the holidays so you can come and visit,” Mrs. McCutcheon said. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

Faith held Dawn close as she forced a smile. “I will.” Another lie. They’d all hate her when they learned she’d gone off with Ward. After everything they’d done for her, that’s how she would repay them, by throwing it all in their faces.

And Luke. She couldn’t think of him. Every time she tried, her heart froze up and nothing seemed to matter. But, no. Her children were what mattered. Nothing else.

“Good-bye, Joe,” Matt called. “Take good care of your cargo. You don’t want to have my little brother on your tail.”

“Little brother. I wouldn’t call him that.” Joe barked out a laugh. “I am a tad worried about when he gets home. Tell him I didn’t coerce her into going. He already thinks I’m after her.”

Faith felt heat rise to her cheeks but kept the smile plastered on her face. “Thank you, Amy, for the gift.” Faith held up the pretty bonnet that Amy had gone to get her. “It’s charming.”

“That’s so you don’t forget me,” the girl said shakily. She turned into her husband’s arms and started crying.

Rachel’s eyes met Faith’s meaningfully as she brought Beth to her lips and kissed the baby’s cheek. “Thank you,” she mouthed.

“Haw,” Joe shouted to the horses, slapping the reins over their backs. “Get up.”

A chorus of good-byes rose. Tears were wiped from sad faces and wobbly smiles bloomed all around. The jingling of the harness and squeaking of the wagon wheels drowned out most of what was being called out.

The cumbersome wagon turned, making a wide circle and pulling up alongside the bunkhouse. Word had spread, and the hands who weren’t far from the ranch house had come in from their duties to say their farewells. Stepping off the porch, they walked single file past Faith’s side of the wagon.

Francis was first to step forward, a bashful smile on his face. “Good-bye, ma’am. I’m sure gonna miss you and Colton and little Miss Dawn.”

Faith smiled in return but couldn’t find words. Francis seemed to understand that she was too choked up to speak, and he moved aside to make way for Smokey.

The wrangler spat and wiped his mouth. “Sorry about that rattler. I hope you ain’t got hard feelin’s ’bout it.”

Faith couldn’t stop her smile as she remembered the day she’d fainted onto Francis’s lap. “Of course I forgive you. I was never angry about that.” The smile that split Smokey’s face made her laugh. He turned away, lightness in his step.

Pedro was next. His dark eyes were somber as he waited for his turn to say good-bye. “
Adios, senora.
May the Lord go with you,
sí,
” he said in his accented English. He made the sign of the cross, then kissed his fingertips.

Chance and Lucky were the only two left, and Faith didn’t know if she’d be able to get through without breaking down. Taking out her damp hankie, she wiped at the corner of her eyes, willing herself to stay in control. Her chest felt as heavy as a load of bricks, and her eyes burned.

Chance, in his charmingly shy way, stepped forward and took her hand. His eyes were unreadable. “Good-bye, Faith.” Her name, without the Miss attached, spoken softly in his
slight Texan accent, felt like a caress. Surprise filled her as she realized that it was how he intended it to sound.

“I’ll miss you more than you’ll know.” He gazed into her eyes more boldly than he’d ever done. “You take care of yourself and baby Dawn. All of us here, in some small way, feel like her pa. If you ever need anything at all…” That was all he could get out; he quickly turned and walked away. After a few steps he turned back, hope shining in his eyes. “I’m coming to Priest’s Crossing next month.”

She whispered his name so softly that she doubted he heard. These men were the most wonderful friends she’d ever had in her life. When she was sad, they’d cheered her up. When happy, their eyes danced with shared merriment. Homesick, they’d sing her a song. She didn’t want to leave! Maybe she hadn’t tried hard enough to outsmart Ward. What if she’d just told Luke the truth? Would he have been able to help her?

Lord,
her mind screamed out,
don’t send us back to Samuel’s father. Please!

“Don’t look so sad, missy,” Lucky said. Faith could tell he was wrestling with his feelings. “Can I hold her fer one minute?” he asked, gesturing to the baby. As she handed over the blanket-wrapped child, he marveled and played with a golden puff of her hair. “She sure is still such a little thing.”

“Thank you, Lucky—for everything.”

He looked up, startled.

“Don’t look so surprised. You helped me beyond measure, even standing up to Luke when he was angry with me. I’ll never forget you.”

“Don’t talk like I ain’t never gonna see ya again. We’ve got a bet goin’ on how long it’ll take Luke to cart you back once he gets his tail end home.” He handed Dawn up and gave her a wink. “I’ll be seein’ ya soon.”

But, he wouldn’t. He’d never see her again. Ward would see to that. This was the last time in her life she’d be with any of these people. And what about Colton? She looked back at his
dejected little face. Heartbreak was written there plainly for all to see.

Joe looked over. “You sure you want to go?”

“I’m sure,” she said.

“Then we best be on our way. Good-bye, everyone,” the builder called, waving.

“Good-bye!” The clamor went up again. “Be good, Colton. Good-bye, Faith. Take care of the children. We’ll miss you. See you at Thanksgiving. Take good care of Firefly.”

That was all she could take; Faith’s manufactured smile crumpled and with a sob she buried her face in her handkerchief and cried. Nothing mattered anymore. She didn’t care what Joe thought of her.

Luke? She hadn’t even been able to tell him good-bye. Not really. Her love. He’d asked her to wait for him, not to run off before he got back. Here she was, leaving on the very same day.

Thinking of the note she’d left with Mrs. McCutcheon made her wince, and grief surged within her so strong she thought she just might swoon. Joe reached over and laid his hand comfortingly on her back. On she sobbed, regretting, regretting, regretting. Forcing herself to write a note that would be sure to keep him from trailing her was the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life. She’d been cruel. So cruel that it took her breath away. But she’d had to be. Under no circumstances did she want Luke coming after her. She wouldn’t be able to stand to see the look on his face if he found her with Ward. It was better if he learned the truth later from Joe, months afterward she hoped. By then he probably would have forgotten she’d ever come into his life.

Atop a bluff, Charity reined to a stop. “Good-bye,” she called, waving. “I’ll see you soon.” Her hair was loose and blowing in the soft breeze, and she wore the buckskin clothes she’d worn the first night Faith met her.

Faith and Colton waved back. Faith was thankful for one thing: she might be leaving, but she was taking Ward away.
She’d never forgive herself if he’d done anything to compromise Charity. Thank heaven it hadn’t happened already. Faith knew firsthand just how attractive the Browns could be, with their charming ways and handsome faces. And as deadly as scorpions.