Moon Racer (28 page)

To those who didn't know him, his voice might
have sounded tranquil, but he was anything but
calm. His blue eyes were sharp and stabbing.

"Is this dance taken?"

Her next dance partner, a lieutenant, had just
walked up to her and stood waiting. "I... yes, it is."

His gaze went to the young officer. "You will not
mind forgoing this dance, will you, Harrison?"

"No, sir. I mean, not if you-"

"That will be all," Jonah said in a dismissive tone.

When he turned back to Abby, his eyes dared her
to reject his offer to dance.

She stepped into his arms, and she had the feeling
it was where she belonged. As his gloved hand slid
around her waist, and the other one gripped her
hand, she closed her eyes, wondering why she felt
like crying, and at the same time felt like a wilted
rose that could not hold itself upright.

Her head drifted toward his shoulder, where she
wanted to lay it. What would his reaction be if she
committed such an outrageous act? she wondered.
As sanity returned, she jerked herself stiffly upright,
thinking she must be losing her mind.

"I watched all night as other men held you, made
you laugh. I watched them line up, hoping for a
chance to dance with you. Did you enjoy torturing
me?"

"I didn't... they weren't-"

"Didn't you? Weren't they?"

His words wound their way through her mind and
through her body, forging a path of warmth and
torment. She had to fight against the power he was ex uding over her. When she attempted to wrest her
hand free of his grasp, he held it fast.

"You should not be saying such things to me,"
she whispered, so stunned by what was happening
between them that she could not find her full voice.
"Please don't say any more."

His voice was gentle but commanding. Abby
could feel the tension in him. "I can't seem to help
myself."

All the fight went out of her. She could smell the
wonderful spicy scent of him when his chin touched
her forehead.

He whispered against her ear, and the sound of
his voice seemed to fill her whole being. "Since I
first looked into your eyes, Abby, I have been
caught in your spell."

Abby struggled to find her voice, and when she
spoke it was breathless, as if she had been running a
great distance. "Please, no."

Jonah's gaze fell on Abby's mouth and stayed
there for so long that she felt as if he had physically
kissed her. He took a deep breath and let it out
slowly, and it seemed to Abby that she could hear
his heart hammering against his chest.

Her throat choked tight when he touched his cheek
to hers. "I want to touch your spirit and make it mine.
I'm jealous of every look you get from other men."

She swallowed' twice' before she could answer.
"Please don't hold me so close." She swallowed
again. "And think of Patricia."

"Don't you think I know I'm hurting her?" he
whispered, his breath stirring against her ear. "Do you want to hear how my heart is so filled with you
that I can't see other women, not even the one I'm
supposed to marry?"

Heat burned through her, and the uneasiness
receded, just like the ebbing of a frothy wave. She
raised her head and met his gaze, then quickly
lowered it when she saw the fierceness in his eyes.
His words whispered through her mind, and he
didn't miss a step as he released her hand and tilted
her chin up to him.

"I can never have you again-you can never be
mine."

She glanced across the room at Patricia, who
seemed to be deep in conversation with one of the
officers' wives.

"Don't worry, Abby," he said, when he saw
where her attention was directed. "I will marry
Patricia and make sure she never has reason to
regret it, but tonight I am saying good-bye to you."

She had never felt such pain.-"Yes."

"I'll never forget how it felt to make love to you,
Abby. God help me, I have had visions of a
daughter with your green eyes and your wild spirit."
He lowered his voice to whisper against her ear, "I
want to fill you with strong sons, and when they
grow older, let them decide for themselves if they
want a military career."

She tried to hold her head up, but it was so heavy.
She refused to cry, but she wanted to. "No, Jonah. I
can't stand any more."

"What you said to me in the barn that day wasn't
right. Tell me you don't believe that."

"It wasn't true."

The dance ended, and Abby became aware of
other voices around her. She forced her steps to
match Jonah's as he led her across the dance floor.

He whispered near her ear, "I beg you to forgive
my actions tonight. I did no honor to you or
Patricia." He squeezed her hand. "I just can't seem
to find the way to say good-bye to you."

Patricia had watched Jonah and Abby dancing
together, and she knew they loved each other. She
knew them both well enough to see they were
denying their own hearts because they didn't want
to hurt her.

She had to do something about the situation, and
she had to do it that very night!

"Miss Van Dere," Grant said, coming up to her.
"Is this dance taken?"

She was grateful for the tall ranger's appearance.
"No, it isn't."

He held his arms out to her. "Then I'm a lucky
man."

He was a good dancer and easy to follow. She was
silent for a moment, as if she were judging him, and
then she asked, "How well do you know Abby?"

"I've known her since she was small."

"She is in love with Jonah."

He was quiet for a moment, and then he said, "I
know. But you don't need to worry. Jonah will
marry you."

She - looked up at him. "That would be the
problem. You see, Jonah loves her, too."

He smiled sadly, feeling pity for her. She was a
breathtaking woman, and yet she was losing Jonah,
and she knew it. "What are you going to do about
it?"

"Let him go."

He nodded. "It won't be easy. I know-I had to
step aside, too."

"You love Abby?"

"Almost." He smiled down at her. "But I could
probably love a beautiful woman with the brightest,
bluest eyes I have ever seen."

She stared at the handsome ranger, whose teasing
had already made her feel better. And he was easy
to talk to. "I believe I love the thought of being
married to Jonah more than I love Jonah."

"What would you do if I should show up on your
doorstep in Philadelphia one day?"

She blushed when he stared into her eyes, and
she felt positively giddy. "I would invite you in and
then have to fight off all the females who would vie
for a place at your side," she answered, a little
breathless. She had never thought of any man
except Jonah. But this ranger had made her see that
she could feel emotions with another man. She
could certainly feel the pull of this ranger's charm.

Jonah played his part as host as his guests began to
take their leave. Dutifully Patricia stood beside him,
grave and pale. He felt a sudden rush of pity for
her-she deserved so much better than he had given
her so far. But he would make it up to her after they
were married.

"The general is having a jovial time speaking to
everyone in the room."

"Yes, it would seem so." But Patricia was
watching Abby, who was surrounded by people and
charming them into laughter.

Patricia touched his shoulder. "I wonder if I
might have a moment alone with you when the
guests have all gone?"

He nodded. "Of course."

Jonah had escorted Patricia to his office, and she
now stood in front of the window that looked out on
the parade ground. He watched her for a moment
and went to her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?
Although I think I have already guessed."

She turned to him with a serious expression on
her pretty face. "I don't imagine you know what
I'm about to say."

He led her to a chair and sat down beside her.
"Suppose you tell me."

"is there anything you wish to say to me before I
begin?"

"No, Patricia. Unless you have something to
discuss about the wedding."

"Jonah," she said, staring at him, "there will be
no wedding, at least not between you and me."

He lowered his head for a moment, hating the
fact that he had hurt her. "I don't blame you for
being angry. I've behaved abominably."

She placed her small hand on his. "Jonah, it's my
fault for allowing this farce to go on as long as it
has. In all the time we have known each other, you
have never once told me you loved me."

He was not going to lie to her now... he never
had. "I certainly liked you better than any woman I
knew when I asked you to many me."

She smiled slightly. "How noble of you to
remember it that way, but you didn't ask me to
marry you-the real truth is, I forced a proposal out
of you."

"What do you mean?"

"The night just before you were to leave for
Arizona, you found me crying in the garden."

"Yes, I remember."

"I threw myself at you, professing my love for
you and exclaiming that my life would be desolate
without you." She stood up and walked back to the
window. "Jonah, being the kind of man you are,
you felt compelled to ask me to marry you. I knew
that then; I know it now."

"You don't want to marry me?"

She turned to him, her eyes sparkling with tears.
"No, I don't. I deserve better than what I would
have as your wife. I deserve a man who will love
me and look at me the way you looked at Abby
Hunter tonight. I want that kind of love from the
man I many."

He stood and started pacing the room, ashamed of
his ungracious conduct. "Patricia, I don't know what
love means. If you can find it in your heart to forgive
me for tonight, I will be a good husband to you."

"It's no good, Jonah. I have a feeling love is
eating away at your insides right now. I don't want
to stand in the way of your happiness and condemn
you to a life without love, or me to a husband who
doesn't love me."

He wished he could tell her that it had all been a
mistake, but he couldn't. "What do you want me to
do?"

She touched his hand and slid her arms around
his waist, laying her head on his shoulder. "Tell me
good-bye."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"I know that. You deserve to be happy, and so do
I.11

He held her away from him. "I am sorry this
happened. Forgive me."

~'Vou are forgiven. Abby is the right woman for
you. She is so full of life-she is gentle and kind,
spunky and stubborn. I wish I could be like her, but
I never could be." She took a step away from him.
"I have seen a change in you since you came to
Texas-you came alive here, but the vastness of
this place scares me. I want to go home, where my
life will be ordered and each day will be much like
the one before."

His eyes reflected a deep, piercing pain. "I don't
even know how Abby feels about me, Patricia."

She was startled by that admission. All the
women of their social circle in Philadelphia had
been in love with Jonah. He could have had any
woman he wanted. She had never seen him this
uncertain about any woman. "Neither of you has
confessed your love?"

"Of course not. Not love, exactly."

She realized something deep and meaningful had
happened between Jonah and Abby, but they had
pulled away from whatever it was because of her.
"In trying to do the noble thing, you both
turned your back on love. I will never settle for
anything less than the deepest love, and neither
should you."

He managed a smile. "I can think of half a dozen
men in Philadelphia who have already lost their
hearts to you."

She laughed softly. "I believe you might be right.
In any case, I will be leaving as soon as it can be
arranged. I suppose, for the sake of gossip, I should
reject you publicly before I leave."

"Are you sure, Patricia?"

"Yes"I am, and so are you."

"The man who wins you for his wife will be
fortunate indeed."

She moved to the door, and he walked beside her
to escort her back to his quarters. "Yes, he will." She
said with a glimmer of humor. "I'm quite a catch."

Patricia had expected to feel completely destroyed
when she gave Jonah his freedom, but she didn't.
She would miss him-what woman wouldn't? but
she was glad she had come to her senses. Perhaps it
was as she'd told Grant; she hadn't loved Jonah so
much as she loved the idea of being his wife.

They stopped at the door just as the guard on duty
called out the hour. "Do you want me to get Abby
for you?"

He hesitated, wishing he could have Abby in his
arms at that moment. Then he shook his head.

"No. It's late, and I still have paperwork waiting
for me."

She stood on her tiptoes and brushed a kiss on his
forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow."