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Twenty-Seven

Annalise

I’d been working at Lust for a couple of weeks and had seen a lot of James—at work, anyway. He liked the uniform on me and I had added a pink sort of dip-dye to the ends of my hair so that it was now purple and pink. It looked great and it went well with the uniform.

James had asked me out a couple of times and I had made excuses not to go, but I had a rare day off from my day job, with it being a Bank Holiday, and I wasn’t due in at Lust until 6:30 p.m., so James had asked if he could take me out for lunch. I had chosen one of my new favourite places, Kaffeinate. It was a lovely little café that overlooked a canal and a park over the other side of the water. It wasn’t a date, per se, but I was letting him take me out. I figured if I went out with him once, he might be persuaded to quit asking me. He’d realise that I was boring, and although we shared a similar taste in music, we probably didn’t have much else in common.

Before agreeing to go out with him, I had been upfront about my marriage. I told him we weren’t divorced, but had been separated for six months. It turned out James hadn’t noticed the rings on my finger before and I had taken them off before each shift at the bar because they were worth a lot of money and I didn’t want anything to happen to them. He was pissed off on my behalf that Drake had left me with no reason. That was the one thing I had told him.

James was already inside when I arrived at Kaffeinate. He waved me over to the booth where he was sat with two mugs on the table.

“Hey, I figured you looked like a latte kind of girl,” he said as I took the seat opposite him.

“Anything with caffeine and nice and hot on such a cold day,” I replied as I shrugged my coat off.

“You look good, as always.”

“Thanks.”

He was good with compliments, which was always a good thing. It was always nice to know that someone found you attractive. Even for someone who isn’t vain in the least, it was always a boost to the ego.

“So, are you planning on eating?” he asked as he perused the menu in front of us.

“Maybe just a panini or something light. I’m not overly hungry.”

The truth was, I was starving, but I have never liked eating in front of people, especially virtual strangers. Even though I’ve shared a drink with James and seen him around work, it would be a while longer before I ate in front of him.

“Sounds good. I have the gym later before work, so I can’t eat too much.”

“I’m at Lust. Unusual for a Monday, I admit, but they asked me to come in so I’ll be there.”

“Oh yeah, it’s some kind of Ladies’ Night
.
Is that normal for a Bank Holiday there?”

“Not normally, no. They’re trying something new. They even made a special cocktail list.”

So that’s why I’d been brushing up on how to make cocktails that I’d never heard of before.

“Oh, right. Well, I’m there as usual for a Monday.”

“I’ve had to make a whole new playlist, something that appeals to the female audience. It’ll be good to see you there. You always brighten my shift.”

I felt a blush creep across my cheeks. James wasn’t backwards in coming forwards. He said things as they were. I liked that.

“I’ll go and place our order if you know what you’re having,” I said to try and do something to escape him seeing me blush under his stare.

I went up to the counter and placed our order and got us another coffee. I turned round and nearly spilled coffee all over the person next to me.

“I’m sorry, I should look where I’m going,” I said as I looked towards the girl next to me.

“Oh don’t worry. Not a drop was spilled, and anyway, my daughter has done worse before.” The laugh that came from her was soft and sweet.

“Still, let me get you a coffee to apologise.”

“That’s very sweet, but I’m grabbing a coffee for myself and a friend.”

“Oh, well, if you come in here regularly, I’ll get you one next time I see you. I think I’ve seen you around.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen you here before. I’m Amelia,” she said, as she offered her hand for me to shake before realising both my hands were full.

“I’m Anna. It’s nice to meet you. Sorry again for my clumsiness.”

“It’s no biggie, don’t sweat it.”

The smile that graced her lips lit up the whole room. She was a very striking looking woman, one who could command attention simply by entering a room.

“Well, I’d better get back to my friend,” I said as I moved out of the way so she could place her own order.

“Sure. I’ll see you around, Anna.”

I smiled and headed back to James. I told him about my near miss and he laughed at me.

“It wouldn’t have been funny if I’d spilled scalding coffee on the poor woman,” I said seriously.

“No, you’re right. Sorry,” he said as he tried to stifle another giggle.

I looked around the room for Amelia to point her out to James and that was when the bottom fell out of my world.

James tried to get my attention, but my focus was on a table in the corner of the room.

“Hey!” he said as he waved his hand up and down in front of my face.

“Sorry,” I replied as I snapped my attention back to him momentarily.

“That woman, Amelia, she’s here with—”

Suddenly my throat constricted and I couldn’t speak his name. How could he be here? And he was with an absolutely stunning looking woman. Had he moved on from me so effortlessly? It looked that way from the way she placed her hand on his arm and threw her head back in laughter.

“Anna?”

I wanted to get up and leave, but I was rooted to the spot. She’d said she had a kid. Was that the reason he’d left? He’d cheated and got another woman pregnant and he either loved her or he felt obligated to be around for his daughter? My world was not making sense.

My stomach lurched violently and I ran to the toilet. I got to the stall with just enough time to lock it behind me before I threw up. I sat on the floor with a piece of tissue in my hand. I wiped at my mouth and flushed the chain. The stench of vomit in the air was making my stomach roil. I couldn’t be sure I wasn’t going to be sick again so I sat still and wrapped my arms around myself as I felt tears rush down my cheeks. It was like someone had turned a tap on and as much as I tried to dab them away with tissue, the tears kept coming.

How could this happen? How could this be real? Maybe it was just my imagination. I closed my eyes and pictured the man Amelia had been sat with. His hair was slightly longer now and it curled a little. His physique had changed a bit, like he’d been working out. But there was no mistaking my husband for any other man. I’d been with him for seven years and knew every contour of his face, his body with my eyes closed.

When I felt my stomach settle slightly, I walked back out into the café as quietly as I could.

“I’m sorry, James, I have to go,” I all but whispered as I got back to the booth.

I grabbed my coat and bag, threw them over my shoulder, and made my escape.

***

Back home, I locked the door and closed the curtains. It might only be morning, but I needed to shut the world out. I sent a quick text to Meghan asking her to fetch Ayden from school as I was feeling unwell and she said she’d take him back to hers to have his tea to give me the day to myself. I felt bad about not picking him up myself, but I’d rather he didn’t have to see his mom in such a state. He would only get upset and I didn’t want that. After thanking her for the offer, I turned my phone off, unplugged the house phone, and threw myself down on the couch.

Curled up in a ball, I sobbed my eyes out until there were no more tears. I don’t know how long I lay there but it felt like a lifetime. Every time I closed my eyes, I was assaulted by a memory. One in particular stood out:

Our morning had only just begun and already the place was a mess of makeup and hairdressers’ stuff, and the room was feeling humid and sweaty from all the women in there. Meghan was helping Lynne with her makeup and Leanne was helping with mine. Ayden was getting ready with his daddy, but he sent me a photo of his tuxedo from Drake’s phone. He looked gorgeous and I couldn’t wait to see him at the church.

The hairdresser fiddled with my hair for a while after Leanne was happy with my makeup. I didn’t mind how my hair was styled. As long as it suited my face, I wasn’t too bothered. She curled it, and although she pulled some pieces back from my face, she left the curls cascading down my back. I’d had it dyed red again a couple of days previously so I didn’t have roots showing on the photos.

Meghan announced it was time to get into my dress, so I did as I was told. I smiled at Meghan and the others as they helped me step into the gown. It was beautiful in its simplicity. It wasn’t anything designer. I wasn’t bothered by Vera Wang or whoever else designed these things. I had chosen this one because it accentuated my curves but not in a vulgar way. It actually hid more flesh than it left on show. The sweetheart neckline was scattered with little diamantes. It was floor-length with a long train and the only pop of colour was the purple ribbon I had asked to be used in the back of the corset type bodice. The original dress had a matching ribbon, but I wanted colour.

Lynne handed me my bouquet of deep purple calla lilies and the hairdresser placed my veil in the back of my hair. I stepped into my shoes, the only real expensive item I had chosen for the day. Every girl wants to feel beautiful and elegant on her special day and I was no different, so I had ordered a pair of Jimmy Choo’s. They felt like I was walking on clouds.

I took one last look in the mirror and was pleased with what I saw. The girls all cooed and said how stunning I looked. I was appreciative of their words, but I was more bothered what Drake would think. I couldn’t wait to see him and Ayden. It had been too long already, even though I had kissed them both goodnight last night before they went to stay at Lynne’s house with Dennis and Jack, all the boys together.

Taking one last deep breath, I stepped out of the front door. The girls followed behind and we got into the wedding cars. They were pretty retro cars and looked super cool. We set off on our brief journey and I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

Upon arriving, Dennis had stepped up and taken place beside me. He was like a father to me and I couldn’t think of anyone I would rather have to give me away. Pride shone in his eyes as he looked me over.

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

We walked down the aisle towards his eldest son as he stood there with his best man, Jack, and our ring-bearer, Ayden. Tears burned at the back of my eyes but I took a deep breath and blinked harshly to keep them from falling. I would not ruin my makeup.

Drake and I said our vows and were pronounced husband and wife. Then came the best part. He took me in his arms and kissed me deeply, unafraid—for once—to show affection in front of the people in the room.

My heart felt fuller than it ever had. It overflowed with love. I loved my new family. I loved my son. And I loved my new husband as much as any woman could love a man.

I was pulled from my memories by the urge to be sick once more. I felt weak, like every movement hurt my body. Deciding I couldn’t show up for work in such a mess, I went and got in the shower. Putting the water on its highest setting, I stood beneath the spray and let it wash away the pain.

***

Turning up for my shift, I put my bag in my locker, took a look in the mirror that was on the door, then slammed it closed. I wasn’t in the mood for a Ladies’ Night, or even for any company at all. I’d popped round to Meghan’s house to collect Ayden and drop him off with his Nan for the evening. I hadn’t seen him for long, but he knew I had to work. I’d hated leaving him and wanted nothing more than to call in sick and spend the evening snuggled on the couch with him. But I really needed the money. I hadn’t asked Meghan or Lynne about Drake…I didn’t want to know if they’d heard from him or seen him and I didn’t want to mention seeing him myself. It didn’t seem like he’d noticed me, so I really didn’t want to bring the subject up. If they hadn’t heard from him, it would probably only hurt them more to know he was back from wherever he’d been these last six months.

Pouring cocktails took my mind off my own situation and when I got a break, I went to the DJ booth to apologise to James for walking out on him. I decided to tell him the truth, lying wouldn’t get me anywhere.

“I’m so sorry, James,” I said as I placed a glass of ice-cold Pepsi on the table.

“I tried to call but kept getting your answer machine,” he replied as he picked up his drink.

“I turned my phone off.”

I didn’t know how to get through the next sentence, so I took some deep breaths to steady my nerves. I kept playing with the finger where my rings would sit if I wasn’t at work.