More Than Enough (18 page)

I towel dried my hair once I got out and used a little of mom’s makeup to help me not look like I’ve been constantly crying. Shit. I don’t think I had it this bad over Trevor.
No, I didn’t have it this bad. I stayed numb the whole time with Trevor and with Luke; I felt every single ounce of pain. No one should have to feel this kind of pain. Love hurts like hell and now I am nothing but all alone in this crazy world because of one person’s selfishness.

Mom was still sleeping as I crept back to my room. Being in this room suddenly didn’t bother me anymore. I guess time does heal all things. I
couldn’t just sit still though, too many memories would creep into my head and I needed to get my mind off Luke no matter how bad I just wanted to keep him there. I put my shoes on and spotted the ear buds lying on my dresser. I grabbed the phone and plugged them in and turned on the music player.

Once I got outside, I stretched my legs then took off running. I hadn’t run in four years but it felt like I never st
opped. I listened as I blasted ‘Madness’ by Muse on repeat, running as if my life depended on it. I just ran, with no direction in particular.

I felt my phone vibrate from a message and looked to see Paul had made good on his promise. “I’m just waking up and wanted to check on you Grace.”

I smiled and slowed down to a brisk walk to answer. “I am fine Will :) just out for a run to ease my mind.”

“You’re crazy girl. I’ll ttyl”

I responded with a smiley face then began running again. I ran about two miles in one direction and then slowed down again to walk. It was almost ten now. I really wanted to text Luke or call him but I was so scared. I really figured that by now he would have made some sort of effort to call me or text me and at least really hear me out. I hate over thinking things, it’s not good for me at all and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Did he ever really love me? Should I have seen some sort of sign that he would have left me like this? Would he have left me at Halley’s wedding if he hadn’t seen Trevor last night? Did he seriously want to marry me or was it some spur of the moment thing because we’d been drinking? Gah, my mind is spinning and it’s not helping my situation at all.

This was so unlike the Trevor incident where I was the one hurt and refused to talk to him. The roles had been switched and I absolutely hated it. As the sun got situated in the sky, the heat began to intensify. I reached in my pocket to find the five dollar bill I had left
from last night and made my way across to the gas station.

A bottle of water later and I felt like a new woman. I sat there for a few minutes just thinking some more. That was all I could do. Shit. I needed to call Halley and let her know what happened. She would kill me
if she heard I was here and I wasn’t the one to tell her but then again, who would tell her? Gary didn’t even know where I was. I tapped her name and then hit call.

“Hello?” She answered really groggy. I almost forgot how fucked up she got last night.
The last I saw of her was when I made sure she got into the limo before all hell broke loose. I wanted to kick myself in the ass for not getting into that limo with her. Good thing I waited until now to call her.

“Hey Hales how you feeling this morning?” I took a sip of my water and it felt so cool and refreshing.

“Ugh, I’ve been better. My head is pounding but I haven’t thrown up again. I got a text from Crystal and Reina that they made it home.”

“Good, they were fun.”

“Hey do you want to come over later and help me get my list together for the DJ? Oh hey can you sing a song too while Marcus and I have our first dance? I know I’m so late on asking since it’s in a week.”

Here came the part where I had to tell her I wasn’t even home. And that Luke wouldn’t even talk to me. I felt the tears sting at the back of my eyes and I took a deep breath trying to decide how to tell her.

“I, uh, I’m not home Hales.” I clenched at my chest trying to breathe and not hyperventilate over this all over again. Talking about it felt like it was last night all over again. Talking made me want to crawl in the corner and cry.

Her voice suddenly didn’t sound as groggy as it did when I first called. She was alert to that one sentence I just said. “What do you mean you’re not home Macy? Where are you? Did you get arrested or something?”

Arrested? I wanted to laugh at that one. What in the world would I have gotten arrested for last night? Although, I think I would have much rather spent the night in a jail cell than had to have gone through Luke walking away from me. I looked around and saw a happy couple walking towards me. They reminded me of everything that Luke and I were before last night. Absolutely in love. I know the feeling that crept over me, it was jealousy because right now that was absent from my life.

“God no I didn’t get arrested. Do you think my first phone call would be to you? I think I’d call
Gary or…that’s not important. I’m, uh, at my Moms.”

I had to pull the phone away from my ear
so I wouldn’t go deaf from her scream. Yep, she was wide awake now.

“At your Mom’s?! Macy why are you there?” Tons of concern filled her voice and I stood to walk around to keep my head straight.

“After you left, uh, Trevor tried to talk to me outside and he, um, he kissed me—“

‘WHAT?” Oh crap, I didn’t pull the phone away and my ear was now throbbing.
My heart began beating faster as I tried to keep my composure. “What the hell Macy? What about Luke?”

She did what she always does the best. Assuming and cutting me off before I could even finish the fact that I didn’t kiss him back.

“Halley Moore let me fucking finish please. He kissed me and I didn’t kiss him back. I pushed him away. Luke showed up and…” I just stopped talking because the tears that I’d fought to hold back started coming up again. Crap, I can’t talk about this. I miss him so much already. I began pacing trying to find a sort of peace. Once the tears were at bay, I began talking again. “He didn’t believe anything and he got in his car and left. Paul from the bar came outside and talked to me and he drove me here. I’m only here probably for a day or so then I’ll be back. Definitely in time for your wedding so don’t flip. I swear I’m not backing out again. I just wanted to tell you where I was.”

“Does Luke know you’re there?”

“He won’t talk to me. I’ve tried to text him and he just keeps saying he can’t do this.”

“Just give him time Mace and if he comes to me looking for you I’ll set his ass straight.”

I laughed and knew that she was positively telling the truth. If there was something she was good at, it was getting her point across and proving whatever story she had. She always had my back no matter what whether I was in the right or wrong. I was definitely not in the wrong right now. “Ok well hey I went for a run and I need to head back to the house before she sends the infantry after me.”

“Ok, be safe and let me know as soon as you get back.”

I hung up the call and debated one more time whether to call Luke or not. I decided on not to, I didn’t want to push him at all. I just want to look into those green eyes and tell him how much I love him but I’m tired of making the first move. I finally decided to change the song to something else. I was beginning to get more and more depressed, although that wasn’t what I was intending. This run was supposed to be clearing my mind and instead all it did was cloud it with more crap. I began humming ‘Eye of The Tiger’ as it played through my ear buds and I slowly began my run back home.

When I first left the house I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings too much. I passed the
oak tree at the park that I used to climb with my friends in elementary school. When we were in middle school we all tried to come carve our initials onto the trunk but it really just ended up looking like a bunch of chicken scratch. This place looked the same as it did back then. The same swing set still sat to the left and the playground was set up to the right. Sure they’ve upgraded some of the playground but the tall slide still stood off to the side.

I ran right past the park and passed the house where my childhood best friend Jane lived. We spent many nights having sleepovers and getting her mom to order pizza and make us cookies. We’d watch old 80’s movies with her mom all night long curled up on their huge sofas.
One of our favorite movies to watch was Grease. I used to love to do my best Rizzo impersonation while I sang about Sandra Dee. She moved though our freshman year of high school. I was so sad, Mom had to literally drag me out of the house and get me involved with some sort of extracurricular activities. That’s when my mom suggested that I try out for the cheerleading team and of course I made it. I was actually really good at it. I had the perfect voice for cheering and I could cut a mean cartwheel. The whole yelling ‘Go Team Go’ and jumping up and down thing was pretty exciting.

As I neared the house, I saw Mom sitting outside. Waiting for me, I’m sure.
She probably figured I up and left this morning although if she remembered right, I had no way to leave. I slowed down to a walk as I approached the fresh cut yard. I made sure not to trek through her flowers because if I remember right, she hated that. I used to do it just to piss her off when I didn’t get my way.

“Hey Mom, I went for a run.”

She laughed and took a sip of her coke, “I see that. I thought you maybe up and ran off already.”

“Nope, I’m still here. I’m going to go shower though real quick.”

I ran past her to my room to grab a pair of jeans out of my closet and another high school t-shirt. I had plenty of those lying around.

After my second shower of the day, I put the final outfit on and opened the bathroom door. I could hear mom on the phone but she hurried and ended whatever call it was. I didn’t hear
anything; I just shrugged my shoulders and walked into the kitchen where she was standing.

“Hey mom, do you want to go shopping? I need to get a phone charger. I figure we can spend some time together.”
Asking that felt like pulling teeth. Sounds harsh but I wasn’t sure how to go about building this so-called relationship. Luke is who started all this and I was just smart enough to take his lead and hope for the best.

“Yeah Macy, I’d love that,” She smiled
“Let me get out of these pajamas.”

She ran off to her room and I walked into the living room to look around some more. On the mantel was the picture of her, Ray, and I at the cheerleader banquet my freshman year. I really wish she would get rid of that
picture or at least cut him out. But freshman year I didn’t exactly have a problem with the guy. He was nothing more than the man who made mom happy and did everything he could to help provide for me what my father wouldn’t.

I was still looking around and getting ready to sit when Mom popped up behind me, “Ok I’m ready to go.”

She had on a zebra print blouse and a pair of jeans that actually didn’t look too bad on her. I couldn’t do the whole animal print thing no matter how hard I tried. It always looked like I was a walking jungle; trust me, not a flattering look.

She drove us to the little mall that was about five minutes from the house. When I was in high school I would walk to the mall to meet my friends so we could lamely walk around and pretend we were so cool.
There were only about twenty stores in the mall; it wasn’t exactly the Mall of America. If you wanted a decent mall around here, you had to travel and as I got older that was how I went shopping. The first place I went into was the Best Buy Mobile store to get a charger. My phone would thank me later.

We began to walk past one of the few department stores inside when Mom stopped in front of the window and stared at the mannequin. “Oh Macy, look at that blouse. Isn’t it so cute? I think it would look good on you.”

It was a sleeveless soft pink silk button up blouse. Any time we went shopping when I was younger, I cringed when she would tell me something was cute because usually it wasn’t. She always tried to be the cool mom and I was usually wearing a beet red face while all my friends laughed. This time she wasn’t wrong. I actually liked the blouse. We walked inside and I found the blouse and looked at the price tag. It was discounted down to twenty dollars, that’s not too bad. I held onto it as we walked around.

“I’m going to get it Mom, it’s actually cute. I’m glad to see your style has improved.”

Mom stuck her tongue out at me and grabbed the hanger. “Let me buy it for you. Just call it a gift.”

I rolled my eyes and tried to take the hanger back. She wasn’t budging. She was where I believe I get my stubbornness from. I eventually let go of the hanger and let her have her wish.

Mom bought herself a new pair of hoop earrings and a new battery for her watch. We were really not big shoppers but maybe that’s because this mall just didn’t have much to offer. We made our way to the food court and I grabbed some lo mein and general chicken for lunch. Mom grabbed the same thing and I hurried and bought her lunch before she could argue. Two could play this game since she wouldn’t let me buy my own blouse. Great, this immediately made me think of Luke and when he brought Chinese home. Memories of him were everywhere whether I wanted to see them or not. I couldn’t escape it and it was killing me.

I pulled my phone out and opened his name. I stared at it for a second and then typed, “I miss you so much. Please talk to me.”