More Than Music (16 page)

“Whatever.” She crossed her arms and turned her back to us, and it was a very long ride to her floor.

After she got out, Jared let out a long breath. “What she said…just ignore her. That’s not me.”

I met his eyes but didn’t respond. Jared had a reputation he had to maintain for the show, but I couldn’t tell how much of it was based on truth and how much was an act. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. Was the real Jared the one I saw when we were alone or the one I saw flirting with other girls and getting texts from them wanting to hook up? And now that I’d stopped kissing him, all my reasons for staying away from him came back to me. There could be no
us
; there could only be me and Jared, two separate entities, as long as we were on the show.

We made it into my room, and he leaned against the doorframe, not stepping inside but not leaving either. He dipped his hands into his pockets, fixing me with a smoldering gaze as he waited for me to make the next move. I could invite him in, but I knew where that would lead. Despite how much I wanted him, we couldn’t let things go any further tonight.

“Do you need anything else?” he asked, with a quirk of his lips that hinted at a hidden offer behind his words.

“No, I think I’m okay. Thank you.” But I couldn’t stop myself from moving until our bodies were only an inch apart, his breath on my skin as I looked up at him. He drew me to him like a magnet, and there was only so much attraction I could resist.

He dipped his head, crossing the space between us. His mouth brushed my ear as he whispered, “Don’t forget to ice your ankle.”

God, he drove me crazy in the best way when he got like this, the way he was always looking out for me. “Yes, doctor.”

His hand slipped into my hair, and he kissed me slow this time, tender, tilting my head back to explore my mouth without the frenzy of before. He teased one finger under the bottom hem of my shirt, burning a line across my skin, and I gasped. Our kiss grew deeper, and I pressed myself against him, gripping his jacket to draw him closer. I couldn’t get enough of him, of the taste of his soft lips, of his masculine scent, of the way he felt under my hands.

“I need to go,” he whispered between kisses. “Kyle is going to wonder why it’s taking me so long.”

I sighed. “I know.”

He kissed me one last time, and I clutched his jacket and held him there, not wanting him to leave but unable to ask him to stay. I dreaded the reality of tomorrow, when we’d have to face what had happened and what it meant for the band. But finally, I let him go.

T
he next morning I was bruised and sore all over, my ankle was the size of a small country, and my mouth felt like it had been rubbed with sandpaper. All signs pointed to last night not being a dream, which meant today I had to deal with the aftermath of what I’d done.

Okay, technically Jared had kissed me first, but then he’d given me the chance to end it right there. I could have walked away and laughed it off later, but instead I’d crossed the line, passed the point of no return, and all those other clichés. There was no going back to the way things were before unless we both admitted it had been a mistake. Except…it hadn’t felt like a mistake. It had felt like fate, like every moment since I’d met Jared had led me to this surprising, yet inevitable, conclusion.

I never wanted to get out of bed because then I’d have to face him again and figure out what to do about us. Luckily, the show’s medic had told me to rest with my foot elevated until we had to be at the Nokia Theatre for the results show. The bands didn’t perform tonight, so we only had to show up and pray we’d gotten enough votes to move on. They’d probably want to interview us again, too, because they never seemed to have enough interviews of us saying how great being on the show was.

I called Julie and then Carla to give them the update, but I didn’t mention kissing Jared. I’d tell them eventually, but for now it was too new, too raw, too uncertain. Maybe last night had been a fluke, a one-time thing. Maybe today he’d regret it ever happened. Maybe tonight he’d be with someone else.

I shoved those thoughts to the back of my head. There was one other call I couldn’t put off any longer, no matter how much I dreaded it.

“Hey, Mom,” I said when she picked up.

“Madison, I was just thinking about you. How are things?” I heard the TV on behind her, with noises that sounded like a game show.

“Things are…good.” I wasn’t sure how much she knew about, well, anything. Even when I told her something important, she often didn’t listen or forgot it soon after. It was easier to keep silent about my life most of the time. “There’s something I have to tell you. I’m not doing that internship I mentioned before. I’m actually um…in a band. And we’re on that TV show,
The Sound
.”

She sighed. “I know.”

“You know?” Why hadn’t she called me? Never mind—that would have taken effort on her part.

“Of course. I watch the show. I didn’t realize you still played the guitar.”

“Oh. Yeah.” I paused for her to say something else, to tell me how I was wasting my talent and how guitar wasn’t a real instrument, but it never came. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, about the band and the show and…everything. It just happened so fast and everything got crazy and I’ve been so busy…”

“Hmm. I saw you last night. Looked like a bad fall.”

“I twisted my ankle, but otherwise I’m okay. I’m icing it now.”

“Good, good.” Another pause. She sounded far away, like she was barely listening. Probably distracted by her show and her cigarettes. This is why I never called her; neither of us knew what to say to the other. “How’s school?”

That was it for her interest in the show, aka the biggest thing that had ever happened to me. No words of encouragement, questions about how it was going, or good luck wishes. Why was I even surprised? And this question sounded like something she felt obligated to ask, rather than actual interest. “School is good. One more year and all.”

“Is that all?”

“Yep, just one.” Did she really not know that? Mother of the Year, for sure. I adjusted the ice on my ankle, but I needed a new pack. Perfect—an excuse to hang up. There was one last thing I needed to talk to her about, but I hated this part. Julie had said my mom looked better, but I had to hear it for myself. “How are you doing? With…you know…”

“I’m not drinking again, if that’s what you’re asking,” she snapped. “Sober for three months now, thank you very much.”

“That’s great, Mom.”

“Yes, well, it’s not a big deal.” There was another long pause. “Did you tell your father about the show?”

My fingers dug into the side of my phone. She always did this. I’d ask her about her drinking, and in return, she’d bring
him
up. Even though I’m sure it brought her just as much pain to talk about him. “No, and I don’t plan to.”

“He’s your father.”

“Tell that to his real family.”

She huffed into the phone. “Suit yourself.”

Neither of us said anything for a minute, and I tried to think of a way to end this on a better note. Nothing came to mind.

“I voted for your band last night,” my mom said.

“You did?” It was a small gesture, and yet, for a mother who thought anything more than changing the channel was a chore, it was huge. Maybe it was her own way of saying she supported me. “Thanks, Mom.”

After we hung up, I found my father’s contact info in my phone. I probably
should
tell him about the show at some point. But as my finger hovered over the CALL button, I just couldn’t do it.

B
y the afternoon, my ankle was good enough to walk on, so that medic did know what she was talking about. I headed to the lobby to meet the other guys, my stomach heavy with dread. I hadn’t heard anything from Jared since last night. Not that I’d contacted him either, but still. He was the one who’d initiated this mess. He could have texted me at least.

I spotted him the second I walked out of the elevator, sitting at the lobby bar with a blonde leaning close to him, hands pressed against his chest. Typical. He met my eyes and something crossed his face, but I’d seen enough. I walked out of the revolving doors and stood under the warm summer sun, hoping it would burn away the jealousy swirling through my veins like poison. What had I expected really? That’s who Jared was—the guy with girls all over him, who slept with one and then immediately moved on to the next. Kyle had warned me, and Dan had encouraged it, so I couldn’t even say I hadn’t known what I was getting myself into. I was mostly angry with myself, since I’d let myself fall for Jared’s easy charm and good looks. Last night I’d been drunk on the moment, still high from the performance, half-asleep and delirious, but during the light of day everything was clear again.

I checked the time. The other guys were running late and Jared might walk out any moment, and I wasn’t ready to deal with him yet. Screw it, I’d walk to the theater by myself. They could catch up. It wasn’t far—just a short walk across LA Live past the restaurants, shops, and the Staples Center. It was empty this time of day with most of downtown’s population still at work, and a faint breeze blew my hair back, helping cool me down by the time I got to the theater.

Even though we weren’t performing, we still had to go through hair and makeup, plus a brief run-through so we’d know where to stand on stage at various points. The winner of last year’s show was performing tonight, followed by a duo between Angel and Lance, along with recaps of last night’s show and eliminations from each team. That gave us a lot of free time to sit around and wait for Team Dan to be called up.

As the night went on, I managed to steer clear of Jared by hiding in the bathroom whenever we might be alone together. Kyle must have noticed something was off though because he cornered me when I finally came out.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“Just checking the ankle and all that.” It was throbbing a little from all the walking around, but not too bad. Still, it was the only explanation I had for spending all night in the bathroom.

“That’s not what I meant.” He combed his black hair back, forehead creased. “Did something else happen last night with Jared?”

“Nope. Nothing happened.” I hated lying to him, but I couldn’t tell him the truth about me and Jared. Best case, he’d say, “I told you so.” Worst case, he’d want me to leave the band when the show was over. Besides, kissing Jared had been a brief moment of weakness, and it wouldn’t happen again. There was no reason to bring it up.

“Are you going to be able to rehearse tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yeah, but remind me to not fall off a stage ever again.”

“I thought that would be obvious, but sure.” He grinned, and my shoulders relaxed. I didn’t want anything to be weird between us. Before I’d joined the band, we’d been the kind of friends who always sat next to each other in class and did homework together, but we’d never hung out much otherwise. Everything had changed that night after his show, and even if this thing with Jared was a mess, I was still happy I’d gone to that party.

“I’m really glad you joined the band,” he said, echoing my thoughts.

“Me too.” And there was the guilt again.