More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (21 page)

CUSTOMER:
I don’t know his name.

BOOKSELLER:
… Right.

CUSTOMER:
But he was definitely European.

BOOKSELLER:
… Ok.

CUSTOMER:
And it was non-fiction. Some kind of study. Probably.

BOOKSELLER:
Right.

CUSTOMER
(looking expectantly at the bookseller)
: Come on, you must know the book I mean!

Sevda Nesheva:
Sofia International Book Fair, Bulgaria.

CUSTOMER:
Do you have the new Lady Gaga book by Terry Pratchett?

BOOKSELLER:
...

Caron McGarvey:
Waterstones, Glasgow, UK.

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for the book
Mini Alcoholic
by Sophie Kinsella.

Joseph Segaran:
Waterstones, Amsterdam, The Netherlands.

CUSTOMER
(on the phone)
: Hi. Do you sell drumsticks?

BOOKSELLER:
Umm ...the kind you eat or the ones you play drums with?

CUSTOMER
(eagerly)
: The ones you play drums with. Does that mean you carry them?

BOOKSELLER:
No, I’m sorry; we don’t have either. I was just curious to know which type you thought a bookshop might have. Try the music shop a couple of miles up the road.

Emily Crowe:
Odyssey Bookshop, South Hadley, Massachusetts, USA.

(Customer holds up
Fifty Shades of Grey
and shows her boyfriend)

CUSTOMER:
Babe! It’s the book I was telling you about! My sister reckons it’s exactly like us!

CUSTOMER:
Oh my gosh, you guys sell plays! Does anyone buy them since, like, TV was made?

Chloe Flockart:
Elizabeth’s, Perth, Australia.

CUSTOMER:
Do you have any foreign language dictionaries?

BOOKSELLER:
Yeah, we do. I’ll take you to our language section.

CUSTOMER:
Oh, awesome! I need a Latin dictionary for my Spanish class.

BOOKSELLER:
... Are you sure you don’t need a Spanish dictionary?

CUSTOMER:
No, Latin. They don’t speak Spanish in Latin America.

CUSTOMER:
Do you sell manuals for fully automatic weapons?

BOOKSELLER:
I don’t think so. I have some pricing guides for guns, but no manuals.

CUSTOMER:
Well, a pricing guide isn’t gonna help me hunt humans, is it? I need a detailed manual!

BOOKSELLER:
...

Pamela Morris:
Books-A-Million, Auburn, Maine, USA.

CUSTOMER
(walking into the shop, shouts out)
: Don’t expect me to buy anything. I’m not a reader!

BOOKSELLER:
...

YOUNG GIRL:
Did you know that rats don’t like to walk on tightropes?

BOOKSELLER:
No, I didn’t.

YOUNG GIRL:
Yeah, I found out when I tried to make my rat walk on a tightrope and he scratched me.

MOTHER:
If you want to buy a book you’ll have to use your own money. I’ve bought you enough books already!

DAUGHTER:
But I’ve read all those books!