Mosquito Chase (24 page)

8 days to go…

My eyes slowly cracked open. The room remained a darkened blur. I rolled my head to the side as my sight faded in and out of darkness. I breathed deeply and tried to focus on the glow of the lamp in the corner. A figure rested in the chair. My eyes drooped and closed to avoid the light.

“Caleb.”

The sound of the recliner snapped into place. A warm familiar hand brushed the hair from my forehead.

“It’s me, Angie. Caleb is at the station.”

“What time is it?” I asked my mother.

“It’s four in the morning.”

I nodded and reached for her hand. Holding it, I kept my eyes closed.

I blinked my eyes open and stared at the dawn. My mother was no longer there. The door creaked, and I turned my head at the sound. A little girl with brown hair and blue eyes stood in the open doorway, staring at me. I blinked and two appeared. I blinked again to find four. I knew Jordan and Tom didn’t have quadruplets. I reached aimlessly toward the night stand, staring at the sometimes two, sometimes four girls standing in the doorway. I began having flashbacks to when I had watched The Shining as a teenager.
If a boy comes in and starts to say “red rum,” I am going to down this entire bottle of pills.
For now, I just took three and rolled over, willing the door to close. I didn’t know if it ever closed. They could’ve been hiding under the bed for all I knew.

7 days to go…

The afternoon sun streamed in through the shaded window. The crisp, winter sky soothed me if only for a moment. The bad lingered, but I kept it wedged in the back of my head. I just wanted to stare at the brilliant blue southern sky and snuggle inside my cocoon of a comforter. Those pills—those wonderful, wonderful pills—kept me asleep for a day and a half. I didn’t want to face the reality of what had happened. I squeezed my eyes shut.

Push it away. Push it away.

I cracked my eyes open again. The trees on the other side of the lake blew in the winter chill; swaying with the freedom I longed to have.

I could just run. I’m so good at running.

I couldn’t push it away any longer. There was only one reason why I would never run again.

Simon.

How could I possibly stay still? I had been hearing Sigmon Road for weeks. I could easily steal someone’s car and offer myself over. But how would that ensure Simon’s safety? I closed my eyes and exhaled. What was I supposed to do? My son was out there. No one knew where. He was alone. And I was supposed to just lay here and stare out of the window.

I rolled over and read 3:27 on the clock. No sounds echoed through the farmhouse, not even the cracking of the hard wood floors. I didn’t know where my mother was. If she was still here, she’d probably taken up residence on their couch. She should just go home. There wasn’t any reason for her to be here. A glass of water stood next to my bottle of pills, the contents of which had decreased significantly within the last two days. This was the longest I’d been awake in between doses. My mind was too awake. It needed to be shut off. I reached over, without sitting up, and pried the cap off. I shook out two into my hand and put the open bottle back on the nightstand, resting the cap beside it. I reached for the glass and swallowed the two pills easily.

6 days to go…

Girls squealed in delight. My eyes opened in alarm. My heart squeezed inside my chest. The morning sun seeped through the curtains. I turned my head toward the clock. It was 7:16 in the morning. I tried to count the days I had been in this house, but I had no a clue. I reached over for my phone and pressed the home button. I found ten texts from Caleb, and two texts plus a missed call from Ellie. The date read December 25
^th
. I placed my phone back down and reached for the bottle of pills. Four sounded good to celebrate the holiday. A fresh glass of water rested next to them and I downed it in one gulp. I could smell myself and I reeked of hospital.
Just get me through today and I’ll do better tomorrow,
I prayed. I stared across the room unable to remember the last time I’d used the restroom. I willed myself into rolling on my side. I had to pee. I couldn’t remember peeing; although, I was sure I had at some point. I pushed my body up from the side, trying not to use my stomach muscles to sit. It hurt like hell. I probably should have been moving around instead of drugging myself up, but how else was I supposed to get through Christmas without my child … and without Caleb?

I planted feet on the ground. It was more than I could remember doing since I’d been in the hospital. How many days ago was that? Fog filled my head and I shook it quickly, trying to rid the cobwebs. I opened my eyes wide and focused on the rug under my feet. I just needed to get to the bathroom, and then I could sleep away the joyous squeals of Christmas morning. My eyes weighed down.

I just need to pee
.

My head hung as my shoulders slumped forward.

Maybe I should wait.

My shoulder banged against a hard surface. I winced at the pain searing my stomach.

Don’t move. Don’t move. The pain will go away.

My body collapsed to the ground, and I felt numb again from my head to my toes.

• • •

Gravity vanished. I found myself floating, resting on a cloud; a cocoon of cotton surrounded me. I heard my name from a not-so-familiar voice. Did I die? Was I in heaven? I peeked my eyes open. Piercing blue orbs stared at me, brown hair topping his head. I cocked my eyebrow the best I could do in my drugged up manner.

“She’s alright,” filtered through the cotton that surrounded me.

I closed my eyes and turned away. I did not die. I was not in heaven. That was not God. It was just Tom. Nothing to see here.

5 days to go…

“You missed Christmas.”

I pulled at my cheeks trying to get my eyes open. Once I could see, I rolled my head toward the clock. 12:03. I’d missed Christmas. Thank God! I rotated my head toward the window. Caleb perched on the edge of the recliner with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together. I blinked and focused on him. His cheeks had sunken, the shadow of a beard covered his face. His eyes were red from tears and lack of sleep. I might have just assumed he was tired, but I spotted a glistening drop gliding smoothly down his cheek and knew it wasn’t just exhaustion. I moved my arm heavily from underneath the comforter and plopped it down in front of him. I flexed my fingers, silently asking him for his hand. He grabbed it and crouched in front of me, bringing my knuckles to his lips. I was supposed to be pushing him away, but I was too weak to do anything at the moment.

“You’ve been sleeping for over three days, baby.”

“Is that how long it’s been since you’ve seen me?” I lazily blinked and looked away from his face.

“I’ve been watching you sleep the whole time.”

My eyes snapped back to him. He’d been here every day? My heart broke and my soul clenched. I missed him. I missed him so much.

“Is that why you look like shit? Because you haven’t slept?”

A tired grin rose up his cheeks. “You don’t look any better.”

I released his hand and patted the bed, silently asking him to crawl in next to me. He shook his head. My eyebrows cinched questioningly.

“You stink. There is no way I am snuggling with you.”

My cheeks pulled into something that felt like a smile.

“Can you help me? I vaguely remember falling the last time I tried to get up on my own.”

“Gotta lay off the drugs, Butler.”

I rolled my eyes.

Caleb stood up, peeling the comforter off me. “I’d pick you up, but you really need to walk.”

I nodded as I rolled onto my side and pushed myself up into a sitting position.

“Just sit a second. Your head needs to adjust.” Caleb went into the adjoining bathroom. I heard the shower turn on. He opened the door and stepped out, wearing his boxer briefs.

“You’re not getting any today, officer.”

He withheld a laugh. “There’s no way you can stand in the shower by yourself and you can’t bathe yet with the stitches.”

He walked over to me and wrapped his arm under mine, supporting my weight. I winced as he lifted me gently to my feet. He gave me a moment and then took a step back toward the bathroom. I followed just as slow, but we made it there one step at a time. I leaned against the vanity as he peeled off my t-shirt, keeping his eyes on mine. I saw all the love inside of him in that moment. I always knew there was love. I just didn’t realize how deep it went.

I stepped into the walk-in shower. Luckily there was a bench seat just in case I needed to sit. I kept my back to the water and let it shower over the filth that was my hair. Caleb stood in front of me and poured shampoo into his hand. He lathered my hair, massaging my scalp. I wanted to close my eyes to absorb this wonderful feeling, but the love in his eyes was a wonder in itself.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” I whispered. He tensed, his movements slowing. I let the water wash out the suds while he put conditioner in his palm, and then into my hair. I knew he didn’t want to talk about the inevitable, but it was something he had to accept.

“Caleb.” I drew his eyes back to mine. “They’re going to take me. There’s a good chance you may not see me again.” He shook his head, not wanting to hear it. I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me. “You’re the best damn cop in the world, but the last thing I want is for you or Simon to be hurt in any way. If they want me, then that’s what they’ll get.”

He gently pulled me to him, engulfing me. I melted into his embrace, loosely wrapping my arms under his. A huge part of me was missing, but this was the closest to being whole I would ever feel again.

“We’re going to raid the farmhouse on Sigmon Road.”

I stilled in his arms. “When?”

“In about five hours.”

I pulled back and found his eyes again. “Will you lay down with me even if it’s just for a few hours?”

He brushed his thumb against my cheek. I closed my eyes and absorbed his touch. My heart missed him even though my brain had been dead to the world.

“You never have to ask me that. All I ever wanted was to hold you. I’ve missed you.” He pressed his lips to mine and my heart tore into thousands of pieces. The need for more drugs was strong. How would I ever be able to tell him goodbye?

Leaving her this morning was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. Her hair had dried in waves from our shower together, and I’d spent the night running my fingers through it, staring into her sad eyes. I hadn’t seen her eyes without a shred of worry since she landed on my doorstep months ago. If I had to choose, I’d choose her happiness over mine. I could make a deal to ensure her and Simon’s life over mine. If I had the option to make that deal, I would do it without question. Before I left for the station, she wrapped her arms around me; my ray of sun during this dreary darkness. I never wanted to let her go. I could fake confidence as well as the next guy, but even with her body against me, I was scared out of my mind. I could lose everything I held dear in an instant. Everything in my arms was my life.

Dawn had yet to break across the foothills. My father stood in the corner watching over the eight men, including me and Parker, as we suited up in bullet proof vests. We were all acting like we did this every day, but in truth, this was like going off to war. We might have been trained for this at one point, but this wasn’t anything that we were used to. We’d broken up a few meth labs over the past year, but nothing of this magnitude. I glanced over at my father, who had the greatest poker face of any man I knew, and I looked into his eyes. His eyes shifted quickly around the room. His stance gave nothing away, but his eyes told the truth. He was just as scared as I was. A small town swat team was going against the drug lord of Mexico.

As I headed out of the room, I caught my father’s stare. The fear in his eyes was replaced by pride. A silent exchange between father and son that no one else would know. I grew up watching my dad, being proud of the way he protected our town. He was a real life superhero. He’d singlehandedly stopped a robbery at the bank. It had made front page news, and he was named sheriff soon after that. Now, it was my turn to be a hero for my son. I wanted to be someone he could be proud of. I wanted to be someone Angie could be proud of.